


Lost to the Night

by Kittens



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux is Not Nice, Blow Jobs, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Exes, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Getting Back Together, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey, Or Is It?, Redemption, Rimming, Science baby, Secret Relationship, the resistance wins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:23:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 108,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21507373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittens/pseuds/Kittens
Summary: After being visited by Anakin's ghost and shown a vision of the future, Kylo realizes that the only way he can save Hux's life is to destroy the First Order. Hux might hate him for it, but Kylo would rather have him alive and angry than dead. At least, that's what he thinks. What he's not prepared for is the way Hux takes his revenge.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 68
Kudos: 198





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I've been thinking about for nearly two years and I'm really excited to finally share it! If anyone has any concerns about any of the tags and wants more specifics, please feel free to reach out to me! [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Battle_Walrus) is probably the best way to contact me or you can reach out on discord to Corvus#2808.

The TIE Silencer came out of hyperspace right in the middle of a battle - just as Kylo intended. As he looked at the scene in front of him, Kylo could see that the First Order would defeat the Resistance, although they would take heavy losses. But Kylo had something else in mind. Fortunately, he didn’t need to do any fancy flying to enact his plan because the cockpit of his fighter was rather cramped at the moment.

It was only designed for a single pilot, although there was a small area for an astromech droid behind the pilot’s seat, which was currently occupied by BB-9E, who would be in charge of sending commands to the First Order fleet. If that was Kylo’s only other passenger, it wouldn’t have been so bad, but at the last moment, Kylo had decided to bring Lieutenant Mitaka along with him. He didn’t know if he just felt pity for the man and didn’t want to make his life any worse or if he had been guided by the Force itself, but Mitaka was now almost in Kylo’s seat since there was very little additional space in the fighter.

“Sir,” Mitaka said, “the Resistance is here!”

Kylo frowned but didn’t say anything. Did Mitaka think he was blind? Of course, Mitaka knew nothing of his plan. If it hadn’t been for his last minute change of mind, Mitaka would have evacuated the _Finalizer_ along with the rest of the crew before Kylo took it somewhere for safekeeping. He might be willing to sacrifice the rest of the First Order fleet, but he couldn’t stand the thought of letting anything happen to the _Finalizer_. He’d never realized how much it meant to him until he was faced with the prospect of it being destroyed.

He’d had to change his plans ever so slightly to ensure the _Finalizer_ survived the final battle, and it meant that there would be some loose ends, but it was a price Kylo was willing to pay. His ship - Hux’s ship - would still be out there when everything was over. Kylo imagined that he and Hux might be reunited on that ship some day, but he knew it wasn’t likely.

After doing what he had to do, he would be lucky if Hux would even speak to him. If Kylo could even manage to find him.

Before enacting his final plan, Kylo had made sure Hux was well away from the _Finalizer_. If Hux had been there, Kylo knew he could never go through with it. No matter how much his grandfather’s ghost might encourage him, just seeing Hux would have stopped him. Even thinking about him, Kylo was tempted to do the opposite of what he intended and claim a decisive victory for the First Order.

If he did that, Hux would be so pleased with him, although he might have a lot to explain about why the _Finalizer_ had been abandoned. He could tell Hux the truth and Hux might be mad, but he’d forgive him. They’d spend the rest of their lives together, ruling the galaxy just as Hux wanted. And they might even start the family they’d discussed on occasion. They both wanted that, but the middle of a galactic war just wasn’t the time.

“Sir, are we going to attack?” Mitaka asked, his question bringing Kylo back to reality. It was a tempting alternative, but he knew what he had to do. 

Anakin had shown him the truth. About the dark side and how he’d been manipulated for someone else’s purposes and what would happen if he continued on that path. Which Kylo had known all along deep down. But Anakin had shown him the life that could have been his if Snoke hadn’t interfered and it had hurt. Anakin also reminded him it wasn’t too late - he could start to make things right. He could go where he was meant to be, somewhere free of pain. That had sounded nice, but Kylo had been unsure. That’s when Anakin showed him what the future held for him and Hux if he stayed on his dark path, and then he had made up his mind. It wouldn’t be so simple as showing up and asking for forgiveness - after everything he’d done, he had to do something drastic to ensure he wasn’t turned away or shot on sight.

And now almost the entire First Order fleet was there, ready to become Kylo’s peace offering. 

“Niney,” Kylo said, hesitating. Once he gave the order there was no going back. He knew what Anakin would do, so he took a breath and said, “Give the order to the first ship.”

The droid beeped in acknowledgment and Kylo watched as one of the First Order ships started firing on another. Opening up the comms, Kylo could hear the shouting and confusion as the captain of the ship under fire tried to get the other to stop. Kylo then had BB-9E give out the next order - informing the other ships that the first had been taken over by the Resistance. 

As the First Order ships turned on each other, the Resistance started to pull back, probably trying to figure out exactly what was happening, which was just as well. The fewer lives they lost, the more likely things would end well for him. The battle raged on and BB-9E continued to send orders to the fleet, causing more and more ships to turn on each other. Many were destroyed, but Kylo noticed that a few weren’t firing on each other anymore. But Kylo had anticipated that as well. The captain’s would of course communicate with each other and learn that they had not been taken over.

“Niney, send my messages out,” Kylo ordered. He’d recorded messages that could be sent to each captain, informing them that they needed to keep firing. They might be able to believe that someone had managed to fake an order coming from the Supreme Leader, but they would know that no one could fake a hologram of him. And the First Order officers were too well conditioned to disobey a direct order from their leader. 

“Sir?” Mitaka asked. “Why are our ships firing on each other? Can’t you stop them?”

“That’s not what I’m here to do,” Kylo said, not bothering to explain to Mitaka. He didn’t need to know, but he’d hopefully be grateful when he realized he’d been spared the fate of the rest of the First Order. But Mitaka’s feelings really weren’t his concern. Especially since things were about to get a little more dangerous. 

Soon, most of the fleet was destroyed. A few ships remained intact but were no longer firing their weapons. They were likely floating dead in space. Kylo would have to watch to make sure they weren’t able to make emergency repairs and get back in the fight - but then he saw escape pods. If they were abandoning ship, they probably weren’t going to bother fixing it.

He opened a comm line to the Resistance ships, who were still sitting just out of range of the remains of the First Order fleet, although Kylo could see a few fighters moving a bit closer, perhaps trying to get a better view of what was happening. They probably hadn’t even noticed him yet. 

“Attention all Resistance ships,” Kylo said, “the First Order only has a single operational ship. If you want to take them out, now’s your chance.”

“Who is this?” a male voice asked. Kylo didn’t recognize it. He wondered if Leia was listening and if she would recognize his voice.

“Their fighters are still operational,” Kylo warned them. “I’ll help you out as much as I can.”

He cut the transmission, not needing to be trying to talk to the Resistance while engaging in battle. Hopefully they’d stick around after the battle and listen to what he had to say because Kylo hadn’t thought of a backup plan if they simply jumped to lightspeed and left. 

“Supreme Leader?” Mitaka sounded nervous. More nervous than usual, anyway.

“I’ll explain later.” Just like he didn’t have time to talk to the Resistance, he didn’t have time to explain things to Mitaka. He probably should have made him sleep, but it was too late for that now. His focus was on the battle he was preparing to enter. 

The TIE Silencer cut between two of the disabled ships and Kylo then flew towards a group of fighters. Despite the battle going horribly wrong, they were still there and likely ready to fight. The First Order training had done something right. It was a shame that Kylo would have to shoot them down. They were only doing what they’d been trained to do, many of them since they were young children. But that training meant they would forever be loyal to the First Order, even when it was gone. Which meant they’d be dangerous. Maybe some of the pilots who had joined as adults and not been indoctrinated would take off and survive and those people, Kylo wasn’t concerned about.

He fired on the group of TIE Fighters, taking out three of them before the others could scatter. The attack had taken them by surprise and they didn’t seem to know who to target and those brief moments of confusion gave Kylo enough time to eliminate the other three fighters in that first group. That took long enough that the other pilots in the area seemed to realize what was going on and he heard them calling him over the comm. They didn’t want to risk firing on their Supreme Leader, but they also realized he’d just taken out six of their own. It would have been easy to order them to stand down and pick them off. But Kylo couldn’t do that. He had to give them at least the smallest chance.

It wasn’t much of a chance. He was a far better pilot than anyone else in the First Order and his ship was superior as well. They didn’t have a chance. But maybe some of them would realize that and run. Even if they might be dangerous in the future, Kylo almost wanted them to take off and save him from having to shoot them all down. As he flew against his own people - or what used to be his people - he had to remind himself that he probably didn’t know any of them personally. He’d known some of the _Finalizer_ ’s pilots. Not these men and women on these other ships. He’d probably never even heard their names before.

Kylo didn’t know how long it was before another group of fighters arrived - the Resistance. X-Wings came in among the ruins of the First Order fleet and Kylo had to avoid them as well. They had no idea that he was on their side. At least they didn’t until he shot a TIE Fighter off the tail of one of the X-Wings.

“Thanks for the save, Silencer,” a familiar voice came over the comm.

“Learn to fly, Dameron,” Kylo answered, unable to resist taking a jab at the other man.

“You actually helping us out here, buddy? I gotta say, that’s what it looks like, but I thought I should ask.”

“It’s easier to fly if you don’t talk.”

“Maybe for you, but I’m pretty good at multitasking. Probably not a skill they teach in the First Order.”

Kylo didn’t answer right away, partially because he didn’t want to respond to Dameron, but also because he had to get out of the way of another X-Wing that thought it could take him on. Had he wanted to, Kylo easily could have taken that ship out, but he was trying to be on their side. “Dameron, you think you could ask your people to not shoot at me?”

“Well, I guess I could since you did help me out. Just as long as you don’t start shooting at us too.”

It didn’t take long before the Resistance fighters were no longer targeting him and between them and Kylo, it didn’t take them long to take out the First Order’s fighters. They had them cleared out by the time the capital ships had moved within range and took out the remainder of the First Order fleet. As the Resistance fighters headed back to their ships, Kylo stopped and simply watched as his old life broke apart in front of his eyes. Now that the battle was over and he was looking at the destroyed fleet, Kylo started to wonder if he’d made the right choice. When he finally turned the Silencer away, he looked towards the Resistance fleet, wondering if it might just be better to take off and find some planet in an out of the way corner of the galaxy to start a new life.

“Hey, Silencer,” Dameron called over the comm. “You planning on just sitting there all day or you wanna come on board?”

An X-Wing flew past him, and Kylo felt certain that was Dameron’s ship. But he didn’t respond to him. Despite the invitation, Kylo didn’t think he could just land his fighter on board. He doubted Dameron could authorize what was technically an enemy ship piloted by an unknown person to land. So instead of replying to Dameron, he opened up a line to the Resistance fleet.

“This is the TIE Silencer,” he said. “I’d like permission to come on board.”

Kylo didn’t expect anyone to answer right away, thinking they’d probably want to discuss it and perhaps talk to those who’d seen him in action to verify that he had really helped them. And perhaps see if anyone knew his identity. If anyone had figured that out, he’d be lucky if they didn’t try to shoot him down. When his comm crackled to life seconds after his call, he was surprised.

“Permission granted, Silencer.”

Kylo wasn’t going to question why they’d made that decision so quickly. Maybe they were just that trusting. Or maybe they realized they couldn’t take him on in a dogfight and thought it’d be easier to take him out on board the cruiser. He followed the X-Wing into the largest ship’s hangar bay. As far as he could tell, he was the last fighter to come in so he simply found a vacant spot and landed there. He could see the X-Wing from where he landed and saw that he had guessed correctly about the pilot when he saw Poe Dameron climbing down the ladder and looking curiously in his direction. He almost expected him to walk over but he started talking to someone that Kylo couldn’t see. 

He couldn’t stay in his ship forever, especially not with Mitaka crammed in there with him. He opened the top hatch of his fighter and then lifted Mitaka out with the Force so he could easily climb out without stepping on him. As soon as he was on the ground, he was looking in Dameron’s general direction and then had his hands up. Clearly, the Resistance wasn’t that trusting. At least they didn’t shoot Mitaka on sight. Whether or not that would be true for him remained to be seen.

“Your turn, Niney,” Kylo said as he lifted the droid out. Unlike Mitaka who could easily get out on his own, Kylo kept hold of BB-9E with the Force until he could set him down on the floor of the hangar. He waited a moment and then he knew it was time for him to see how the Resistance would receive him.

He stood up and started to climb out when he remembered his lightsaber. Thinking it might go better if he wasn’t armed, he unhooked it from his belt and tossed it out before he got out of the ship. He saw there was a large group of people waiting but he didn’t take time to look at any of them until he had jumped to the floor. Unlike Mitaka, he didn’t bother raising his hands. He knew that would mean nothing. The people there knew what he could do without moving a muscle.

Kylo looked at the group gathered with weapons trained on him. Only two didn’t have blasters in hand - Dameron who had just gotten out of his ship and Rey who had a lightsaber instead. Some of the people looked angry, like they might shoot him while others looked shocked. Dameron was one of the ones who simply looked surprised, but he couldn’t tell what Rey was thinking. Her face remained neutral, but she wasn’t taking her eyes off of him. 

In all the faces in front of him, Kylo noticed one that wasn’t there. There was one person he’d been looking forward to seeing but was also completely terrified to see, and he wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved that she wasn’t there. 

“So is this a surrender?” Dameron asked. “Or was this some poorly thought out infiltration plan?”

“I…” Kylo had no idea what to say. He didn’t want to become a prisoner but he realized that might be the only way the Resistance would take him. “I wanted to join the Resistance?”

“Looks like we won’t have need for a Resistance anymore,” Dameron pointed out.

“What are you really doing here, Kylo?” Rey asked.

“You saw what I did to the First Order,” Kylo said. “I’m trying to help.”

Everyone remained silent for what felt like minutes but was likely only a few seconds. Finally, Rey held her hand out and Kylo watched his lightsaber fly to her hand, which she handed to one of the others that were with her. “Inform General Organa that Kylo Ren is here. As an ally. I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”

“I’m not leaving you with him,” said the man next to her. Kylo knew him. The defected stormtrooper - FN-2187.

“Neither am I.” That came from Dameron and Kylo wondered what he thought he could do in a fight. Unless he was in an X-Wing, Kylo didn’t imagine he could do much at all. But he wasn’t there to start a fight.

“Who’s this?” Rey asked, looking at Mitaka. “Does he want to join us too?”

“Mitaka,” Kylo said. “He’s… I don’t know why he’s here.”

Everyone looked at Mitaka, who took a step away from them, moving away from Kylo at the same time. “He ordered me to come!”

“Poe, do you think you could take him somewhere quieter?” Rey asked. “We can deal with him later.”

“What about him?” Dameron asked, not taking his eyes off of Kylo.

“Finn and I can handle him,” Rey assured him. “Please get him out of here.”

Dameron nodded and then stepped over to Rey, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before doing the same to Finn. He then walked over to Mitaka and Kylo watched, wondering if he’d kiss him too, but Dameron just lightly pushed him on the back and walked him out of the hangar, leaving Kylo alone with Rey and Finn. And BB-9E. While most people might ignore a droid, Rey took notice.

“What’s with the droid?” Rey asked. “You bring him here to sabotage the ship?”

“I needed his help to bring down the First Order.”

“And you think he’ll help you bring down the Resistance too?” Finn asked.

“Not unless you think your people will follow my commands without question.”

“You really ordered your own ships to fire on each other?” Rey asked. “Why?”

“I told you.”

They remained silent, with nothing else to say. Kylo didn’t want to explain everything to the scavenger and the traitor only to have to explain again. Not unless the two of them had suddenly become the leaders of the Resistance, and Kylo highly doubted that. He could feel a presence in the Force. One he hadn’t felt since he was unable to fire on the Resistance cruiser. She was there.

Soon, the door to the hangar opened and he saw her for the first time in years. He couldn’t help himself - he started walking towards her, easily passing by Rey and Finn only to hear a lightsaber igniting behind him. He turned and saw that both of them were ready to fight as Finn had his blaster aimed at him. His first thought was to fight them - how dare they try to stop him? - but he was unarmed. He could take on Finn with nothing but the power of the Force, but Rey was strong. He might be able to hold her off for a while, but he wasn’t sure he could win.

“Stand down,” said a soft voice behind him.

When the weapons were lowered, Kylo turned and saw his mother right behind him. She was so close he could reach out and touch her. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d seen her. This was where Anakin had wanted him to go - back to his mother. She hadn’t even spoken to him yet, but he could see the pain in her eyes, and he knew he was responsible for that. He couldn’t stop the tears as he fell to his knees.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he couldn’t help but break down, his body shaking as he sobbed. It would have been so much easier if she’d hated him and simply ordered him locked up. But she was touching him and stroking his hair. She shouldn’t be so gentle to him. She should hate him after all he’d done. 

He heard her talking, but he couldn’t tell if she was speaking to him or someone else, but it didn’t matter. She held onto him and Kylo sobbed into her. At that moment, nothing else mattered. He was home and he was safe.

***

The chaos in the wake of the First Order’s destruction was not entirely unexpected. There were scouting and diplomatic missions to plan and send out immediately, salvage to collect, survivors of the battle to tend to. Not that there were many of those. But what Poe had never imagined was the very confusing situation in which they found themselves. He’d imagined that the Resistance would be the ones to destroy the Order and everything would be clear. But instead, the Supreme Leader himself had destroyed the entire fleet and turned himself into the Resistance, begging for forgiveness.

Poe wasn’t sure what was happening with Kylo Ren, as he had to deal with the other First Order member that had come aboard their ship. Dopheld Mitaka, who didn’t have any idea what was going on, which meant questioning him hadn’t really answered any of Poe’s questions. Mitaka was the only officer that was on Ren’s personal staff, and Ren had ordered him to get into the Silencer, for reasons that were unclear to Mitaka. That wasn’t the strange part. What was strange was that Mitaka confirmed what Ren had hinted at - that he had destroyed the Order himself. Poe still had trouble believing it. There had to be something else going on, but he couldn’t figure out what.

Not knowing what else to do, Poe had found empty quarters for Mitaka and had him placed under guard. He didn’t really seem like a prisoner, but Poe didn’t want anyone from the First Order just walking around the ship, even if the First Order didn’t exist anymore. The guards had orders to let Mitaka move about the ship just as long as he didn’t go anywhere besides his quarters alone. Once he’d finished talking to Mitaka, he went to find Rey and Finn. He’d hated to leave them alone with Ren, but Ren had let Rey take his lightsaber. Still, Poe had seen what he could do with the Force, and even though he knew Rey could handle him, he hated to think that they’d have yet another fight.

He found Finn standing outside of one of the officer’s quarters. One that was in an unoccupied section of the ship. Finn quickly pulled him into his arms and kissed him. Poe automatically put his arms around Finn, and just for a moment, he could pretend that Kylo Ren wasn’t somewhere on the same ship as him.

“It’s over, Poe,” Finn said as he pulled away from Poe, a smile on his face. “The First Order’s really gone.”

“Are we sure it’s not some kind of trick? Where’s Rey?” He didn’t like not being able to see her, especially since the last time he saw her she was with Ren. But Finn was connected to her with the Force and he was far too calm for anything to have happened to Rey.

“She’s with Kylo. So is Leia and Chewie. Family reunion, I guess.”

Poe frowned. He’d forgotten that Ren was their family. He hated to think about that, especially given his relationship with Rey. He didn’t want to be family with Ren at all. But that couldn’t be helped. And Poe still didn’t believe that Ren had suddenly had a change of heart and wanted to join them. Of course, the alternative was that it was a trick and if so, Leia and Rey would be hurt by that. Poe really wasn’t sure what he’d prefer - Ren being sincere and sticking around, or him leaving and hurting the people he cared about.

“Are you sure this is for real?” he asked Finn. Even if Mitaka had confirmed that it was Ren who had destroyed the order, Poe wasn’t going to believe him. For all he knew, Ren ordered Mitaka to lie about that, although somehow, Poe doubted that. He seemed too scared and nervous, like someone who’d just lost everything they’d ever known in life. But maybe he was always like that and that’s why Ren had picked him for the job.

“It’s hard to believe, but I think it is. I haven’t sensed anything in the Force, but Rey says that he’s being honest. He’s not here to try to destroy us. I think BB-8 is getting information from Ren’s droid too. That might tell us more.”

Poe was about to tell Finn that they couldn’t trust a First Order droid. Ren easily could have programmed it to give the wrong information in an attempt to prove he had changed sides, but Poe realized he was trying too hard to find ways that it was all a lie. He didn’t trust Ren and he never would, but he’d just have to wait for the truth to come out on its own and be ready for it. Rey especially needed to be ready for Ren’s betrayal, as she was the only one who could beat him in a fight.

“What do we do with him? We’re not going to just let him join us, are we?” That’s what Ren had said - that he wanted to join the Resistance. Even if there was no need for a Resistance, Poe couldn’t imagine that they could really let Ren join them. Poe would have liked to see him locked up somewhere, and he knew that plenty of others would agree with that. Too bad it wasn’t up to him.

“I don’t know. I don’t really like it either, but he did get rid of the Order. Leia will probably figure that out.” 

Poe wanted to argue that Leia shouldn’t be the one to make that decision as she was obviously biased, but it wasn’t the time to make that sort of argument. She would want to protect him, and Poe couldn’t fault her for that. Of course she wouldn’t send Ren off to stand trial where no one else would be sympathetic. It would be almost the same as putting a blaster bolt in him herself, and Poe knew she wouldn’t want that. Still, he couldn’t imagine that others would be happy about any decision that didn’t mean Ren spent the rest of his life in a cell. Most of the Resistance would probably like that life to be very short, too. Poe really wasn’t sure what he wanted.

Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Kylo Ren had destroyed the Order and despite everything he had done, Rey and Leia and Finn all seemed like they might just forgive him. Poe wasn’t sure if he could do the same, and it wasn’t just because of what Ren had done to him personally. As terrible as that had been, he’d done worse to Rey and Finn. He’d tortured Rey and tried to kill her and Finn would always have a scar from when Ren almost killed him. He didn’t know how they could just let that go. Especially so soon. But maybe it was a Force thing, which Poe knew he’d never fully understand. But even though he knew he couldn’t forgive Kylo, he thought he might be able to get used to the idea of him not being locked up. Maybe.

Before too long, the nearest door slid open and Rey joined them, and she put her arms around both of them. Poe wanted to ask what was going on and why Ren wasn’t locked up somewhere, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. He was with the two people he loved the most and neither of them had been harmed by Ren. Leia and Chewbacca soon came out and they finally let go of each other.

“We certainly have a lot to do,” Leia said. 

“What are we going to do with him?” Poe asked. 

“I’m not sure yet. For now, he’ll be staying with us. As a family member. That may change, but as of now, I think Ben is back.”

There were tears in Leia’s eyes and as much as Poe hated Ren, he couldn’t help but be happy for Leia. Of course she was happy to have her son back. Poe might hate him, but if having him around made Leia and Rey happy, then he could deal with him. It would be especially easy if he didn’t even have to see him. Hopefully, that wouldn’t be difficult to arrange.


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo held his lightsaber in front of him, ready to block any attack from his opponent. He watched him, looking for a sign that he would come at him. But he knew Finn, and he rarely attacked, preferring to defend. That was fine with Kylo, as he had no problem doing most of the attacking. After taking a moment to gain his focus, Kylo charged at him, Finn’s green lightsaber coming up to block him. But Kylo had anticipated that and was already moving his blade in an effort to get through his defenses.

At one time, that move would have worked against Finn, but he’d come a long way since the fight on Starkiller Base. Then, he wasn’t much more than an annoyance. The only reason Kylo had any trouble was because of his prior injuries. But since that fight, he’d been learning quite a bit from Rey about how to use the Force. And of course, he’d been learning how to better wield a lightsaber from Kylo.

With the First Order out of the picture, Rey had turned her focus on training Jedi. She’d found several students, two of them just children and a few more that were a little older. And Finn, of course. When she first started, Rey had asked Kylo if he would like to help train, but he’d turned her down. He’d already destroyed one group of Jedi trainees. He didn’t need to be anywhere near another.

He’d changed his mind when he saw Rey teaching Finn how to fight with a lightsaber. Although she’d taken his skills, she clearly didn’t have the practice to go with them. He’d agreed to teach her and Finn - and only them - how to fight against an opponent also armed with a lightsaber. Although he wanted nothing to do with the other Jedi students, they often watched the sparring matches. Kylo simply did his best to ignore them and he never spoke to them.

Although Finn was definitely improving, he still wasn’t good enough to win against him. Soon enough, Kylo managed to kick his lightsaber from his hand and then knocked him to the ground. Fortunately, fighting Finn didn’t get nearly as intense as his fights against Rey - when he went up against her, he had to remind himself that he wasn’t trying to injure or kill. With Finn, he just had to take a few breaths and get himself settled down.

“You’ve had enough for today,” Kylo said, looking down at Finn. He turned his weapon off and headed towards the door.

In the months that Kylo had been training him, Finn had learned not to argue when Kylo told him he was done. He’d tried it once. But then Kylo had used the Force to push him to the ground and hold him there, holding his lightsaber to his neck. Rey had intervened, but after that, Finn had quietly accepted it whenever Kylo decided they were done. Kylo suspected that Rey had told him to be careful. Everyone was always so careful around him.

He couldn’t blame them, not really. But it didn’t mean he liked the way they were always watching their words around him. As if saying or doing the wrong thing might turn him into a monster and he’d go on a rampage. He knew most people were afraid of him and no one trusted him. Which at least meant he was left alone for the most part, but at the same time, he hated it. 

Fighting Rey and Finn was one of the few times he interacted with anyone else, and he enjoyed actually getting to do something. Sometimes, he was even tempted to help teach the rest of Rey students. It would at least give him something to do and perhaps given enough time, someone would learn not to be afraid of him.

He glanced at Rey on his way out of the training room - she along with two of the older students had been watching him. If he asked if she still wanted help training, she’d probably say yes and he wouldn’t have to return to his room with nothing to do for the rest of the day. But he didn’t say anything and walked out the door. 

It wasn’t as if he had to return to his room. Although he wasn’t trusted by the Resistance, they hadn’t restricted him too much. They would monitor his communications if he had anyone to communicate with but other than that, he could go anywhere he wanted on their base. But he hated being out where other people could see him. It made it hard to ignore the fact that they avoided him.

But the fight with Finn hadn’t been satisfying and he still had some energy. Sitting in his room would simply make him feel like destroying something. He decided a walk around the base wouldn’t hurt, and if everyone walked quickly in the opposite direction when they saw him, he could deal with it. It wasn’t anything new. Even in the First Order, people tended to do that. 

Thinking about the First Order, he remembered that he wasn’t the only former First Order person on the base. He didn’t often think about Mitaka, not since learning that he’d decided to join the Resistance of his own free will. Even months after the fact, Kylo still didn’t know why he’d brought him along. Although they hadn’t been close while part of the First Order, maybe Mitaka would feel differently about him. He’d been around him enough as part of his duties and had never been too afraid unless he had to deliver bad news. That wasn’t a situation they had to worry about anymore.

He went to the nearest computer terminal and found out where Mitaka was stationed. He could see if he was on duty and if not, check his quarters. He thought about sending a message first, but decided against it. Others in the Resistance would surely view it and he didn’t want them to see his pathetic attempt at making a friend. 

On his way to see if Mitaka was on duty, he passed by the mess hall and heard a familiar voice. He paused and listened for a moment. That was definitely Mitaka, although he sounded far more cheerful than Kylo had ever heard him. He stepped inside and saw Mitaka sitting with three others, and as he listened, he realized that he was telling the others - his friends? - about the destruction of the First Order fleet. Of course, he made it sound like he had actually done something besides sit there in confusion. Like he was in on the whole plan.

As Kylo walked towards Mitaka and the others, they took notice of him one by one until all four were staring at him. He took a seat next to Mitaka and he could feel the fear radiating off of him and the others. So far, it was not going as planned. Sitting silently probably wasn’t helping any either, but now that he was there, Kylo realized he didn’t know what to say.

“Sir,” Mitaka started to say.

“You don’t have to call me that,” Kylo said. “I’m not… I’m not anyone anymore.”

“Uh…”

“Anyway,” Kylo continued, “I haven’t seen you in a while. Guess you’ve been doing well?” He glanced over at the others. At least Mitaka had managed to make friends. Probably helped that he didn’t have much of a body count. Or maybe it was just that he knew how to smile.

“Uh, yeah,” Mitaka said. “Um, I’m working in intelligence now.”

“I know,” Kylo said. He only knew that because he’d just looked up where Mitaka had been assigned. It wasn’t a surprise that the Resistance would want someone very familiar with the First Order to help track down what was left of them.

“Oh, I guess you would. I guess my name is on all the reports you get.”

Kylo barely looked at the intelligence reports he was given when he was sent out to bring in whatever former First Order member they’d found. He didn’t really care about the details. He only needed to know who it was and where they were. He definitely hadn’t looked at who had been signing off on the reports.

“So, um, did you need something?”

“No. I just thought I’d say hi.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say and they sat in awkward silence until Kylo finally stood up. “Guess I’ll see you around.”

As he left, he could feel Mitaka’s relief and he accidentally overheard a few stray thoughts from the others. Like Mitaka, they were glad he had left, but they also called him “weird” and “strange” in their minds. He’d been called far worse, so it didn’t bother him, but he’d hoped he’d have actually been able to manage a real conversation with someone. It had never been one of his strengths, but since he’d had no one to talk to besides Rey and his mother for months, he’d gotten worse.

Obviously, trying to talk to anyone was a mistake, one he wasn’t likely to repeat anytime soon. He should have stuck to his usual plan of staying in his room. That’s where he decided to go. He’d stay there until someone needed him. It’d be much easier on everyone that way.

While walking down a hallway on his way to his room, he heard Rey’s voice in another hallway, the one he was walking towards. He stopped, not wanting to pop out and interrupt her conversation. All he did was make people stop whatever they were doing so they could focus on getting away from him. He’d just stay where he was until she passed.

“I don’t care if you don’t like him,” Rey was saying. Although Kylo hadn’t planned on eavesdropping, he couldn’t help but listen. “Just do this one thing for me.”

“He’s an asshole.” That was Poe, and Kylo already had a pretty good idea of who they were talking about.

“Yeah,” Finn agreed. “I still feel like he’s going to try killing me.” 

“I know he’s an asshole, but he’s my brother. And he needs this, okay? He just sits by himself all day. Besides me and mom, no one will even talk to him. Can you imagine how lonely he must be? He gave up everything he had to defeat the First Order and this is how you want to treat him?”

“It’s not that,” Poe said. “I’m glad that he did all that but…”

“He’s Kylo Ren,” Finn finished. “He kinda deserves it.”

“Please,” Rey begged. “Just take him out for a few hours. I’ll pay for all three of you to go out and have a few drinks, okay? It’s his birthday. I just want someone to at least try to be nice to him. Just one day. A few hours.”

They continued moving down the hall and Kylo didn’t hear if Poe and Finn had agreed to their plan or if Rey was still begging them to be his friends. Or fake friends. It was at least nice that she cared enough to try, but he had no intention of doing anything with the two of them. He didn’t need friends anyway.

Once he was sure they were long gone, he finally made his way back to his room. As soon as he was inside, he dropped onto his bed. He simply lay there for several moments before a beep reminded him that he wasn’t exactly alone.

“Hi Niney,” Kylo muttered. Like him, BB-9E spent most of his time in his room. The Resistance had wanted to use his data to help them, but he’d outright refused. Kylo knew it was because the droid would only do as he ordered, but he hadn’t bothered telling the Resistance that. Nor had he ordered Niney to do as they asked. Maybe someday he would.

Niney beeped an inquiry at him and Kylo sighed. “Yes, I ate today,” he said. The droid had taken to making sure he took care of himself. Although he sometimes got sick of the same questions everyday, it was nice that someone cared. Even if it was just a BB unit programmed to be loyal to him. Niney went through his normal list of questions, making sure Kylo was okay and he answered, just as he did everyday.

“You do anything exciting today?” Kylo asked after he’d finished answered all the questions. Considering that the droid rarely left the room, Kylo didn’t expect much of an answer, but Niney told him about everything he’d been monitoring on the base. Like Kylo, Niney had fairly unrestricted access to most things on the base, which meant Niney generally spent most of the day monitoring whatever was happening. Not that he or Kylo were going to do anything with that information, but even a droid needed a hobby.

“Hey Niney,” Kylo said, thinking about the conversation he’d overheard. “I got a question for you. Do you know when my birthday is?” He knew at one point he must have celebrated it. But he honestly couldn’t remember the date. But clearly, it was near.

Niney answered back that the First Order had nothing in its database about his date of birth or home planet. That wasn’t too surprising. He’d taken a new name and erased all traces of his past when he joined the First Order. Of course that data hadn’t been recorded. Niney went over to the computer terminal and plugged himself in and came back with a reply, giving him the current date.

Kylo hadn’t even realized it was his birthday. He hadn’t even thought about it for years. No one cared about such things in the First Order. Now that he remembered it was his birthday, he couldn’t help but wish he had someone to celebrate it with. But the only person he might want to spend it with was probably halfway across the galaxy, deep in hiding. 

After a few moments of silence, Niney broke it, wishing him a happy birthday. Kylo smiled. Maybe Niney really did care, because that certainly wasn’t part of the droid’s standard programming. He hadn’t had Niney’s memory wiped, even before they destroyed the First Order, so it wasn’t too surprising to see him developing some individuality. 

Kylo didn’t know how long he was in his room, simply laying there and staring up at the ceiling. It might have been minutes or hours, but he was interrupted by someone requesting entry. Not wanting to get up, he used the Force to open the door. He expected Rey, since she usually visited him every day. He’d just about forgotten the conversation he’d overheard and was a bit surprised to see Finn and Poe.

“What are you doing here?” he asked as he sat up. As soon as he spoke, he remembered that Rey had made them come.

“Hey, Kylo,” Poe said. “Uh, we were thinking we’d take you out. Have a few drinks. Or whatever.”

“Really? You just came up with this idea all on your own?”

“Uh… yeah?”

“I’ve been here months and this is the first time you’ve gone out of your way to speak to me,” Kylo said, standing up and walking towards them. “Why now? What made you decide to come here?”

“We just noticed you don’t get out much and thought maybe you’d like to.”

“So the two of you just decided this all on your own.” Kylo was standing right in front of them and he could see they were nervous. Neither of them really wanted to be there and Kylo didn’t want them there either. “Tell Rey she doesn’t need to make the two of you come back.”

He pushed them out of his room and closed the door before returning to his bed. Rey would probably be mad that he’d rejected the offer, but he didn’t need his sister’s boyfriends hanging out with him out of pity. At least he’d heard Rey telling them they had to do it. If not, he just might have been lonely enough to accept. Even knowing they hadn’t come on there own, Kylo was almost wishing he’d accepted their offer.

At least if he’d gone with them, he wouldn’t be so alone. Maybe they could have actually had a good time and maybe they’d hate him less. Maybe they would have wanted to spend time with him without Rey begging them. And maybe after seeing that Poe and Finn were his friends, others in the Resistance would decide he wasn’t so terrible after all.

It was a stupid fantasy. Nothing like that ever would have happened. They would have simply sat around awkwardly, barely talking and then Kylo knew they’d try to avoid ever having to do such a thing again. They hated him. He was never going to make friends among the Resistance. And he couldn’t blame them. He’d done too much damage for them to ever forgive him. Finn was right when he said he deserved to be lonely.

There was only one person he really wanted to talk to - the one who got him in this situation in the first place. But Anakin hadn’t been around. He’d been there when he first arrived on the Resistance ship while they were figuring out what they were going to do with him, but since then, he hadn’t seen or heard from him.

“I thought this was supposed to be the easy way,” he grumbled into the empty room. He didn’t expect an answer from Anakin. He’d tried talking to him constantly those first few weeks, but he’d given up. Maybe Anakin didn’t care about him either. Like everyone else, he’d just wanted him for what he could do. And like everyone else, he’d left him when Kylo couldn’t do anything else for him.

Not having anything else to do, he went into his small refresher and took a quick shower. If he didn’t, Niney would eventually start quoting First Order hygiene standards at him until he did. At least Niney never bothered with uniform regulations. Not that there were any regulations for the Supreme Leader, and that’s how the droid still viewed him. After his shower, he only put on a pair of pants, not having any reason to put any more on.

As he laid there, he thought that maybe he should have gone out. Not with Finn and Poe, but on his own. Because they weren’t worried about the First Order showing up and annihilating their base, they’d built it on a civilized planet near a small city. Which was great for most of the Resistance personnel as it gave them somewhere to go when they were off duty. Kylo had never ventured from the base. But it really wasn’t a terrible idea. The people in the city surely wouldn’t know who he was. 

Kylo considered what it would be like to just be another nameless face in the crowd. No one would worry about upsetting him. He’d be no one, someone to ignore. It’d be better than being avoided. Kylo couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he could leave the base permanently, move to the city. He could simply use mind tricks to get by. Eventually, he might even get a job. 

He had no idea if the Resistance would actually allow that. They wanted to keep an eye on him, which was far easier to do if he was on the base. But he hadn’t even tried to contact anyone from the First Order. Or done anything that would make them suspicious. Maybe he could convince them to let him live away from the others. Surely, everyone else on the base would be happy to be free from him.

The more he thought about it, he realized he didn’t really need to ask for permission. He was with them willingly. If he decided he wanted to leave, they had no power to stop him even if they didn’t like it. And if they tried, Kylo would show them why it was a bad idea to stand in his way.

As he was thinking about what life would be like away from the Resistance, he heard a beep from his door. He sat up and looked at it with a frown. It sounded like someone was trying to open the door. The Force told him that there were people on the other side, and his first assumption was that they were drunk and got lost but they were too quiet to be drunk. And he recognized the Force presence of one of them. Just as he was figuring out who was out there, the door slid open.

Before the door could finish opening, an orange and white BB unit rolled inside his room. Niney immediately rolled back from the intruder but Kylo wasn’t worried about the droid. He was more concerned about who was coming with him. Just as he suspected, Finn and Poe were there. More surprising, Mitaka was with them, as was a shorter woman that he’d seen around, but he couldn’t recall her name. Poe, Finn, and Mitaka all crowded into his room, and then Finn turned and waved at the woman.

“Thanks for your help, Rose,” he said. “Sure you don’t want to come in?”

“No thanks,” she said. “I’ll see you around. Bye Finn. Bye Kylo.”

He was surprised she even spoke to him. But he didn’t have time to worry about that because the door closed and the others were still in his room. And he wasn’t even wearing a shirt. Swearing, he grabbed the first shirt he could find, a plain black undershirt and then he returned his attention to the others. He hadn’t noticed at first, but they’d brought stuff with them. Finn was unfolding chairs and setting them around the table and Poe and Mitaka were putting a bunch of stuff on the table itself.

“I thought I told you to leave me alone,” Kylo said.

“You told us to tell Rey to not send us back,” Poe reminded him. “You didn’t say we couldn’t change our minds on our own and come back.”

“Yeah,” Finn said. “And we decided we wanted to hang out with you. Even without Rey asking us to.”

Kylo grabbed Poe with the Force and turned him so they were facing each other. He didn’t believe them. “I could pull it from your mind,” Kylo reminded him. “Find out why you’re really here.”

“That’s a bit extreme,” Poe said. “But I guess if that’s what it takes?”

Before Kylo could respond, he noticed what Poe and Mitaka had put on the table. Several bottles and a cake. That was not what he’d expected and he released Poe. “What is this?” he asked, looking at the table.

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it?” Poe asked. “If you don’t want to go out to celebrate, then we can celebrate here.”

Kylo couldn’t believe Poe was serious. He understood why he’d done as Rey asked, as that would have required little effort on his part. But for him to get a cake, alcohol, and bring chairs - and Mitaka - that required a bit more. 

“Why are you here?” he asked Mitaka.

“They said they wanted to celebrate your birthday and asked if I wanted to come.”

“And you agreed?”

“Um…”

“We made him come,” Finn admitted. “Look, you really are an asshole and no one likes you.”

“Thanks.”

“But I think we should at least give you a chance,” Finn continued. “And yes, it’s because of Rey. She seems to think you’re not a terrible person, so I hope you don’t prove her wrong.”

“So you can either sit down, have some drinks and cake with us or you can sulk by yourself. Either way, we’re staying.” Poe glanced down towards the two droids. “Even your droid likes the company.”

Kylo looked over and saw Niney was sitting next to Poe’s droid and he could hear them softly beeping at each other. If Niney could tolerate a Resistance droid, Kylo decided he could do the same. At least they were being honest about why they were there.

“You really didn’t have to do this,” he muttered as he sat down at the table, sitting in his own chair. It was the only one he had, but Poe and the others sat down in the folding chairs they’d brought with them.

“Yeah, we know,” Poe said. “But we wanted to. Hey, BB-8, can you come here for a second?” The droid beeped an acknowledgment and then rolled over. Poe held out one of the bottles to the droid and he opened it. Poe then offered BB-8 three more and he opened them all before rolling back to join Niney.

Poe slid a beer across the table to Kylo and he took a small sip. It wasn’t great, but he at least managed not to make a face. He’d never cared too much for beer and he’d rarely had occasion to drink, but he recognized the friendly gesture and didn’t say anything. Poe then started cutting pieces of cake and put them on disposable plates that he’d brought, then pushed a piece towards Kylo.

It really was nice for Poe and the others to come spend time with him, but they’d already fallen into the awkward silence that Kylo had predicted. Hopefully they’d eat and drink and leave quickly.

“So, Dopheld,” Poe said after a few moments of silence. “How’s life in the Resistance? Everything you thought it would be?”

“Oh, well, it’s not bad, actually. I always imagined it’d be far worse. Definitely took some getting used to, but everyone’s been welcoming. I’m surprised how friendly people are here.”

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a shock,” Finn said. “But definitely a good one.”

The three of them continued to talk, and Kylo tuned them out. It was better than silence, at least. And it wasn’t as if he wanted to talk to them anyway. He just slowly ate his cake and drank his beer, wondering how long they’d stay for. He wasn’t paying attention until he heard his name, and he looked at them.

“Hey, Kylo,” Poe said, “Finn was just telling us that he’s getting pretty close to beating you in lightsaber combat.”

“Maybe if I was blindfolded and on one leg,” Kylo muttered. Poe laughed at that and the others smiled. It wasn’t a joke - Finn wasn’t close at all. But it was nice they were talking to him.

“But who’s better? You or Rey?” Poe asked. “She always says she is, but is that true?”

“Sometimes. Not usually.”

“But the real question is,” Finn said, looking between Kylo and Poe, “which of you is the better pilot?”

“I am,” Poe and Kylo said at the same time. Poe grinned.

“We’ll have to find some time and go against each other in the simulator,” Poe said.

“Yeah, sure.” Kylo agreed because he knew it would never happen. Poe was just pretending and once he left, he’d simply go back to ignoring him. So would the others. They were just there because they felt bad, but soon enough, they’d remember he deserved it.

They continued talking, but they included Kylo in their conversation. If nothing else, Poe was at least good at pretending he cared. If he didn’t know better, he might even think Poe was genuine. Finn and Mitaka weren’t quite as convincing and Kylo knew they’d rather be anywhere else.

After what felt like hours, Poe finally decided he needed to get some sleep and the others followed his lead. The best part was that they also took everything they brought with them so at least Kylo didn’t have to clean up after them. Once they were gone, Kylo returned to his bed and fell back onto it, unable to decide if he hated the others more or less now.

They had tried to be nice, and no one had made them come back after he made them go away. But they wouldn’t have come had Rey not talked them into their first attempt. He didn’t even know why he was worrying about it - they’d probably avoid him for the next few months anyway. Until Rey made them try again. That was the only way he would have any semblance of a friend within the Resistance. Just the people that his sister pushed towards him.

He told himself that he didn’t care.

***

Several days after his birthday, Kylo noticed that the others were still pretending they were friends. If they saw him, they’d say hi to him, and every now and then, they’d actually stop and talk to him. He knew they had to be sitting around and waiting for him as he never ran into them so often before. Especially Mitaka, who he’d hardly seen. And it extended to others, as well. The short woman he’d briefly seen - who he’d learned had been the one to open his door - started talking to him as well, as did a few pilots.

Kylo wondered how much they were all being paid and who was paying them. His first thought was Rey, but although she had made her boyfriends talk to him, he couldn’t imagine she’d bother with anyone else. His mother was the only other person on the base who might actually care, but she was off planet at the moment. She seemed the most likely to actually pay someone to be friendly towards him, but he would have thought she would have tried it earlier.

It certainly wasn’t Mitaka, who probably couldn’t afford to pay anyone even if the wanted to. And Mitaka was still afraid of him. Finn was also pretty clear in his dislike for him. He wasn’t afraid like Mitaka was, but he also firmly believed that Kylo deserved to be lonely. That only left Poe. Bribing people to talk to him certainly seemed like Poe’s style.

He almost wanted to confront him and put an end to it, but he also knew Poe would simply deny it. And even though he’d threatened to pull information from his mind before, it really wasn’t something he wanted to do. He really was trying to be a better person, and he didn’t want to be someone people were afraid of anymore. Unfortunately, outside of scaring everyone off, he couldn’t think of a way to put a stop to the fake friendliness.

Not that it was really that big of a deal. As he walked to the mess hall, some random person said hi to him. It wasn’t the worst thing in the galaxy to have people pretending they didn’t hate him. Although it did remind him how alone he was. Maybe leaving the base really was his best option.

At least in the mess hall, everyone avoided him. Poe hadn’t managed to get to everyone yet. Kylo managed to get his food and sit down at a table away from everyone else and no one approached him. Just as it always had been.

He took his time eating since he didn’t have anywhere else to be. It was nothing like life in the First Order where he often had to eat as fast as he could or have to skip meals because he was so busy. It was one of the benefits of being with the Resistance. He liked to take his time.

He was still more playing with his food than eating it when someone sat down next to him. He looked up and saw it was Rey, and Finn sat down across from him. He was about to ignore them when he noticed the absurd amount of food Rey had on her plate. As much as he didn’t want to pay attention to her, he was curious if she was really going to eat all that.

“Nice to see you eating at a normal hour,” Rey said as she started in on her food. “I was starting to think you only came out in the dead of night.”

“Clearly, this was a mistake.”

“Don’t be like that, Kylo. Look, if you want to sit in silence, we can. But just say you’re not in the mood to talk.”

Kylo didn’t respond. Obviously, she knew he didn’t want to be bothered, so he didn’t see a point in telling her. He hoped that she would get up and move, but she stayed right where she was. Surprisingly, she even managed to remain quiet for several minutes, although it was most likely because she was busy shoving food in her mouth.

“Stop staring at your food and eat it,” Rey said while giving him a light kick under the table. He stared at her for a few moments, taken by surprise. She’d never treated him so… normally. Not unless they were sparring. Otherwise, she always seemed so careful around him, like she was trying not to set him off. 

For a brief moment, he smiled. It was nice to be treated like a normal person, but he quickly realized she must be up to something. There had to be some reason she was suddenly acting so different around him. He had no idea what that reason was, but he couldn’t be bothered to worry about it. Instead, he did as she ordered and started to eat.

They fell back into silence until someone sat down next to Finn. Kylo glanced up and saw the woman who’d forced his door open. Rose, or something. He hadn’t really paid that much attention to her name. She started talking to Rey about lightsaber design, and Kylo briefly wondered if she was one of her students. If she was, he hadn’t seen her around. But he didn’t think he’d recognize most of the Jedi students anyway as he tried not to pay any attention to them.

“Hey, Kylo,” Rose said, pulling his attention away from his food. He looked up at her, waiting for her to say something. “You’re probably the most knowledgeable about different lightsaber designs. Do you have any schematics or other resources that might be helpful?”

“Are you building a lightsaber?”

“Of course not!” Rose laughed. “But I helped Finn design his and we were thinking we should have some other design options available for the others when they get ready to build theirs. If you’d like to add anything, I’d be glad for the help.”

Was that why Rey was acting different? So he would help her students with lightsaber designs? If that was the case, why didn’t Rey ask him herself? While trying to figure out what Rey and the others were up to, he realized they were all looking at him, waiting for him to say something.

“I guess I can send you some stuff,” he mumbled and then turned his attention back to his food.

“Thanks,” Rose said cheerfully before turning her attention to her friends. They didn’t speak to him again, and with all of them there, Kylo had more motivation to eat quickly and leave. 

He was heading back to his room where he planned to spend the rest of the day when the basewide comm system crackled to life. “Kylo Ren, please report to the north hangar immediately,” a woman’s voice said.

As much as he’d looked forward to being alone, that call could only mean something interesting. Usually, he was only called to the hangar when he was being sent out on a mission. He could definitely use some time away, so he followed the order and found himself in the hangar just as an X-Wing was landing. A shuttle followed it in, and an A-Wing fighter came in behind the shuttle.

Poe climbed out of the X-Wing and walked over to him. Kylo frowned, but apparently, that wasn’t enough to keep Poe away from him. The pilot came and stood next to him while the shuttle landed and its ramp descended.

“I’m guessing we’re going to have to delay our showdown in the simulator,” Poe said. “Not quite sure what’s going on, but I think you’re being sent out.”

Kylo didn’t respond to him - he didn’t care about any rumors Poe might have heard. If there was a mission, then he’d hear about it from the proper authorities. Until then, he wouldn’t get his hopes up. As he watched the shuttle, he saw his mother walking down the ramp, and his first thought was that she had summoned him just to say hello. She’d done it before, when he first arrived. She’d have him called somewhere just to make sure he wasn’t spending the entire day in his room.

But she had stopped that after he’d started training with Rey and Finn. Apparently that was proof enough that he was doing something besides sulking in his room. She still came to talk to him. Besides Rey, she was the only person who did. But at least she had stopped summoning him all over the base. It gave him some hope that maybe he did have a mission.

Leia put a hand on his arm as she came to stop in front of him. “I hope you’re ready for a new assignment,” she said. “We’ll have to brief you on the way, because as soon as your shuttle is prepped, you need to go.”

“That’s fine,” Kylo said, wondering just what the urgent mission was. He’d been hunting down the remnants of the First Order since he’d arrived. Usually, they were holed up somewhere and there wasn’t much of a time concern. Which made him wonder who it was. Someone who moved around a lot, perhaps. So someone smart. Or maybe just someone really important and the Resistance didn’t want to risk them slipping away.

“I’d hoped we’d get to spend more time together,” Leia said. “I know I missed your birthday, and I’d hoped we’d have some time to celebrate, but then this came up.”

“General,” a young technician called. “The shuttle’s ready to fly.”

Leia smiled and put her arms around Kylo. He returned the hug, still feeling awkward about it. Part of him wanted to push her away and remind her he didn’t deserve a hug, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It was so rare for him to have any kind of human contact.

“You’d better get going,” she said.

He turned towards his shuttle, just a standard Resistance craft. When he’d first started going on missions, he’d almost asked to take the Falcon but that was Rey’s ship now. He had no right to it. Instead, he just took whatever they had given him. As far as he knew, it didn’t even have a name and Kylo didn’t care to name it.

As he started up the ramp, he heard a familiar beep and saw Niney rolling towards him at full speed. By the time he made it to the top of the ramp, Niney was also on board the shuttle, and angrily chirping at him about almost leaving him behind. It wasn’t intentional - he simply hadn’t had a chance to tell the droid he was leaving. He hadn’t thought he needed to as Niney was always monitoring communications on base, so he always knew when Kylo was about to leave.

When he got to the cockpit, he immediately received clearance to take off and before he’d even left the atmosphere, he saw that the coordinates had already been entered into the ship’s computer. That made it easy enough to simply tell the ship to go there. As soon as he made the jump to light speed, he looked up those coordinates, wondering just where they were going.

The planet’s official designation was a string of numbers and letters. Which meant it was not part of the Republic, and likely never had been. That also meant it was likely to be dangerous. All kinds of criminals liked planets that had little oversight from whatever galactic government happened to be in control at the time. It was possible the local government had a tight control on things, but Kylo doubted it.

Before he could look deeper into the planet, he received an incoming transmission. He accepted it and saw an older woman - the head of the intelligence department, if he remembered correctly. Usually his mother spoke to him about his missions, probably because no one else wanted to. Apparently, they decided he was safe enough on his shuttle and flying away from them.

“Ren,” the woman said. “We don’t have a lot of details this time. But we know at least someone in the First Order is running a pirate gang, which seems to be a fairly large operation. Our intelligence indicates that they’re currently located on TT2-MVN23. Unfortunately, we don’t know which part of the planet they’re on.”

“Is this just an intelligence gathering mission?” Kylo asked. That was disappointing, but at least it gave him something to do. Even if he just found a bar and drank until he forgot his name.

“It might be. Obviously, if you can find the person running the gang, we want you to bring them in. But any information you can gather will be valuable. We know next to nothing about them.”

“Obviously. Why send me? If they see me, they’ll recognize me and run.”

“The one thing we do know is that this group is extremely dangerous. Having them run is the least of our worries.”

That certainly made things more interesting. They’d sent him out on a basic intelligence mission once when he first arrived. He got bored and ended up bringing their target in instead of just watching him. Since then, they kept him away from missions until they needed them captured. Or killed. Kylo wasn’t always successful at bringing them in alive.

“The details are in your ship’s computer. You’re free to proceed however you feel is best, although we’d like for you to report in every three days if at all possible. Any questions?”

Kylo didn’t have any. He never did. The transmission ended and he pulled up the data from the computer. He had several hours to go through it, but he never liked reading through such things. Fortunately, he had help.

“Niney,” he said, “analyze this data. See if you can figure out where the most likely place to find a First Order officer turned pirate would be hiding.”

The droid beeped an acknowledgment and plugged himself into the computer. While Niney worked on that, Kylo returned to looking into more about the planet. It was mostly water, with one large continent and a few scattered islands. Forests covered large portions of the continent with a few areas of plains. Some areas were mountainous, although the settlements - Kylo didn’t really think they counted as cities - were all coastal and either in the plains or cleared forest.

Instantly, Kylo suspected that whoever the pirate was, they might be hiding in the mountains. It appeared relatively inaccessible, which would be good for keeping out unwanted guests. And being away from civilization meant they wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing what they were up to. Although once Kylo looked at the report on the planet’s government, he saw they weren’t a concern for criminals as they were beyond corrupt.

It was the kind of place the First Order would have straightened out very quickly. But even as he thought it, he knew it wasn’t true. With a population of just over a billion, it was far too small a planet to be of concern to anyone. Especially since there were no critical resources. Just like the Republic, the First Order would have ignored them. 

Kylo didn’t really care that much about the planet and whether or not they were corrupt and hiding criminals. All he cared about was finding whatever former First Order officer had managed to find their way there and eliminate them. And maybe he might even have fun doing it. 

He was starting to drift off to sleep when Niney beeped at him, having finished the analysis. Kylo looked it over and Niney determined that there were two towns that were most likely where they were going to find their pirate. Of course, since they didn’t know exactly who they were looking for, they couldn’t use that to help them decide. 

“We’ll pick one of them when we get there,” Kylo said, looking it over one last time, but he didn’t see anything to make one town stand out over the other. He still thought hiding in the mountains would be the best idea. Maybe he’d have a chance to check them out at some point. The Resistance wasn’t expecting him back anytime soon. 

He couldn’t help but wonder if giving him a non-specific mission for an unknown length of time was the Resistance’s way of getting rid of him. Maybe they wanted him out of the way for a while. Maybe they were planning on moving their base, and when Kylo made it back, they’d be gone and he’d be completely alone.

Although he thought most of the Resistance might actually support a plan like that, he didn’t think his mother would. Or his sister. Despite everything, the two of them actually seemed to care about him. Even if the rest of the Resistance left, he felt fairly certain that the two of them would still be there when he made it back. Still, he found himself imagining just what he might do if he got back and found the base abandoned.

By the time the shuttle came out of hyperspace, Kylo hadn’t decided if he’d be better off without the others. With something more important to think about, he pushed thoughts of the Resistance out of his mind and he brought up a map of the planet with the two potential towns marked. Of course, they were no where near each other. One was on the southern end of the continent and the other close to the equator. 

Kylo was thinking that he’d head for the equatorial town as it was the larger of the two, but he hesitated. He had no reason to think that the southern town would be a better place to start, but he couldn’t ignore the urge telling him to go there. Not questioning his instincts, he set his course for the south.

As he flew over the town, he saw it wasn’t large, although it’d still take him sometime to actually search the place. He landed the shuttle and realized he didn’t know how to proceed. Usually, he had someone tell him very specifically where to find his target. It was very different just showing up on a planet and not knowing where to go. 

The only thing he knew was that he needed to find pirates, and it wasn’t as if he could go around asking. Especially since he had the feeling there were probably several pirate crews in the area. Somehow, he’d have to find out which one was run by someone from the First Order. And he’d have to do it without them noticing him. Which would be difficult given that he was the former Supreme Leader. He really wasn’t the best choice for the mission. Whoever it was, they’d likely know about his presence before Kylo found out who they were.

More evidence that the Resistance was just trying to get rid of him for a while.

He thought he might find some random pirate and bring them in and just claim that they were part of the First Order. It’s not like the Resistance knew every last person. He could even get Niney to make a fake personnel file. It might be worth it just to see if they would be disappointed at his quick return, but Kylo wasn’t in any particular hurry to get back either. If the Resistance wanted him on the planet, he had no problem staying there. And he might as well enjoy himself.

Finding the nearest tavern, he went inside and was pleased to see that it was exactly what he expected - full of unsavory characters and a promise of food poisoning for anyone stupid enough to try their food. A quick glance around made him think that he just might find some pirates there, although he wasn’t going to worry about that for the moment. His plan was to simply get a drink and see just what he was going to be dealing with.

That plan vanished from his mind when he saw a head of red hair sitting in a dark corner of the bar. There were plenty of humans with red hair throughout the galaxy. Depending on what planet he was on, it wouldn’t even be that uncommon. But Kylo knew that red hair. Even if that hair was longer than Kylo had ever seen it, even if he couldn’t see the man’s face due to the poor lighting, there was no doubt who the skinny man was.

Kylo had no idea what to do. He hadn’t expected to run into him. And there were too many things that he could do. He wanted to run over to him and pull him into his arms and kiss him. But he also thought maybe he should just turn around and leave. Fly back home and tell the Resistance that there was nothing on the planet. Or he could tell them the truth. 

Before he could make up his mind, Hux turned towards him and judging by the look of anger in his blue eyes, Kylo knew he’d been seen. It was too late to run, and he didn’t need to go to him. Hux was on his feet and heading towards him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that there is dubcon and some emotional manipulation in this chapter. More details in the end notes.

Kylo felt frozen in place as Hux approached him. He’d always hoped he’d meet him again, imagined it many times on lonely nights. But he wasn’t prepared to actually run into him. And now Hux was right there, heading towards him with a murderous look in his eyes. In his fantasies, Hux had always been happy to see him, and understanding of what he did. Deep down, Kylo had known that wasn’t at all how Hux would react. And he could see now that he was right.

He didn’t even see the blaster until he felt it pressed up against his abdomen. He glanced down, just to make sure that it really was a blaster, then looked back at Hux’s face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen him so angry. It had definitely been before they’d started sleeping together. Even though it was supposed to be strictly sex, it had become more than that very quickly. 

“Hux,” Kylo said. He couldn’t think of what else to say. He was happy to see him, but also somewhat terrified. Not that Hux would shoot him, but that Hux would never forgive him, that’d he’d never want to see him again. Kylo knew it was his fault their relationship fell apart but he always had that hope that someday, he could fix things.

Looking at Hux’s face and feeling his blaster pressed against him, Kylo knew there was very little hope of Hux ever forgiving him. And it hurt, knowing it was really all his fault. He thought back to the last time he’d seen him, months before. Hux been boarding a shuttle and said that he’d see him when he got back. Kylo hugged him and gave him a quick kiss when no one was watching, knowing that Hux wouldn’t be coming back. And once Hux had left, Kylo destroyed everything.

“I don’t know if I’m surprised or just disappointed that it’s you,” Hux said.

“What?”

“I won’t go with you,” Hux continued. “I’d rather die.”

That hurt, but then Kylo realized what he meant. He wasn’t talking about them and their relationship. Hux knew that he was working for the Resistance and he probably knew that he was the one bringing in former First Order personnel. 

“That’s not why I’m here,” he said.

“Really? The Resistance’s attack dog shows up and you’re not here to bring me in? Unlikely.”

“Attack dog?” Kylo frowned. He didn’t like Hux calling him that. He remembered Hux referring to him as Snoke’s attack dog before, and he didn’t like the comparison. What he was doing with the Resistance was completely different than what he did for Snoke.

“It’s what you are, isn’t it? Obviously, you didn’t like being in control of your own destiny so you had to find someone to hold your leash.”

Kylo wanted to explain everything to him, but standing inside a tavern with a blaster pressed against him was not the place for it. He didn’t really believe Hux would shoot him, but he’d rather not have the weapon on him like that. He couldn’t stop blasters at that close of range.

“So,” Hux said, “this goes one of two ways. You walk out the door and I disappear, or you try to capture me and we fight and maybe one of us dies. Which one are you planning on?”

“I’m not going to bring you in, Hux. I wouldn’t let them take you. You deserve so much better than sitting in a prison cell.”

“Why are you here, then?”

“I’ll tell you everything you want to know. But somewhere else. Without you holding a blaster on me. My ship is -”

“I’m not getting on your ship,” Hux interrupted with a sneer. “How stupid do you think I am?”

“Is there somewhere else we can go? Somewhere private?”

Hux was silent for a moment and then he nodded. “I have a place. Not far from here. I’ll have to abandon this planet entirely, so I suppose it doesn’t matter if you know exactly where I’ve been staying.”

Kylo wanted to make him believe that he really wasn’t there to harm him in any way, that he never would. But he knew it was asking a lot of Hux. Hopefully once he understood why Kylo had done everything, he would realize that he wasn’t going to hurt him or turn him in. And then he’d realize he could stay on that planet and Kylo would be able to visit him whenever he pleased. Maybe even run away with him someday.

He liked to think that he’d just stay on that nameless planet with Hux and simply never return to the Resistance. Somehow, he doubted that Hux would allow that, but even if he did, Kylo knew it wouldn’t be possible. If he never returned, he was certain the Resistance would send someone after him and he couldn’t risk leading them back to Hux.

“Come on, then,” Hux said with a sigh. He put his blaster away and started to walk past him when Kylo caught his arm. Hux glared at him and Kylo was quick to let him go. He didn’t need him any angrier than he already was.

“Take this,” Kylo said, handing him his lightsaber. He hoped Hux would feel safer if he was unarmed, but for a moment, he didn’t move. He just stared at the offered saber, a look of surprise on his face. As he reached out and took the weapon, the surprised look was replaced by a look of contempt. 

Hux didn’t speak to him as they walked, leaving Kylo to his thoughts. All he could think about was touching Hux again. That brief touch hadn’t been enough, and Hux’s jacket had been between them. He wore gloves, but Kylo could see flashes of Hux’s bare wrist. He wanted to wrap his hand around those wrists and feel Hux again. Given how Hux had looked at him in the tavern, he didn’t think it would end well so he kept his hands to himself.

It was the longest walk of Kylo’s life. He hated having Hux right there but unable to touch him. And worse, Hux was angry, maybe even hated him. Kylo didn’t know if he could handle Hux hating him. Somehow, he’d have to find a way to get Hux to forgive him and he’d do whatever it took for that to happen. He’d destroyed the First Order to protect Hux and it wasn’t fair if Hux ended up hating him for that.

Hux led him inside a building and Kylo briefly wondered if Hux might be leading him into a trap, but he pushed that thought aside. Hux had no idea he was on the planet until he saw him, so unless he had an ambush ready at all times, he was fine. But if anyone would be prepared for anything, it would be Hux. If there was any danger, he wasn’t sensing anything in the Force. 

Kylo found himself in a small apartment and Hux closed the door behind him. Still, he sensed no danger as he looked around the apartment. It wasn’t very large - there was a bed in one corner, a set of drawers nearby, a small kitchen, and a door that led to what Kylo assumed was the refresher. There was nothing in the way of decorations, and the only indication that someone actually lived there was a plate sitting on the table in the kitchen area.

“You live here?”

“Not all of us are lucky enough to have family to run back to when they decide to destroy their life’s work.”

“That’s…” That wasn’t exactly how it happened, but he knew that would only lead to an argument. It was one that they would have eventually, but Kylo didn’t want to argue. He just wanted to be with Hux. He wanted to hold him and kiss him and all manner of things that he knew wouldn’t happen. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“You said you’d explain yourself,” he said as he walked over to the kitchen table. He put Kylo’s lightsaber down and then sat down in the only chair. “What are you doing here if you’re not going to arrest me?”

“I…” He’d had the entire walk to the apartment to think of an excuse, but he spent that time being shocked that he was with Hux again. “They sent me to gather intelligence. On a pirate gang. That they think has ties to someone from the Order.”

“Really? They’re using you as a spy? They’re even stupider than I would have believed.”

“Not exactly. They also want me to bring this person in. Someone dangerous they said. So they sent me. Because it might be dangerous.”

“And now you’ve found me.” Hux put his hand on top of the lightsaber, then looked back at Kylo. “You plan on going back to them empty handed? You’re not even planning on mentioning that you saw me?”

“Never,” Kylo said as he stepped towards him. Hux narrowed his eyes but didn’t tell him to stop, so he kept going until he was in front of him. He then knelt down on the floor, resting his cheek on his knee. “I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

“Oh? Is that a privilege you reserve for yourself?”

“Hux. Armitage.” He closed his eyes. He hated being right there with Hux but having Hux be… like that. The way things used to be. Before they fell in love. He reached out with the Force, hoping to sense something beneath the anger, but there was nothing. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You thought you could just take away everything in my life that I’d worked so hard for and that it wouldn’t hurt? What’s worse is that you were the one responsible for it! If we’d lost the war, that would have been one thing, but it was all you! We could have won, Ren! But you couldn’t let us have that, could you? You just had to go running back to mommy!”

As Hux started to shout he stood up. Kylo pulled away to avoid being kicked by him but he didn’t get up from the floor. He still expected Hux to kick him and he wouldn’t have blamed him if he did. After everything, he deserved it. But Hux didn’t touch him.

“It wasn’t like that,” Kylo muttered. “I had to do it. To save you.”

“Save me? I always knew you were ridiculous, but that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said! Do you know what it’s been like for me? How I’ve had to survive?”

“I…” He clearly wasn’t in the mood to hear the truth, that a ghost had showed him the future and that the only way that they would both survive is if the First Order was gone. But he could tell him a version of the truth, one he might be more willing to accept. “I had a vision.”

“That’s not making things better!” Hux snapped. “You had a dream of what? That I died? And you had to defect to stop it? You should have let me die!”

“Hux,” he pleaded, but he didn’t know what he wanted to ask him for. He wanted him to forgive him, to stop yelling, to at least just listen, but he knew how Hux was. Kylo couldn’t blame him for being angry, but he hoped he might understand. Or that he would at least try. Still, Kylo didn’t want to leave. Even if Hux just yelled at him, at least he was there. He’d rather be with an angry Hux than be away from him.

“What? Are you going to cry now? Typical.”

Kylo really thought he might, but no tears came. He just stayed where he was on the floor, waiting for Hux to continue to yell at him. But he didn’t say anything else. Kylo could hear him moving around him, but he didn’t look up, almost scared to look at him. 

“So,” Hux said, voice calm, but Kylo could still feel his anger simmering in the Force. “What do we do now?”

Kylo finally looked up, seeing him sitting in the chair, just like he was when their conversation started. He couldn’t believe Hux sounded so calm after being so angry. That had never happened before. But then he realized what Hux was doing. He saw Kylo’s presence as a problem to be solved and Hux had never been one to let emotions get in the way of such things. 

“I don’t know.” He knew what he wanted, but he wasn’t about to ask for that, knowing he’d be rejected. 

“The thing that makes the most sense is that you go back home and I disappear and hopefully, you never find me again.”

Kylo shook his head - that seemed like the worst idea. It was hard enough being away from him before and now that he’d seen him, Kylo didn’t want to part ways again. He wanted Hux to stay close. That wasn’t possible, but Kylo wanted to see him again. He wanted to know where Hux was and know that he was okay. Never seeing him again was the worst thing Kylo could imagine.

“I didn’t think you’d like that idea,” Hux continued. He reached out to him, cupping his chin in his hand and Kylo whimpered at the contact. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Hux’s touch. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“Hux.” 

“Don’t talk.” Hux looked at him for a few more moments then released him, but Kylo couldn’t take his eyes off of him. He needed him to touch him again. “I really don’t know what to do with you.”

Kylo scooted himself closer, so Hux’s knees were pressed against him. He needed some kind of contact and thought he might go crazy without it. At least Hux seemed to allow it, not pushing him away.

“Really, I should kill you. I’d still have to abandon this planet since I’m sure your friends will come looking for you. But maybe once they realized I’d killed their precious attack dog, they’d leave me alone.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But it’s what you are, isn’t it?” Hux reached over and stroked his hair. It felt so nice and Kylo couldn’t help but press his head into his hand, needing more. “Poor thing. Just needed someone to tell you who to go after.”

“It’s not like that.”

Hux pulled his hand away and Kylo couldn’t help but cry out. But Hux didn’t seem to care about giving him what he so desperately needed. “Explain it then, because from where I am, it looks like your Resistance friends just aim you at whichever former First Order member they can find.”

“Yes,” Kylo admitted. “But I’m only doing it because I’m bored. I don’t care about bringing anyone in. Or whatever. I just need to get away from them sometimes.”

“You’re the one who chose to go to them.”

“I didn’t know where else to go. They don’t like me.”

“They shouldn’t.”

“I know. But… I hate it. I’m alone. I miss you.”

“You should have thought about that before destroying the Order.”

He had thought about it. Quite a bit. He knew that by going through with the plan, he’d be damaging his relationship with Hux and it would give him no one else to turn to except for the Resistance. His family. Ben’s family. Kylo really didn’t even know what to consider them. But he did know he’d much rather be with Hux than with them. He’d had to go to the Resistance to drop off Mitaka, and he’d stayed because he knew Anakin wanted him there. And he really had never been on his own before. He’d been too scared to leave.

Even now, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to abandon his family. But they’d taken him in and at least somewhat forgiven him. They’d taken in Mitaka and Finn too. They weren’t strangers to taking in former First Order members. There could be a way for Kylo to have everything he wanted.

“You could come with me,” Kylo suggested, voice soft.

“Join the Resistance?” Hux let out a little bark of laughter. “I don’t think so. Do you have any more brilliant ideas?”

“Why not?” Kylo didn’t want to argue with Hux, but he couldn’t help it. He hadn’t even considered the idea. Just laughed at it.

“You already said you didn’t want me in a prison cell. What do you think would happen if I showed up?”

“They took me. They took Mitaka.”

“Mitaka? He defected?”

“I took him with me.” He hadn’t had much of a choice in the matter, but when given the choice to spend at least five years in prison or help the Resistance finish off the First Order, he’d made the choice very quickly.

“Why?”

That was a question that Kylo still couldn’t answer and he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is they took us. They’d take you too.”

“I doubt that. Not after Starkiller. Not to mention, you are related to some of them. Of course they took you back. What reason would they have to take me?”

“Because of me. I’ll tell them they can’t lock you up. I won’t let them.” Kylo knew Hux was right - they would want to lock him up. He was sure that some members of the Resistance had wanted him locked up as well, but his mother had fought for him. And he’d fight for Hux.

“And when they say they’re going to arrest me anyway? Because they will.”

“No,” Kylo said, shaking his head. “I won’t let them. If they try, then we’ll escape. Run away together.”

“Romantic, but I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve spent nearly a year building something for myself. A new empire, you might say. I’m not going to abandon that for a nice piece of ass. How would any of my people ever trust me again if I just ran off?”

“Your people?” Kylo hadn’t seen anyone else with him and he knew they were alone in the apartment. But it made sense that Hux had made allies on his own. He would have found others with skills he could use to help himself. He’d always been resourceful like that.

“I’m not running this operation on my own.” Kylo still had no idea what Hux was talking about, and a smirk appeared on his face. “You haven’t figured it out? The Resistance must really be making you dull.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You found your target, Ren. Your pirate.”

It still took Kylo a moment before he understood. Hux was the leader of the pirates he’d been sent to uncover. That meant he would have to come up with some kind of story before he returned that would keep Hux safe. Maybe come up with some other unaccounted for First Order officer to claim was the one in charge. But if Hux was working with that individual, it could cause some trouble down the road.

“That really shouldn’t be a shock,” Hux said after a while and Kylo realized he’d been staring dumbly at him. “How else is someone with my skill set supposed to survive? There’s not a lot of civilian jobs when your skills include combat and leading troops. Doubly so when you’re a wanted criminal. Why do you think so many of the surviving personnel have turned to piracy?”

“You have plenty of other skills. You’re an engineer.”

“I’m sure I’ll find plenty of work by mentioning I designed Starkiller and other First Order weapons. I’m sure no one would let the Resistance know that a war criminal is applying for jobs.”

“I’m sorry, Hux.” Kylo closed his eyes and rested his face on the top of Hux’s knee. He really had made Hux’s life more difficult, which wasn’t what he’d wanted to do. But at least he was alive. And if he was in charge of the dangerous group of pirates, then he seemed to be doing well.

Not that any of that mattered to Kylo. The only thing he cared about was being with Hux again. As Hux put his hand back in his hair, Kylo thought that maybe that’s what Hux wanted as well. He shifted a bit, starting to get uncomfortable on his knees, but he didn’t want to get up because Hux was touching him. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself in a better scenario. 

He imagined that he had Hux had been separated and unable to return to each other. And now that they finally found each other, Hux wasn’t able to keep his hands off of him. Kylo imagined that Hux would slowly touch every inch of him, as if making sure that he was all there and then he’d let Kylo do the same.

Or better yet. Kylo imagined that Hux forgave him for what he’d done, that he understood. And that he was petting him and letting him know that everything would be fine and that they’d never be apart again. That was what Kylo really wanted, after all. Hux’s forgiveness and to know that everything would work out.

“What do you want?” Hux asked after a while.

Kylo opened his eyes and lifted his head slightly so he could look at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been sitting on my floor for some time now. You clearly want something. So what is it?”

“I… I want you.” He closed his eyes again, deciding to use the Force to show Hux what he wanted. It had always been easier for him to show Hux things rather than try to say it out loud. He had plenty of memories to choose from. He sent him memories of hugs and soft kisses, those rare moments when they’d quietly enjoyed each other’s company. And then he sent him images of the two of them having sex. At first, he sent some gentle memories, but he quickly started sending some older ones, when they hadn’t liked each other as much. He wouldn’t be opposed to rough sex. He just needed Hux to touch him.

“Of course,” Hux said softly, his hand moving to cup his chin. “You always were so needy.”

“Hux, please.” He opened his eyes, looking up at Hux, pleading with him to do something. Anything. They’d been apart far too long.

“I really shouldn’t,” Hux said dropping his hand away. “You really don’t deserve it. However, it’s hard to find a partner when you’re trying to start a criminal empire and it would be nice to feel something besides my hand on my cock.”

“Yes,” Kylo agreed, starting to reach for the waist of Hux’s pants. “Let me take care of you.”

“Not like that,” Hux said, pushing his hands away. “I don’t like what you’re wearing. Remove all your clothing and I’ll see if I like you any better that way.”

Kylo didn’t understand what was wrong with his clothing. It was fairly standard for humans across the galaxy and it wasn’t all that different from what Hux was wearing. But Hux was still wearing all black, and with his jacket adding some padding and his belt over his shirt, he still looked like a member of the First Order. But Kylo was wearing an old pair of brown pants, blue shirt and a light brown jacket. He looked like he was a part of the Resistance.

There was no sense worrying about what he was wearing, because he had no problem taking it off for Hux. He stripped quickly and his knees were relieved to finally be off the floor. Simply taking his clothes off in front of Hux was also enough for blood to start flowing into his cock, and a brief touch of Hux’s hand on his hip was all it took for him to become fully hard.

“I have missed this,” Hux muttered. He stood up and walked behind Kylo. He felt like he was being inspected, and knowing Hux, he probably was. He shuddered when he felt a fingertip between his shoulder blades, and did his best to hold still as Hux trailed his finger down towards his ass. He wanted to push himself against Hux and feel more of him, but he didn’t want to risk doing anything to make Hux mad. As much as he hated Hux taking his time and barely touching him, it would be far worse if he just stopped.

Hux walked back around in front of him. He was so close. Kylo just wanted to kiss him, but he held himself back, as Hux didn’t seem like he was in the kissing mood. Hux leaned forward so there was barely any distance between their lips, and then, Kylo couldn’t help himself and he closed the remaining distance. As soon as their lips touched, Hux pulled back and turned his head to the side.

“I liked you better on your knees.”

Kylo immediately dropped back down, ignoring the protest his knees made as he returned to the hard floor. Once he had knelt, he noticed that Hux’s pants were open just enough to get his cock out and Kylo wasted no time and put his mouth on him.

“That’s a good boy,” Hux murmured. He put his hands on the back of his head, gently petting him once more, but Kylo knew that wouldn’t last. It didn’t take long for Hux to shove himself down Kylo’s throat. It hurt, but Kylo didn’t mind. He was just happy that Hux was there.

It was a lot like the early days of their relationship, when they had said it was just sex. They’d roughly fuck each other, both of them pushing the other to back down. Neither of them ever did. But both of them had started feeling something somewhere along the line. Not wanting to admit it, they’d gotten even rougher with each other. On a few occasions, they’d even sent each other to medical since neither of them had been willing to be the first one to ask the other to stop.

Kylo didn’t mind the rough sex. For a long time, he thought that was his preference. But then, once they were both ready to admit their feelings, everything changed. Eventually, they found themselves having gentle, loving sex, touching and kissing each other, and Kylo had quickly realized that was what he wanted.

It’s what he wanted with Hux now. But that wasn’t going to happen. Hux was too angry. As much as Kylo would have preferred something more on the gentle side, he wasn’t about to stop Hux from fucking his face. As long as it was Hux, Kylo really didn’t care what they did.

By the time Hux finally pushed him away, there were tears in Kylo’s eyes. It wasn’t the first time Hux had hurt him, but it had been a very long time since Hux had intentionally done so. But he wasn’t going to complain. After all, he’d hurt Hux too. It was only what he deserved.

“Get up,” Hux ordered. Kylo complied and Hux immediately pushed him down over the table. He didn’t resist, going down easily for Hux. It had been far too long since Hux’s hands were on him. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. Once Hux had him positioned the way he wanted him, his hands were gone. “Stay there.”

Kylo watched as Hux left, but didn’t move from his position, as he wasn’t going to do anything to risk upsetting Hux anymore than he already was. He knew he was lucky that Hux was willing to do anything with him. 

Soon Hux returned and once again had his hands on him, stroking his ass. It didn’t take long before he felt a slick finger move between his cheeks and poke at his hole. Kylo couldn’t resist pushing back against it, desperate for any part of Hux to be inside him. Hux smacked him - hard - and he could feel his ass burning. But at least Hux gave him what he wanted and he couldn’t help the moan that came out as Hux sunk his finger inside.

“You really don’t deserve this,” Hux said as he fucked him with his finger. “But I really have missed this ass. I’ll just have to make sure you don’t enjoy yourself too much.”

Kylo was about to tell him that it didn’t matter what he did - he was going to enjoy himself simply because Hux was there, but then he felt Hux’s cock against him. He’d never tried taking anything that size with so little prep before. He almost asked Hux to stop, but he really didn’t want him too. Even if it hurt, he’d gone through worse before.

He did his best to relax as Hux pushed inside, trying to focus on how good it would feel once his body stretched to accommodate him. Just as he was starting to get used to the slow push, Hux jerked his hips forward, pushing all the way in, and Kylo couldn’t help the small yelp of pain from escaping.

“Is that too much for you?” Hux asked.

“No,” Kylo panted, not sure if he was lying or not.

“Good.” Hux started fucking him, pulling out and then slamming his hips against him. It hurt, but Kylo also loved it. He would do anything as long as it meant he could be with Hux. He didn’t bother trying to hide any whimpers of pain, as he knew Hux didn’t care if he was hurting him.

Hux fucked him across the hard table, which was adding to the discomfort and Kylo tried to arrange himself so it was a little better. He tried supporting his weight on his arms, and then he pushed back against Hux so he wasn’t sliding as much. That position made it impossible to touch himself and he needed to. So he struggled, trying to get a hand underneath him while still supporting himself. No matter what he did, he couldn’t help the fact that at least some part of him was being slammed into the sharp table edge. 

Eventually, Hux had some mercy on him and reached under him and started stroking his cock. He seemed to remember exactly how Kylo liked to be touched, or maybe Kylo had just been that desperate for Hux to touch him. Either way the result was the same and he found himself coming very quickly.

In the past, Hux would at least slow down if Kylo came first, and Kylo would do the same for Hux, but now, Hux carried on as if nothing had changed. At first, Kylo didn’t mind but it very quickly became too much for him to handle. It didn’t feel good at all - it was just painful.

Kylo was just on the verge of asking Hux to stop. He hesitated because he didn’t want to disappoint Hux. If it made Hux happy to hurt him, the Kylo knew he could endure it. He was crying and he couldn’t hide that fact.

“Hux,” he cried, not sure if he was trying to ask him to stop or keep going. “Please.”

He didn’t have to tell Hux to stop because as soon as he said please, Hux was coming inside him. Normally, he liked the way that felt, but his body was far too overstimulated at the moment and he could only feel relieved that it was finally over. 

“Clean up the mess,” Hux ordered as he pulled out. “And you can clean yourself up in the shower. I’ve got some things to take care of, but I’ll be back.”

Kylo remained where he was, hoping to feel Hux’s hands on him again. Instead, he heard the door opening and closing and when he looked around, he was alone. Hux was clearly still very angry. He quickly cleaned up the mess and then got in the shower. As he cleaned himself, he considered leaving before Hux got back. He could contact the Resistance and let them know Hux was there. In theory, Kylo could take Hux in by himself, but he didn’t think he actually could bring himself to do it. And no matter how upset he was with the way Hux treated him, he wouldn’t tell anyone that he was there.

He got out of the shower and realized that even if he had wanted to leave, it was going to be difficult, as his clothes were gone. Hux wouldn’t have anything in his size, so he didn’t even bother looking. It wasn’t as if he really wanted to leave anyway. He still wanted to be with Hux. Since he didn’t have anything else to do and couldn’t leave, he laid down on Hux’s bed, wanting to sleep. It wasn’t an ideal situation - he really wanted Hux to be there, holding him as he fell asleep. Just like things used to be. 

A nap would surely make him feel better, but he couldn’t help the tears that fell. He loved Hux more than anything and to have Hux treat him like that had been horrible. It was only as he was trying to fall asleep - alone in Hux’s bed - that it really hit him. 

Hux hated him.

Kylo didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until he was shooting upright in bed. Hux was there, sitting on the edge of the bed and Kylo realized that’s what had woken him up. He placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. Kylo wanted to say something to him, but he had no idea what.

“Feeling better?” Hux asked, a slight smile on his face. 

Kylo stared at him, wondering why he even cared, but he nodded. Maybe Hux just had to hurt him and get it out of his system and things would be fine now. But he wasn’t about to risk that by doing or saying anything that might upset him, so he stayed right where he was.

“I had to take your clothes with me. I wasn’t sure if you had some way of communicating with the Resistance and I couldn’t take that risk before I was ready to leave. But as long as I’m around to make sure you’re not calling your friends, you can have your clothes.”

“I wouldn’t,” Kylo said, although he had thought about it. But he was being honest with Hux. He wouldn’t put him in danger. “I’m not going to tell anyone where you are.”

“So you say. You’ve also said that you loved me before.”

“I do,” Kylo said automatically without thinking about recent events. He then corrected himself. “Did.”

“Did?”

“I…” Kylo didn’t have enough time to figure out just how he felt about Hux anymore. One part of him still loved him, but Hux had hurt him. Intentionally. It hurt. And it was far more than just the physical pain. That was something that didn’t bother Kylo much, but to know that the one person he loved wanted to hurt him… that was something Kylo would have trouble dealing with. He didn’t say anything else, just rolled over on his side so he didn’t have to look at Hux anymore.

“I was going to suggest you stay here for a bit longer,” Hux said. “But I understand if you want to leave immediately.”

Kylo didn’t say anything. He loved the idea of being with Hux, but he also dreaded what Hux might want to do to him. And Kylo would never say no to him. He couldn’t believe finding Hux again was making him more miserable than being with the Resistance. Being with Hux should have been the best possible thing that could have happened, but once again, Kylo found himself crying.

He thought that Hux might mock him or maybe even kick him out. The best Kylo hoped for was that Hux would just walk away and wait for him to calm down. Instead he felt Hux lay down behind him and wrap an arm around him, which only made Kylo cry more, reminding him of how things used to be. Even as he sobbed, Hux stayed with him, holding him until he finally managed to stop crying.

“I never was able to resist holding you,” Hux said as Kylo started to calm down. “Not when you’re so sad.”

“I’m fine,” Kylo muttered. Hux would know that was a lie, but Kylo wanted to give him an excuse to leave.

“Did you want to talk about it?” Hux was stroking the side of his arm and Kylo desperately wanted to roll around and bury his face against Hux and tell him everything that he was feeling. But he knew that Hux wouldn’t want to hear it. 

“We’ve already talked about everything we need to.”

“Okay.” Hux pressed a kiss into his back. “Just let me know what you need.”

“I need you to love me.” Kylo didn’t say that out loud, but it was what he needed from him and Kylo didn’t think Hux could give him that. He wondered once again if Hux had taken his rage out on him and now was ready to go back to normal. It couldn’t be that easy. But Hux was still behind him, lightly stroking his arm and kissing him.

“It hurt,” Kylo said eventually. 

“What hurt?” He felt Hux sitting up behind him, but he kept his hands on him.

“You. You hurt me.”

“I know,” Hux said with a sigh. He brushed the hair out of his face. “I was really angry with you. You never asked me to stop, though.”

“I missed you.” He couldn’t bring himself to stop Hux in the moment, and he knew if it happened again, he still wouldn’t stop him. He needed Hux to touch him. If he couldn’t have him gently, he would take him however he could get him. But he hadn’t enjoyed it and he didn’t want to do that again.

“How long do you have before you have to report in?”

“What?” Kylo rolled over so he could look at Hux, having no idea what he was talking about. Hux smiled slightly and Kylo felt his heart melting. He loved the way Hux looked with a smile, and he looked even better with his hair loose around his face. He just wanted to reach up and touch it, imagining how soft it would feel under his fingers.

“Your commanders in the Resistance will be expecting some kind of contact from you I imagine. When is your next scheduled report?”

“Uh,” Kylo had to think as all the details about his mission became unimportant as soon as he laid eyes on Hux. It felt like forever ago that he was on the Resistance base, leaving for the mission, but eventually the answer came to him. “Three days.”

“Well, you’re more than welcome to stay here for those three days,” Hux said. “We still have plenty to talk about. I’m sure you won’t be wanting sex again, but we could if you wanted to.”

Kylo blinked at Hux, needing a moment to process what he was offering. Three days with just the two of them together. And if Hux was going to be his usual self, then Kylo couldn’t say no. Hux was right that he really didn’t want to have sex again, but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to resist.

“It doesn’t have to be three days,” Kylo said. “They just said every three days was ideal. But they won’t care if I’m a few days late.” They probably wouldn’t care if he never reported in. Most of the Resistance would be glad to be free of him, but he knew that they would eventually send someone. They’d send Rey. She would be the only one capable of handling him if they suspect he’d gone back to the dark side.

“Best not to raise any suspicions, but we’ll see if we need more time.”

“Will… will you kiss me?” He felt stupid asking for something so simple, but it was one of those things that Kylo had missed most about Hux. He’d always liked the rare times when neither of them had anything else to do and they could just lay in bed, softly kissing each other.

“Do you want me to?” Kylo nodded and Hux smiled again before leaning down and giving him a soft kiss on the lips. He pulled away far too soon, but it made Kylo feel better. It was proof that the Hux he loved was still there.

“I brought some food back,” Hux said. “I know how hungry you can get.”

Kylo sat up with a smile. Even after so long, Hux was still the one person in the galaxy who knew him better than anyone. He’d known exactly what he would want before Kylo had even thought about it. Hux kissed him again and then stood up.

“I’ll bring it over. Wait here.”

Kylo did as he was told and watched as Hux went into the kitchen and he soon came back with two small trays. Hux handed one to Kylo before sitting down next to him. Kylo didn’t really care what the food was and he barely examined it before starting in. Whatever it was - some kind of meat with vegetables and noodles - it was pretty good and Kylo devoured it. 

When he went to put his empty container in the trash, he remembered that he was still completely naked. Not that he needed to worry about that with Hux. But when he returned to the bed, he picked up his pants and put them back on. When he sat back down next to Hux who was just finishing his meal, Kylo considered the possibility that Hux might have poisoned him. It was a ridiculous idea - if Hux wanted to kill him, there were probably easier ways - but he couldn’t help but think it. Although he seemed perfectly normal and happy now, he couldn’t help but think about earlier, when Hux had been a completely different person. Kylo had barely even recognized that Hux.

He still couldn’t resist putting his arms around him and holding him close. He’d missed that. Just sitting with Hux in his arms. It felt so right, especially when Hux relaxed against him. If it weren’t for the bruises and soreness across his body, he could have pretended that nothing had changed between them.

“What did you want to do?” Hux asked after a while. “We have a few days to kill.”

“This,” Kylo said, holding him just a little bit tighter. “Be with you.”

“Well, that’s easy enough.” Hux turned his head so he could give him a kiss.

The next few days seemed to pass far too quickly. Kylo spent most of the rest of that first day simply cuddling with Hux, not ready to do anything else. Then they had finally talked. Hux hadn’t apologized for hurting him, but Kylo could sense that he at least felt bad about it, and Kylo found that he could forgive him. They still had plenty of issues, but Kylo felt better about them and was even willing to try sex again.

He was too sore for Hux to fuck him again, but there were plenty of other things they both enjoyed. And each time, Hux was very gentle and caring with him, making sure he wasn’t hurting him. It was just like things used to be, and Kylo didn’t want it to end.

Kylo knew that at some point he would have to go back to the Resistance. He’d asked Hux once if he could go with him, but Hux told him very firmly that couldn’t happen. Kylo hadn’t asked again. Even knowing they would have to part ways, Kylo wasn’t ready for it to happen so abruptly. After three days of waking up in Hux’s arms, Kylo woke up alone.

“Hux?” he called out, but he could feel in the Force that the apartment was empty. He tried telling himself that he just stepped out and would be back soon, but deep down, he knew the truth. Hux was gone.

Kylo couldn’t help but cry knowing that Hux had left. He’d at least hoped to say goodbye, give him one last kiss. And he wanted one last chance to convince him to come with him. After things had been going so well, he really couldn’t believe that Hux would leave without a word. But he looked around the apartment and saw that all of his personal items were gone.

There was one thing that was out of place however. He walked into the kitchen and on the table, there was a comlink and a piece of flimsi with a note written across it. Kylo immediately recognized Hux’s terrible handwriting.

_Kylo -_  
I had to leave early this morning. I won’t be coming back to this planet, so don’t bother looking for me here. I would like to see you again, however. I trust you can keep that comlink secret from your handlers. I’ll contact you when I know of a safe place we can meet.  
A 

That note was the final proof that Hux had left him. He wiped away his tears before they could fall. He’d already cried over Hux too much. As much as he hated that Hux left, he at least had the comlink. Hux wanted to see him again. That was the best Kylo could really hope for since Hux was determined that they stay apart. He understood why Hux was reluctant to come with him, but Kylo saw no good reason he couldn’t join Hux’s crew.

It wasn’t worth worrying about. Hux was gone and Kylo had no idea when he’d see him again. But he did have a report to make. He was already late, although he knew that no one would really care. He was almost tempted to not call in. Maybe he could run off, start pirating for himself and maybe run into Hux that way.

Even as he thought about it, he knew it would never happen. He’d be too lonely on his own, not to mention there was a tracker aboard his ship. Eventually, someone would check up on him. And if he decided to become a pirate, they would send Rey after him. He had no desire to fight his sister again. 

Before leaving, he took one last look around the apartment, looking to see if Hux had left anything else behind. He would have loved to have some small thing that belonged to Hux, but he hadn’t had much to begin with, and it had all left with him. The only thing he was taking with him was the comlink, but at least it was the one thing that would allow him to talk to Hux again.

He headed back to his ship where he was immediately greeted by BB-9E, who demanded to know where he’d been and why he hadn’t reported back. Kylo very briefly explained, but the droid didn’t need to know the details. Seeing Niney also gave him an idea of how to hide the comlink, and he simply gave it to the astromech. He knew Niney wouldn’t give it to anyone but him, so it would be safe with him.

Once he knew the comlink was secure, he made his report to the Resistance, who didn’t seem at all concerned that he was late. He said that he had been following a lead and hadn’t been able to make it back to the ship - which wasn’t entirely a lie - but that he’d come up empty handed. He then informed them that he’d be looking into other activity on the planet to see if he could find any other leads. 

They bought his story and that meant Kylo had another several days to kill. Unfortunately, without Hux, those days were going to go by much slower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Detailed notes about the warnings:
> 
> Dubcon: Kylo and Hux engage in rough sex. There is no discussion beforehand and although Kylo does not ask Hux to stop, he does not enjoy it. Whether or not Hux knows or cares that he's hurting Kylo is unknown.
> 
> Emotional manipulation: A little less obvious, but after the rough sex, Hux is very nice to Kylo. It's from Kylo's POV so Hux's motivations aren't obvious, but you can kinda see that he was just doing that to make him stay and make sure he doesn't contact the Resistance.


	4. Chapter 4

The year since his mission to TT2-MVN23 had been much better for Kylo. Living with people who hated him was a little more tolerable when he could occasionally meet up with the one person he loved more than anything. He may not have earned Hux’s forgiveness in that year, but Kylo thought they were getting better.

The downside was that he was still living with the Resistance. As usual, Rey and their mother were the only people who regularly spoke to him, although there were definitely others who made the effort. Poe and Finn, of course, and sometimes Mitaka and the mechanic Rose as well. It was an odd group they made, but it was better than nothing. He hadn’t realized just how lonely he’d been, and although he would rather be with Hux, his Resistance friends really weren’t so bad.

He even considered them friends. Whether or not they felt the same about him was debatable, but at least they treated him like a regular person. That really was the best he could hope for. Better than he could hope for really, considering what he had put them through. If nothing else, they helped pass the time between Hux’s calls, where he would tell Kylo where to meet him.

It had been nearly two months since he last met up with Hux, and Kylo was hoping he would call soon. It very rarely took him more than two months to call. Spending more than a month on base always made him feel cooped up, and he had to do something to distract himself. More often than not, that meant lightsaber training.

Finn really had improved in the past year. He still hadn’t managed to win, but it was getting harder and harder for Kylo to maintain his winning streak. He’d even had to resort to dirty tricks several times, and Kylo knew the day was coming when Finn would win, no matter what he did. 

He was determined to have at least one more win, so he used the Force to push him off balance and then charged towards him, hoping that a quick attack might be enough to disorient him. He had no such luck. But he was close enough that he could kick Finn’s legs, and that knocked him to the ground.

Before Kylo could claim victory, he spun around sensing danger from behind him. He heard the blaster shot as he turned and he raised up a hand to stop it. Before he could figure out who was shooting at him, he felt his own legs being kicked out from under him. He fell to the ground and soon, Finn had his lightsaber in his hand.

“I win,” Finn said, grinning. 

Kylo frowned up at him as he sat up, then looked behind him to see who had interfered with their battle. Poe. That made sense of course. He was walking over to them, a huge smile on his face.

“It doesn’t count,” Kylo said, pulling his lightaber back from Finn. He stood up, ignoring Finn’s outstretched hand. “Using your boyfriend doesn’t count.”

“You’re the one who taught me to use whatever method I need to win,” Finn replied. “So it does count.”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m using my own skills. You’re using someone else. There’s a difference.”

“Aw, it’s okay,” Poe said as he reached them, immediately leaning on Finn. “Everyone has to lose sometime.”

“I didn’t lose.” Not wanting to continue that conversation, he stormed off. He didn’t get very far before he was knocked down with the Force and as he got back up, he turned to glare at Finn.

“Let’s go again,” Finn said. He walked over to him and Poe went with him. “I’ll beat you again.”

“So you can have him shoot me again?” Kylo shook his head. Even though they’d been getting along better, he wasn’t in the mood to put up with them. He’d much rather sit in his room and wait for Hux to call. And he was certain that call would be coming soon. He didn’t have time to waste by indulging Finn in an extra sparring match.

Finn didn’t seem to like his response and he shoved him, the action taking Kylo by surprise so he stumbled back a step. Before he could ask what he was doing, Finn pushed him again, but Kylo was ready for him that time and didn’t budge.

“C’mon, Kylo. We can do it no weapons if you want.”

“No.” Kylo knew Finn was just trying to provoke him, but he wasn’t going to play into it. Maybe before he’d started meeting up with Hux, being pushed would have been enough for him to push back, but Kylo just didn’t care. 

Once again, he tried to walk away, but before he got very far, Finn jumped on his back. At least, he thought it was Finn. When he noticed the sleeve of the arm around him, he realized it was Poe. 

“What are you doing?” Kylo growled as he tried to get Poe off of him. He could have used the Force to make him move, but that carried a risk of injuring Poe as well and he knew Rey would be angry if he did that.

Poe didn’t answer him and soon he was knocked to the ground once more as Finn took out his legs. The three of them ended up in a pile on the floor with Kylo underneath them. That’s when Kylo felt someone else entering the training room and he turned his head to see Rey walking in.

“What’s going on?” she asked as she approached them.

“Finn beat Kylo,” Poe said. “And he was very grumpy about it.”

“So you decided to sit on him?”

“Uh.” Poe got off of him and once he was up, it was easy enough to push Finn away. Soon, all three of them were on their feet.

“We didn’t want him going off alone and sulking,” Finn explained, then looked over at Kylo. “That is what you were going to do, right?”

Kylo didn’t bother responding to that, partially because Finn was right. He really just wanted to be around if Hux called, but he couldn’t tell anyone that. He couldn’t imagine any of them would understand about the secret he was keeping.

“Well anyway,” Rey said, looking at Kylo, “you’re wanted for the intelligence meeting. And afterwards, I was thinking you could join us. We’re going to town.”

Kylo almost agreed, as it would be nice to not be alone, but he was certain Hux would be calling soon and he wanted to be ready to go. It wasn’t that fun being out with Rey and her boyfriends anyway and Rey had probably only invited him to be nice. They’d have far more fun without him.

“No thanks,” he said, walking past her. Before leaving the training room, he turned back to look at Finn, who had an arm around Rey. “You didn’t win!”

“Go to your meeting!” Poe shouted back.

Kylo left without saying anything else, not wanting to waste anymore time. If they had sent Rey to get him, he was late. He either forgot about the meeting or they decided at the last minute that they wanted him there. His guess was that they forgot to tell him about it since most of the Resistance didn’t want to talk to him. Rey and her friends seemed to be the unusual ones in that they didn’t try avoiding him.

When he arrived in the meeting room, everyone was already there, including his mother and Mitaka. Everyone’s eyes were on him and he pulled a chair with the Force towards him and sat down, not caring that he wasn’t at the table. It wasn’t as if he needed to be at the table for any reason. Normally he would have sat near Mitaka since he was really the only one who seemed to tolerate him, but Mitaka was right next to Leia, and Kylo didn’t want to be too close to her. 

The meeting began shortly, with General Livia taking the lead as the head of the intelligence division. Most of what she said wasn’t too interesting, just rumors of supposed former First Order personnel. None of the places in question were places Kylo had met Hux, so he hoped that meant he was safe.

Finally, they got to the topic of known pirate groups, which was far more interesting to Kylo. If they had found Hux, Kylo might be able to warn him. And if not, then maybe he’d have something to do before Hux called. As they discussed the pirates, Mitaka gave background information on the ones whose names they knew, and offered his best guesses on the ones who were unknown. He did not guess Hux was among them.

“Have you received any new information from your contacts Ren?”

It took Kylo a moment to comprehend the question as he hadn’t been paying attention and it was rare for anyone to address him directly. Especially General Livia. Usually Leia was the only one who spoke to him. “Uh, no,” he said. “Nothing new.”

In order to sneak away to meet Hux, Kylo had made up a contact that was providing him information. No one had pressed too hard to learn this contact’s name or more about how Kylo knew them. In the year since, he’d made up what he thought was a good story, but no one had asked. He was more than happy to keep it that way.

New assignments were given out at the end of the meeting, although there was nothing for Kylo. They either didn’t have enough information or weren’t quite ready to move on some of their targets. But Kylo really didn’t mind. He knew Hux would contact him soon.

He was the first one out the door once the meeting was dismissed. He knew Leia wanted to talk to him, but he hated the way she always asked if he was alright. He knew she cared about him, but he hated how concerned she always was. As if she didn’t ask, he might fall to the dark side again.

Kylo’s plan was to escape to his room and hope that Hux had made contact, but he didn’t get too far when Rey blocked his path. He could have tried pushing her out of the way with the Force, but he didn’t want to start a fight. If she was determined to talk to him, he knew she would make him listen.

“You’re coming with us,” she said.

Before he could argue, Rey grabbed him by the arm and started pulling her along with him. She was clearly determined, but Kylo really didn’t want to waste time with her and her boyfriends. 

“I have plans,” Kylo said as she dragged him towards the hangar.

“Oh, really?” Rey stopped and looked at him. “What are you doing then?”

“I…” Kylo had to think quick, as he couldn’t say that he was going to sit in his room by himself and wait for Hux’s call. “I need to do some meditation.”

Rey frowned at him and for a brief moment, he thought she might be trying to read his mind. If she ever did, then he knew he could be in a lot of trouble. No one could know that he was in contact with Hux and that he had no intention of bringing him in. Besides his family, the others barely tolerated him as it was. Not that he would mind being kicked out, but he wasn’t certain if Hux would take him. And he didn’t want to be alone.

“You can meditate later,” she said, continuing to pull him down the hallway.

Kylo could have argued and refused to go with her, but he also knew that she was just trying to help. He didn’t need help, not from her, but it was nice that she was making the effort. It really wouldn’t be worth it to fight her on it. 

He soon found himself in the back of a speeder next to Finn. Poe was driving and they made the quick drive into town. Fortunately, they didn’t talk much on the way but Kylo didn’t think his luck would hold out there. Maybe they’d at least forget he was there so he wouldn’t have to talk to them. If he was really lucky, he might even be able to sneak away back to the base.

“We don’t have much in the way of plans,” Rey told him as they parked and got out of the speeder. “So if there’s somewhere you want to go, just let us know, okay?”

He managed to keep his mouth shut and not mention that he wanted to go back to his quarters and instead just nodded. As they walked around, Kylo tried not to worry about anyone in the town and whether or not they knew who he was. He had been the leader of the First Order, and even if that hadn’t lasted long, he knew it was possible someone might recognize him. Still, no one ran away in terror or even seemed to give him a second glance, so he hoped that he was fine. It probably helped that he was dressed like everyone else in town. And who would expect to see the former Supreme Leader on a planet that was so insignificant?

After walking around for a short while, Rey pulled them all into a restaurant, going on about how she’d been wanting to try it. Finn and Poe were quick to agree and although Kylo would have preferred eating on the base, he followed them without complaint. He didn’t plan on eating anyway.

They took a seat at a large table and they were soon brought a basket of bread. Kylo put his head down on the table, bored and hoping they would hurry and eat. But he knew they were having a good time and would want to make it last. Really, they should have left him at the base. He could only drag them down. Rey really shouldn’t have subjected herself to his company, no matter how much she wanted to be nice.

Kylo was pulled from those thoughts when he felt something touch the top of his head. He sat up, brushing away whatever it was and a piece of bread dropped to the table in front of him. For a moment, he was very confused as to how it got there since the others weren’t close enough to put it up there, but it didn’t take him long to realize Finn or Rey had done it with the Force.

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Rey asked.

“Not hungry,” he grumbled.

“Yes you are,” Rey insisted. The piece of bread hit him in the face and he scowled at her, but she didn’t stop. “I’ll have Finn and Poe hold you down to make you eat if I have to.”

Still scowling, he took the piece of bread and tore off a piece of it. He didn’t know why she was so insistent that he go out and then actually take part in their activities. Finn and Poe would have been happier to leave him behind. But he was stuck with them and he didn’t doubt that Rey would make good on her threat.

Soon, they were joined by Rose and Mitaka. Kylo wasn’t sure if that was better or worse to have more people there, but at least it wasn’t like he was just the extra person tagging along on a date anymore. He glanced over at Rose and Mitaka, wondering if maybe they were dating. They did arrive together and it wasn’t as if he paid them that much attention. And he didn’t care enough to ask, so he just continued picking apart his bread.

He tried to not order anything to eat, but Rey ordered for him. When it came, Kylo’s plan was to simply push it around the plate a little and not eat it, but it did smell really good and he eventually tried a bite. As soon as he tried it, he found that he agreed with the others who were also enjoying their meals.

“See?” Rey said, lightly kicking Kylo under the table. “It wasn’t too bad, was it?”

Kylo only grunted, not wanting to disagree with her. It really wasn’t where he wanted to be, but the food was good. And it was nice to get out. Still he hoped that would be the end of their excursion into town. Unfortunately, after they left the restaurant, they did not head back to the speeder.

“Where are we going now?” Kylo asked, trying not to sound like he was whining.

“We always just walk around town for a bit,” Rey said. “Just looking around and seeing if there’s anything interesting.”

“More like seeing what restaurant she wants to try next,” Poe said.

“Hey, when you live on a nowhere planet with the same thing to eat everyday, trying new food is the best.”

“She’s right,” Finn agreed. “After nothing but First Order rations, this is amazing. Right, Mitaka?”

“Definitely,” Mitaka said. “You probably got better stuff though, didn’t you Kylo?”

“Uh,” Kylo had to think back. Eating was something that he did only out of necessity and he hadn’t really paid much attention to what he was eating. “Not really. Or maybe the two of you had even worse than I did.”

They joked a little more about First Order rations as they made their way around town. Every now and then, they’d stop in a shop, but Kylo wasn’t too interested in buying anything. The few things that he needed were provided by the Resistance. But as the others were running around a sweet shop, Kylo noticed a familiar container in a store across the street.

Seeing that the others were distracted, he quietly slipped over into the other store and saw the familiar tin of tarine tea. It looked a little different than the exact one that Hux used to drink, but he thought he might appreciate it anyway. He’d mentioned before how hard it was to come by while living the life of a pirate. Maybe it would help soften him up.

Somehow, Kylo doubted it would do much to make Hux forgive him, but he found himself buying it anyway. He wanted to make Hux happy, no matter what. When he went to pay, he realized he might have a problem. He did have a small allowance of credits to be used on missions, but he didn’t know if it would be a problem for him to buy tea with it. Not having any other way to pay, he simply used his mission credits. If someone in the Resistance had a problem with it, they probably wouldn’t even tell him anyway.

Once he’d finished his purchase, he went back across the street but didn’t go back in the store with the others. It was too brightly lit in there for him anyway. He wasn’t out there long when Rey walked out and stood beside him.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “I know you hate it when anyone asks you that, but you also never give an honest answer. So we’re going to keep asking.”

“You don’t want to know,” Kylo said, shaking his head.

“Yes I do. Try me.”

“I… don’t think this is where I’m supposed to be. I don’t know if what I’ve done is right. To the First Order. I listened to a ghost who then abandoned me and because of that, I’ve destroyed everything. It feels like I’ve betrayed the people who… relied on me. And this is all I’ve gotten out of it.”

“You did the right thing,” Rey said softly.

“How do you know? How is the Republic any better than the Order? Maybe I destroyed the wrong fleet.”

“You know that’s not true. Mom and I both know you’re not happy here. But we don’t know how to help. We want to, but you don’t let anyone in. The others are willing to give you a chance too. But keeping to yourself. It scares people. Just let people see that you’re not who they think you are.”

Kylo sighed. He knew Rey was right, but her advice wouldn’t help with his main problem - Hux. It wasn’t something he could tell her. That he didn’t really care about fitting in with the Resistance. He just wanted to be with Hux. But he knew he should at least try. For Rey’s sake. And Leia’s. He could at least make it so they weren’t constantly worrying about him. If there was one thing he didn’t regret, it was the fact that he still had two living family members.

“I’m sure things will get better. You just need to actually give us a chance.”

A smile crept across Kylo’s face. After all she’d been through, it always shocked him how optimistic his sister could be. She should hate him after all he’d done, but she’d been the first to forgive him. For her, Kylo wanted to do better.

“So what’d you buy?” 

“Nothing,” he muttered. As soon as he said that, he felt the bag with the tea in it being pulled from his hand. He tightened his grip, not wanting her to take it. She wasn’t trying very hard and soon released it.

“You’re no fun,” she grumbled. “Must be super embarrassing.”

“It is.” He’d much rather that she think he had some kind of sex toy instead of what it really was. He was saved from any additional discussion when the others came out of the store. Finn and Poe immediately went to Rey’s side, each of them kissing her. 

“Gross,” Kylo muttered underneath his breath.

“It’s not like you’ve never kissed anyone before,” Poe said.

“How would you know that?” Finn asked. “Who would kiss him?”

Rey elbowed Finn and at the same time, he saw Poe’s face turning red and he was certain that his was doing the same. He couldn’t look at Poe or anyone else, so he started walking away. Before too long he heard laughter and the others excitedly asking Poe if it was true. Kylo just wanted to find somewhere and hide. He didn’t want to talk about his current love life - even if it had been possible - and he certainly didn’t want to talk about anything he had done as a teenager.

“Hey, Kylo!” Poe called after him. He stopped but didn’t turn around. Poe came and stood next to him. “Sorry about the laughing. I think they’re just surprised. I never told anyone about the two of us. I suppose I should have.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kylo muttered.

“Yeah it does. You’re upset by it. They know now. We’ll never bring it up again. So don’t leave, okay?”

“Leave?”

“Yeah, it looked like you were about ready to walk back to the base. Don’t. Stay with us and try to have a good time.”

Kylo nodded in agreement. He hadn’t planned on walking back - he just wanted to put a little distance between him and the others. But now the secret was out and hopefully Poe was right and no one would mention it again. 

The rest of the night did go well at least. No more embarrassing stories from his past were brought up and they just walked around, talking. Remembering that he wanted to actually try to fit in, Kylo even tried engaging in conversation. He wasn’t good at it, and the others usually didn’t talk to him for too long, but he was trying.

By the time they returned to the base, Kylo wanted to do nothing more than return to his quarters and fall asleep. He didn’t even think that he would bother changing out of his clothes. When he made it back, he did just that and fell on his bed, but before he could go to sleep, he realized Niney was beeping at him.

“What?” he groaned, having not paid attention to the droid.

Niney quickly repeated his message and Kylo sat up quickly, suddenly very much awake. Hux had left a message telling Kylo where to meet him. He was glad he hadn’t taken any of his clothes off - not even his boots - because he could walk right back out the door. The only thing he grabbed was the bag holding the tea.

“Let’s go,” he said to Niney. It was late enough that there weren’t too many people wandering the corridors, and those that were there were not about to get in his way. Sometimes, being hated and feared really had its advantages.

He boarded the shuttle and immediately requested clearance for takeoff. There was a delay - not even half a minute - and Kylo was already considering taking off without permission. The flight control officer asked him to hold for a moment, and Kylo nearly chewed her out. He didn’t have time, because almost immediately, General Livia commed him, asking about his reason for the sudden departure.

“My contact has information,” Kylo said. “I need to go.” He’d always been vague about his mysterious contact, never giving anymore information than necessary. So far, no one had questioned him, but that was likely because he always had something to show for his behavior.

The general granted him permission to leave with the instruction that he contact her as soon as possible. With any luck, Hux would keep him busy for a week. He’d done so before and there had been no complaints about lack of communication. It made Kylo wonder just how long he could go without contacting the Resistance.

There were more important things on his mind than the Resistance - specifically, he could only think about Hux. He punched in the coordinates Hux provided him and soon he was on his way with nothing to do but wait. He showered quickly and changed into fresh clothes, then returned to the cockpit, but he still had over two hours to go.

He tried sleeping, but he found he couldn’t do that when he knew he’d be seeing Hux so soon. Maybe Hux would let him hold him and he could fall asleep that way. Kylo smiled at the idea, wanting nothing more than to wrap himself around Hux. Sometimes, when he was in a good mood, Hux allowed such affection. More often than not, they simply fucked.

When he finally arrived, Kylo landed where Hux told him to and then nearly rushed off his shuttle without Hux’s gift, but Niney reminded him. Tea in hand, Kylo made his way to the hotel where Hux had a room. He knocked on the door, but Hux didn’t answer right away. At first, Kylo started to worry he was at the wrong door, but then he also considered that something terrible might have happened to Hux.

He was about to reach out with the Force to see if he could feel Hux’s presence, but then the door opened. Filled with a sense of relief at seeing Hux, Kylo pushed inside and pulled Hux into his arms.

“It hasn’t been that long,” Hux said, pushing Kylo away. “Although I did suspect you might have taken longer to get here since you didn’t answer my call. Had better things to do, I assume.”

“No, of course not,” Kylo said. “My… they made me go out with them.”

“Oh, really? They made you? There was absolutely nothing you, with all your power, could have done to avoid it?”

“It’s not like that,” Kylo grumbled, hating that they were getting off to a poor start already. “Look, I… I got you something.”

Remembering the gift, he held the bag out to Hux. He took it, giving Kylo a curious look before opening it. He smiled as he opened the bag, and then he went and put it down on a table. By the time he’d returned, the smile was gone.

“Thank you,” he said, walking back over to him. “That was actually quite thoughtful. I suppose you deserve a reward.”

Hux put a hand on his cheek and Kylo couldn’t help but lean into the touch. The soft touches were so rare and Kylo cherished every single one. It ended all too soon and Hux pulled away and went to sit on the bed. Kylo followed him, kneeling on the floor in front of him. He reached up and undid his pants, pulling them down. Hux kicked them off and Kylo kissed the inside of his thighs. 

“What do you want?” Kylo asked, his tongue flicking out over his balls.

“Anything,” Hux said.

The last time Hux let him make such a choice, the First Order had still existed. Anymore, Hux simply told Kylo what he wanted and Kylo was always more than happy to comply. Now, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. He wanted to put his mouth over every single part of Hux. As he sucked one of his balls into his mouth, he realized there was no reason he couldn’t do just that.

He sucked at each of Hux’s balls, practically drooling all over them and enjoying Hux’s small moans of pleasure. From there, he moved up, licking a stripe up his cock, but then he went back down. He pushed Hux up a bit, and he laid down, allowing Kylo to lift his legs up so they were resting on his shoulders. He lapped at his perineum and then moved down to his hole, eagerly licking all around him.

Hux always loved having his ass eaten and Kylo loved doing it. Since they’d been reunited, Hux had only allowed it a few times, and Kylo was more than happy to have the opportunity. He pushed his tongue inside of him, eliciting a loud gasp from Hux. Wanting to go deeper, he slowly pushed a finger inside as well. He reached up with his other hand, stroking Hux’s cock. He’d barely started when Hux cried out.

“Fuck! Kylo!” Hux shuddered around Kylo and after giving his hole a last few licks, he lifted his head to see that Hux had come all over his stomach. He froze, struck by how beautiful Hux looked like that. His shirt bunched under his arms, covered in his own come and panting. 

“I didn’t even get to suck your cock,” Kylo whined as he started to crawl up. He’d planned on doing just that, but Hux had come far too soon. But that didn’t mean there weren’t other things he could do to Hux.

He put the head of his softening cock inside his mouth but kept moving. He kissed and licked all across Hux’s stomach, cleaning his come off of him. Even after he was clean, Kylo continued, enjoying the taste of Hux too much to stop. He kissed all the way up to his chest, but Hux stopped him before he could get to his nipples.

“Lay down,” Hux said. Kylo quickly followed orders, laying on his back. Hux put a leg over Kylo, straddling his legs and opened up his pants just enough to pull out his hard cock. 

“You know,” Hux said, as he started to stroke him, “I’ve been thinking I’d like to ride this cock. What do you think, Kylo?”

“Yes,” he groaned. Kylo asked before about fucking Hux, but Hux had refused. He hadn’t asked again, assuming that he’d always be bottoming for Hux from that point forward. He didn’t mind, although he had liked it when they switched. Even at the beginning of their relationship, they had switched. It was strange to only bottom, but Kylo wasn’t about to complain. He just wanted Hux to touch him. The thought of being inside Hux was enough to get him close to the edge and with only a few more strokes, he finally came.

“Looks like that might have to wait, though,” Hux said. He settled down on top of his legs. “In the meantime, I suppose I can tell you about your next target.”

“Do we need to talk about that now?”

“Might as well get it over with now.”

Kylo sighed. Hux almost always wanted to discuss business immediately. Kylo never saw any reason to do so. He could simply give him the information he needed when they parted ways. Every time they met, Hux would let him know of another former First Order officer to take in. For the most part, they were rival pirates or people that Hux just didn’t like. But it wasn’t as if Kylo would act on that information until Hux left. Until then, the only thing he cared about was being with Hux.

He reached up and grabbed Hux’s arm, pulling him down on top of him. Hux started to pull away, but Kylo held on to him and Hux soon relaxed on top of him.

“I just want to hold you,” Kylo said. 

“You could hold me and listen at the same time.”

“No.”

“Five minutes.”

That wasn’t nearly long enough for Kylo, but he didn’t try to push for more. If he had his way, he’d never let go of Hux. But he’d take whatever time Hux allowed him. Kylo had no idea how long they laid together, but Hux eventually slid out of his arms and got off the bed. Kylo still could have pulled him back using the Force, but Hux was never happy about him using his powers on him.

“Nocab Haen,” Hux said. “Former First Order captain. He’s running a small crew that’s just set up temporary headquarters here. He should be a decent enough target to give to your handlers.”

“Yeah, probably,” Kylo said, not really caring much about the man. Hux was still in front of him and his shirt wasn’t long enough to cover his ass, giving Kylo a nice view as he headed to the refresher.

Kylo followed Hux, pulling him into a kiss. Hux leaned into it, pushing against Kylo until he was against a wall. He then pulled away, walked into the refresher and closed the door before Kylo could try following him again. 

He wasn’t angry, or at least, Kylo couldn’t sense any anger coming from him. In the year that they’d been seeing each other in secret, his anger had been waning, although it hadn’t completely disappeared. It almost made Kylo think that he might forgive him enough to let him go with him someday.

When Hux came out of the refresher, he was completely naked and Kylo couldn’t help but stare as he walked back over to the bed. He laid down, stretching himself out across the bed and Kylo needed to get closer to him. Before he could join him, Hux lifted a foot and pressed it against his abdomen.

“Take your clothes off.”

Kylo was happy to do so and once he’d stripped, Hux allowed him to crawl into bed next to him. They didn’t speak, and Kylo idly stroked a hand across Hux’s chest and then down his abdomen, enjoying his soft skin. He didn’t touch him much lower than his belly button and then he’d move back to his chest.

Eventually, Kylo decided that touching Hux wasn’t enough. He needed to taste him. He kept his hand on him, but he moved so he could kiss him as well. Kylo kissed his way up from his nipple to his neck, and finally, to his mouth. As he moved up, he crawled more and more on top of Hux until he was lightly covering his body with his. Hux put his hands on either side of his head, kissing him back, and for a brief moment, Kylo felt like everything was all right.

He felt his cock starting to fill out, and Hux’s as well. Hux wrapped his legs around his waist and Kylo knew what he was about to do. He relaxed, ready to let Hux do whatever he needed. Soon, he found that they were flipped - Kylo was on his back and Hux was sitting on top of him.

Hux reached behind himself, putting his hand on Kylo’s cock. He then reached to the side and Kylo tried to follow what he was doing. He couldn’t see, but soon, he saw Hux had a familiar bottle in hand. That meant one of them was getting fucked. The hand disappeared from his cock, but he was soon treated to a sight that was better - and one that came with a promise.

Kylo watched as Hux pushed a finger into himself, or at least, he assumed that’s what he was doing based on the sound he made. He reached up, putting a hand on Hux’s ass, wanting to help. But Hux jerked away as a finger drifted towards his hole.

“I’m more than capable of opening myself up,” Hux said. 

“I want to,” Kylo whined. 

“No. I want to take my time with this. See how desperate I can get you.”

Kylo groaned, knowing that Hux meant it. He was tempted to stroke his cock, to at least do something, but he knew Hux wouldn’t allow it. Instead he had to settle for touching Hux. That wasn’t enough at the moment and he soon pulled Hux’s head down, needing to kiss him. If he couldn’t put his finger in his ass, he could settle for his tongue in his mouth.

Eventually, Hux settled down against Kylo, rutting against him. It had the added benefit of also giving Kylo’s cock the friction he so desperately wanted. He couldn’t help himself and he had to push his hips upwards, needing more. As soon as he did so, Hux pulled away from him, sitting on his stomach.

“If you’re going to act like that, I can finish in the refresher,” Hux said.

Kylo put his hands on Hux’s legs, wanting to hold him in place in case he planned on making good on that threat. But he still had a hand behind him and he had a smirk on his face.

“The look on your face,” Hux said with a quick laugh. “I think I almost broke your heart!”

 _“You’ve done that already.”_ Kylo kept that thought to himself, not wanting to interrupt. It would be a pointless conversation anyway and in the end, Kylo knew that Hux would leave once more, just like he always did. But he would take as much as Hux was willing to give him.

After what felt like an eternity, Hux put a hand on his cock, holding it as he slowly neared it. Kylo whined as Hux held himself right at the tip of his cock, so close. But he didn’t sink down on it like Kylo expected. Instead he simply rubbed his ass all over him.

“Hux,” Kylo whined at him, not sure how much longer he could take being teased. “Please. I want to fuck you.”

“I’m still thinking about jerking off instead,” Hux said, but even as he said that, he was lining Kylo’s cock up once more. Instead of teasing him, he started to push himself down and Kylo couldn’t help but gasp as his cock was slowly enveloped in Hux’s heat.

“I really have missed this,” Hux said once he was fully seated. He leaned forward, placing his hands on Kylo’s chest, fingers brushing against his nipples. “These too.”

He finally started to move, and Kylo was happy to just let Hux ride him for a little bit. He’d missed the way Hux felt around him, and he wanted it to last as long as possible. He already felt close to coming before Hux even put his cock inside, and now, he was doing everything he could to make sure he didn’t come too soon. At the very least, he wanted Hux to go first.

Wanting to help make that happen, Kylo reached for Hux’s cock and started stroking him as fast as he could, hoping Hux was as close as he was. It seemed like he was because soon, he was clenching around him while coating his chest and stomach with come. That was more than enough to push Kylo over the edge as well, and he thrust up into Hux as he filled him.

Hux dropped down on top of Kylo, resting on top of his chest while Kylo draped an arm around him. Neither of them moved or spoke until Hux’s breathing finally started to even out. He stayed on top of him, only moving enough to kiss him. 

When Hux pulled off of him, he didn’t go to the refresher like Kylo expected. Instead, he turned around, giving Kylo a nice view of Hux’s ass, dripping with his come. Kylo didn’t know immediately why Hux was showing him that, but as he pushed closer to his face, it wasn’t hard to figure out. He licked around the outside, cleaning everything that had already dripped out and then focused on cleaning the inside. The entire time, Hux whispered soft praises, which only spurred Kylo to do a better, more thorough job. He had no intention of stopping either, not until Hux finally moved away from him.

Hux climbed off of him and off the bed and then grabbed his wrist. A gentle tug was all it took for Kylo to get up as well and Hux led him to the refresher. They barely spoke as they showered, but Kylo did enjoy many more kisses. 

“I can’t stay long,” Hux said once they were out of the refresher and sitting back on the bed. “Another ten hours at the most, and that’s pushing it.”

“That’s not long enough.” Kylo laid down next to him, his head resting against Hux’s thigh.

“It’s plenty of time for a nap, another fuck, and for me to help you find your target. Maybe more sex too, if we’re fast. I have other things I need to do.”

Kylo hated that he wasn’t a priority for Hux. He never really was, but with the First Order, Hux had always seemed to make time for him. Now, Kylo felt like he wasn’t even important to Hux. But then, he was running a gang of pirates. It probably did take quite a bit of effort to do so, and Hux’s survival depended on it going well. Or so Kylo assumed. Hux never spoke much about his new life.

“How are you doing?” Kylo asked. He did want to know things about Hux’s life, but he’d never asked before.

“Well, I just had a decent fucking and would like to sleep for an hour or so, but someone is asking stupid questions.”

“Decent?” It had been better than just decent, but that Kylo wasn’t about to get caught up on that. “You never talk about anything. I want to know how you’re doing.”

“I’m afraid there’s not much I can tell you, Kylo. You haven’t turned me into the Resistance yet, but you also know so very little about my operation. I’d like to keep it that way. Just to be safe.”

“Then tell me something that doesn’t give anything away. Please, Hux. Just tell me one thing about your life.”

Hux didn’t answer for a few moments and Kylo thought that would be the end of it - Hux would refuse to answer and if Kylo pressed, he’d get mad and kick him out. It would be better to just remain silent. At least he could still be next to Hux, even if he wouldn’t speak to him.

“I was on this moon a few weeks ago,” Hux said, and Kylo looked up at him, a smile starting to form. “The skies were purple and the soil was bright blue. The plants were all red and pink. It was really obnoxious and an eyesore. I think you would have liked it.”

Kylo was grinning by the time Hux finished talking. It really did sound like a little too much on the eyes, but he was glad Hux shared that with him and he wouldn’t have been opposed to visiting that moon someday, although he didn’t think Hux would be willing to tell him where it was.

“Thank you,” he said softly as he moved to Hux into a hug. “I miss talking to you.”

“As if we ever did much talking,” Hux snorted. “But this is nice.” Hux started to stroke Kylo’s hair, and Kylo found himself bury his face against him.

“There’s no reason it has to end,” Kylo murmured. He knew Hux didn’t like it when he suggested that he go with him, but he wondered if he’d finally had enough time to really think about it. “I could go with you. Or you could come with me.”

“I’ve told you,” Hux said, pushing away from him. “That can’t happen.”

“Why not?”

“I still can’t trust you, Kylo.” Despite his words, he placed a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. “Someday, perhaps I can let you come with me, but the risk is too great.”

“What risk? If I’m with you, it’s not like I’d be telling anyone where to find us.”

“Wouldn’t you? Last time we were together, you destroyed the First Order. It’s going to take a while for me to get over that.”

Kylo knew that Hux was still not happy about his decision, but he’d felt in the Force that he wasn’t nearly as angry about it as he used to be. He hadn’t felt that anger in a while. But he was using that as an excuse. Because he was keeping something from him.

“What are you hiding?” He knew that Hux wouldn’t give him an answer, but he could see a slight nervous twitch. Most others might have missed it, but Kylo didn’t. Hux was definitely hiding something.

“Nothing,” he said. “If you’d like, you’re free to read my mind.”

It was tempting for a moment, but Kylo shook his head. He knew that Hux didn’t mean that. He hated when Kylo used the Force on him in any way, and he’d made a promise a long time ago that he’d never use his abilities to invade his mind. It was a promise Kylo intended to keep.

“Well, then, if you’re not going to do that, do you think I might have that nap now? Or would you prefer to keep pestering me with questions?”

“Sorry,” he muttered. “Can I stay with you?”

“Of course,” Hux said, giving Kylo a gentle push. That was all it took for him to fall onto the bed. “I haven’t kicked you out yet, have I?”

Hux settled down next to him wrapping an arm around him. Kylo always enjoyed it when Hux held him, possibly even more than he liked to hold Hux. He very quickly snuggled up against him, trying to make himself as small as possible so he’d fit better against Hux. 

Like Hux said, they really didn’t have time for much. After their nap, they fucked again, cleaned up and then went in search of the target that Kylo would need to take back to the Resistance. He would have liked to skip that step, but he couldn’t let anyone get suspicious about where he disappeared too. 

It took a few hours to locate Captain Haen and then follow him until he was somewhere easy to grab. But at least after that, the actual capture was easy. Kylo was able to freeze him with the Force and then take him on board his ship. By the time that was done, Hux had to leave so he could make it back to his ship on time, and he refused Kylo’s offer to drop him off.

Still, Kylo managed to convince Hux to let him give him a blowjob before he left. Separating again was always the hardest part, but it was a little easier when Hux gave him a goodbye kiss, which he did. 

With Hux gone, Kylo had nothing else to do but deliver his pirate back to the Resistance. The journey back felt much longer than it had when he was heading towards Hux, but perhaps it was just the fact that he really didn’t have anything to look forward to. Hux was off being a pirate and doing his thing, and Kylo would be stuck with the Resistance. They were nice enough, but Kylo didn’t love them. Not like he loved Hux.

He remembered his promise to Rey, that he would actually try to be a normal person and get along with people. It sounded like it would be a miserable time, but he really did care about his sister. After everything he’d done, the least he could do was make it so she didn’t constantly worry about him.

As he came in to land, he informed the base that he had a prisoner. He didn’t want to deal with his former underlings anymore than he had to, and he always let the Resistance escort them off his ship. What they did was none of his business. As they took Haen away, he heard him shouting. About Hux. 

He was going on and on about how Hux had set him up and that it was Hux who had lured Kylo to him. He didn’t hear the rest as he was soon out of earshot and he didn’t want to appear too interested. But he knew that was likely going to be a problem. But it would be something he could worry about later.

Usually after coming back from a mission, Kylo liked to go into his quarters and sleep or at least stare at the ceiling for a few hours. He’d taken the nap with Hux and dozed a little while traveling back to the Resistance, so it wasn’t like he needed to sleep. Instead, he decided he’d make good on that promise to Rey.

Unfortunately for him, he had no idea what other people did in their down time besides eat or sleep. He wasn’t that hungry, but it was the only thing he could think of, so he went to the mess hall, which was more crowded than usual. He checked the time and realized it was one of those times it normally was a bit more crowded. Ignoring the fact that people were staring at him, he went and got a small plate of food, not even caring what it was.

He was very tempted to take the food and disappear, but he knew he had to stop avoiding everyone. And they needed to stop treating him like he was two seconds away from going on a rampage and killing them all. Rey was right - he did need to act like a normal person in front of others. Kylo found a section of seating that wasn’t crowded and sat down, trying not to notice that those closest to him were eating much quicker than before.

No one actually fled, so that was something. When he’d first arrived, people would leave the room if he walked in. That was when Kylo had stopped trying with anyone. Once he’d finished eating, he’d had a small area of the mess hall all to himself. He cleaned up and then went walking around the base, not sure what else to do or how long he should spend away from his quarters.

When he first arrived on the base, he’d been shown around and knew there was a lounge with games and other entertainment, but he knew there would be other people there and that they wouldn’t want him around. He really didn’t want to sit in there by himself. There was also the fitness room, which seemed like a good idea, but Kylo didn’t want to change clothes. 

Instead of going anywhere, he found himself wandering into an unused area of the base. There were several rooms that seemed to just be storage areas. Kylo didn’t have any reason to look through anything but he found himself going through things anyway. It didn’t take long for him to determine that the supplies had been there before the Resistance moved in. They might be using some fairly outdated equipment, but what he found in storage was even older.

Most of it wasn’t too interesting and he ignored most of what he found. But then he found several pads of paper and writing utensils. He smiled as he held a pen in his hand. He’d had no need to write anything in the First Order, as everything was done electronically. It hadn’t been his favorite activity when he was younger, but now he realized he’d missed holding a pen. He took a pad of paper and then left the storage area.

Eventually, he made his way to the hangar, and he sat down out of the way on top of a large tool box. Now that he was sitting with his paper and pen, he realized he didn’t have anything to actually write. The only thing he could think of was to write something for Hux, but he couldn’t risk anyone else seeing that. Instead, he did exactly what Ben Solo did when he was bored with lessons as a child - he drew pictures.

He’d always liked drawing - another thing that he hadn’t had time for in the First Order - and he was fairly good at it. He used to draw out imaginary battles with Jedi fighting against some evil monsters. That sort of thing no longer interested him, but he did find himself drawing his TIE Silencer. It was sitting in the hangar in front of him, so it was the easiest thing to draw.

After he finished that, he saw BB-8 near Poe’s X-wing. He started a new drawing, this one of Niney. He was nearly finished with Niney himself came rolling over towards him. He beeped at him, informing him that Leia was looking for him. Kylo almost asked Niney to not tell anyone where he was, but he knew that she’d start worrying if he couldn’t be found. It’d be better to just get things over with.

He walked with Niney down to the command center. From what Niney said, he thought that it would just be Leia wanting to talk to him, but Rey, Mitaka, General Livia, and two other officers were there as well. 

“Kylo, we have some concerns,” Leia said. “We’ve finished our initial interview with Nocab Haen.” She nodded to General Livia, and the other woman continued.

“According to him, you’ve been picking up a lot of members of small pirate crews,” she said. “These smaller crews have all been operating near a much larger one. One we’d be very interested in bringing in, although your mysterious contact seems to have no leads on them. Do you want to know what Haen thinks about all this?”

“I don’t really care,” Kylo grumbled.

“He says that you’re working with the leader of the other pirates, a former close associate of yours. Armitage Hux. His story is that Hux is using you to take out his competitors.”

Kylo didn’t say anything. He knew that was exactly what Hux was doing, and it made him wonder if that was Hux’s only motivation for seeing him. It would explain why Hux refused to let him go with him and why he really only seemed interested in sex. He didn’t want to believe that.

“Kylo?” Leia called, getting his attention. “Do you have anything to say about that?”

“About what? It’s a ridiculous idea. There’s nothing to say about it.”

“Can you tell us anything about your contact?” Livia asked. 

“No.” When he’d first mentioned that he had a contact, he’d insisted on protecting every single detail. They’d accepted it then, but he worried they might push harder for something. “If they find out I’ve said anything, they won’t help.”

“And you haven’t had any contact with Hux?” Leia asked.

Kylo shook his head and glanced at Mitaka. He wanted to tell everyone that he and Hux had never gotten along. It was fairly common knowledge in the First Order and Finn could have confirmed that. But in the last few months, they had been more open about their relationship. And Mitaka had accidentally caught them in a compromising position. He’d know the truth and Kylo suspected he’d already mentioned it to the Resistance.

“Why are you giving what this guy says any thought? He’s probably just trying to get out of trouble.”

“It hasn’t just been him,” Livia said. “Others have also mentioned that Hux has set them up. And all of those have been people you’ve brought in using intelligence from your contact. It is a little suspicious.”

“I don’t know anything,” Kylo said, glad he was talking to Livia and not his mother. It was easier to lie to her and if needed, he could even try influencing her mind. It might be hard with Leia and Rey there, but maybe they wouldn’t notice.

No one said anything for several moments. Kylo worried that they were going to press him more. He knew there was nothing they could do to make him talk, but he glanced to Rey. She’d managed to break into his mind before and he didn’t doubt she could do it again. He just wasn’t certain if she would. 

“We have other things we need to discuss as well,” said one of the other officers. Kylo had no idea who he was. He’d seen him around before, but he’d never been around while he was being briefed. The only thing Kylo could assume was that he probably wasn’t in the intelligence division.

“Yes,” Leia agreed. “The most important thing we need to figure out is a mobile headquarters. The ships we have now are too old and too small and the Republic can’t afford to spare a capital ship for us. So. Does anyone have any ideas?”

The others were discussing where they might find a ship large enough for their needs. Kylo was going to ask if he could leave, as usually, they didn’t talk to him about anything besides his missions, but before he did, he realized he had a solution to their problem. The only question was, did he want to help?

It really wouldn’t matter if he helped them out, and he knew it would make his family happy. And maybe they’d forget about the Hux thing. But something about the idea of them using his old home didn’t quite sit well with him. He knew Hux would be pissed if he ever found out. Still, the idea of making Rey happy was enough to make him speak up. 

“I know a ship,” Kylo said. Everyone stopped and looked at him.

“What do you mean?” Leia asked.

“When I destroyed the fleet. I left one ship. And I know where it is. I can bring it back.”

“I’m sorry. What?” This came from the other unknown officer, a Bothan. “You’ve just kept a ship hidden and you’re just telling us now?”

“It’s okay,” Leia said, but Kylo could tell that the others were all equally upset by the revelation. Kylo didn’t feel like explaining, not to the whole group. “If you can bring it back and would be willing to let us use it, we would be very grateful, Kylo.”

He nodded. He’d already made the decision that he would let the Resistance use the _Finalizer_ before he brought it up. Now he just had to go through with it. It would be nice to see his old ship again, although he wished he would be able to control who would be on it.

“We’ll organize a team to help you recover it,” Leia said.

“I’ll go,” Rey volunteered.

“No.” Kylo couldn’t bring anyone with him. The ship meant a lot to him and he wanted to delay the Resistance coming on board. And he wanted to see it as it should be one last time. “I’ll bring it in myself.”

“Kylo,” Rey started.

“I go alone or I don’t bring it back,” he said, not letting her try to reason with him. He wouldn’t be convinced to change his mind.

“That’s fine,” Leia said. “When do you plan on leaving and how long will it take you?”

“It might take a week,” he said. Really, it should only take a day, but they didn’t have to know that. “I’ll leave immediately.”

“Thank you, Kylo,” Leia said with a smile.

Now that he had a perfect excuse to leave, he took off, not caring about the rest of their meeting. He had to make a few preparations before he left and he made his way back to his quarters and took a quick shower and changed clothes. He hadn’t done that since returning from his previous mission.

He really wouldn’t need to take much with him. Once he made it to the _Finalizer_ he would have everything he needed. Still, he packed a bag with a few ration bars on the off chance all the food on board had gone bad.

Once that was done, he made his way to the hangar. He thought about taking his shuttle as it had more space, but the _Finalizer_ had automated defenses and Kylo wasn’t sure if they were still active. Niney would probably be able to deactivate them remotely, but it would be easier if he took the Silencer.

Niney was already waiting for him in the hangar but the droid wasn’t the only one. Standing next to him was Rey. Wanting to pretend her presence was just a coincidence, Kylo headed for his ship, but as expected, she stood in his way.

“You’re up to something,” she said.

“I’m bringing a ship back. Just like I said.”

“Not about that. When they were talking about the pirates and Hux. You know something. You’re hiding something.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. I know it. Mom knows it. But she says we should trust you to do the right thing. I just want you to know that we know.”

Kylo stared at her for a moment, wondering if that was a threat. Knowing Rey, it probably was. But he wasn’t going to do anything that would upset the Resistance. And as far as Hux was concerned, Kylo had no intention of ever letting anyone else know, so it wouldn’t become an issue. Not unless she read his mind.

He had his doubts that she would actually try, but that wasn’t important at the moment. He needed to get back to his ship. Rey got out of his way, letting him and Niney access the Silencer, and soon, they were on their way.


	5. Chapter 5

Kylo stared at the _Finalizer_ when he came out of hyperspace, relieved to see it was right where he left it. It looked as fearsome as ever, despite drifting in space for nearly two years. That ship had been his home for years and although his time in the First Order hadn’t been pleasant, most of the good times had been on board the _Finalizer_. With Hux.

He really didn’t want to be distracted with thoughts of Hux, although he knew it was inevitable. He was taking back Hux’s ship after all. They might have officially been co-commanders for most of their time together, but the _Finalizer_ had always belonged to Hux. 

Niney alerted him that the _Finalizer_ ’s sensors were active and had picked them up. That’s when Kylo realized he’d simply been staring at the ship. He put his hands back on the controls and started flying. The automatic defenses didn’t fire and Kylo managed to land inside one of the hangars without issue. 

It was strange to see the hangar so empty, but the crew had taken almost every vessel when Kylo ordered them to leave. He’d never given much thought to what happened to any of them before. As he walked across the empty hangar, he could think of nothing else. He hadn’t given any further instructions besides to get off the ship. Would they have tried to stay together or did they immediately break off into smaller groups, all going their own way?

None of that mattered. The crew of the ship was long gone and they were never coming back. Kylo was the only one who knew where it was and it belonged to him. And now he was going to give it to the Resistance. It would likely be his last time seeing the ship as it was meant to be. It was one of the main reasons he came alone. He didn’t even want to think about what the Resistance would do to the ship.

They would removed anything that had the First Order’s symbol on it, which was of course to be expected. And their own symbol would soon replace it. Imagining the starbird painted on the walls didn’t bother Kylo much. What he didn’t like was imagining how the floors would get scratched and doors dented. It had always happened before when the ship belonged to the First Order, but the team of maintenance droids made sure that such things were always repaired. Kylo didn’t think the Resistance would care about such things.

Kylo had never cared much himself about the state of the floors and walls, and he’d been responsible for more than his fair share of damage to the ship. Hux was the one who had always ensured the ship looked like new. He would never forgive Kylo for letting the Resistance use it and getting it dirty. But there were many things Hux would never forgive him for it seemed.

Walking around the empty ship didn’t feel right. It was meant to hold thousands, not just him and a single BB unit. He made his way up to the bridge, hating how quiet it was. It was still in power saving mode, and there was hardly any noise from the machines. When he turned on one of the computers, he at least had a slight hum from that to make things less quiet. He was tempted to turn on a few more just to have some noise. But he didn’t want to waste energy. There was no reason that the _Finalizer_ should be low on fuel, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

Once he’d made the ship operational again, Kylo went to look out the viewport. There was nothing to see - just the vast emptiness of space. Even reaching out with the Force, there was nothing. It was oddly comforting, being in the middle of nowhere, a place where no one would ever find him. The only thing he needed was Hux.

For a moment, he considered taking the _Finalizer_ and running off with it. He’d eventually manage to find Hux and maybe by bringing his ship back, Hux would finally forgive him. But as much as he wanted things to be back to normal with Hux, he didn’t want to destroy his relationship with his family. His mother had trusted him to bring the ship back. He couldn’t hurt her by running off. Not again.

But he wasn’t quite ready to go back home. He just wanted a little bit of time just to himself, where he didn’t have to worry about disappointing his family or how he was going to keep his relationship a secret. It was one of the reasons he had told the Resistance that it would take so much longer to get the _Finalizer_ back.

Kylo walked down the empty corridors to his old quarters. Hux’s quarters. After he had killed Snoke, it hadn’t taken them long to make their relationship a little more public and Hux had moved in with him. They’d had to keep things secretive while Snoke was in power, and while many disapproved of their relationship, there was nothing anyone could do about it. They really needed to share quarters as it maximized the time they spent together, although they were both still so busy they were apart most of the time. But there would usually be at least an hour while they both slept where they would be in each others’ arms. Kylo missed those days.

He still remembered the exact way back to his quarters and his access code still worked, allowing him inside. Everything was just how he remembered it. The bed was still unmade and he still had a mug on the table. And Vader’s helmet was right where it always had been. It was there that Kylo had first seen his grandfather. And then Anakin had convinced him to destroy the Order.

Any fondness he felt towards the old helmet was quickly replaced by anger. Anakin had promised him that everything would work out if he went back to his family. He’d convinced him to betray Hux and destroy the Order, telling him that it was the only way and that Hux would find his way back to him. Obviously, Anakin had only said what he needed to. Once he had what he wanted, he’d vanished. He hadn’t seen the ghost since the night he’d left. 

“Thanks for that,” Kylo grumbled. Part of him wanted to destroy the old helmet, but instead he turned his back on it and fell down on his bed. Anakin couldn’t have known that things would work out with Hux. And Kylo couldn’t help but feel betrayed that his own grandfather had lied to him and used him like that.

He’d really thought Anakin had cared about him and wanted to help him. But clearly, he’d had his own agenda. What that was, Kylo had no idea. And it didn’t matter. No one really cared about. No one except for Hux. And he’d ruined that relationship, traded it in for people who would never understand him, could never truly love him.

He curled up around a blanket, trying not to cry but failing.

***

Kylo didn’t feel like he had slept at all when he woke up. It took him a moment to realize that Niney was next to his bed, beeping at him. At first, he didn’t understand what he was saying. The first thing he managed to pick up was that Niney was letting him know of a security alert.

Almost immediately, Kylo was on his feet. With the ship just sitting for nearly two years, any number of things could have happened that might make it unsafe. If there was damage to the life support systems or a leak in the hull, Kylo needed to fix it quickly. As he was on his way out the door, he listened to the rest of what Niney had to say and realized that there must have been a mistake.

“There can’t be another ship,” Kylo said. “No one else knows where we are.” 

The only other person who had been on board when Kylo left it had been Mitaka, but he didn’t think Mitaka had any idea where they had been. And even if he did, why would he be coming on board? And how would he have managed to get on board with the _Finalizer_ ’s defenses intact? He would need a First Order craft and the Silencer was the the only one the Resistance had.

Even though it made no sense, Niney insisted that there was another ship that had just docked in one of the hangars. Kylo headed to the bridge. He’d be able to check the cameras from there and see that the hangars were all just as empty as they were the last time he saw them. And then he’d figure out what was wrong with the security systems.

The path to the bridge was clear, just as he expected it to be, but when he checked the cameras, he couldn’t actually tell if there was a new ship there. The one the Silencer was in looked just as it had, but he had no idea what the others had looked like. Some of them had ships in them, but they could have been there for years. For the most part, the ships were all First Order craft. One, however, was a large freighter and clearly not First Order. But it wasn’t unheard of for freighters to come on board. But it shouldn’t have been left behind when Kylo had given the order to abandon ship.

Kylo switched to the infrared cameras, and that was when he saw something unexpected. The unknown freighter was hot, which meant it had just landed. He didn’t know who it belonged to or how they found the _Finalizer_ and avoid the security, but it would be easy enough to take care of them. He took his lightsaber from his belt and headed for the door. He realized that he had closed himself off from the Force - it had been too strange being on the ship and not feeling the presence of other lifeforms. He opened that connection back up, and what he felt caused him to immediately stop in his tracks.

There were multiple presences in the Force and Kylo knew them all. He didn’t have much time to think about it because the door to the bridge opened and Hux walked inside, his blaster raised. Seeing it was Hux, Kylo lowered his lightsaber. He couldn’t believe Hux was there and had no idea how he found him, but he never had a chance to question him.

Almost as soon as he walked in, Hux fired his weapon. The only thing Kylo had time to think about was that at least it was on stun.

***

Kylo was in his bed when he woke up. He almost thought that he had fallen asleep and simply had a vivid dream about the ship’s security going off, but he wasn’t alone. Hux was actually there, sitting on the foot of the bed. Their bed. Kylo sat up, wanting to pull Hux into his arms, but he remembered exactly what Hux had done.

“You shot me.”

“You’re awake.”

“You shot me!” Kylo couldn’t help yelling at him. He loved Hux and although he knew that Hux’s feelings towards him were complicated, he couldn’t believe that Hux had actually shot him. Anakin had betrayed him and he couldn’t handle Hux betraying him too.

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Because my plan was to take the _Finalizer_. I saw it was you on the bridge and I thought I’d stun you, put you on your shuttle and drop you off somewhere. But as it turns out, I just couldn’t do that.”

“You were going to steal the _Finalizer_?” Kylo wanted to chew him out over that, but then he realized it was pointless. After all, Kylo had pretty much already stolen it. And there were more important things to discuss. “How’d you know where it was?”

“She’s my ship. I’ve always gotten alerts about her status. The last one was that she was inactive, but not destroyed. And then I got another one, saying she’d been reactivated. All I had to do was ask her to send me her location. All the old access codes still work.”

“Oh.” Kylo had actually hoped that Hux had planted a tracking device on him and was coming to see him. But it definitely made much more sense that he was tracking the ship. Hux had always loved the _Finalizer_. Probably much more than he loved Kylo at the moment. Possibly more than he had ever loved Kylo. 

Despite knowing that, Kylo couldn’t help but wrap his arms around Hux. No matter what, he’d always love Hux. Even if Hux did stun him. He was just glad that Hux hadn’t stolen the ship. But that left him with another problem - he couldn’t take the ship back to the Resistance with Hux on board and he didn’t want to tell Hux to leave.

“So what are you going to do now?” He didn’t imagine Hux had plans to leave the ship now that he was back on board, but Kylo thought he might be able to convince him to leave. He could even use Hux’s own plan if he needed to. He could knock him out with the Force, put him on his ship and just leave. But he didn’t want to do that to Hux. Eventually he hoped to earn his forgiveness. That was a goal that just got more complicated now that Hux knew about the _Finalizer_.

“I’m not sure,” Hux said, leaning back against Kylo. He must have been in a good mood. “Being back here certainly does bring back some memories.”

“It does.” Kylo kissed the side of his neck and pulled him down on the bed, where he continued to kiss him. He’d really missed holding Hux on their bed. And it was the first time since Kylo had left that they had been on what Kylo could call their bed. He wanted to stay there forever.

“I know you’ve suggested it before,” Hux said, as Kylo continued to kiss him, “but maybe it is time that you come with me. The two of us on the _Finalizer_. It’d be nice.”

“Do you mean that?” Kylo stopped kissing him, not quite able to believe it. He’d wanted to go with Hux since he first laid eyes on him in that tavern. But so much had changed since then. He’d started to get along better with others in the Resistance. And he knew he didn’t want to hurt Rey or Leia. If he left with Hux, that was exactly what he would do. But he couldn’t say no to Hux either. It was the thing he’d always wanted all along.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t,” Hux said. “Why? Did you have other plans for my ship?”

“Um.” Kylo wasn’t sure how to tell Hux the truth. There was no way he could soften the news that he wanted to give it to the Resistance. Instead he started kissing Hux again and Hux didn’t question it, rolling over so he could kiss back. 

It didn’t take long for Kylo to end up on top of Hux. They were both fully dressed still, and Kylo did his best to remedy that without getting off of Hux. Once he had Hux’s chest exposed, he placed his hand over him, his thumb brushing against Hux’s nipple.

“Kylo,” Hux said as Kylo started to trail his kisses down his body. “Does this mean you’ll come with me?”

“Do you really have to ask?” Kylo said against Hux’s chest. He only moved his face away enough so that he could speak, and he then started kissing him once again. He didn’t know how he would ever explain it to his family, but if he went with Hux, he wouldn’t have to. At least not in person. He knew he’d have to send them some kind of message, as he didn’t want them thinking he was dead. 

“I suppose not.” Hux put his hands in Kylo’s hair and Kylo was soon kissing his stomach, while his hands were at Hux’s belt. He could feel Hux’s erection under him and he wanted it in his hand and mouth.

“I feel like I should warn you,” Hux said and Kylo looked up. “It’s not going to be easy living with me. And you can’t be in contact with anyone in the Resistance.”

“Hux. I don’t want to talk. I want to fuck you.” He knew there would be a conversation later. A long one, most likely. Kylo knew he’d have to get a message sent, and he really didn’t want to cut off all contact with Rey. But if Hux was willing to let Kylo stay with him, then he knew they’d work things out. But there were more pressing matters at hand. Most importantly, the matter directly under Kylo’s hand. Kylo rubbed his hand against Hux’s crotch before opening his pants.

“I see that you’re focusing on what’s important, as always. Do we still have lube in here? That might pose a bit of a problem if it’s gone bad.”

“Then I’ll settle for sucking you off,” Kylo grumbled. It wouldn’t be exactly what he wanted, but as long as he had Hux in some way, he didn’t really care. And if he was going to stay with Hux, then they’d have plenty of time to do everything else.

As much as Kylo wanted to continue what he was doing without further interruption, he knew that Hux had a point - they needed to know if they had lube that they could use. He moved off of Hux just enough that he could check a nearby drawer where they had always kept their lube. Or at least, where they kept their usual stash of lube. If that bottle wasn’t there, Kylo could think of several other places in their quarters where they might find some. They always needed to be prepared.

The bottle of lube in the bedside table was still there and Kylo looked the bottle over. There was no date on it saying if or when it would go bad. He read over the bottle and the only thing was a few words describing why that particular brand was the best and some vague instructions for use. 

“It’s probably still good,” Kylo said with a shrug. He turned his attention back to Hux and saw that he’d pulled his pants down enough to reveal his cock and Kylo dropped the lube, wanting to touch Hux immediately.

It hadn’t even been that long since he’d last seen Hux, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed to touch Hux as much as possible. Maybe he’d be a little less desperate after being back together, but Kylo wasn’t sure how long that would take. Probably a year, at least. And he didn’t care if he was desperate for Hux anyway. It wasn’t anything Hux wasn’t already aware of.

He kissed the tip of Hux’s cock and then slowly slid him inside of his mouth, taking in as much as he could without choking himself. As he sucked on Hux’s cock, he pushed a finger between his ass cheeks, lightly prodding his rim.

“This lube might have expired,” Hux said. Kylo glanced up at him and saw that he was reading the bottle as well. “If we’re using it, it’s going inside you.”

Kylo shrugged as he licked the underside of Hux’s cock. He didn’t really care how they had sex - anything was good for him. The only thing that mattered was that he had Hux. He just hoped Hux didn’t think about how the lube would be on him as well.

“Still,” Hux continued, “I wouldn’t say no to a little rimming.”

Kylo took the hint and rolled Hux over so he had better access to his ass. He went slow at first, grabbing Hux’s ass in his hands and lightly kneading him. He kissed all around his ass and finally made it to his entrance. He tried to keep going slow, just running his tongue around the rim at first, but he couldn’t hold himself back for long. Soon, Kylo had his face buried between his cheeks, his tongue pressing inside him.

“I said a little, Kylo!” Hux shouted, right as Kylo pushed a finger inside as well. He rolled back over, stopping Kylo from continuing. “I don’t want to come like this. Not before I’ve fucked you.”

Kylo grabbed the bottle of lube and put a little bit on his finger. He rubbed his fingers together and as far as he could tell, it was still good. At the very least, it would work which was the important thing. He put some more on his fingers and shoved two fingers inside of his ass. He didn’t want to spend too much time preparing himself. He wanted Hux inside him as soon as possible.

“Lay down,” Hux ordered, and Kylo quickly complied. He suspected that Hux wanted to watch him finger himself, so he positioned himself to give Hux the best view. He opened and closed his fingers, stretching himself, then he pulled them out to put some more lube on his fingers. Then he pressed three of them inside. 

While he was doing that, Hux was stroking himself lazily, just watching Kylo. With the way Hux was sitting, he wasn’t actually touching Kylo, and Kylo decided he needed to fix that. He couldn’t reach with his spare hand, so he had to settle for wrapping a leg around him. 

“You are so needy,” Hux murmured, lightly running his free hand up his leg.

“Yes,” Kylo agreed. “I need you.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure I fuck you properly. But you’d better make sure you’re ready. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.”

“Since when?” He hadn’t meant to say that, but he couldn’t stop himself from blurting it out. It was the truth, though. Ever since getting back together, Hux hadn’t cared about causing him pain. Not that Kylo cared - most of the time, he liked it. 

“If we’re together again, I want it to be how it was.”

Kylo froze, unable to believe that Hux meant those words. Did he finally forgive him? He almost asked, but he wasn’t sure he really wanted the answer to that. Even if Hux was still angry about everything, Kylo would be more than happy even if Hux was just pretending everything was fine.

“Kylo?” Hux called to him and he realized that he was just sitting there with three fingers in his ass.

“I’m ready,” Kylo said, pulling his fingers out. He grabbed the lube and handed it to Hux, who quickly slicked himself up.

“Just tell me if you want me to stop,” Hux said.

That was a strange thing for Hux to say. No matter what they did, Kylo had never wanted Hux to stop. But he didn’t have time to think about it as Hux had his cock lined up at his entrance and was slowly pushing inside.

“Hux,” he whined. He wanted Hux to hurry, but he also really liked how slow and deliberate Hux was. 

“You’re doing so well,” he said softly. “So good for me.”

Kylo could only whine and whimper as Hux pushed his way inside, speaking softly to him the entire time. He couldn’t remember Hux ever being so gentle with him, as if it was his first time. Kylo wasn’t sure if he wanted Hux to continue being slow and gentle or if he wanted him to hurry up.

It felt like hours before Hux was finally all the way in. He didn’t move for several moments, just stayed right where he was, looking down at Kylo. Finally, he laid down on top of him, kissing him. 

“You’re beautiful,” Hux said when he finally pulled away from him. As he spoke, he started to slide out of him and then he slowly pushed back in. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

Hux fucked him slowly, praising him the entire time. All of Hux words went to Kylo’s cock and even without being touched, Kylo could feel he was close to coming. He didn’t want to yet. Not until Hux had finished. He gripped the base of his cock, hoping it would give Hux enough time to finish.

“Look at you,” Hux whispered. “Trying to be so good for me and not come before me. But I don’t think you can control yourself.”

Hux laid down on top of him and lightly nipped at his earlobe. “I want your arms around me,” Hux whispered in his ear, and Kylo couldn’t deny him that. 

“Hux,” Kylo panted. He didn’t want to come yet, but he knew he was too close. With every soft thrust inside, Kylo thought he might come.

“So tight and perfect just for me,” Hux whispered. “I love you.”

That was finally enough to push Kylo over the edge and he came between their bodies, his arms tightening around Hux. At the same time, Hux came inside him with a groan and then went limp against him.

Neither of them spoke or moved for a long time. Kylo was starting to doze off when Hux finally rolled off of him. He gave him a kiss as he did so, and then laid next to him, still kissing him. It really was nice and Kylo couldn’t complain. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if Hux actually meant what he said. But he didn’t want to ask and have Hux tell him that he didn’t love him. It was better to not know.

Slowly, they cleaned up and got dressed, not talking and barely separating from each other. They kissed and touched each other as much as possible. Once they had their clothes back on, Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux from behind and held him. He never wanted to let go of him again. Hux seemed to want the same thing, as he relaxed in Kylo’s arms. Kylo pulled him back to the bed, and they simply sat there.

“You know,” Hux said, after a while, “you never did tell me just why you were on the ship.”

Kylo knew that kissing Hux wouldn’t work as a distraction a second time. Then it would be too obvious that Kylo was avoiding the question and Hux would push him away until he told him the truth. It was either tell him, or he knew Hux would walk away. He wouldn’t like the answer, but hopefully he wouldn’t be too upset.

“I was…” He couldn’t say he was going to give it to the Resistance. That would really anger Hux. Although he wasn’t going to lie, he needed a better way of putting things. “I was going to let my mom use it.”

“Oh, Kylo.” Hux turned around in his arms and he did not look happy. But at least he was still there and he wasn’t yelling at him. “You can’t let them have our ship. They’d destroy it.”

“I know. But they needed a ship. And she’s just been sitting here. So I thought.” Kylo’s thoughts drifted elsewhere even as he spoke, and he realized something was off. He’d sensed others besides Hux on board back on the bridge. And he’d recognized those presences. He also knew that Hux would have needed help to get him back to their quarters. He couldn’t have carried him on his own.

“Who’s here with you?” He knew that someone else had to be there. Hux definitely had more muscle than when he had been a general, but certainly not enough to have carried him. He reached out with the Force, once again sensing those presences. They felt like… family?

“It’s not important,” Hux said. “What do you think? Are you going to come with me?”

“If I go with you, won’t I meet the rest of your crew?” He didn’t understand why Hux wouldn’t tell him. He would find out eventually anyway. Not unless Hux planned on keeping him locked away in his quarters. Kylo wouldn’t mind, at least for a little while, but he still didn’t know why it was such a secret.

“There’s some things we’ll need to discuss,” Hux said.

Kylo didn’t respond, as he was too busy trying to determine the identity of Hux’s crew through the Force. He didn’t really know what to expect. Who could Hux be working with that would be so familiar to Kylo? As soon as he figured it out, Kylo was stunned. He definitely knew them, very well. Or at least, he had. He couldn’t believe that they would be working with Hux. Or that Hux would work with them.

“Why are they with you?” Kylo asked. He didn’t wait for a response and instead got up and headed for the bridge. He could sense that some of them were there. The others were somewhere else nearby, but Kylo wasn’t worried about them. He could also sense another presence that he didn’t know, but he could also tell they weren’t a threat, so he didn’t worry about it.

When he made his way to the bridge, he saw four of the Knights of Ren standing there. Although he had felt their presence, it was still hard for him to believe that they were actually there. But he couldn’t deny that his Knights were there, standing in front of him. He almost wondered if it was some kind of hallucination. Maybe that lube really had expired and was making him see things that weren’t real. But unless that lube was Force-sensitive, he didn’t think it would be interfering with his ability to detect the Knights in the Force.

“Um. Kylo.” Trudgen Ren was the first to speak. He glanced over to the others, who were all avoiding eye contact with Kylo. Except for Kuruk Ren, who wore their mask and Kylo had no idea what they were looking at.

“What are you doing here? You’re with Hux? For how long? Have you been part of his crew this entire time?” Hux had never allowed him to meet any of his crew, and if it had been his Knights, Kylo could see why. But he didn’t understand. Why would Hux keep that from him? And why would the Knights join forces with Hux? He had too many questions and he had the feeling he wasn’t going to get all the answers.

“What else were we supposed to do?” Vicrul Ren asked. He sounded angry. “You left us.”

“You were supposed to be our leader,” Kuruk said. Also angry. That was not a good sign if all the Knights were angry.

“And Hux found us,” Trudgen said. “Leaderless and unsure.”

“And he made a really good argument about why we should join him,” Ushar Ren said.

“So here we are,” Kuruk finished.

Kylo felt left out. From the way they were talking, it seemed like they had their minds linked. It was something they would do in battle but also, sometimes they did it just to be closer to each other. If they were linked, then they had left Kylo out deliberately. Although they did have pretty decent reasoning for it.

Kylo didn’t know how he felt about the situation. He’d been with the Knights for years and he thought that they were close. He might have destroyed the First Order, but the Knights had never officially been a part of the Order. It hurt to think that they wouldn’t have come back to him.

“Why?” He couldn’t ask anything else, but he knew that the Knights could feel it through the Force. They’d know exactly what he meant.

“You left,” Vicrul said again. This time, he used the Force, giving Kylo more than just words. He could feel how the Knights felt when they learned that he had left the First Order and that he had returned to his family. To them, it seemed like he had turned his back on everything else in his life to go back to being Ben Solo. If he had turned away from the dark side of the Force, then they would be enemies. And none of the Knights wanted to fight him.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo said. He assured them that he was still Kylo, still the same person they had known. But even using the Force, he couldn’t quite explain to them why he had done what he’d done. All he could do was let them know that he hadn’t had much of a choice, along with a promise of a full explanation. But first, he had a lot more questions.

“You’d better not be planning on leaving me,” Hux said, and Kylo realized that he’d forgotten about his presence. 

“No,” Kuruk said. 

“We agreed to stay with you for as long as you needed us,” Ushar said. She glanced over to Kylo, then back to Hux. “We intend to keep that agreement.”

There was something going on between them that Kylo hadn’t figured out. Hux had always complained about Force users and he had never liked it when the Knights were on board his ship, always complaining about how much mud they dragged in. It didn’t make sense why he would suddenly want them around. Not unless he’d wanted to take them from Kylo, but why would the Knights have agreed to that?

Kylo couldn’t think of any reason for his Knights to be with Hux. They might have been angry at him for leaving and not telling them what he was doing, but why would they make any kind of agreement with Hux? To stay with him as long as he needed? That didn’t make any sense and Kylo couldn’t think of anything Hux could hold over the Knights.

“Why?” Kylo asked again. “Why him?” If they thought he was lost to the light, they should have decided on a new leader and moved on. He couldn’t imagine anything that would make the Knights join forces with Hux. Or Hux want to have them.

Before anyone could answer, the door to the bridge opened and Kylo felt the presence of the last two Knights. He turned to see Ap'lek and Cardo Ren. Seeing that they were with the others wasn’t surprising, but what Cardo held in his arms was. At first glance, it looked like a pile of blankets, but Kylo could sense another presence in the Force - unknown yet familiar - and the bundle of blankets was moving.

For a moment, Kylo just stared at Cardo and Ap'lek, sure he couldn’t actually be seeing what he thought he was. But they kept walking, heading over to Hux and handing him the bundle. As they got closer, Kylo could clearly see a face, and when Hux took him, the blanket slipped and Kylo could also see an arm. Kylo could sense a sudden wave of irritation from Hux, but he couldn’t figure out why.

Somehow, the Knights had ended up with a baby. And Hux was holding it, which was even more perplexing. Hux had always been good with children, but he’d never gone out of his way to interact with them. Why would Cardo hand him a baby and why did Hux seem happy about it? Although he could still feel that Hux was irritated, he was also very… proud. Kylo could only stare as Hux kissed the baby on the forehead and rocked him back and forth before handing him back over to Cardo.

“What’s going on?” Kylo asked, looking between each of his Knights and Hux. Surely one of them would tell him.

“He’s a baby,” Cardo said.

“Clearly. Whose baby is he?” If one of the Knights had the baby, that wouldn’t have been too strange. But why would Hux want anything to do with him? And just looking at the baby, who had very light skin, Kylo could tell that it was highly unlikely that any of the Knights were the parent to the baby.

“He’s Force sensitive,” Trudgen said.

“Did you steal a baby because he’s Force sensitive?” Again, that seemed like something his Knights might have done, but that still didn’t explain Hux’s involvement. 

“We didn’t steal him,” Cardo said. He was looking at Hux, and Kylo quickly saw that the rest of the Knights were as well. Obviously, if anyone was going to give him an answer, it would be Hux.

“Hux?” Kylo asked looking at him. “What’s going on?” It really shouldn’t be important. The Knights and Hux had a child they were taking care of. Kylo should have just let it go. But somehow, he knew he couldn’t. He needed to know.

Hux didn’t say anything immediately and Kylo was tempted to tear it from his mind. He didn’t know why none of them would just tell him what was happening and the weirder everyone else was about it, the more he wanted to know. He could take the knowledge from Hux - it wouldn’t be easy, but it could be done. But Kylo didn’t do that anymore. He might not be a Jedi, but he’d left behind the darkest parts of his past. And he would never do that to Hux.

“There’s a lot to explain,” Hux said.

“Just tell me why you have a baby!” Kylo shouted at him. He couldn’t help but yell, frustrated that no one would tell him what was going on.

“Keep your voice down!” Hux snapped at him, but not raising his voice. “He’s sleeping.”

“Then tell me why he’s here,” Kylo growled.

“Because he’s my son.”

Kylo couldn’t believe that. He knew Hux was angry at him and had been for a while. But he couldn’t believe that he was so angry that he would have cheated on him. Kylo glanced over at the baby. Maybe he’d had him before they’d gotten back together. Kylo had no idea how old the baby was. But even so, Kylo never would have considered sleeping with anyone else. He was Hux’s and Hux’s alone. And he’d thought that Hux felt the same.

“You cheated on me,” Kylo said, blinking back tears. He didn’t want to break down in tears, but he couldn’t help it. After everything he’d done to try to win Hux back, Hux had never cared about him.

“I did not,” Hux said. “And honestly, after everything you’ve done, it’s what you deserve.”

“You cheated,” Kylo said again. “How else could you have a baby, Hux? You can’t do that on your own!”

“That’s not what’s happening,” Kuruk said, moving so they could put a hand on Kylo’s shoulder. The touch was gentle and almost comforting, but Kylo knew Hux had cheated on him and was lying about it. He wanted to scream and yell and break something. He could feel the Force moving around him, its power at his fingertips, but he didn’t unleash it. 

He couldn’t believe that Hux had found someone else and had gone so far as to have a baby with them. And Kylo couldn’t help but be suspicious of the Knights. Hux cheating on him to get back at him was one thing, but he couldn’t believe any of his Knights would have gone along with it. But that would explain why the Knights were working with him. But it was such an odd way of getting revenge. 

“Kylo,” Kuruk said. “It’s like he said. There’s a lot to explain.”

“Then tell me!” No one was telling him much of anything and it took them forever even to tell him one single detail. 

“It’s not for us to tell,” Trudgen said. He was standing on Kylo’s other side, and soon, Kylo realized all of the Knights except for Cardo were around him. It wasn’t a threat - they were trying to comfort him. Except Vicrul, who was standing behind him, and Kylo had the feeling he was actually considering stabbing him.

“Please tell him,” Ushar said, looking at Hux. “He’s not going to settle until he knows.”

“Do you remember how we at one point talked about having children?” Hux asked, and Kylo nodded. When they’d first moved in together, they had talked about starting a family and had even started the process, where they had DNA samples extracted and stored so they could be used at a later date. They’d talked about having a large family, heirs to inherit the First Order, but Kylo had never imagined that Hux would want a child on his own. Especially without the resources of the Order.

“We had our DNA stored. In multiple locations, if you recall. And you know why.” Kylo didn’t know why Hux was telling him all that. He remembered exactly why they had done that. Because they were in the middle of a war, they knew it was possible one of them could be killed. And if that happened, they wanted it to be possible for the other to still have a child. Which was also why their DNA had been stored at multiple facilities. If one was destroyed, then there would be a back up. But Kylo had no idea what any of that had to do with the baby that was currently in Cardo’s arms.

“I thought you were dead, Ren,” Hux said, tears starting to form in his eyes. “I heard that the Order had been defeated and I couldn’t get a hold of you! The _Finalizer_ was reported inactive. It was just gone. And you never tried to contact me! I thought you had been killed in battle!”

Kylo felt terrible when he realized what he’d done to Hux. It was more than just destroying the Order. Kylo didn’t know what he would have done if he’d thought Hux had been killed. He knew he should have reached out to Hux before. Even with the Resistance watching, he could have gotten a message out. He could have found a way. He should have found a way.

“Hux.” Kylo stepped forward, wanting to hug him, but his Knights held him back.

“So I went for our back up plan,” Hux continued to explain. “I had the child that we wanted, Kylo. Our child. He’s yours just as much as he’s mine. I thought it was the only way I’d ever get to hold a part of you again.”

Kylo looked over at the baby, although he couldn’t really see him with the way Cardo had him bundled up. He felt horrible that he’d hurt Hux so badly, that he’d gone and had a child while thinking that he had died. But there was one thing that didn’t add up. 

“How old is he?”

Hux didn’t answer immediately, but finally spoke. “Six months.”

Kylo did some math and he realized that Hux would have started the process to have the child before they’d met each other again. That meant the entire time they’d been seeing each other, Hux had the baby. And he never said a word. Even if he hadn’t wanted to say anything in case there was a complication and the baby was lost, he’d had the child for six months and he never said anything about him. 

“You never said anything.”

That was when Kylo realized that had been intentional. Because if Hux had believed that Kylo was dead, he would have been shocked and elated to have seen him in that bar. But he’d been angry. That meant he’d already known. He’d known Kylo was alive and that he’d destroyed the Order. And he wasn’t having the child because he wanted to have some part of Kylo with him.

“You…” Kylo couldn’t even finish that statement. He couldn’t believe Hux would do that to him. He couldn’t believe he would do that to the child. And worse, he couldn’t believe the Knights would go along with it. 

One of the Knights put a hand on him, but he shoved them away. They’d betrayed him just as much as Hux. They’d known as well that Kylo was alive. Even if Hux hadn’t known, they could have told him. They would have. Worse, they could have easily contacted Kylo. They could have told him at any time that he had a son. Despite everything, they still shared a bond in the Force, one that couldn’t be broken. They could have told him.

The Knights had known all along that he’d had a son. Possibly for months. And not once did any of them think to contact him. They had shared so much together and Kylo couldn’t believe they would keep that from him. He might have screwed up by not letting them know what he was doing, but he couldn’t believe they would keep something so important from him. The Knights could clearly feel his rage in the Force and they were backing off, but Hux looked unafraid and just by looking him in the eye, Kylo understood exactly what had happened and why Hux had the child.

It wasn’t about being sad that he’d lost Kylo. That had nothing to do with it. He’d known all along that Kylo hadn’t died. He’d had the child out of vengeance. Kylo had hurt him and Hux had gotten back at him the only way he knew how. He couldn’t believe Hux would sink so low. He knew Hux had loved him. How could that love have turned to hate so quickly? And the Knights. They were part of it too. They’d wanted to hurt Kylo as well. So they’d helped Hux. 

“Get off my ship,” Kylo choked out, doing his best not to cry. They would all be able to tell how close to tears he was and he knew he didn’t sound very intimidating, but the Knights were starting to retreat anyway.

“Your ship?” Hux started to argue and Kylo could feel the Force raging inside him, wanting to lash out and strike anything. And Hux was right there, arguing with him when he had no right to do so.

“Let’s go,” Ushar said, grabbing him by the arm and starting to drag him off. 

“You can’t seriously be letting him just take her!” Hux protested.

“You have his son,” Kuruk said. “He gets the ship.”

“If you want to fight him, we won’t help you,” Vicrul said. “That’s not what we agreed to do.”

Hux continued to protest but he left with the Knights. They were gone. And the baby. Kylo’s son. They had taken him too. Kylo couldn’t believe that he had a child and no one had told him. Hux had known all along. His Knights had known. But none of them had thought they should tell him. 

Once the bridge was empty, Kylo finally broke down in tears and he couldn’t help but kick the nearest console in rage, screaming at it until he had no energy left and he collapsed on the deck. He’d been betrayed by everyone in his life. Anakin, the Knights, Hux. All of them had pretended to care about him, but they hadn’t. Maybe they never had.

It was then that he realized he hadn’t been alone. Niney had been on the bridge the entire time. The droid rolled over to him and asked for instructions. Kylo just stared at him, but then he realized that was Niney’s way of showing he cared. Kylo put his arms around Niney, glad he at least had someone who was loyal to him.

“Take us home,” he told Niney when he finally let him go. He trusted the droid would know where that was.


	6. Chapter 6

Having lived with the Knights for close to a year, Hux thought he’d understood them. They’d been just as upset with Kylo when he’d found them and agreed to help him raise his son. They had certainly had their disagreements and rough patches, but Hux thought they were firmly on his side.

Now that he had seen them with their former master, Hux realized he knew nothing about the Knights. He hadn’t realized that they’d been so willing to forgive him. And they must have forgiven him, as that was the only explanation for why they had simply walked away when Ren told them to. Had it come down to a fight, Hux knew they would have won. They could have taken the _Finalizer_ , and had a much better ship than the old freighter that served as the base for their operations.

The _Teratorn_ was adequate and had plenty of space, but Hux had always dreamed that they’d one day find and take the _Finalizer_ back and that he would be able to raise Arktos on board the ship that was dearest to his heart. And of course, there would be those little reminders of Kylo there. The Knights had said they wanted the ship as well, but as soon as they were confronted by Kylo, they’d backed down.

Hux almost regretted that he’d changed his plans after stunning Kylo. He should have dragged him onto his ship and simply dropped him off somewhere. Then the _Finalizer_ would be his and Kylo would still be in the dark about the Knights and Arktos. But had Hux done that, he would have missed out on some excellent sex. Hux still wasn’t sure if it had been worth it.

Despite everything, he couldn’t help himself when it came to Kylo. He’d wanted it to be like that first time, when Kylo had found him on that backwards planet, full of anger and rage and hopefully not too pleasant for Kylo. But over time, Hux realized he didn’t want just that. He wanted the soft, loving sex that he’d gotten so used to. He hated that he wanted it, but he at least made sure it was always on his terms, not Kylo’s.

In all the time they’d been seeing each other, Hux had softened towards him. And he actually had been ready to tell Kylo the truth about everything. He just hadn’t figured out how to break the news to him that he’d taken his Knights and that he’d used his DNA to have a child. He knew it would upset Kylo, which was why he’d decided to tell him that he thought he had died. Which wasn’t entirely a lie - that was exactly what Hux had thought at first when he heard about the destruction of the Order. But it hadn’t taken long for him to piece together exactly what happened. That was when Hux decided to have Arktos.

Kylo had taken everything from Hux, and Hux wanted to take something from Kylo as well. But he had very limited options in that department. He couldn’t separate him from the Force or take on the Resistance and take his new family away. The only thing that Hux could do was take the future that they had planned together - the family that Kylo had always wanted. That had been mostly Kylo’s idea. Hux had been unsure about having children at first, but Kylo had convinced him. It was the only other thing that Hux could think of that mattered to Kylo. He had wondered how much he had cared. He hadn’t sensed it in all of their liaisons, which had made Hux start to wonder if his vengeance was all for nothing.

Seeing Kylo so hurt by it had felt good. All his work had finally paid off. At least, that was Hux’s initial thought. Already he was having some regrets about having Arktos and taking the Knights.

Stealing the Knights had never been Hux’s intention. Because the child would almost certainly be Force sensitive, Hux knew he would need help raising them since Kylo wasn’t with him. He found the Knights and asked them for their help training the child when the time came. Hux thought that he would simply contact them for help when he needed it, but apparently, the Knights either went all in or did nothing at all. Which was probably where Kylo had gotten that from. Or maybe the Knights got it from Kylo. Either way, the Knights had talked amongst themselves - or so Hux thought. They went silent and just looked at each other, so Hux assumed they were having a telepathic conversation. When they were done, they agreed to help raise the child. And they had joined Hux’s pirate crew.

At first, Hux had hated the idea of them being around. He didn’t need them for basic childcare tasks and he really didn’t need them in the day-to-day tasks of running his ship or his pirate operation. But he quickly realized that they were quite useful. Having six others help care for Arktos meant less strain on him, and one of the Knights, Cardo, absolutely loved taking care of the baby. And Force users, while they certainly had some downsides, were quite useful in combat situations.

Eventually, Hux had grown to love their arrangement. But now, he wasn’t so sure. Now that Kylo knew everything and the Knights had forgiven Kylo, he worried that they might join him once again. And they might take Arktos. If the Knights wanted to leave him, Hux would manage without them, but they couldn’t take Arktos. No one would take his son from him. And that was his biggest fear. If they had truly gone back to Kylo, they might take Arktos and Hux knew he couldn’t stop six Force users.

Although he had liked seeing Kylo’s pain, he also felt bad for having hurt Kylo in the way he did. He deserved it, but Hux wished it had gone a little better. He really wanted to tell him in the most gentle way possible in order to lessen the blow. Hux tried to tell himself that he shouldn’t feel too bad about it. After all, Kylo had done far worse to him. Kylo had singlehandedly destroyed everything Hux had worked for in his life. At least Hux had only created something new. 

If anything, Kylo should be grateful. He’d taken care of his Knights and given him a son. The only thing that Hux had done wrong was not telling Kylo, but he hadn’t expected Kylo to end up in his life again. And when he did, he hadn’t thought he’d get even close to forgiving him.

But he’d never been able to resist him. And every time he saw him, every time Kylo did exactly what Hux wanted, Hux lost some of his anger. He never wanted to fall back in love with him, but there was no one else in the galaxy he’d rather be with. As much as he hated to admit it, he really couldn’t deny it. The only person he could ever love was Kylo. Hopefully, Kylo would get over his anger about Arktos and come back to him. 

Kylo’s skills would come in quite useful as part of the pirate crew. The Knights were great, but none of them could match Kylo. And Hux wanted him back. Permanently. He hated every moment they were separated and he just wanted them to be together again. He was certain that Kylo wouldn’t stay away long, and if nothing else, Hux was patient. He could wait for Kylo.

As he looked at their latest attack plan, Hux couldn’t help but think about how useful Kylo would be there. In fact, Hux realized that with Kylo on their side, many of their supply raids would be much easier. Kylo would be able to use the Force to simply make others give them what they needed. None of the Knights were particularly good at mind tricks, not unless they had an especially weak-minded target. It was so rare that they would have success that Hux had nearly given up on mind tricks entirely. Ap’lek was the only one he trusted to try any more.

With Kylo, though, they might even be able to give up piracy. He could simply trick anyone necessary into giving them what they wanted. They might even be able to consider finding a planet somewhere to settle down and raise Arktos. That was what Kylo had wanted - to raise their children on a planet. Hux didn’t think it mattered if they lived on a planet or a ship, but it had been important to Kylo.

Hux wasn’t sure if he really wanted to give up his life of piracy. Although living with Kylo and Arktos on a nice planet sounded nice, Hux didn’t think he could ever be satisfied doing nothing and relying on Kylo’s abilities to get by. He liked running his pirate crew and it was the closest he would ever get to being a general again. In fact, the crew all still referred to him as “General.” It made sense as most of the crew were former First Order, but there were a few that were not, but even they called him “General.” Even the Knights of Ren did so.

The only person who used his name anymore was Kylo. Yet another reason he wanted him back. Kylo was the one person in the galaxy that he could simply be himself around .He just hoped that Kylo wouldn’t stay angry long and would soon be back with him.

“Two fighters,” Hux said, looking at the diagram of the space station. “We take out their defenses and get on board. The rest of us will take out anyone who resists.”

“We have the new Z-95,” Vicrul said. “Why not put three of us out there?”

“They have a decent security team,” Hux said, shaking his head. “With three of you in the fighters, then Cardo would have to leave Arktos to help fight. It’s best if Arktos has someone with him. They only have a few turbolaser cannons. Ap'lek, Kuruk, the two of you will be the best for that mission.”

So far, they’d never had to leave Arktos alone while on their missions. Either Hux or one of the Knights would stay with him. Usually, that was Cardo, although all of the others would sometimes stay behind if his skills were needed on a mission. 

“Sounds good to me,” Kuruk said. 

“When we jump into the system, I want you two to launch immediately. With any luck, you’ll have their defenses down by the time the _Teratorn_ gets there. Trudgen, I want you to come with me to gather supplies. Vicrul, Ushar, you’ll be stealing as much fuel as we can carry, and anything else you think might be valuable. And as usual…”

“Kill anyone who tries to stop us,” Ushar finished for him. Hux nodded. At least they knew that part of the plan well enough. Hux knew he didn’t need to say it. With the Knights of Ren, he’d probably never needed to say it, but it was habit now.

With their battle plan made, Hux made the jump to hyperspace and the Knights got ready. When Ap'lek and Kuruk headed to the hangar, Hux couldn’t help but think of Kylo once again. Kylo was a much better pilot than any of the Knights, especially if he had his Silencer. Unfortunately, Hux hadn’t been able to steal much in the way of fighters. They had a TIE Fighter - an older model, but decent - and two Z-95s, one of which they hadn’t actually flown in battle yet. They were actually fairly decent for their purposes, as many pirate crews didn’t have fighters, but Hux wanted better.

He was always on the look out for new fighters, and he really hoped he might find some more First Order TIEs. After the destruction of the fleet, they had become very rare in the galaxy. Hux liked to imagine that someday, they’d have a full squadron of TIEs. If Kylo joined them, that might truly be possible.

When the ship came out of hyperspace, Hux pushed all thoughts of Kylo from his mind. He needed to focus on the fight ahead. Kuruk and Ap’lek had just launced and were heading towards the space station that was their target when Hux noticed that something wasn’t quite right. He couldn’t tell exactly what it was, and he advised the two Knights piloting the fighters to be cautious. He watched on a screen as the two fighters approached their target, and soon, he heard Kuruk calling over the comms.

“Their laser batteries are already down,” they said. “Looks like someone might have hit them.”

“Stay in your fighters and make sure nothing comes after us,” Hux ordered. If the station’s defenses had been destroyed, then surely someone else had already been through and taken anything valuable, but as long as they were there, they might as well check it out. If it was another pirate group, they had likely hit the target and jumped out, but Hux wasn’t going to take any chances. 

As they drew closer, Hux saw that they were definitely signs of a battle and as they landed their ship, no one came to confront them. He ran a quick environmental check - the station still had atmosphere and there were no contaminants detected. But someone else already seemed to have gone after Hux’s target. He hadn’t known there was another group in the area.

“Keep to the plan,” Hux said. “We see if there’s still supplies and take what we can. And maybe see if we can figure out who was responsible for this.” If it was a new pirate group, maybe Hux and the Knights could eliminate them or at least make them move on to a new territory. He didn’t like competition.

He took Trudgen with him as they headed towards the station’s medical bay, the first stop on their list. Medical supplies were always valuable. Even if Hux and his crew didn’t need them, they could sell bacta and other supplies for quite a bit. But that likely would have been one of the first things taken if someone else had raided them.

Trudgen used the Force to open the door to medical bay, both Hux and Trudgen standing with weapons ready to attack any combatants. Instead of weapons, they found what was clearly the aftermath of an attack. There were tons of people with various injuries, and hurried people in medics’ uniforms. 

“Don’t shoot!” someone cried when the door opened.

Hux didn’t lower his blaster immediately, but as he looked around, he could tell that no one in the room was likely to be a threat, although they might stop him from taking any supplies. But they didn’t have to know that was why he was there. 

“What happened here?” Hux asked one of the people who looked least like they were about to die from their injuries. He put his blaster back in his holster, but kept his hand close. Trudgen seemed to relax, but still held his blade at the ready.

She glanced around at the others then back at Hux and Trudgen. They must have looked like pirates to her as she didn’t seem like she wanted to answer. “What’s it look like?” she asked finally. 

“Can we help?”

“That’s not why you’re here.”

“Maybe not.” Hux wasn’t going to argue that point, as he had come there to do the exact same thing as someone else. “Who attacked you?”

“Pandion.”

That was not the answer Hux had expected, but he shouldn’t have been surprised. He’d head of the Pandion pirates before. As far as Hux knew, they were the only group that rivaled his own, but he knew very little about them, as they had never crossed paths before. There had been a few targets Hux had to pass on since Pandion was active in the area. Clearly, they were expanding, because Hux’s latest intelligence showed that they weren’t near him. That was going to be a problem.

“How much did they take?” Hux asked. The woman only shrugged. The people being treated for their injuries weren’t likely to know. They had other things to worry about. “Do you know how many were injured?”

“You just want to steal what’s left,” she spat at him. “Well, go ahead! You certainly aren’t going to make things any worse!”

Hux did feel a little bad about taking from them after an attack. But really, it was exactly what he’d come there for. As he glanced around the room, he couldn’t help but think he might have been a little neater about it. He usually didn’t have too many injured people left behind. Anyone who tried to stop them was killed. Those that stayed out of their way were spared.

“Let’s go,” Hux said to Trudgen. They wouldn’t take their medical supplies, but they would see what else they could get. They hit the next places on their list, but unfortunately, there were no weapons to be found. All they ended up with was food and some supplies for Arktos. It was better than nothing, but still disappointing.

On their way back out, they passed by medical again. Hux briefly considered going to take at least a few things, but their ship was already well stocked. And the people on the station clearly needed the supplies.

Just down the hall from medical, there was a young woman leaning against the wall, clearly waiting. Hux’s hand went to his blaster, but the woman put her hands out, showing that she had no weapons.

“Have fun raiding what was left?” she asked, looking at the supplies they were taking.

“If you’re planning on stopping us, you can’t,” Hux warned.

“Just wanted to talk to you. You’re pirates, but maybe not the worst sort.”

“What do you mean?” Clearly, they weren’t fooling anyone about why they were there.

“The woman you talked to in there,” she said, motioning towards medical. “She’s my wife. And she just lost her brother in the attack. And our daughter was taken by the pirates. A lot of the children were.”

“I see,” Hux said, although he wasn’t sure why she was telling him that. It was a terrible thing, and although the woman’s brother could have just as easily been killed by Hux and the Knights, he wouldn’t have harmed the child. In that sense, he wasn’t the worst kind of pirate, but he didn’t know what that had to do with anything.

“You asked if you could help. And you can. Bring our children back to us.”

“I’m not -”

“Yeah, I know. You’re a pirate. Not a hero. Clearly. But you seem like you’re not completely heartless. Obviously we can’t pay you. But it looks like you’ve already taken what we have.”

Hux could think of many people who would argue about him being heartless. Kylo would probably be at the top of the list. And he was probably right.

“I can’t help you.”

Hux walked past her. If she was planning on attacking him, then hopefully Trudgen would sense the attack and stop her. But she didn’t do anything besides curse them as they went by. He probably shouldn’t have asked if he could help in any way, as he had no interest in doing anything that didn’t benefit him. And chasing down a bunch of stolen children had no benefit to him. But the question had just come out of his mouth without thinking.

“You know,” Trudgen said once they were back on board the _Teratorn_ , “it might actually be worth it to go after Pandion.”

“Seems like it’s a lot of trouble just to get the gratitude of a few people on a space station.” They were pirates - they didn’t need such things. Only money and things they could sell for money were important.

“Pandion’s been in our way before. This won’t be the last time they take a target we wanted.”

Trudgen did have a point. Pandion was clearly getting larger and they were going to be more of a problem in the future. So far, they’d been a minor irritation, but Hux knew it was going to get worse. If they attacked them and at least weakened them, then Hux and his crew would be the dominant pirate group in the region. But that really wouldn’t be enough. If they were weakened, they’d only rebuild and very likely seek vengeance. If Hux decided to take them on, he would have to destroy them entirely.

“It’s an idea worth exploring,” Hux admitted. He didn’t really like the idea of going head-to-head with another pirate group, especially a large one like Pandion and he wouldn’t do it without knowing exactly what he was getting into. And for that, he’d need intelligence.

“See if you can find that woman again. Get everything she knows about Pandion. And then we’ll see if there’s anything we can do.”

Trudgen grinned and left the ship. Clearly, he was just looking for a good fight. Many of the Knights seemed to get restless if they went too long without a battle. Maybe it would be good for them to completely let loose on another group of pirates, although Hux suspected he would need his full crew to take them on. Somehow, he suspected he’d need even more than that.

Ushar and Vicrul returned before Trudgen and gave their report. They’d refueled the ship and gotten some more reserves, but hadn’t found much else. Again, just what Hux had expected. He then informed them about the possibility of getting into a fight with Pandion, and both of them seemed excited at the prospect.

When Trudgen returned, he wasn’t alone. Instead, the woman in the hallway was with him. Hux frowned, not sure why he would have brought her. They needed her information, not her. Worse, she was armed with a blaster. That couldn’t be anything good.

“What are you doing?” Hux asked, standing on the ramp to block Trudgen from entering the _Teratorn_. He wasn’t going to let just anyone on his ship, especially when his son was on board.

“What you asked. Got intel. And help.” He came to stop right in front of Hux and the woman was just behind his shoulder.

“We don’t need help.”

“You need all the help you can get,” the woman said.

“If my crew isn’t capable of taking on the pirates, then we simply won’t. One extra person really isn’t going to make a difference in that decision.”

“Are you going to let us on or not?” Trudgen asked.

Hux didn’t want the woman on his ship. They didn’t know anything about her, and while she surely wasn’t a threat to them, Arktos was on the ship. He would never be without Hux or one of the Knights to protect him, but Hux simply didn’t want strangers near his son. The Knights were more than capable of handling one woman, even if she was armed, so Hux eventually stepped aside, allowing them inside.

“I don’t think you know what you’re getting into,” Hux said as the woman boarded the ship. He looked over at Ushar and said, “Let’s go pick up Kuruk and Ap'lek and figure out what we’re going to do.”

Ushar nodded and headed to the cockpit, while Hux went with Trudgen to the crew lounge, bringing their new acquaintance with them. Soon, Hux could feel the ship moving and the woman looked surprised.

“Where are we going?”

“Picking up the others.” He could see that she wanted to argue, but he cut her off. “You’re the one who decided to get on my ship.” He didn’t bother telling her that they weren’t going far and that if she changed her mind about going with them, it would be simple enough to drop her back off at the station. Hopefully, she would change her mind. Most people wouldn’t want to hang around the Knights of Ren.

Vicrul and Ushar joined them soon, and Cardo came in with Arktos shortly after. He handed Arktos over to Hux and then joined the other Knights. Arktos squirmed around a little, but soon fell asleep. He thought about taking him to his crib but if he woke up crying while they were discussing what to do, Hux didn’t want to be interrupted. It’d be best if he stayed with Hux, so he could rock him back to sleep.

As far as Hux could tell, the Knights were having a telepathic conversation with each other. He could never be sure unless they included him, but there were slight head movements and the way they looked at each other that seemed to indicate that they were talking amongst themselves. It wasn’t until Kuruk burst into the room that anyone spoke.

“Let’s take them out!” they shouted as they walked inside the lounge. Ap'lek followed behind them, quiet as ever.

“Let’s see what we’re up against first,” Hux said, looking at the woman, who had been quietly watching them. “If you’d like to share whatever it is you know about Pandion, we’ll see if we actually want to get involved.”

He looked at the Knights, hoping they’d stay silent. He didn’t need them getting her hopes up about fighting Pandion when Hux wasn’t sure it was a good idea. As the woman described everything she knew, Hux started to think more and more that fighting them would be far too dangerous.

Their numbers were far greater than Hux had expected, and from the description of their battle tactics, they were very well organized and combat experienced. In fact, Hux was fairly certain he knew just who the pirates were, or at least where they came from given the description of their tactics. And had they been like Hux’s group, a few separate crews operating mostly on their own and coming together when necessary, Hux might have been willing to take them on. After all, staying separate from each other had the disadvantage of making it easier to pick off the weaker groups. 

Pandion, however, did not operate like that. The woman said that the pirates had taken over a nearby planet and that was the base of their operations. She even had numbers on the defenses, and that was not something Hux could compete with. The best he could hope to do was wait for raiding parties to go out and attempt to pick those off, but even they went in greater numbers than Hux wanted to deal with.

“I’m sorry,” Hux said after listening to everything she had to say about Pandion. If nothing else, at least he learned something about his competitors. “I don’t think that’s something we’re qualified to deal with.”

“If you don’t help, then who will?”

“That really isn’t my problem.”

“You have a child,” she said, looking at Arktos, and Hux held him tighter against him. “If it was your kid, wouldn’t you do whatever it took to save him?”

“If it was my child, yes. But that’s just it. It’s not mine that’s gone missing.” He couldn’t help but feel bad for her having lost her child, but it really wasn’t his problem. There was a reason he always made sure Arktos was with him or one of the Knights.

“Please,” she begged. “No one else can help.”

“We can’t either. Ushar, take us back to the station to drop her off.”

“General.” Hux was about to leave with Arktos, but Vicrul got his attention. Hux looked at him, but didn’t say anything. “We could get assistance.”

“Because there are so many people who would help us.” Other pirate crews hated them like Hux was starting to hate Pandion. They were all in competition together and while it would make sense for all of them to take out Pandion, Hux doubted very many would help. After all, Hux would be the one to benefit the most.

“The Resistance. They might be interested in this.”

“And who will tell them? Any of us would simply be arrested if they saw us.” 

“Your contact.”

Hux was about to say he didn’t have any contacts with the Resistance, but then he realized what Vicrul meant. At first, he thought that Vicrul was right, but he quickly remembered just how Kylo had left the last time he’d seen him. 

“He won’t help us.”

“If you know someone in the Resistance, you have to tell them!” the woman insisted. “If anyone could do something, it’s them. Since _you_ won’t do anything.”

“You can tell them yourself.” It wasn’t as if they were in hiding anymore, which meant it was simple enough for anyone to find them.

“As if they would listen to some nobody from the outer rim.”

“They won’t listen to me either.”

“ _General._ ” Ap'lek spoke inside Hux’s head. Or at least he assumed it was Ap'lek. He had trouble differentiating the Knights during telepathic conversations, but Ap'lek was the only one who regularly spoke that way. “ _We could do it._ ”

“ _At least we could do enough to rescue the children._ ” That was Cardo, Hux thought.

“ _And Kylo would probably help us._ ”

“ _The Resistance would help. They care about this sort of thing._ ”

“ _They wouldn’t pass on a chance to take out the largest pirate gang._ ”

“ _But we’ll need Kylo._ ”

Hux couldn’t tell which Knight was saying what, but it didn’t matter. They were all in agreement - they wanted to get Kylo and the Resistance to help them take down Pandion. As much as Hux wanted to distance himself from the issue, he knew the only reason was because he didn’t want to talk to Kylo. 

“He won’t help,” Hux said once they had finished making their argument. He was rather certain of that. “But if one of you want to ask, then maybe we can do something.”

“What just happened?” the woman asked, looking between all of them.

“The joys of working with telepaths,” Hux grumbled. “We will see if the Resistance wants to help, but if not, there’s nothing we can do to help you.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“We can take you back to the station.”

“I’m staying,” she said. “I want to help.”

“You’ll be most useful out of our way.”

“You don’t know what I can do.”

“I doubt you can hold your own against any of my people.” Unless she was secretly a Jedi Knight or had some other mystical power, Hux knew she would not manage a victory over any of the Knights.

“Give me a chance.”

“Take us back to the station,” Hux said, looking to Ushar. She hesitated and then headed towards the cockpit. The other Knights went into another silent conversation. He didn’t much like it when they did that, as it usually meant a disagreement. At least they weren’t disagreeing with him in front of their temporary guest.

“We think -” Trudgen started to say, but Hux was not going to have that conversation. Not yet.

“Hold off on that for a moment. Until we’re back on the station.”

The other Knights looked at each other but didn’t say anything. At least they knew better than to argue. Or maybe they’d read his mind and knew what he was planning. It was impossible to tell with them. Not wanting to stay in the crowded lounge any longer, he went to the cockpit, where he would only have Ushar to deal with. She rarely had much to say.

“The others want to know your plan,” she said as soon as he sat down in the co-pilot’s seat. So much for not being talkative. “You want to help.”

“I wouldn’t mind getting rid of the competition or at least weakening them. And if we can do it using the Resistance’s resources, then all the better.”

“That’s not the only reason.”

Hux didn’t respond. As far as he was concerned, there was no other reason to help and if Pandion wasn’t a potential future problem, he wouldn’t even be considering fighting them.

“Are you going to let Sana stay?”

“Who?” Hux asked, but as soon as he said that, he realized who she was referring to. “I don’t know. If she really wants to jump into battle with us, then I suppose I can’t stop her. It’s not like we’re going to be attacking any time soon, so there’s time to figure out if she’d actually help us.”

“We want her to stay.”

“Yes, I gathered that much. Why?”

“She wants to fight. We can respect that.”

“Wanting to fight and having the ability to do so are different things. What point is there in saving her kid if she gets herself killed in the process?”

“You would die to save Arktos.”

Hux looked down at his son who was just starting to wake up. He’d be hungry soon. They were nearly at the station and Hux knew that by the time they landed, he would need to feed him. Ushar was right - he would die for Arktos. That much he knew for sure. 

“I wouldn’t throw my life away unnecessarily,” he said. “If there were others capable of saving him, I’d let them do it and keep myself safe.” 

Ushar looked at him and then started to laugh. Hux frowned, not having any idea what would cause her to laugh. She might have been laughing at him or one of the other Knights could have told a telepathic joke. Either way, Hux was done dealing with any of the Knights and he had a child to feed. 

“Idiot,” Ushar muttered as he got up. Hux paused, wanting to ask what she meant by that, but Arktos started to squirm in his arms. Taking care of him was more important than trying to hold a conversation with a Knight. They rarely gave straight answers anyway.

On his way to Arktos’ room, Cardo joined him, walking silently beside him. That wasn’t unusual, as Cardo often times accompanied whoever was taking care of Arktos. Out of all the Knights, Cardo was the one who had bonded the most with the baby. Possibly even more than Hux, although Arktos always needed Hux to fall asleep. According to Cardo, it was because Arktos was using the Force to sense his father and wanted to know his father was nearby.

Cardo immediately started preparing Arktos’ formula, allowing Hux to hold him. He was starting to fuss, and Hux shushed him, rocking him gently and promising that he’d take care of him soon.

“We have a plan,” Cardo said as he brought a bottle of formula over and handed it to Hux.

“Of course you do,” Hux said, as he offered the bottle to Arktos. He immediately took it, wrapping his tiny hands around it. 

“We’ll help Sana get the children back. Just us or the rest of the crew if they want to join. You can stay behind with Arktos and not get involved.”

Hux knew that he couldn’t stop the Knights if that was what they really wanted to do. If he lost them in a pointless battle, he knew that he’d manage to survive. He had before he’d found them, but he knew things would be rougher. Especially once Arktos started to develop his abilities. He didn’t want to do it alone, but he knew he could. He’d do anything for Arktos.

“I haven’t said no yet,” Hux said. “If you really want Sana to join us, then fine, but she’s not staying on our ship. We’ll pick her up before the battle. And before we contact Kylo, I want to have a plan so we know exactly what kind of numbers we need from the Resistance. If we can’t get that, then we aren’t going through with the attack.”

“We can at least save the children,” Cardo said.

“If you absolutely must,” Hux said with a sigh. He didn’t like the idea of the Knights wasting time and risking their lives, but he would never be able to stop them. Only Kylo had that power. Or at least he did. Whether or not Kylo was still their master was unclear, but it didn’t matter. Kylo wouldn’t have stopped them either. 

“No,” Cardo said. “He wouldn’t have.”

“You really need to stop that,” Hux grumbled. Just like Kylo, the Knights had never been very good at staying out of his head.

“You think very loud when you think about Kylo. It’s impossible not to hear.”

Hux had no idea how to think quieter, despite the Knights telling him that he was loud many times. Their descriptions on how to think less loudly made no sense. Which was true for most Force nonsense. Kylo had always been the same every time he tried to explain the Force to Hux.

“He’ll help, you know. He’s just hurting right now.”

“How can you be so sure? I can’t remember ever seeing him so angry.”

“He feels betrayed. By all of us. We’re supposed to be the ones closest to him, so of course it hurt. But I think he’ll come to forgive you. Or us, at least.”

“But not me?” Hux suddenly realized how Kylo must have felt in their year of being together, constantly trying to earn his forgiveness and never sure it would come. Hux hated to think that Kylo would never forgive him.

“I don’t know.”

Hux looked down at Arktos, who was just finishing his bottle. He didn’t regret having him, but maybe he had handled Kylo wrong. He should have told him about Arktos. He should have let him come with him. He’d known in their second meeting that he had no intention of bringing him in and that he could have trusted him. But he’d still been so angry.

“Kuruk and I are going to work with Sana,” Cardo said, taking the empty bottle from Arktos. “We’re going to make the battle plan. And maybe test her in combat.”

“Will you ask Kylo to help?”

Cardo shook his head. “I think you need to.”

Hux really wasn’t ready to talk to Kylo again, worried that he wouldn’t even speak to him. But no matter how angry Hux had been, he’d never completely shut Kylo out. He could only hope that Kylo would do the same for him.

But he had more important things to worry about than Kylo. Arktos was awake and active and that meant time for them to spend together. He didn’t really know how to interact with a baby, but the Knights insisted that it didn’t matter. He just had to be there for him. And at least he was getting a little more exciting as he got older. At first, he’d simply laid on the floor or wherever Hux had put him. Now, he was able to sit and even had started to crawl.

As he watched Arktos roll around on the floor, Hux couldn’t help but think about Kylo again. He should have told him and let Kylo be part of Arktos’ life as well. It was probably important for him to bond with both of his fathers. Hux could only hope that he hadn’t already permanently damaged his son. His own father had done a number on him, and he had vowed to be better than that. He knew he was no where near as bad as Brendol and he never would be, but he couldn’t help but think that he’d still hurt his son.

He just hoped it wouldn’t be too late to make things better.


	7. Chapter 7

Kylo didn’t move from where he had collapsed on the bridge, still unable to believe that Hux had been keeping so many secrets from him. He’d known there were many things he wasn’t telling him, but he’d never imagined that Hux had used his DNA to create a child. He had a child. A son. And he hadn’t even known. 

It hurt worse than anything Kylo could have possibly imagined. Both he and Hux had some reservations about becoming fathers, but after weeks of discussion, they agreed that they would have children and that they would figure out fatherhood together. Kylo had promised he’d always be there for any of his children. He wanted to be there for everything important in their lives. And Hux had taken that from him.

Every time he thought about it, he couldn’t help but cry, knowing that he’d already missed six months of his son’s life. He hadn’t been there when he was born, he hadn’t seen him smile, or walk around. He didn’t even know if he was old enough to talk or walk, as he knew nothing about children. But he knew he’d missed so much already, and would miss more. To make things even worse, Kylo didn’t even know his son’s name.

And if Hux’s betrayal hadn’t been enough, his Knights had known too. They could have contacted him anytime through the Force and told them that they were working with Hux or that he’d had a son. It hurt that they hadn’t. Kylo knew they had been upset that he’d left them, but he’d never imagined they’d help keep such a thing from him.

For the first time, he really regretted his decision to go back to his family. 

He really only had to destroy the Order. He could have done that and then found Hux and the two of them could have made their own lives together somewhere. And when they’d had their son, they both would have been there for him. Instead, he’d stayed when his mother made the offer. He’d really only planned on dropping off Mitaka and then leaving, but he hadn’t been able to say no to Leia. But that decision had led the people he cared about most to betray him.

Kylo wasn’t sure who he was angriest at - Anakin for convincing him to destroy the Order and then abandoning him, himself for listening to Anakin, or Hux and the Knights for keeping his son’s existence from him. At that moment, he hated everyone.

Niney beeped at him, but Kylo didn’t listen. The droid became more insistent, rolling into him and telling him he needed to get up. He hadn’t moved from his spot on the bridge floor since Hux left and he wasn’t any more motivated to do so then. But Niney wouldn’t stop and Kylo wasn’t about to harm the droid, who was the only one Kylo could count on. Of course, the droid was only programmed to be loyal, but Kylo would take what he could get. And if Niney really wanted him to get up, Kylo could do it.

He listened to what Niney was saying and realized they’d made it back to the Resistance base and there were multiple fighters approaching them in attack formation. He then realized the full situation - he’d simply dropped out of hyperspace with no warning in a Resurgent class battle cruiser. Of course the Resistance was worried. 

Niney was telling him that they were being hailed and asked if he wanted to respond. Kylo nodded, but remembered to tell him voice only. He didn’t need anyone seeing him in his current state.

“This is Commander Dameron of the Republic fleet,” Poe’s voice came over the speaker. “Kylo, buddy, that better be you. If not, state your intentions and power down your weapons.”

“Yeah, Poe,” Kylo muttered, hating how weak his voice sounded. “It’s me.”

“Thank the Force for that. You had us worried we were being invaded.”

“Sorry.”

“Hey, Kylo? Is everything okay over there?”

“Yeah.” There was no way Kylo was going to tell Poe the truth, especially not over an open channel with half the Resistance listening in.

“So can we come on board or what? I think I still remember the way to the hangar.”

“Hang on.” Kylo looked over at Niney, who assured him that the automatic defenses were down. “Yeah, you can come on board.”

“See you in a bit.”

Kylo ended the transmission and went to the nearest refresher in hopes of making himself look at least somewhat presentable. He splashed some water in his face but it didn’t really help. For a moment, he considered hiding in his quarters. It wasn’t too hard to navigate the ship, and Finn would know his way around. But his mother would surely be coming on board and she would want to see him. She’d worry if he didn’t show up.

As much as he didn’t want to see anyone, he made his way down to the hangar to meet the Resistance. Poe’s X-wing was the first ship that landed and Kylo grimaced at how out of place it looked in the First Order hangar. Maybe after they scratched everything up it would look more natural, although Kylo hated to think of that too. BB-8 dropped out of the socket in the back and rolled over and whistled excitedly at Niney. Soon, the two droids were rolling off together.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you,” Poe said, putting his arms around Kylo. He immediately pulled back away from him, not expecting that sort of thing from Poe. “Sorry. I just really am happy to see you. And I can’t believe I’m actually happy to see Kylo Ren. You really scared us for a bit there, you know.”

Kylo didn’t know what to say to him, so he just stood there, waiting while the rest of the Resistance came on board. His mother was on the first shuttle, as were Finn and Rey. He really didn’t want to see them, as they would know something was wrong. He couldn’t hide his feelings from them. It wasn’t entirely unexpected that Leia and Rey hugged him and he managed not to pull away. He was used to affection from them.

“I can’t believe I’m on the _Finalizer_ again,” Finn said, looking around the hangar. “I thought it was destroyed with everything else.”

“Thank you,” Leia said. “You have no idea how much this helps us. And this is far more firepower than we ever expected.”

“It’s all I had.” Kylo should have guessed they wouldn’t be thrilled with having a Star Destroyer. But he’d tried.

“It’s perfect,” Leia said, smiling. Kylo realized then that she wasn’t upset about the ship. “I imagine we’ll need your help getting access to most of the ship. Is there any internal security to worry about?”

“Niney said it’s all shut down,” Kylo said. “I can get you some cylinders. For access. Or I can make some areas totally open.” He shrugged. There were a lot of ways he could make it so the Resistance could move around the ship, but he didn’t really want to think about it. He’d just do what he had to and then hopefully he could retreat to his quarters and be away from everyone.

Kylo took them to the security room and had cylinders programmed. He never realized how much effort went into creating them - the computer system wanted all sorts of information and Kylo simply didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what ranks to assign anyone or which parts of the ship they needed access to or what quarters they needed to be assigned to.

It really would be easier to simply disable all need for cylinders and just give everyone free access to the entire ship. But to do that would mean that someone from the Resistance might end up in his quarters, and he couldn’t let that happen. He was certain there was a way to open access to the entire ship except his quarters, but he had no idea how to do that. He needed Niney, but Kylo had no idea where the droid was. 

“Kylo?” Leia said softly, coming to stand beside him. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. Not just about letting the Resistance on board the _Finalizer_ , but everything. He couldn’t even figure out how to make the ship work for the Resistance. It should have been easy as he’d lived on that ship for years. As it turned out, he knew nothing about basic ship operation. Had anyone ever told him? Maybe when he first came on board? If so, Kylo couldn’t remember.

“We’ll figure it out,” Leia said. “What’s the problem?”

“I… I don’t know how to program the cylinders and I don’t even know what parts of the ship you’ll need and which areas are even locked.” He hated to admit to that and he felt like he was on the verge of breaking down. But he managed to hold himself together.

“You can disable all security,” Finn said. “We’ll have one of our techs come in and figure out the system later.”

“I can’t,” Kylo said, shaking his head. “My quarters. They’re mine. I don’t want anyone in there.”

“You’re giving us the ship,” Finn reminded him. “Doesn’t that mean you’re giving us the entire thing?”

“I don’t have to let you use it,” Kylo said. “I can go put it back where I found it.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Leia interrupted before Finn could respond. “This ship is larger than what we need anyway. If he wants to keep that to himself, I don’t see why that should be a problem.”

Kylo was relieved she was taking his side on the issue, as it was something he wasn’t gong to change his mind about, but he didn’t want to argue about either. He couldn’t let anyone else use his old quarters, even if they ended up sitting there unused. They weren’t just his. They were also Hux’s, and he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else in there.

“I think for now, we’ll walk around and see what areas we’ll need and you can give us access as we go. Would that work, Kylo?”

He nodded. That was something he could work with. Leia quickly gave out orders, putting Finn in charge of showing people around and deciding which areas they would need access to. Kylo would stay in the security room and would grant access as needed. While they were doing that, a few people were going back to the hangar to assist Poe in checking the readiness of any craft left behind.

“Kylo,” Leia said after the others had left. He turned to look at her, expecting her to chew him out about not giving them any advance warning or maybe about letting them use his old quarters. Whatever it was, he imagined it wasn’t good. What he didn’t expect was for a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I know it must be hard for you to be back here,” she said. “If you want to talk about anything, I’ll listen.” She gave him a quick hug before leaving to join the rest of her people.

Kylo almost called her back to tell her all about seeing Hux and his Knights and the fact that he had a son and ask her what he should do, but he couldn’t do it. She could never know that he was seeing Hux and that he’d known how to find him for a long time. But he wanted to talk to someone. He needed someone.

If only Anakin would talk to him again. But his grandfather didn’t want anything to do with him. But Kylo still liked to imagine that he would help him, tell him how he could make things work with Hux and how he could make things right. He knew that wasn’t going to happen. The last time he’d seen Anakin was the night he’d come to the Resistance, and even then, he had been there more for Leia and Rey.

He didn’t have long to think about such things as Finn called to ask him to unlock an area. Soon after, he was nearly continuously calling, getting all the necessary areas unlocked. It took him over an hour, and finally, the calls slowed down. Kylo wasn’t sure, but he felt like a good portion of the ship was open. At least as much as the Resistance would need.

Shortly after they seemed to have stopped making requests for new areas to be unlocked, the door to the security room slid open and Kylo turned around to see Rey. It was too much to hope for that she would simply be there to discuss business. She grabbed another chair and sat down next to him.

“What happened to you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re in a worse mood than usual. So what’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on,” he said, knowing she would never believe him.

“Everyone can tell. Even Poe, and he’s about as Force sensitive as a rock.”

“Maybe I just don’t like you rebel scum crawling all over my ship,” he grumbled.

“Then you never would have let us use it.”

That was true. He’d already accepted the idea of the Resistance using his ship before even offering it. As much as he didn’t like it, that really didn’t bother him. As long as his own quarters were safe, he couldn’t bring himself to care about what they did to the rest of it. He knew Hux would be livid to see them on his ship, but Hux would never see the _Finalizer_ again. That thought almost made Kylo’s eyes water.

“So what’s really going on?” Rey asked after they’d sat in silence for a while. “Mom says it’s hard for you to see reminders of your past. But you hang out with Niney and fly your old ship and have the same lightsaber, so I don’t think that’s it.”

He hated how well Rey knew him. No matter how much he tried to hide the truth, Rey would be the one to figure it out. And she didn’t even have to read his mind to do it. It was really an unfortunate side effect of their connection. Kylo wasn’t sure if it was because they were siblings or something that came from Rey accidentally getting inside his head or even something leftover from the bond that Snoke had created.

“You can’t ignore me forever,” she said.

“Looks like they need me somewhere else,” Kylo said, looking at the security feeds to see where he might find other people. Hopefully he could drop Rey off with them and have a few moments alone. He got up but Rey followed him.

“I don’t have anything else to do,” Rey said as she followed him down the corridor. “I could just follow you around all day until you talk.”

“Did you ever consider that I don’t want to talk about it?” He knew that Rey likely would follow him for as long as she possibly could, and while he couldn’t be pestered into talking, he really didn’t want to deal with her. He knew the ship better than anyone else and he considered locking her up somewhere. It would give him plenty of time to hide and he could always let Finn know where she was. 

That plan would probably cause more trouble than he wanted to deal with. Finn would probably yell at him. Poe too. He didn’t really care what they thought about him, but he didn’t need to deal with them chewing him out. Not to mention Leia would find out and then he’d have to deal with her disappointment.

Instead, he just let Rey follow him as he went to the hangar. Finn was moving around the ship too much and Kylo wasn’t sure where he was or where he would be by the time he got to the area. But Poe was still working in the hangar. Hopefully Poe could get Rey off his hands for him.

The easiest solution would probably be to simply tell Rey. He could easily make something up or tell a partial truth, and she would probably accept whatever he said and back off, but he didn’t want to let her think she won. He also really didn’t want to lie to her if it could be avoided. 

Shortly after walking into the hangar, Poe spotted them and walked over to them. “Hey, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“No,” Kylo answered, grabbing Rey’s arm and shoving her towards Poe, who caught her in his arms. Not that he really needed to, as Kylo hadn’t pushed her that hard. She seemed to settle easily with him. “Do something with her. Keep her distracted and away from me.”

“I’m lost,” Poe said. Kylo didn’t care if Poe understood what was happening. He just wanted Rey to leave him alone. And he knew he’d end up doing something he’d regret if she didn’t leave him alone soon. Hopefully, she’d get the point.

But as usual, she didn’t seem to know when to quit - an unfortunate family trait. He didn’t get very far away when he felt as if there was a sudden weight on his legs, preventing him from walking quickly. He turned to glare at Rey, who was no longer in Poe’s arms, although it looked like he might have at least been attempting to hold her back. No matter how hard Poe tried, Kylo knew there was no holding his sister back when he was determined.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” she said. “But we can fight about it if you want.”

She had her hand on her lightsaber and Kylo knew she was serious. He really didn’t want to fight her, but he’d been wanting to fight someone. Maybe it would do some good. He unhooked his lightsaber from his belt and waited for her to make the first move. For a moment, she simply stood there, watching him.

“I don’t think -” Poe started to say but he never had a chance to finish his sentence. Or at least, Kylo never heard it because Rey came charging towards him with her lightsaber, and that was the only thing that he could concentrate on.

He blocked her initial attack, and her second one, which Kylo knew was coming. The first attack was just a distraction - she’d used a similar move on him several times and he was very good at stopping it. But what he didn’t expect was that both of the first strikes weren’t what she was really planning on, and she soon knocked him to the floor.

“Is that really the best you can do?” she taunted. “You must really be losing your touch.”

He swiped his saber towards her, still on the floor, but she easily jumped out of the way. Before he could get up, she was on the attack again and Kylo was forced to defend himself. If he didn’t know any better, he would think that Rey was actually trying to kill him. He’d barely gotten to his feet when she knocked him back down.

She wasn’t fighting fairly, but it was a lesson he had taught her - there is no such thing as fair in a lightsaber battle. In a real fight, her opponent would be trying to kill her and she needed to do the same. They always went at practice with that in mind. If he wanted to win, he’d actually have to try. He pushed her back with the Force, and although she managed to catch herself, it gave Kylo enough time to get back on his feet and prepare for her next attack.

Now that he realized she wasn’t just playing around, Kylo was able to hold his own better, blocking her attacks and countering any Force tricks she tried to use. He was vaguely aware that others were watching them, but he couldn’t pay any attention to them. If he wasn’t giving Rey his full attention, she’d use that moment to strike.

Kylo did his best to use his size to his advantage, but Rey was too used to that and unfortunately for him, she had a lot of experience winning against him. He’d have to use new tricks as well if he was going to win. He pretended to go in for an attack, one that would rely on him putting his full strength behind it, but at the last moment, he changed tactics, pulling his blade back and swiping lower. When Rey moved to quickly change the direction she was blocking him from, there was a moment where she was off balance and Kylo used that moment to knock her down. As she was falling, he also used the Force to pull her saber away from her.

He thought that he’d won at that point, as she was unarmed, but she was soon on her feet and before he knew it, there was a green lightsaber in her hands. He didn’t have time to consider where it had come from before he was once again defending himself from another vicious onslaught. He had to drop the saber he’d taken from her in order to better fight with his own, but that turned out to be a critical mistake. As soon as he was no longer holding it, Rey pulled it back towards herself and had two weapons.

Rey grinned and that look told Kylo that he was finished. He did his best to defend himself, but she soon had him disarmed and on the floor. She stood over him with both her lightsabers and for a moment, Kylo thought that she might actually finish him off. She’d certainly been fighting like it was more than just a simple sparring match. But then she smiled and turned the lightsabers off, throwing one overhead, but it never hit the ground. 

Rey reached out and helped Kylo back to his feet and that’s when he saw Finn coming to join Rey. In his hand, he had a lightsaber. That explained where Rey had gotten the extra lightsaber from. He should have known that sooner as he was the only person on board with a green lightsaber. He glanced over at Poe, surprised he hadn’t tried joining in the battle, and he frowned when he realized that Poe was holding his lightsaber.

“Give it back.”

“I think I like it, actually,” Poe said, looking smug. “Think I might keep it.”

“Dameron,” Kylo growled. The pilot should have known he couldn’t win against him in a fight, and Kylo pushed him with the Force. Gently, but enough to remind him what kind of power he was dealing with.

“You’re the one who lost it,” Poe said. “Why should I give it back? And Rey’s already proven she can kick your ass, so don’t think you can just take it.”

“Rey?” Kylo looked over to her, wondering if she was really going to let Poe keep his lightsaber. It wasn’t as if Poe would manage to keep it for long. Eventually, Rey would need to be somewhere else and Poe would be distracted. But he didn’t want Poe to have it a second longer than necessary. He knew he could take it by force too, but he as annoying as Poe was, he didn’t want to hurt him. Mostly because it would upset Rey.

“I really should let him keep it,” Rey said. “After all, you are acting like a complete ass and you really don’t deserve it.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Talk to us,” Rey said, taking a step towards him. “We want to help but you’re always shutting us out.”

“I don’t want to talk,” Kylo grumbled. “It’s not something you can help me with anyway.”

“You don’t know that. Because you won’t actually talk to anyone.” She kicked him lightly in the shin. “Just try it.”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Maybe I would.”

Kylo walked away from her. He wanted to talk to someone, anyone, about what was wrong. But there were still others around and he didn’t need everyone listening in. He sat down on a crate and he wasn’t surprised that Rey had followed him. She had meant it when she said she would follow him around all day. He was a little surprised to see that Finn and Poe had come with her, but he didn’t care. As much as they irritated him sometimes, he couldn’t hate them. At least they tried to be nice to him. 

“I saw the Knights of Ren,” Kylo muttered eventually. “I thought they were my friends. But they’ve been keeping secrets from me.” As he spoke, he couldn’t help the tears that started to fall. He couldn’t tell them the whole story, but just thinking about it was enough to make the tears come.

“You have us now,” Rey said, giving him a hug. “I know you don’t exactly think of us as your friends, but we’ll always be here for you, Kylo. No matter what.”

Kylo shook his head. If they knew the full truth, that he’d been seeing Hux behind their backs and helping him evade the Resistance, they’d never forgive him. “You have no idea what I’ve done.”

“We know plenty,” Poe said. “And maybe we don’t know every terrible thing you’ve done, but we’re willing to look past that. As much as I don’t like it, you’re family. And we can forgive just about anything.”

Kylo couldn’t help but cry harder at those words. It was exactly what he’d wanted to hear, but not from Poe. He’d been waiting for Hux to say those very words, but he realized that he never would. The entire time he’d been seeing Hux, he’d been using him. Hux hated him. He’d known all along, but he couldn’t admit it to himself. But he couldn’t deny it anymore. The man he loved hated him.

He thought about every interaction they’d had over the past year and Kylo couldn’t believe he had been so stupid as to believe that Hux would forgive him. Every single time he’d been nice to him, it had been a distraction, trying to keep him from the truth. And Kylo knew that’s what he’d been doing, but he’d been to desperate for Hux’s attention that he hadn’t stopped him. Even when he had told Kylo he loved him, Hux had just been trying to distract him from the fact the Knights of Ren were there.

It made things worse that Rey and Poe were all so willing to forgive him but Hux wasn’t. Even Finn was more willing to forgive him than Hux, he realized when he sat next to him. Soon, all three of them were hugging him. Kylo hated it, but it also felt nice and he didn’t push them away. At least he had someone. They stayed with him until the tears finally stopped, and then, Kylo was embarrassed and immediately stood up.

“Kylo,” Rey called, and he stopped, looking at her. He really didn’t want to continue the conversation, but she only handed him his lightsaber. He took it and then walked away as quick as he could. It was then that he realized that he’d broken down in tears in front of what felt like half the Resistance. He didn’t think he could ever show his face again.

At least he had a place to hide, and Kylo immediately headed for his quarters. He knew he wouldn’t feel any better in there, as there were too many memories of him and Hux there, but at least he couldn’t be bothered. As soon as he walked inside, the tears started to fall again. The bed was still a mess from the last time he’d been in there. With Hux. And he never reactivated the housekeeping droids, which meant he had to clean up after himself.

He didn’t feel like making the bed, but he did pull the old sheets off and threw them into the laundry chute, but even if he couldn’t see the evidence of the last time he and Hux had sex, everything in the room reminded him of Hux. They’d lived there together for months, and before that, they’d almost always met in Kylo’s quarters.

Kylo realized he should have taken his Silencer and gone back to the base on the planet below. At least there he wouldn’t have had so many memories of Hux. At some point - hopefully when no one else was around - Kylo would leave the _Finalizer_ and maybe he would never return. It was just too painful.

There wasn’t anything he really needed in his old quarters. He’d been without it for years, so clearly, everything there was unnecessary. The only thing that he thought he might have wanted was Darth Vader’s old helmet, but when he looked at it, he couldn’t imagine wanting to keep it. It was his grandfather’s fault that Hux hated him and that he would probably never know his son.

He should take that stupid burned piece of junk and space it. As he thought that, he could feel something moving in the Force and soon he was pushed back so he was sitting on the couch. It took him a moment, but he soon recognized the presence in the Force - Anakin. 

Kylo reached for his lightsaber before remembering that it wouldn’t help. He’d only spoken to Anakin a few times and those times, he’d wanted to talk to him. He had no idea how to get rid of an unwanted ghost. The only thing that he could think of was to ignore him, but as soon as Anakin materialized, he couldn’t hold back.

“You lied to me!” he shouted, standing up. His hand was still on his lightsaber and he ended up throwing it at Anakin, but it of course did nothing.

“I did not,” Anakin said. “Everything that I told you, everything I showed you, was true.”

“Hux hates me! You only wanted me to destroy the Order! You didn’t care about him at all! And now what do I have? This is the first time you’ve even bothered to speak to me since then! You abandoned me!”

“Kylo.” Anakin moved closer to him and Kylo could feel Anakin’s presence around him - the Force equivalent of a hug. He could feel himself calming down, even though he still wanted to yell and throw things. But Anakin almost seemed to be absorbing that anger. Kylo had no idea if that was even possible. “I didn’t abandon you. I wouldn’t. But for your own good, I had to stay away. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but even Leia agreed it was for the best.”

“Why?” He’d needed Anakin over the past two years. He’d needed someone who understood what he was going through. And Anakin was the only one who possibly could have. As much as Rey and Leia tried, they could never know what it was to go to the dark side and have that kind of power, much less how hard it was to walk away.

“If it had been me coming to check on you every single day instead of Leia and Rey, what do you think would have happened?”

Kylo didn’t know how to answer. He was still angry at Anakin and he wasn’t prepared to think about such things. He just wanted Anakin to tell him why he hadn’t been around and then leave him alone forever. As much as he had wanted to talk to him in the past, he was too angry at him. Because Hux hated him and it was Anakin’s fault.

“You needed to let them in,” Anakin said. “If I had been around, you never would have. I know you felt like you were alone all this time, but you never really were. Your family has always been there.”

“Except you.”

“I’ve been there more than you know. I probably shouldn’t tell you just what I’ve seen.” Anakin grinned and Kylo glared at him until he realized what Anakin meant, and then he felt his face turning red. Then he realized that Anakin knew all about Hux. And he could very easily tell Leia what he’d been up to.

“Don’t worry,” Anakin said, sounding more amused than angry. “I know all about having a secret relationship. I won’t tell anyone, but I don’t think they’ll react as badly as you expect.”

“How would you know? You don’t really know them.”

“You’re right.” Anakin moved to stand in front of his old helmet, his hand brushing against it. “But I do know that despite every other thing you’ve done, they are still willing to give you a chance, and this is far from the worse you’ve done. They’d even help you get your son if you asked.”

Kylo knew Anakin was right - sneaking around the galaxy to sleep with Hux really wasn’t that bad given everything he’d done with the First Order. But he knew they’d be disappointed in him. And he didn’t want to hear that disappointment from his mother. Or Rey. Or the way that Finn would surely judge him. 

He did like the idea of getting his son, but he also didn’t want to take him from Hux. What he really wanted was to raise him together with Hux. His family wouldn’t help him do that, and he didn’t know what anyone could do to fix his relationship. It seemed damaged beyond repair. But Anakin mentioning his son made Kylo think.

“You know about my son? For how long?”

“Kylo, I’m going to need you to listen. I’ve known since he was born.” Kylo opened his mouth to yell at him, because how could Anakin not tell him that? Hux and the Knight were angry, but Anakin claimed to love him. How could he keep that from him? Anakin gave him another hug, pushing him back on the couch and silencing any argument before it could leave his mouth. “Had I told you, that would have damaged your relationship. It is very possible that Hux would think you’d read his mind and then never contacted you again. As much as I hate to see you in pain, you needed to hear it from Hux.”

Kylo knew Anakin was right, but it was hard to process. So many people that claimed to care about him knew about his son, yet none of them had thought to mention it. He wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Leia knew as well. She always did have a habit of knowing things. 

“I am sorry, Kylo. I never wanted this for you. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

That seemed like an impossibility. How could he ever be happy while separated from his son? Or when the man he loved despised him? Without Hux and his son, Kylo knew that he’d never be happy. Rey and the others could be as nice to him as they wanted, but Kylo couldn’t truly be happy with them. He wasn’t meant to be one of them.

“You don’t happen to know how to fix things with Hux, do you?” That was his only chance of happiness, but it seemed so far fetched that things might work out between them.

“That is very far from my area of expertise,” Anakin said sadly. “My own relationship ended in disaster. I ruined that. But at least your Hux is still alive. That means there’s a chance.”

Kylo desperately wanted to believe that was true. But looking back at everything Hux had done since they started seeing each other, he knew that Hux no longer cared about him. “He hates me.”

“But he is alive. I know you have your regrets about what you’ve done, Kylo, but I didn’t deceive you. Staying on that path would have led to both of your downfalls. As much as he hates it, you did save him.”

“What was the point if he hates me?”

“Would you rather have him die loving you? Or you, dying in his arms and the rest of his short life consumed with vengeance?”

Kylo almost said yes, that it would have been a better situation, because at least they would have been together, in love. But he couldn’t help but think about his son. They wouldn’t have had him. Or if they did, he might have also been killed or ended up fatherless. He wanted so much better for his son. And if Anakin was right, and there was hope, then that was better, even if it was painful at the moment.

“I just want him back,” Kylo muttered, letting himself fall backwards on the couch. 

“I know. I would have done anything for Padmé. But I think where you are now is right. The will of the Force and all that.”

“You sound like Luke.”

“Or maybe Luke sounds like me.” Anakin smiled, but he still seemed sad. If he was upset about Luke’s death, he’d never said anything, but Kylo was sure that he was. Anakin had told him the story about Luke saving him - Anakin clearly loved him. “I know it hurts now, but you’ll see Hux again. Your son, too. And sooner than you think. Just don’t be afraid to let your family help.”

Kylo wanted to ask how he could possibly know that, but he didn’t really care. He didn’t actually believe him anyway. But he did say something that did interest him, something that he’d never mentioned before.

“Can you tell me about her?” he asked, expecting him to suddenly vanish. He’d asked once before, but Anakin had avoided the question. “My grandmother?”

Anakin looked sad for a moment, but he didn’t disappear. Instead, he sat down on the floor next to the couch. “I suppose I should take my own advice and talk to my family, even about the things I don’t want to.”

Kylo listened as Anakin launched into a long tale that he’d never heard before. He’d seen a few holos that were stored in Artoo’s memory, but he had no idea the story that went with them. There was so much that Kylo had never known about her. Some things were a matter of galactic history, but those were impersonal facts that didn’t tell him about the woman she was.

But Anakin had countless stories, and although he spoke slowly at first, he seemed to lose the sadness as he described some of their adventures together. Not only did Kylo learn about Padmé, but he was learning a lot about Anakin as well, and Kylo couldn’t help but smile, knowing where some of his traits came from. He also realized where Rey and Leia got much of their aggression from. As much as he looked up to Anakin, Kylo wished he would have had a chance to meet her. But at least Anakin was around to tell her story.

As he listened to Anakin, he couldn’t help but feel a little comforted at the knowledge that having a disastrous relationship seemed to be a family trait. And by the end, when Anakin told him what he’d done to try to save Padmé, he couldn’t help but be glad that Hux was still alive.

***

Working to get the _Finalizer_ in working order had taken the entire day, and there were still more things to check on. However, Leia had ordered the first crews that had come on board to rest. No one had a chance to assign quarters - it was too difficult since not everyone would be staying on board - so everyone was left to choose their own.

Poe and Rey let Finn decide where they would sleep, as he had the most knowledge of the ship. He led them to the quarters for the upper ranks, and Poe couldn’t help but be impressed. It was fairly small given that they were on a ship, but still much more space than Poe had expected. He’d thought there’d be a bed and maybe some other furniture along with a private refresher. Instead, there was a front living area that might have doubled as an office as there was a desk in the room and then a door led into the bedroom. Off to one side, there was a small kitchen and yet another door that Poe assumed was a refresher.

“Pretty nice place,” Poe said as he looked around. It was certainly nicer than where he’d been last time he was on board. 

“Yeah,” Finn mumbled. “Nice.”

“Finn?” Poe turned his attention to him and saw that he was sitting on the bed, looking very tired. But something else seemed off about him and when he glanced at Rey, he could see that she looked concerned as well. Both Poe and Rey went to sit next to him, putting their arms around him.

“Are you okay?” Rey asked.

“I don’t know,” Finn said. “It’s strange being back here. I feel… I don’t know. There’s lots of memories. Some that I’d much rather forget.”

Poe held Finn tighter against him and he could feel Rey doing the same. He felt like the galaxy’s worst boyfriend because he hadn’t even thought about how being back on the _Finalizer_ would affect him. And he’d been working on board all day, most of that time separated from Poe and Rey. No wonder he was feeling bad.

“We don’t have to stay here,” Poe said. “I can fly us back down to the base.”

“No,” Finn said, shaking his head. “I want to get used to this. I’m sure there’s going to be times when I need to be here. And if I’m going on a mission, I can’t let this ship affect me.”

“Okay,” Poe said, kissing Finn’s cheek. “But if it ever becomes too much, just let us know. Even if it’s the middle of the night, okay?”

“Okay,” Finn said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll be fine.”

“And we’ll be right here for you,” Rey said, kissing his other cheek. 

Finn smiled and that put Poe at ease. If he was smiling, that was a good sign. Poe slowly started to pull away from Finn, and Rey was doing the same. They looked at each other, and Poe realized that it was a competition. Both of them wanted to hold on to Finn the longest. Poe would have won, just by being more stubborn than Rey, but she never played fair. He felt something poking him in the stomach - the Force - and he couldn’t help but flinch. Rey giggled, letting go of Finn once Poe had. 

Finn glanced between them and rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too. “You two are ridiculous,” he said, clearly having picked up on their competition.

“Only because we love you,” Poe said, giving Finn a quick kiss.

“Now just relax and let us take care of you,” Rey said. She pressed a hand to his shoulder and pushed him on the bed. Rey grabbed one of his legs and started to take his boot off, and Poe did the same on the other side.

Working together, Poe and Rey stripped Finn down to his underwear, while also taking their own clothes off. Soon they were all nearly naked and getting settled in bed. It was a slightly smaller bed than they were used to, but they could all fit as long as they were very close to each other. Not that they minded.

As usual, Finn was in the middle and Poe and Rey were on either side. Although they sometimes switched it up, Finn being in the middle was what they always seemed to drift back to. At first, Poe insisted on it because he’d never been in bed with a woman before and it was awkward with Rey at first. But over time, he’d gotten used to Rey and no longer felt strange when she cuddled up to him. 

Poe leaned over Finn to give Rey a kiss and then kissed Finn one more time before settling down. Right after, Rey gave Finn a kiss and then called for the lights to be lowered. As Poe started to fall asleep, his hand drifted across Finn’s chest and found Rey’s hand, and Finn put a hand over his.

No matter what, the three of them would be there for each other.


	8. Chapter 8

In the three weeks that the Resistance had the _Finalizer_ , Kylo really didn’t feel much better, but at least he was capable of doing more than laying on the floor and crying. Even if Anakin was right about his family forgiving him over Hux, Kylo still couldn’t bring himself to tell them the entire truth about the situation, as it would put Hux at risk. They didn’t really need to know and he’d told them enough to make them happy.

As he expected, the Resistance had almost immediately altered the interior of the ship, putting their own emblem on the walls. Leia had asked him if it would be okay and it was nice that she cared about his feelings. But it didn’t bother him at all to see the starbird painted in the hallways, although he could have done without Poe being so joyful about it. The only thing he had asked for was that they leave the name alone. He didn’t want to think about the ship carrying a different name, and Leia had agreed.

Rey and her boyfriends had been a near-constant presence in his life, but when he stopped thinking of them as an annoyance and instead, as friends, he found he really didn’t mind them. And it kept his mind off of Hux, at least a little. But sometimes, he couldn’t help but feel jealous when he saw how happy the others were together and he hated that he couldn’t have that with Hux. 

Now that the Resistance had their mobile command center, most of their operations were taking place from the _Finalizer_. Their numbers had grown enough that they could also maintain their old base, and Kylo had been given the option to stay there or move on to the _Finalizer_. He’d been very tempted to stay on planet, but that would have meant he and Niney would have to part ways, at least for a while. Being a security droid, the Resistance needed Niney’s help to make sure they could use the ship the way they needed to. Since Niney had been the only one to stay with him since the beginning, Kylo was not going to be separated.

He had been starting to question Niney’s loyalty, because ever since the Resistance came on board, he’d been seeing him less. Kylo knew that he was spending most of his time with Poe’s droid, but Kylo couldn’t figure out why. He really didn’t like BB-8, but he also couldn’t blame Niney for wanting a friend, as he’d wanted the same thing. Still, he’d wished he’d have made better friends. It also made him a little nervous, because besides Anakin, Niney was the only other one who knew about Hux. Kylo didn’t imagine that Niney would ever say anything to BB-8, but he might let something slip and the other droid could be able to figure it out.

Niney did at least spend the night in his quarters, so he could at least see his droid then. And Kylo noticed that he was changing. Niney had always been rather formal, as if he was still a First Order security droid, but BB-8 seemed to be teaching him new vocabulary, things that would have certainly have him reprogrammed in the First Order, but Kylo didn’t mind.

What was unusual was for Niney to seek him out in the middle of the day, and when he came rolling into his quarters during the ship’s afternoon cycle, he was a little alarmed. When his door opened, he thought someone else had managed to crack his security, but when he saw the droid, he worried that something was wrong. But Niney only mentioned that he had an urgent call.

There was only one person that Niney received calls from - anyone else would simply use a normal Resistance channel. He jumped up from his bed and quickly did his best to fix his hair, but he didn’t really care what he looked like. He was just excited to see Hux. He nodded to Niney and soon, Hux’s image appeared before him.

“I just need to discuss business,” he said before Kylo could say anything. “Any personal matters will have to wait until a later date.”

“Hux,” he said, voice barely louder than a whisper. 

“I know you’ve been helping the Resistance take care of some pirates, and I’ve come across a group that I think they’ll be very interested in.” Hux went on to describe a pirate group that the Resistance would definitely be interested in, especially if their numbers really were made of former First Order stormtroopers. And even if they weren’t, Kylo imagined the Resistance would still want to stop them. They sounded like a serious problem.

“Why are you telling me all this?” It wasn’t his usual style. He’d always simply told Kylo a place to meet him and he would tell him in person about his latest target. He knew that Hux didn’t really want to see him, but if that were the case, he shouldn’t have even called him. He could have simply sent an anonymous tip to the Resistance.

“Because the Knights are very interested in joining this fight and they’re going to need help. It wouldn’t do if they show up in the middle of a fight between Pandion and the Resistance and no one knows who they are.”

“The Knights?” Kylo had no idea why they would want to get involved in such a thing. They’d never shown any interest in fighting pirates before and he couldn’t imagine what would get them interested in such a thing. And why weren’t they the ones contacting him? It made Kylo wonder if Hux wanted to talk to him, but if so, why did he insist on it only being professional?

“How long do you think it will take the Resistance to come to a decision on whether or not they want to get involved?”

“I don’t know,” Kylo said, shaking his head. “I don’t know if they have the resources.”

“We can contribute about a half dozen fighters and two light freighters. And the Knights of Ren. You know what they’re capable of. If that’s enough to put the numbers in their favor, we are happy to join the fight. Do you think a week will be enough time to come to a decision?”

“Maybe? I really don’t know.” Kylo had never been included in any command meetings unless it directly involved him. He’d always assumed he wouldn’t be wanted, and he really didn’t care either. But that meant he didn’t quite know the state of things with the Resistance.

“Well, I suppose I have no choice but to call you again and find out.”

“Hux, wait!” He knew Hux was about to end the call, but he did stop. Kylo knew he would only have the chance to say one thing. There were so many things that ran through his head. He wanted to yell at him and ask him if he ever loved him and beg him to take him back. But in the end, there was only one thing he could ask.

“What’s his name?”

“Arktos.” With that, Hux ended the call. It had hurt seeing him, and Kylo could already feel the tears in his eyes. But he finally knew his son’s name. He’d been devastated when he realized he didn’t know and he felt a little better knowing. Still, he wanted to be with his son. And Hux. As much as Hux had hurt him, Kylo still wanted to be with him. Even though he knew Hux would only hurt him again.

When he couldn’t cry any longer, he cleaned himself up and left his quarters, Niney rolling behind him. As much as he wanted to stay locked up in his quarters for at least a day, he knew he needed to bring Hux’s message to Leia’s attention. He didn’t want to be without an answer the next time he called, and he really had no idea how long it would take the Resistance to decide what to do. And Rey would never let him spend an entire day on his own anyway.

It was strange walking onto the bridge of the _Finalizer_ and seeing his mother and other Resistance personnel. He had often been the only one who looked out of place on the bridge, as everyone else had always been in uniform. The Resistance did have their uniforms, but they were considered optional for the most part and many people weren’t wearing them. He saw Leia immediately - even though she was much shorter than most of the others, she always stood out.

Not wanting to interrupt her while she was busy, Kylo stood off to the side. Glancing at a nearby console, he could already see that the Resistance had changed things. Niney must have updated the software at some point and Kylo could see the status of X-wings and other Resistance fighters. His Silencer was the only First Order craft currently labeled as friendly. Depending on what kind of fighters Hux had, he would have to find a way to update that. If the Resistance even wanted to help.

“Kylo.”

Hearing Leia’s voice, he looked up from the console quickly. He hadn’t expected her to notice him so soon and he felt like he’d just been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. It probably wasn’t the best idea to be thinking about Hux around her, although she’d never shown any ability to pick up on stray thoughts. Or at least, she’d never shown any evidence of such an ability.

“Is everything okay?”

He nodded, not really having anything to say. That’s usually how it went when she asked how he was doing. No matter what, he just claimed he was fine. But that wasn’t true. He did feel somewhat better after learning Arktos’ name, but he still felt horrible about everything that had happened with Hux. He corrected himself, shaking his head. “No.”

“Do you want to talk to me about it? Or I can have Rey come up here.”

“No. I need to talk to you. It’s about my contact.”

He’d still never given much information about his supposed contact, and he knew he had Leia’s interest. But he couldn’t miss the fact that she was disappointed as well. It was hard for him to talk to her. Although she’d always been kind, he couldn’t help but think she hated who he was. But she’d hoped that he was finally going to talk to her instead of Rey, and he felt bad for that. He would have to think of something minor to talk about with her sometime soon, but that wasn’t important at the moment.

“He’s gotten some information on a group of pirates. They’re called Pandion.”

“Pandion? I’ve heard of them.”

“Oh.” Kylo thought what he had would be news to her. Maybe she wouldn’t be interested in fighting them after all. “He was thinking the Resistance would want to get rid of them. They’re on the planet Sooglossus.”

“Yes, I’ve heard of the situation there, and we are interested in liberating the planet. We just don’t know what exactly we’re up against.”

“My contact does.” Kylo told her everything that Hux had on the pirates, including the estimated numbers and known planetary defenses, and the fact that they were very likely former First Order, although neither Kylo or Hux could guess at who was leading the group.

“That will be difficult to pull off.”

“He’ll help,” Kylo said. “He doesn’t have much. A few fighters. Some ground troops. But he says he’ll help us out.”

“Your contact who you will tell us nothing about because he’s surely a criminal? He wants to help us?”

“That’s what he said.”

“Hmm…” Leia was silent for a moment, thinking. “It won’t be easy to coordinate an attack if he won’t talk to anyone but you. But I would like to make something work. Between his forces, Rey and Finn, and the Resistance, I’d like to think we can take care of this problem. And if you would be willing, you would be a big help.”

He nodded in response. That had been easier than Kylo expected. He imagined that she’d call a meeting of all the other Resistance leaders and they’d sit around and debate it for days. For Leia to give him an answer so soon was unexpected. And he still had to wait a week to tell Hux.

“I’ll draw up a preliminary battle plan,” Leia said. “And I’ll let you communicate that to your contact and if he has any suggestions or new intel, we’ll work that in. Can I ask you about your contact?”

“I can’t tell you anything,” he said, shaking his head. As much as Hux had hurt him, he couldn’t let him be captured. He’d betrayed him once and he wouldn’t do it again. Kylo knew that if Hux was taken in, he’d be able to take Arktos. But even knowing that, Kylo couldn’t stand the thought of Hux being locked up.

“Is it one of the Knights of Ren you’ve been talking to? If it is, they weren’t exactly First Order and we’re not looking to bring them in, so they can work openly with us. I just thought I’d make sure you know that. Just in case.”

“It’s not…” Kylo was going to tell her that the Knights were not his contact, but he understood why she told him that. She’d hate the idea that he was working with them, but he remembered what Anakin had said - she could forgive just about anything. “They’re involved. They are good in a fight.”

“Just as long as they’re on our side.”

***

It took some time, but Kylo and Hux eventually worked out the details of the plan. Every single time Hux called, Kylo wanted nothing more than to tell him that he still loved him, but Hux made it clear that they were only to discuss business. Kylo hated it. He didn’t know why Hux refused to talk about them or their son. Kylo had made the mistake of asking to see him once and Hux had immediately cut the transmission. 

Now that they were finally ready for their attack on Sooglossus, Kylo wondered if he’d have a chance to see Hux. They’d at least be in the same system, and Kylo wasn’t sure how he would stop himself from running to him if he sensed his presence. But that was not something he could worry about. As one of the best pilots in the Resistance, Kylo was preparing to launch in his Silencer. He, along with Poe and a few other pilots, would be responsible for clearing the defenses enough for Rey and Finn to land with some ground troops.

The Knights of Ren would be flying with them. Or at least, some of them would be. The others would be on the ground along with Rey. Kylo had no idea who would be where, so he couldn’t really tell Rey who to look out for, so he simply had to tell her and the rest of the Resistance that if they noticed a group of warriors in tattered black clothing that they would likely be fighting the pirates. Hux’s plan was for the Knights and the rest of his crew to fight in a different part of the planet, so hopefully, they wouldn’t even cross paths with the Resistance, but Kylo knew as well as anyone how the Knights were when it came to following directions. 

With any luck, Kylo would be on the planet to assist Rey before there was any potential to meet the Knights. In addition to being an excellent pilot, he was also quite useful on the ground, and he had decided that he would join the fight there once it seemed like Poe would be able to handle the fight in the air. 

He could see Poe across the hangar in his X-wing, preparing for launch. When Poe looked up he waved at him, but Kylo didn’t wave back. He didn’t see a point. Shortly after, he heard Poe’s voice in his ear.

“Hey, you feeling all right there?” 

“I’m fine.” It was a stupid question. He definitely wasn’t nervous. He’d flown against far more dangerous opponents than a bunch of pirates. Including Poe.

“You just seem tense. I mean, you’re always kinda tense. But more than usual.”

“I’m fine,” he repeated.

“Or maybe you’re nervous that everyone’s going to see that I’m actually the better pilot. I won’t try to make you look bad, but I can’t really help it.”

Kylo was about to tell him to shut up and focus on what he was doing, but then he realized what Poe was doing. It was pre-mission banter. He’d heard Poe and other pilots do it before. He just never thought he’d be included in such things. Kylo felt like maybe he was one of them. But he was far from wanting to fit in with the Resistance anymore. Still, it was nice.

“You’re the one who needs to worry about looking bad,” he said after a pause.

Poe didn’t have a chance to respond, as the flight control deck started calling for everyone’s status. By the time all the pilots had checked in, they were told they had thirty seconds before they would come out of hyperspace and would launch. Kylo and Poe would be among the first into battle, and soon, they had the all clear to go.

Kylo raced out of the hangar and saw the battle had already started - the planet had several orbital platforms that were heavily armed and they were already trading fire with the _Finalizer_. He could clearly see that his first job was to start clearing out some of the cannons. He flew by the nearest platform, taking down their weapons on one side and then prepared to hit the other, but he saw that Poe had already done so.

“Fighters incoming,” someone reported.

“Kylo, let the others handle the platforms. We’ll take the fighters.”

That was a more exciting target anyway, so Kylo was glad to do so. He turned his Silencer towards the planet and saw at least two squadrons heading his way. As expected from pirates, they had a mixed group of fighters. As did Hux and the Knights of Ren. He just hoped they updated their transponders so the Resistance targeting systems would see them as friendlies. Kylo at least had the Force and knew that none of the pilots coming towards him were his Knights.

The pilots were good, but Kylo and Poe were better, and they both managed to shoot down several targets in their initial encounter. But the other enemy craft didn’t engage them and were heading towards the platforms to back them up. It could have caused some problems for the other Resistance fighters as some of those pilots were a bit more inexperienced, but the Silencer was faster than anything the pirates had and he easily caught up to them.

As he was blasting his way through as many enemy fighters as possible, he noticed new ships in the mix. At first, he took them for more pirates, but they also seemed to be fighting against them. Reaching out with the Force, he sensed the familiar presences of Ap'lek, Kuruk, and Ushar. He couldn’t sense the other Knights or Hux, but he didn’t have time to think about them - they simply could have been further away. 

With the Knights helping, they were able to take out the enemies and completely disable the platforms. But that was always supposed to be the easy part - it was once they were on the ground that things were going to get difficult. And they also had to be quick. Hux’s intelligence showed that a good portion of the pirate’s fleet was away at the moment, but they could be back within a few hours. They needed to wrap things up before then.

“I’m going to the surface,” Kylo told the other Resistance pilots once he saw the transports launching from the _Finalizer_. He could sense Rey on one of them and he followed that one down to the landing site. They had enemy troops on them almost immediately, but since Kylo was still in the Silencer, he simply blasted them, giving Rey and the others a few moments to get out of their transport without being under fire.

The Resistance troops, led by Chewbacca, had their own missions, taking care of tasks such as taking back the local military base and arming the citizens of the planet. Rey and Finn’s mission was to find the pirate leaders and remove them. It promised to be a more difficult job, so Kylo planned on assisting them. 

They didn’t really know much of what was happening on the planet itself, but they had a few ideas of where they might find their pirates. The hope was that someone on the planet would be able to help them, but Kylo wasn’t planning on talking to anyone. His goal was to simply take out as many enemies as possible. Eventually they’d find the leaders.

As expected, it didn’t take long to run into the first group of pirates and Kylo attacked. He was aware of Rey and Finn fighting by his side, but he didn’t have time to think about how strange that was. Although no match for him and two Jedi, the pirates were good, and Kylo was certain that Hux was right - they were former stormtroopers. He was able to confirm that when Finn ran into someone he knew.

All three of them had their lightsabers lit as Finn tried talking to the young man, and for a moment, Kylo thought that Finn might actually convince the other to give up the fight. But as Finn was lowering his lightsaber, the other man raised his blaster and fired. Rey jumped forward, but she didn’t have enough time to block the shot, but Kylo did. Without thinking, he froze the blaster shot in midair, along with the man who had fired it. Finn just stared for a few moments, blaster shot still in front of his face until Rey pulled him aside and Kylo let it go safely. Kylo then turned his attention to the stormtrooper, prepared to cut him down.

“Wait!” Finn called. “Don’t kill him!”

“He tried to kill you!” Kylo argued.

“That’s his programming,” Finn said. “It’s not his fault. Just do your trick and knock him out and we’ll have someone come pick him up.”

“You can’t kill him when he’s unable to fight,” Rey added.

Kylo frowned. He hadn’t used the Force to knock someone out since he’d been the Supreme Leader. Many of his old tricks he no longer used, wanting to distance himself from his past. But he realized that the only alternative was to kill him, and while Kylo didn’t particularly care, Finn did. And Rey cared about Finn. So if he upset him, he’d also upset Rey. He closed the distance between himself and the former stormtrooper and quickly sent him to sleep. Finn picked up his blaster and called in their location for someone to take the prisoner in, and then they continued on their way.

A handful of other pirates hesitated to shoot them and Finn asked Kylo to freeze them and knock them out as well. He didn’t have high hopes that they would be able to break through their conditioning as Finn had, but it didn’t really matter to him whether they were taken as prisoners or killed. It wasn’t as if it took any more effort to knock them out.

Eventually, they found who they were looking for. Kylo didn’t remember his name, but he recognized one of the pirates as being an officer in the First Order. Like the stormtroopers, he was trained in battle but he was still no match for Kylo and the others and they had him disarmed in seconds. Kylo was going to kill him, but Rey stopped him.

“He could have information we need,” Rey said. “There’s still plenty of other First Order personnel to track down and he might know where some of them are.”

That was even more reason to kill him, Kylo thought. It was entirely possible that he knew about Hux, and he might have even heard rumors of Kylo working with Hux. That information couldn’t get back to the Resistance, but if Kylo killed him, that might make them suspicious as well. If they thought he was going back to the dark side, they might watch him more closely and that wouldn’t do.

“Then you take him.” He would just have to hope that he either didn’t have any information or that he wouldn’t be willing to talk.

He knew that Rey and Finn could easily take care of the prisoner, and there was very little fighting left, so Kylo walked away. The battle had been a good distraction, but now that it was over, Kylo couldn’t stop thinking about Hux. He was probably nearby - Kylo liked to imagine him watching the battle from orbit like he always used to, but he also liked the idea of Hux being in the middle of the fight himself.

When they’d made their plans for battle, Kylo had hoped that Hux would also arrange for them to meet. He shouldn’t want to see Hux, but Kylo couldn’t help himself. The only thing he wanted was to be in Hux’s arms, even if Hux didn’t love him. But Hux had not mentioned a secret meeting place or even hinted that he wanted to see him in person. After making it back to the Silencer, Kylo asked Niney if he’d received any transmissions, but the answer was negative.

As he flew back into orbit and towards the _Finalizer_ , Kylo reached out with the Force, trying to sense Hux’s presence. Even as he expanded his reach across the planet, he couldn’t sense him. His Knights were there, but Hux wasn’t on the planet or anywhere around it. Kylo couldn’t help but be disappointed.

The Resistance fighters were on patrol, standing by in case Pandion managed to send reinforcements but Kylo really didn’t feel up to joining them. If there was any trouble, Poe and the others could handle it without him. He was just about to ask for clearance to go back to the _Finalizer_ when a new ship was reported just jumping into the system. 

Wanting to see what else Pandion had to throw at them, Kylo went towards the new ship and realized he’d seen it before. Or at least one that looked very similar. He reached out with the Force and he immediately recognized Hux’s presence. Along with Hux, there was another presence, one that he wasn’t quite so familiar with but one that he couldn’t forget. His son was there.

When Kylo got over the shock of realizing that Hux and Arktos were there, he realized that the Resistance thought Hux was part of Pandion and were getting ready to launch an attack. He couldn’t blame Hux for not wanting to call them and ask them to stand down, but he was putting Arktos in danger and that was unacceptable. And he had the transponder codes - he could have made sure that his ship would have registered as a friendly.

“Stand down!” Kylo shouted over the comms as he raced towards Hux’s ship. Poe was leading the charge towards him and fortunately, Kylo managed to get in front of him before Poe was in firing range. 

“You know this ship?” Poe asked him. “Mind asking the pilot to respond to us?”

“I’ll take care of it,” Kylo said, continuing on towards Hux’s ship. “Just don’t open fire.”

“No promises,” Poe said. “But if they don’t start anything, neither will we.”

After a quick pass around the ship, Kylo found the hangar and he flew inside. There was an old Z-95 sitting in there, but that was the only other ship besides the Silencer. There was plenty of room for others, and Kylo wondered if the Knights would be boarding soon. The Knights weren’t the reason he was there and he left the hangar to find Hux.

It took him a little while to figure out where he was going, but he soon managed to make his way to the cockpit. Once he got there, he realized he had no idea what he was going to say. As soon as he saw Hux, he wanted to pull him into his arms and kiss him, but he also wanted to yell at him and tell him that he hated him and that he would never trust him again. He didn’t do either of those things because in his arms was a squirming bundle that Kylo recognized as Arktos. It was only the second time he’d seen him, and he froze for a moment before he remembered where they were.

“You brought our son into a war zone?” Kylo shouted at Hux. “Why would you do that?”

“It’s fine,” Hux said, calmly. “And you may want to keep your voice down. Shouting might scare him.”

“You put him in danger,” Kylo growled. He still wanted to yell but the last thing he wanted was to make Arktos afraid of him.

“The battle was over. Cardo said it was safe enough to show up.”

“Safe enough? Hux, what would happen if the ship was fired upon? The fucking Resistance was ready to shoot you! He could have died!” Kylo hated to think about what might have happened had he not sensed Hux’s presence and made it to him before Poe. The pilot probably wouldn’t have fired on a craft that wasn’t attacking, but Poe could be impulsive sometimes.

“Do you want to hold him?” Hux asked, holding him out.

Kylo didn’t know how to respond. He knew that Hux was distracting him, but he also couldn’t refuse. He only nodded as he reached out and took Arktos. As soon as he had him, Kylo held him close against him, balancing him in one arm while his other hand reached up so he could brush his face with a finger. He smiled and Arktos smiled back at him and he couldn’t help but cry.

He’d wanted to be there for his children. When he and Hux had first discussed the possibility, Kylo had decided that he would never miss anything in their lives. The plan had been for Hux to take over most day-to-day running of the First Order while Kylo would concentrate on the children. But Hux took that desire and turned it into a weapon. He’d known how to hurt Kylo the most and he hadn’t hesitated.

Hux touched him lightly on the arm and Kylo knew that he should hate Hux. He should throw him into the nearest wall and run away with Arktos. But as much as Hux had hurt him, he didn’t want to do anything like that to Hux. He still loved him, although he wished he could hate him.

“Sit down,” Hux said, guiding Kylo to sit in the co-pilot’s seat. Hux’s hand lingered on his arm longer than necessary, but Kylo didn’t mind.

“Why’d you do it?” Kylo asked, once he managed to stop crying so much.

“I told you. I thought you were dead and I wanted some part of you with me.”

“That’s a lie. And even if it wasn’t. You never told me.”

“All right. Fine. I was pissed off about what you did and the only think I could do to hurt you like you hurt me was to have a child and steal your Knights. Is that what you want to hear?”

“It’s the truth, isn’t it? You really hate me that much?”

“It’s complicated,” Hux said, sitting down in the pilot’s seat. “But it looks like you already love him.”

“Of course I do. He’s my son.” Fresh tears started to fall. Every time he thought about how he had a son, he really couldn’t help himself. And it was even worse now that he was holding him. 

“It’s okay, Kylo,” Hux said. He stood up and walked over to him, one hand gently stroking through his hair while the other wiped his tears away. “I didn’t mean to overwhelm you with all this. But it’s going to be fine. And look. I think Arktos likes you.”

Kylo had no idea how to tell if a baby liked someone, but he was reaching up towards him. Kylo gently put a finger against Arktos’ tiny hands and nearly started crying again at how small he was. The last time he’d held a baby, he’d been a child himself and he didn’t realize how tiny they were. And so helpless. Kylo wanted to hold him forever and keep him safe and make sure nothing ever hurt him.

A fresh set of tears started to fall as he realized he should have been there. Arktos had gone six months without ever having him there to protect him. Hux put his arms around him, holding him. Kylo knew it was Hux’s fault that he’d missed out on so much of his son’s life. He knew he should push him away, but he couldn’t. Hux would only hurt him again, but Kylo thought it would be worse to be apart from him.

“This is almost perfect,” Hux said, planting a kiss on Kylo’s cheek. “Just the two of us and Arktos. Although I’d always imagined that we’d all be happy about it.”

“I am happy,” Kylo said. “But you broke my heart and I know you’ll keep doing it. It hurts.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Hux said. “Not anymore.”

“But you did.” 

“Yes. But to be fair, you hurt me first.”

“I didn’t want to! I did what I had to do to save you!” 

“Back on about your weird dreams again,” Hux said, shaking his head. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Kylo had tried to explain to him about what Anakin had showed him, but Hux refused to listen. Things hadn’t changed. And he didn’t want to argue with Arktos right there. He just wanted Hux to understand why he had no choice, but Hux had never wanted to learn anything about the Force.

“Kylo,” Hux started to speak again, but then the door to the cockpit slid open and Hux turned towards the sound.

“They’ve moved the kids,” Kylo heard Trudgen say. He stood up and saw Trudgen, Ushar, Cardo and a woman he didn’t know standing in the entrance to the cockpit. As soon as he saw them Cardo pushed his way inside and went to take Arktos, but Kylo wouldn’t hand him over.

Cardo had his helmet on, so Kylo couldn’t see his face, but he could sense that he wasn’t happy about Kylo not handing Arktos over. Why he was upset was a mystery - Arktos was Kylo’s son and if anyone should be holding him, it was Kylo. Cardo tried once more to take him, but Kylo turned away.

“We know we didn’t even take out half of Pandion,” Hux said. “Looks like we’ll just have to keep fighting them. Kylo?”

Kylo looked over at Hux and as he was momentarily distracted, Cardo took the opportunity to grab Arktos from him and quickly backed away. He started to go after him, but Hux stood in his way.

“Are you going to come with us and help take out Pandion?”

“You’re going to keep fighting them?” It had been strange enough that Hux had asked for help fighting them in the first place, and he couldn’t believe that he planning on continuing and that he’d asked for Kylo’s help. Hux and the Knights were more than capable of taking the rest of them on their own now that their main base of operations was destroyed. “Why?”

“Our main goal is to recover some stolen children,” Hux said. “Although I suspect that they do that quite a lot, so it might take us some time to find the ones we’re looking for.”

“You want to save children?” Kylo glanced at the Knights, almost expecting them to be laughing, but they all looked just as serious as Hux. Except for Cardo whose attention was focused on Arktos. 

“Yes, Kylo, that’s exactly the goal. We don’t know if they’re selling the children or raising them to be the next generation of Pandion, but either way, we need to find them as soon as possible. Are you in?”

“Why?” Kylo asked again. Hux still hadn’t explained his motivations for wanting to take Pandion on. Or why he seemed more concerned with saving a bunch of kids instead of weakening his competition.

“They’re bad people,” Hux said with a shrug. “Someone’s got to take care of them, and now that we’ve scattered them, I think we’re probably the most qualified to do so.”

“Bad people? So are we, Hux. That’s not why you’re doing this.” He knew that had nothing to do with Hux’s reasoning. He’d supported stealing children for years for his stormtrooper program. There was no way he’d suddenly start caring about that.

“I was hoping that might convince you,” Hux said.

“I’m not the Resistance. I don’t start fighting people just because someone’s decided they’re bad.”

“Well, what do you know? Still the Kylo I remember.” Hux grinned, but it quickly faded. “They’re the only other pirate group that’s a threat to me. I want them gone. Completely. There is actually one child we are looking for. You haven’t met Sana yet, but Pandion took her daughter.”

Kylo glanced at the unknown woman and then back to Hux. That seemed strange as well. Hux shouldn’t have cared about some random woman’s kid, although perhaps she’d helped him in some way. It didn’t really matter to Kylo why she was there or why Hux wanted to help her. It wasn’t even that important why Hux wanted to fight Pandion, and Kylo knew what answer he would give as soon as Hux asked. He was being given a chance to stay with Hux. And Arktos. Of course he was going to take it. But he had wanted to see if Hux would be honest with him.

Kylo wasn’t sure how he felt about the fact that Hux’s first instinct was to lie. But he already made his decision.

“I’ll go with you,” Kylo said, glancing towards Arktos, who was pulling on Cardo’s clothing. He knew he wouldn’t be able to leave while Arktos was on board.

“You’d better let your friends know,” Ushar said. “They’re still sitting out there watching our ship.”

“Yes,” Hux agreed. “The last thing we need is for them to try following us and get in our way.”

Kylo looked at the controls in the cockpit. They were unfamiliar but he’d used enough different ships over the course of his life that it didn’t take him too long to figure out how to open a channel.

“Uh, Resistance fleet?” He hadn’t considered what he was going to say before hand and he didn’t actually know what he was supposed to say. In the First Order, he’d simply shouted orders out over the comms and left it at that. He’d never actually tried getting a response. But he quickly remembered that he needed to identify himself too. “This is Kylo Ren on the ship, uh, the pirate ship?”

“She’s called the _Teratorn_ ,” Hux muttered.

“Kylo!” Poe’s voice came over the speaker almost instantly. “We’ve been trying to reach you! Niney says every thing is okay, but it’s good to hear from you.”

“Uh, yeah. Um. Poe? I’m going with these guys to find the rest of Pandion.”

“Wait, what? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m going.”

“Who are you with?” Poe asked. “Maybe we should talk this through.”

“I’ve already made up my mind. I’ll contact you when I can. And don’t try to follow me. Pass that on to Rey too.”

“Kylo -” 

Before Poe could try to reason with him anymore, Kylo ended the call. He didn’t care what Poe had to say and there was no way that anyone would convince him to leave Hux and Arktos. Once he’d turned it off, Hux sat in the pilot’s seat and started putting in a set of coordinates. By the time they made it to lightspeed, Hux and Kylo were alone in the cockpit.

Kylo looked over at him and couldn’t help but think that maybe things could work out between them after all. For the first time in years, they were going to be together and not just temporarily. He hoped that maybe Hux would remember how good things used to be between them, but deep down, he knew he would only end up hurt again.


	9. Chapter 9

Less than a day of being on Hux’s ship is all it took for Kylo to realize that things were not going to go the way he hoped. He’d thought he would be able to stay in Hux’s quarters and at least have plenty of time to be with him, but instead, Hux had taken him to some of the extra crew quarters. Kylo tried arguing, but Hux wouldn’t listen. He just left.

As he sat in his quarters by himself, he couldn’t help but feel lonely. He’d thought being with the Resistance had been bad, but he couldn’t help but feel even lonelier. He should have been used to sitting by himself, but the fact that Hux and his Knights were right there made it so much worse.

Hux hadn’t seemed all that angry at him at all when he first came on board - he’d let him hold Arktos and he’d touched him so gently. But then he’d shown him to his quarters and told him to stay out of everyone’s way, and Kylo didn’t understand the change. The only thing that he could think of that might have angered Hux was his brief call to Poe. Maybe Hux hadn’t liked how friendly Poe had sounded with him. It made it sound like he was one of them.

But he wasn’t and Hux had to know that. That was why he’d gone with Hux without a second thought. He wanted to be with him and not the Resistance. And Hux had asked him to help. So why did he seem to want him out of the way? Why wouldn’t he let him share his quarters? Kylo knew that his bed was barely big enough for him and maybe Hux’s bed was the same. But Kylo would gladly sleep on the floor if it meant he could be closer to Hux.

After a while, Kylo couldn’t take it any longer. He could feel his Knights and Hux and Arktos in the Force. They were so close and he couldn’t stand being away from them. He reasoned that Hux had only told him to stay out of the way, not that he had to stay in his quarters. If Hux had really meant for him to stay in there, he would have locked the door. Not that a lock had ever stopped Kylo before, but it would have at least told him he wasn’t wanted loose on the ship.

He wanted to see Arktos and Hux the most but he found a few of the Knights first. When he saw them, he realized he really wanted to talk to them too. They hadn’t really had a chance to discuss things, and Kylo could feel that they were still uncertain about him. Winning Hux back would be difficult, but the Knights should be easier. They at least understood the Force.

Trudgen, Kuruk, Vicrul, and Ap'lek were hanging around the crew lounge. He could sense that Ushar and Cardo were elsewhere on the ship, which was disappointing. He wanted to talk to all of them and he especially wanted to see Cardo, as he was the last one he saw with Arktos. For a few moments, Kylo just stood in the doorway and looked at the Knights and they stared back at him.

Vicrul was the first to move, getting up and brushing past Kylo to leave. On his way out, he muttered a curse in a language Kylo didn’t know, but it was easy to tell what he meant. Kylo looked at the others, almost expecting them to do the same.

“He took it hard when you left,” Trudgen explained.

“Harder than the rest of us,” Kuruk added.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. 

“Well you might as well sit down,” Kuruk said with a shrug. “I guess we should get ourselves figured out.”

Kylo finally moved into the room and sat down next to Ap'lek who immediately leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. He’d forgotten how friendly she was and just how much he’d missed her casual affection. And it meant a lot to him that she was still willing to act that way with him.

“ _Don’t think this means I’ve completely forgiven you,_ ” she told him. “ _I just really like the way you feel._ ”

Kylo could feel her through the Force a little easier when she was right up against him and he could feel her conflicting emotions but he felt good about the fact that the overwhelming feelings were relief and happiness. It was almost enough to bring tears to Kylo’s eyes. He should have told them what he was doing and why he left. He hadn’t really thought of them as he had his mind occupied on convincing himself that he was doing the only thing he could to save Hux.

“Why didn’t any of you ever contact me?” Kylo asked. He realized as soon as he had asked that he could have done the same. They were connected well enough that any of them could have reached out to the others across the galaxy. He could have contacted them first. 

“We knew where you went,” Trudgen said with a shrug. “We thought that’s where you wanted to be. With Ben’s family. Not us.”

“If you wanted to give up the dark side, we decided we would simply let you go,” Kuruk said. “We didn’t want you to feel like you needed to come back with us.”

“ _Although we would have gone with you_ ,” Ap'lek said. “ _If you had asked.”_

“You knew where I was. You could have found me. But you didn’t.”

“We didn’t know what to expect,” Kuruk said.

“If you were committed to the light, you might have tried to kill us.”

“You wouldn’t have been successful.”

“ _But we didn’t want to know if you would try.”_

Kylo didn’t really know what he would have done had his Knights come to him in his early days with the Resistance. He had been so miserable with them, he thought he might have simply left with them. But had Rey or Leia been present, he didn’t know if he could have walked away from them so easily. He hated the thought that he would disappoint them again. Or worse - Leia and Rey might have tried to fight the Knights and Kylo didn’t want to see any of them hurt.

“And then Hux found you,” Kylo said. “I never expected that you would have gotten along with him.”

“It was rough,” Kuruk admitted. “Still is sometimes.”

“But you were still alive and we had no master.”

“ _So the best we could do was pledge ourselves to our master’s mate._ ”

“I hope you didn’t refer to him like that in front of him.” Kylo knew Hux would hate to be called his mate, especially early on when he hated him so much.

“Cardo did,” Trudgen said with a grin. “Once.”

“Is that why he’s always got babysitting duty?” Kylo wondered. He’d realized that Cardo was the only Knight who he’d really seen with Arktos, which was strange. He’d never seen like the type to like babies. Then again, none of the Knights did. 

“ _He likes Arktos. The plan was for all of us to help equally with him._ ”

“But he really doesn’t let anyone else take care of him,” Kuruk said.

“If Cardo is busy, the general takes care of him,” Trudgen said.

“We only have to deal with him if they’re both busy.”

As much as Kylo hated that he wasn’t there for his son, at least Arktos had plenty of people looking out for him. And with the Knights, he knew that Arktos would always be safe. Still, it hurt that he hadn’t even known of Arktos’ existence. And he wanted to be the one keeping him safe.

“You could have at least told me about him,” Kylo said, feeling tears threatening to fall. “I didn’t even know that I had a son.”

“ _We could have._ ”

“So why didn’t you?”

No one spoke for several moments and all he could feel was a little bit of regret coming from Ap'lek. She snuggled in a little bit closer to him and he felt a very quiet apology from her, but she didn’t try to explain. Not that he needed an explanation - the Force told him all he needed to know. 

“When the general told us what he was doing, we didn’t really see a problem with it,” Trudgen finally said. 

“We’d felt so betrayed that you’d left us,” Kuruk said. “And if you were going to abandon us, we would help the general in his plan.”

“ _At least that way, it would be as close as we could to having you again._ ”

Kylo really couldn’t argue against their choice. He’d hurt them, just as he’d hurt Hux. It was only natural that they’d want vengeance of some kind. It was just a very strange way of getting revenge and Kylo still didn’t understand why that had been their plan. But it had worked - Kylo couldn’t think of anything that would have hurt him more. And it had been Hux’s plan. It made more sense coming from him. Hux always did know the best way to hurt him.

“And we did tell you eventually,” Kuruk said.

“Cardo did, anyway.”

“You didn’t tell me anything.” Hux had very reluctantly told him that Arktos was his son. None of the Knights had said a word about it.

“Cardo wasn’t supposed to be there,” Trudgen said. 

“ _The general knew he couldn’t hide us from you any longer. But he told Cardo to keep Arktos out of sight._ ”

“But he thought you should know.”

“Most of us did.”

“So he made sure that you saw him. He knew that you’d press Hux for the truth.”

He had, and Hux had still tried to avoid telling him. The Knights must have known that Hux wouldn’t outright lie about Arktos’ origins, but he couldn’t help but wonder what they would have done if Hux had simply decided to say nothing. Would any of them have told him? It really wasn’t important enough to bother them about, but it hurt to think that they might have kept the secret.

“Your turn,” Kuruk said, breaking the silence that had fallen over them.

“Why’d you do it?”

“ _We know you’ve always felt torn, but we thought you would have at least told us you wanted to leave._ ”

“I’m sorry.” He thought back to the day he’d destroyed the First Order. He could have told the Knights beforehand, but he hadn’t even considered them. His biggest concern had been making sure that Hux was well away from the fleet so Hux couldn’t stop him. And once he had that, nothing else had mattered.

“I had to do it to save Hux,” Kylo said. “After I killed Snoke, my grandfather started to visit me. I was excited at first because he’d never tried talking to me before. I guess Snoke was blocking him from contacting me.”

“Darth Vader?” Kuruk asked. They looked excited at that prospect.

“Yes. But he goes by Anakin now.”

“What did he say?”

“A lot.” Kylo paused, trying to think of where to begin. Anakin had talked to him for so long about so many different things. But most of it wasn’t relevant to the Knights or why he’d left them. “He showed me the future. Many versions of it, actually. And in every single one of them, Hux died. I had to get him away from the Order to save him, but you know how he is.”

“ _He never would have gone willingly._ ”

“Exactly. I had to make it so there was nothing to go back to.”

“I guess that worked,” Kuruk said. “And he is still alive.”

“Just not very happy,” Trudgen said.

“I never planned on staying away from him,” Kylo said. “But at the last moment, I decided to take my lieutenant with me.”

“Mitaka?” Kuruk asked. “I liked him.”

“Yeah,” Kylo said. “Anyway, I didn’t want to go on the run with Mitaka in tow, so I thought I’d just drop him off with the Resistance. I thought I’d spend a few days with them and then go off and find Hux.”

“ _Why didn’t you?_ ”

“They were much more forgiving than I expected,” Kylo said. “And my mother was just so happy to see me. I knew it would break her heart if I left again and I didn’t want to do that to her. Not after everything else I did. So I ended up staying. And the fact that they trusted me after all I did was really nice. I didn’t really want to betray that.”

“Yet you were willing to betray us because a ghost told you to do it.”

Kylo jumped up at Hux’s voice, dislodging Ap'lek from her resting place. He hadn’t realized Hux had been listening, but he must have been there for at least a little while.

“Hux,” Kylo said, wanting to explain further. He hadn’t wanted to tell Hux about Anakin because he knew he would never understand. To someone who barely even believed in the Force, talking to a dead man must seem like the most ridiculous thing. And Kylo had been right - Hux clearly didn’t want to listen anymore. But he had to explain. Somehow, make him realize that he was telling the truth.

“Fuck you too, Ren.” He turned and walked out of the room and Kylo immediately went to follow him. He needed to tell him something to make things better. He didn’t know what, but he would think of what to say later. He didn’t get very far before Ap'lek grabbed his arm and held him back.

“Better not,” Trudgen advised.

“I’ll talk to him,” Kuruk offered.

“But I need to tell him… something.” Kylo couldn’t even come up with an excuse as to why he needed to talk to Hux. He just needed to be with him. 

“Yes,” Kuruk agreed, “but at this point, he’ll be more willing to talk to us than you.”

Kylo nodded, realizing that Kuruk was right. They had a much better relationship with Hux. All of the Knights did. Kylo hated it, but he wasn’t going to make things better by forcing Hux to talk to him. He sat back down, defeated. Ap'lek curled back up against him and Kylo was glad that at least she didn’t completely hate him.

Trudgen didn’t say much after Kuruk went after Hux, but he did sit down on Kylo’s other side. Having two of the Knights close by did make him feel a little better. But it still wasn’t what he really wanted. It was Hux that he needed. He’d just have to hope that Hux would understand someday.

With his Knights near him, Kylo felt relaxed enough that he eventually started to doze off. He was still somewhat aware of his surroundings but he was very relaxed and felt like he couldn’t move. Not that he would want to, as he was far too comfortable with Ap'lek and Trudgen on either side of him.

It was only when he sensed Hux walking back into the room that he managed to move and even then, it was with some difficulty. He was laying across Trudgen’s lap with Ap'lek halfway on top of him. As he sat up, he noticed that it wasn’t the most comfortable position to have slept in as he was a little sore.

He watched as Hux settled down in a chair across from him, hopeful that Kuruk had managed to explain things in a way that Hux would understand. Kuruk had come in behind Hux and Kylo glanced at them, but their face gave nothing away. Ushar was there as well, but she wouldn’t even look at him.

“I should give you the full briefing on Pandion and our plans,” Hux said.

“Really? That’s what you want to talk about?” Kylo really wasn’t surprised, but he was disappointed. They really needed to talk, but Hux hadn’t given him a chance. And knowing Hux, he was going to put it off as long as possible.

“This is the most important thing we have to discuss,” Hux replied. “The sooner we accomplish our goals, the sooner we can get you back to your mother.”

Kylo wanted to argue with him - he didn’t want to go back to the Resistance. He wanted to stay. With Arktos. And he wanted to be with Hux as well. He wanted to argue that they needed to talk about their relationship, not battle plans, but he knew that would get them no where. Hux would refuse and would shut down if Kylo really pressed him. Even if it wasn’t what Kylo wanted to talk about, he was at least glad Hux was talking to him at all.

At first, Hux went over everything he had already told him about Pandion, but Kylo didn’t mind because it meant he could listen to Hux talk. He was watching Hux’s lips as he spoke and the way he moved his hands around and then he couldn’t help imagine Hux’s hands touching him, and those lips on his.

“Kylo!” Hux shouted, getting his attention and Kylo realized he hadn’t been paying attention to what Hux was saying, and judging from his tone, Hux knew that.

“What?” Kylo asked.

“I need you to pay attention.”

“ _He’s too busy staring at your pretty lips,_ ” Ap'lek said, and Kylo was a little embarrassed that she had picked up on that, but it really wasn’t too surprising - she had always been one of the better ones at casually picking up others’ thoughts. And the fact that she was still lying on him made it all the easier for her to do so.

“I assumed as much,” Hux said. 

“Then maybe you should tell me something new if you want me to focus,” Kylo mumbled. He knew he shouldn’t say anything that might antagonize Hux, but keeping quiet around Hux had always been difficult for him. It was all too easy to get into an argument with him, but he knew any argument now wouldn’t end in the way he wanted.

“I was trying to go over the plan,” Hux said. “They’d only just set up their operations on Sooglossus, which meant we weren’t able to take them out completely and it probably isn’t difficult for them to go back to how they used to operate. Which is a problem because we have no idea how they’re operating. They could have a base of operations on another planet or a space station or they might have more mobile operations like we do.”

As Hux continued to talk, Kylo started to find his concentration faltering once again. He wanted to simply stare at him and listen to the sound of his voice, but he knew Hux didn’t have a lot of tolerance for him not paying attention, especially when it came to planning operations. Before, in the First Order, it had sometimes led to very quick and very aggressive sex, but he was fairly certain that wasn’t going to happen anymore. Kylo wasn’t even sure that he would want that anyway, as he learned that he preferred Hux to be gentle.

“I’d rather not take out any of their smaller groups,” Hux said. “I want to strike them at their head, and once their leadership is gone, the rest shouldn’t be a problem. Our plan is to capture one of their ships and leave their captain alive so Kylo can get interrogate and determine where their leaders are.”

“Interrogate?” Kylo quickly realized what Hux meant by that and shook his head. “I don’t do that anymore.”

“You don’t? Is that just a choice you made or are you incapable of doing so?”

“I…” Kylo wasn’t sure what to say. He could claim that he no longer had the ability and that would be the end of it, but that wasn’t the truth. As much as he knew he’d never completely rid himself of the darkness, he’d been trying. And to be on the light side, he’d given up using many of the abilities he’d used with the First Order.

“You just don’t want to. Is that it?”

“Hux.” Kylo didn’t know how to explain it so Hux would understand. He didn’t think Hux could understand that he was trying to be a better person. “I’m not the same person you knew.”

“That’s obvious. Did it affect your ability to use the Force?”

“It’s not that. It’s…”

“You don’t want to help, then. I shouldn’t be surprised, I suppose, but I thought that when you came with us, you were agreeing to help us defeat Pandion.”

“I was,” Kylo said. “I thought you just wanted me to fight alongside you.”

“The fighting portion we have covered. The Knights of Ren and myself can handle that just fine. What we need from you is the one thing we can’t do, and that’s to take information that someone doesn’t want to give. And we’d prefer to do it without days of torture.”

Hux really hadn’t changed at all, Kylo realized. Even without the First Order, he was still the same exact person that Kylo had always known. Which made sense, but given that he was willingly working with Force users and had become a father, Kylo thought that maybe he had changed. Maybe he would have wanted to be a better person too. But he was wrong. And that made Kylo wonder if they could truly have a relationship again.

“If you don’t want to help us, you can go back home.”

“No,” Kylo said immediately. He wanted to believe that he could find a way to make things work with Hux. The answer to that problem was fairly obvious. If Hux was still the same as he’d always been, then Kylo just needed to be his old self as well. He knew how disappointed Rey and Leia would be, but there was no reason for them to ever know what he’d done.

“You’re not going to sit around on our ship if you’re not going to help.”

“I’ll do it,” Kylo agreed quietly, looking down.

“That’s a good boy,” Hux purred, his tone enough to make Kylo look up. Hux was on his feet and closed the distance between them, a hand reaching out to caress Kylo’s cheek. “I’ll make sure that I make it worth the effort.”

Kylo wanted to ask what he meant by that, but Hux was already walking away, giving orders to the Knights. He was surprised at how easy it was for him to get the Knights to obey. When Kylo had been their master, they’d done things in their own time and argued if they didn’t like the way they were doing something. 

“What do you need me to do?” Kylo asked once the other Knights had their orders.

“I already told you what I need from you,” Hux said. “We won’t have any use for you until we have a prisoner.”

Kylo almost argued, because he knew he would be useful in any kind of fight, but it wasn’t hard to figure out that his abilities had nothing to do with Hux’s decision. Hux simply didn’t want to deal with him. That was painful to think about, but if Hux really didn’t want to see him, Kylo could make sure that happened. He’d simply do what he could to help Hux and hope that there would be enough time for Hux to calm down so they could talk.

He’d never wanted to tell Hux about Anakin for that very reason. He knew he would react that way. Really, he never wanted to talk about anything Force-related with Hux since it wasn’t something that he would ever understand. But it was too late and now he knew the truth. Kylo just had to hope he wouldn’t stay angry forever.

“Guess you know where to find me if you need me,” Kylo muttered as he got up to leave. The Knights all had tasks to take care of, which meant Kylo had nothing else to do, so he thought he’d just head back to his quarters. He couldn’t believe that he was playing the exact same role as he had with the Resistance - staying in his room until someone needed him. That the Resistance would treat him that way made sense, but it hurt that Hux would do the same.

On his way back to his quarters, he walked by an open door and froze. Cardo was there and so was Arktos. Kylo stood in the doorway and it was several moments before he noticed the third person in the room - the woman that had joined Hux’s crew. Sana.

She looked at him and Kylo could feel in the Force that she was afraid. He was used to people being afraid of him, but he didn’t know why she would be. He’d barely met her, and she hadn’t been afraid then. But Kylo really hadn’t paid much attention to her before.

“Might as well come in,” Cardo said. Kylo stepped inside the room, and as soon as he did, Sana left. He almost asked why she was acting that way, but he didn’t care enough about her. What was more important was Arktos.

The room was clearly set up for him with a crib and plenty of baby toys. There was also a bunk in there, which made it rather crowded, but Kylo didn’t think a baby would care. Arktos was currently sitting in the middle of the floor with a pile of brightly colored cubes.

Kylo just watched as he would pick one up and then drop it before picking up another. He smiled as he watched him and couldn’t help but reaching out with the Force. Arktos was so bright and Kylo wanted nothing more than to stay with him forever.

“You can play with him,” Cardo said.

“How?” Kylo watched Arktos, but he had no idea how to interact with him. 

“Sit with him. Hand him things. Interact.” Cardo shrugged. “The general likes to read to him, although I’m not certain about his choice of reading material.”

“I don’t know how to be a father,” Kylo said sadly. Arktos was looking at him, and Kylo didn’t know what to do. He wanted to do something, but he was scared that he might do the wrong thing.

“None of us did,” Cardo said, clapping him on the back. “But we’re figuring it out. Let me show you where everything is.”

There were a few storage containers, as brightly colored as Arktos’ toys. Everything that Kylo would need to take care of Arktos was in there - clothes, toys, books, formula, bottles, diapers. Cardo quickly told him how to prepare the formula and what Arktos’ different cries meant.

“If you need help, just call me.” And then Cardo left and Kylo was alone with his son.

He really didn’t know what to do and he just stared down at him. But he knew he couldn’t just stand there and he joined Arktos on the floor. He sat down, making sure there was plenty of space between them because he didn’t think Arktos would want him too close. He was a stranger after all. But almost as soon as Kylo sat down, Arktos was crawling over towards him and was soon laying across Kylo’s leg.

Kylo reached a hand out, gently touching Arktos on the head. He couldn’t believe that was his son. Even more, his son didn’t seem to hate him. He thought he might since he hadn’t been there for so long.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo said. “I wanted to be there for you. If I had known, I would have.”

Arktos babbled incoherently. If they were supposed to be words, Kylo couldn’t understand. That’s when he realized he had no idea what a baby of Arktos’ age should even be able to do. What was considered normal? How would he know if something was wrong? Hux and the Knights didn’t know either, which was not a comforting thought.

“If you’re trying to tell me something, sorry. I’m not a very good father.”

Arktos made another noise while stretching an arm out for a toy that was just out of reach. Kylo immediately pushed it towards him with the Force, and Arktos made a noise that Kylo thought sounded like delight. He didn’t know for sure, but he moved another toy towards him with the Force and Arktos squealed and laughed.

Kylo couldn’t help but smile too as he watched Arktos’ joy at the flying toys. Every now and then, he’d hit one with his hand and Kylo would let it go. Arktos really seemed to enjoy that as well.

Seeing that Arktos enjoyed the flying toys so much, Kylo couldn’t help but think that he might like to fly as well. He vaguely remembered Han lifting Rey into the air and spinning her around when she was a baby. Very carefully, he wrapped the Force around Arktos, not wanting to frighten him by doing too much too soon. If he’d never felt the Force on him, it might be a strange sensation. 

He slowly lifted Arktos so he was just barely floating and he waved his arms while giggling. Kylo took that to mean he was having fun so he lifted him higher and Arktos continued to laugh and make the happiest sounds Kylo had ever heard another being make. With his son’s encouragement, he was soon flying slowly around the room, the trip ending in Kylo’s arms.

Arktos’ presence in the Force was still as bright as ever and Kylo knew then that he could never leave him. He’d do whatever he could to stay with him. Hux couldn’t make him leave the ship and as long as some of the Knights were on his side or at least willing to stay out of it, Kylo knew they couldn’t make him leave either.

Nothing would take him from Arktos.

***

Fighting Pandion had been quite a mess. The Resistance had been successful at least. But there was a lot to clean up, not to mention trying to keep order on Sooglossus. After they’d defeated the pirates, there was enough time for a debriefing and then almost everyone was out trying to help keep order and deal with prisoners.

They’d had shifts to sleep, but unfortunately, Poe’s never seemed to coincide with Rey or Finn’s. He saw them every now and then in passing, but they never had a chance to do more than exchange quick kisses. He knew that would be the case being in a relationship with Jedi - sometimes, their very specific skills were required somewhere and they had to go. Unfortunately, Poe’s skills as a pilot meant that he was needed to help transport supplies and people around the planet, which meant he couldn’t even go with Rey and Finn. 

It had been nearly a week since they’d chased Pandion from Sooglossus when things were finally starting to calm down and order had been restored. Or at least, it was good enough that the Resistance didn’t need a constant presence on the planet and Rey and Finn were finally back on the _Finalizer_. Poe had been able to return two days before, and he thought he might go crazy waiting for Rey and Finn to return. Their quarters felt so empty without them.

He was waiting in the hangar for the _Falcon_ ’s return and he grinned when he saw the ancient ship land in the hangar. It looked out of place in the shiny First Order hangar, and Poe loved it. As soon as the ramp descended, Poe ran towards the ship and threw himself towards Finn, who was the first one off the ship.

Finn caught him, wrapping his arms around him and Poe couldn’t stop kissing him. But then he saw Rey and he squirmed out of Finn’s arms to pull Rey towards him. He kissed and hugged them both, so happy to finally see them and actually have time to spend together.

“I’m so glad you two are back,” Poe said.

“It’s only been a few days,” Rey said.

“But a week since we had time together,” Poe said. “So I was thinking we go to our quarters now and -”

“Of course you’re horny,” Finn said with a laugh.

“Poor Poe,” Rey said, kissing him on the cheek. “An entire week since you’ve had sex.”

“We’d better get him somewhere private,” Finn said, kissing his other cheek. “He might explode if he doesn’t get some relief soon.”

As Finn said that, Poe felt a hand on his crotch. He couldn’t tell if it was Finn or Rey, but it didn’t matter. They always ended up all over each other in the end and Poe didn’t know if he could wait until they made it back to their quarters.

“There’s a supply closet not too far from here,” Poe whispered.

“Looks like that thought might have to wait,” Rey said and Poe saw that she was looking past him. Poe turned and saw that Leia was heading their way. He suppressed a groan. He had really been looking forward to a little bit of time with his Jedi, but he knew it had to be important if Leia wanted to talk to them as soon as they got back.

“I know the three of you have been apart and I promise I won’t keep you much longer,” Leia said. “I just wanted to talk to you about Kylo.”

That wasn’t surprising at all. Poe had thought Leia would have asked about him earlier, but besides a quick mention in the debriefing, she hadn’t talked about him. The four of them went back onto the _Falcon_ where they would have some privacy.

“I’m worried about him,” Rey said once they were all sitting down. “He just left without saying anything.”

“I know,” Leia agreed. “You were the last to talk to him, Poe. Did anything seem strange?”

“Besides the fact that he went racing towards an unknown ship while screaming at all of us not to open fire and then he boarded it and left? Not really.”

“He’s always been like that,” Finn said. “I heard he once jumped into a monster’s mouth to kill it from the inside out.”

“That is not surprising,” Leia said. “But I hadn’t expected him to jump onto someone else’s ship and disappear. Do we have any idea who was on that ship?”

“No idea,” Poe said, shaking his head. “I never managed to get an ID on it.”

“I would guess it has to do with whoever he’s been talking to about former First Order personnel,” Rey said. “Whatever group that is, they were involved in the battle.”

“I did see a few other fighters boarding,” Poe said. “Could have been whoever it was out there helping us.”

“I saw some of the aftermath of their battles,” Finn said. “There was a lot of damage caused by bladed weapons. If I had to guess, I’d say they were the Knights of Ren.”

No one spoke for several moments. Poe had heard of the Knights of Ren before, but really didn’t know much about them. But if that was who Kylo had been in contact with for so long, that couldn’t be a good thing. Looking at the others, they clearly had the same idea.

“I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised,” Leia said eventually. “I didn’t think he’d even stay with us as long as he did.”

“What do we do now?” Poe asked. “We’re not just going to let him go, are we?”

“I can go find him and bring him back,” Rey offered. Poe’s heart fell at that. Of course Rey would be the one to go after him. Finn would go with her. It could take them a long time and Poe hated to think about them fighting Kylo. They’d bested him before and made it out alive, but he knew that may not hold true forever. Especially if Kylo had backup.

“I’m going too,” Poe said. If Rey and Finn were going, he wasn’t going to let them go alone. There wasn’t much he could do, but he could at least be there for them. “The Resistance can manage without me for a while.”

“No,” Leia said. “Let’s give him a chance. He might contact us or come home. Unless we hear of him causing trouble, we can just let him be. If we start chasing him across the galaxy, he’ll feel like we don’t trust him.”

“We don’t,” Finn said. 

“Yeah,” Poe agreed. “I kinda like him when he’s not being an ass, but I really don’t trust him. Especially if he is hanging out with his evil pals.”

“We don’t know that he is,” Rey said quietly. Poe felt bad for her. She clearly wanted to believe the best about her brother, but he could tell that even she had her doubts.

“I don’t like this any more than you do, but let’s just hope he doesn’t get into too much trouble.”

“Could we ask Anakin?” Rey asked. “Maybe he knows where Kylo is.”

“Anakin?” Poe knew Rey had supposedly talked to a ghost. It was one of the stranger aspects of the Force and he really didn’t understand it. But if the ghost of Rey’s grandfather could at least put their mind’s at ease, Poe would be happy, but Leia was shaking her head.

“He wouldn’t do that,” Leia said. “He’s told me before that he’s done all he could by pushing him in the right direction. Everything else is up to him. I don’t think he’ll tell us anything about what he’s doing, because that’s for Kylo to tell us if he feels like he can.”

It really had been too much to hope for that a ghost would spy on Kylo for them, but Poe had hoped that it would have been a possibility. Unfortunately, Leia was right. The best they could do was hope that Kylo would return, and not as an enemy.

“What about our bond?” Rey suggested. “I can’t see where he is, but maybe I can talk to him.”

“Won’t that make him feel like we don’t trust him?” Finn asked.

“You’re right.” Rey fell silent, clearly trying to think of some other solution to their problem, but she apparently couldn’t think of anything.

“I won’t keep you any longer,” Leia said, standing up. “I know you’re eager to have some time to yourselves.”

Poe and the others followed her out of the _Falcon_ and headed to their quarters. As excited as as Poe had been for their reunion, he really wasn’t feeling like doing much besides holding Rey and Finn, and he suspected they would feel the same.

Poe had actually started to like Kylo, and he couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed at his departure. They weren’t really that close and he knew Rey had to be taking it even harder. But she seemed like she was doing well. At least until they made it back to their quarters.

Once they were alone, she fell into Finn’s arms and she was crying. Poe wrapped his arms around her too, and he and Finn just held her. It was then that Poe decided if he ever saw Kylo again, he was going to punch him for making Rey cry. Looking at Finn, he could tell that he had the same idea.

No one was allowed to make Rey cry.


	10. Chapter 10

They’d managed to locate a Pandion ship relatively quickly, which didn’t come as a surprise. Hux had all of his people on the look out for any activity by the other group, and since Pandion was in a state of chaos after their defeat at Sooglossus, they were much easier to find than they should have been. But that worked out for Hux and his plans.

He went over the plan with the Knights and Sana several times to ensure they all knew exactly what they would be doing. Not that it mattered too much since any operation with the Knights had the tendency to turn into a chaotic mess rather quickly, but they were at least effective at what they did. Things would be a little different for this battle - it would be the first time they all went in as a group.

They had always had someone stay out of the fight to watch over Arktos, usually Hux or Cardo. But now that Kylo was there and not going to be taking part in the fight, there was no need for someone else to stay behind as well. Or at least, that’s what Cardo thought. Hux had still planned on keeping someone else with Arktos, but Cardo insisted that Kylo have a little more time with Arktos, saying that it was only fair since he had only just met his son.

Hux had decided it wasn’t worth the argument. And since he was still feeling a little guilty about keeping Arktos from him, he decided letting Kylo stay with him while they went into battle was the least he could do. It also had the added benefit of keeping Kylo happy instead of having him complain about why he wasn’t allowed to go with them, which he had complained about a few times before Hux had assigned him babysitting duties.

Some part of him was a little worried that Kylo might take Arktos and disappear in battle, but he didn’t think Kylo was that angry. If he did take Arktos, Hux suspected that Cardo would track him down. Whether or not Cardo would bring Arktos back was another question, but Hux didn’t doubt that the Knight would at least find him. Out of all the Knights, Cardo was the most attached to Arktos by far and Hux knew Cardo wouldn’t tolerate a separation.

Just as they made their final preparations, Hux went to see Arktos. Kylo was there too, of course, but Hux didn’t even look at him. He just picked Arktos up and held him for a moment before kissing him on the forehead and promising to see him soon. Arktos cooed at him, making some of his tiny babbling sounds that sources said would eventually turn to speech.

“Hux.” Kylo called his name as he was turning to leave. Hux knew he should have just walked away from him, but he couldn’t stop himself. Even if Kylo was the biggest idiot in the galaxy who followed advice from a dead man.

Soon, he felt Kylo’s strong arms around him and he couldn’t help but relax against his broad chest. He would always love the feeling of Kylo’s arms around him, no matter what stupid things he’d done. 

“I…” Kylo started to speak, but quickly stopped himself. “Come back safe.”

“I always do,” Hux said softly. He could guess what Kylo was about to say and it hurt that he hadn’t said the words. Kylo had never hesitated to tell him how he felt. But Hux knew that was his fault. “Take care of our son.”

Kylo released him and Hux left, quickly clearing his mind from thoughts of Kylo. He had a fight to win. It would be fairly simple. At least, there was little risk of serious injury or death on Hux’s side. The Knights would be more than enough to take care of one ship of pirates. The biggest risk was that they would accidentally kill the ship’s captain. They couldn’t get the information they needed from a dead person. But if they did end up killing instead of capturing, there would always be another ship to taken.

He heard Ushar shouting from the cockpit that they had a minute before they came out of hyperspace. Hux made it to his station - one of the gun turrets just in time to hear Cardo calling in that he was ready. Hux was the last, letting everyone know that his guns were ready.

As soon as the _Teratorn_ dropped out of hyperspace, they saw their target. Hux quickly started firing at it, managing to get in a shot with the ion cannon before the shields went up. His next shots were dispersed across the shields and he kept up the barrage, knowing that eventually the shields would give out. And at least the one shot that had gone through had likely damaged the ship enough that they wouldn’t be able to run.

Hux quickly wished that their weapons system had been damaged instead, as it didn’t take long for them to start returning fire. But Ap'lek, Kuruk, and Vicrul had already launched their fighters and were busy taking out the cannons, so in the end, Pandion only managed to take a handful of shots, and the _Teratorn_ ’s shields were more than capable of taking that.

As soon as their cannons were down, the ship started to run, but it was definitely going slow. He saw shots coming from the other side of his ship and knew that was Cardo in the other large turret, aiming for the engines. The first few shots were absorbed by the shields but then they went through and Hux could see that the engines were sufficiently destroyed.

Hux took a few more shots with the ion cannon and was pleased to see that their shields were weak enough that the shots went right through and soon, their target was floating dead in space. He could still see the emergency lights on, which meant the ship still had life support at least. But they had been prepared for the alternative as well.

“Ship is dead,” Hux called to the others over the comms. “Life support appears intact. Proceed to boarding.”

He heard everyone acknowledge the command and soon Hux could see that they were lining up with the enemy ship. He wouldn’t be needed in the turret any longer, so he prepared to board the enemy craft. Cardo, Trudgen, and Sana were with him. Vicrul would join them from his fighter, while Ushar would be standing by for a quick getaway and Ap'lek and Kuruk would remain in their fighters in case reinforcements arrived.

Hux didn’t expect any trouble from other ships, but the plan was to be as quick as possible and get out of the system just in case they had time to call for help. Ushar hadn’t picked up any transmissions, but it was also quite possible Pandion had channels that could go undetected. They were well prepared in many ways so Hux wouldn’t put a good communication system past them.

Vicrul ended up on board before Hux and the others, which wasn’t surprising. It was easy for a single fighter to get on board than to connect a large ship. Ushar had to be very careful that she didn’t damage their ship in the process. Vicrul verified that the life support system was still working and then said he was going to go fight some pirates.

Hux told him to wait, but he knew that he wouldn’t listen. The Knights had a hard time following orders when there was a fight to be had. At least he was fairly certain that Vicrul could handle whatever he ran into. The worst thing that could happen would be if Vicrul killed the captain. Soon, Hux and his team were able to board and they were immediately met with the enemy. Hux started firing, as did the others. Soon, Hux could see that some of the Pandion pirates were looking away, and he assumed that Vicrul had arrived, as they were firing inside their own ship.

It didn’t take long to win that battle and they made their way onto the ship. Once they were together, they split into their groups. Vicrul and Trudgen would search the ship for any pirates, while Hux, Sana, and Cardo would locate the captain. Hux had initially thought that he would send the three Knights together, but Sana had pointed out that it might be useful to have one Force user with them just in case things got dicey.

As it turned out, it was rather unnecessary. Most of the enemy must have been there in the initial fight, because they ran into very little resistance as they made their way to the bridge. As soon as Hux saw the captain, he knew that he was the one in charge. He’d been a lieutenant in the First Order and after they took care of the last of the other pirates, Hux stunned him.

“That wasn’t too hard,” Sana said.

“We still need to get him off the ship,” Hux said, although he imagined that would be easy. Getting the information would be easy too as long as Kylo kept his promise. The hard part was going to come after, when they had to put that information to use. But there was no sense worrying about it until the time came.

They let Vicrul and Trudgen know that the mission was accomplished and to head back to their ship. They acknowledged the order, and Hux just had to hope they would comply. Hux checked in with Ushar when they made it back, but according to her, Vicrul and Trudgen were still on the Pandion ship. Hux assumed they’d found someone to fight and hadn’t wanted to leave.

“Cardo, do you think you can find them?” Hux asked.

“I know where they are. They’ll be back soon.”

That wasn’t a real answer, but Hux knew better than to press him. It was enough to assume that Cardo wouldn’t be interested in trying to find them, and soon, Hux heard Trudgen over the comm, saying that he and Vicrul were back on the _Teratorn_. Once they were back, Ushar informed them that she was going to disengage from the other ship.

Within minutes, they had separated themselves and Kuruk and Ap'lek had landed their fighters back on board. Once everyone was back, they made the jump to lightspeed, and Hux could finally relax knowing that their operation had been successful. Of course, there was still the last part of the mission, which was getting the information.

“Cardo, take over for Kylo and have him meet me in the brig,” Hux ordered. He looked at the still unconscious captain and then at the other Knights. “I need one of you to help me get him to the brig.”

The Knights looked at each other for a moment, and before one of them could end up volunteered by the others, Sana stepped forward. Hux hadn’t expected her to be the one to step up, but it didn’t matter. He just needed the captain somewhere secure, and hopefully before he woke up.

Shortly after he and Sana locked the captain up, Ap'lek joined them, followed by Kylo. Sana glared at Kylo for a moment and then disappeared without a word. He probably shouldn’t have let her know just who Kylo was, although Hux hadn’t thought it would matter. She’d pieced together his identity and didn’t seem to mind. Why she seemed to hate Kylo was a mystery, but not one that Hux cared to solve.

“If you’re ready, we can be done with this before he even wakes up,” Hux said.

Kylo stepped towards Hux, but his attention was focused on the captain. He didn’t seem to be doing anything, but that was what use of the Force usually looked like to Hux. He had no idea if someone unconscious would show any reaction.

“I could try talking to him,” Kylo said, almost whispering his suggestion.

“You’re not here to talk. We’ve already had this discussion. Either get what we need or we don’t need you on my ship.”

Kylo looked at him and Hux thought he might actually refuse. If he did, Hux knew he would have to actually kick him off the ship, or he would never listen to him. But he turned back to their prisoner and stretched out his hand. Soon, Hux could see the evidence that Kylo was using his power, as the man screamed. He never woke up, but the nice thing about Kylo’s way of getting information was that the target only had to be alive.

“They’re on Ambys,” Kylo said. “Pandion. The children. They’re all on Ambys.”

As soon as he gave the information, Kylo turned and walked away. Ap'lek stared at him for a moment and then went after Kylo. Hux suspected she was not happy about what had just happened, but she didn’t say anything. Or think anything at him, since he’d never actually heard Ap'lek speak. Kylo clearly was upset, but Hux couldn’t worry about him as he had his next battle to plan.

He stopped by to check on Arktos before going to his quarters. It was no surprise to see Cardo there - even if Hux had sent someone else to watch over Arktos, Cardo would have traded places with them. What Hux hadn’t expected was for Ap'lek, Ushar, and Kylo to be there as well. 

Kylo was sitting on the floor, head against his knees. Ap'lek was halfway draped across his back and Ushar was sitting next to him, a hand on his shoulder. Hux had clearly interrupted something, as everyone but Kylo stared at him. A few moments later and Kylo had noticed him as well.

He had tears in his eyes, but before either of them could say anything, Cardo was between them. He held Arktos in one arm and he used his other to gently push Hux back, but Hux held his ground.

“What’s going on?”

“He doesn’t want you here,” Cardo said. “None of us do.”

Hux hesitated, but he knew that Cardo was being nice. He was not happy with him, although he couldn’t understand why. But he knew that if any of the Knights were in a mood that it was best to just let it pass.

“Did you want me to take Arktos?” Hux offered, wondering if that might make Cardo less angry, but he only shoved Hux away and shut the door. He didn’t like that he’d pushed him, but clearly something was very wrong. And he was fairly certain it had to do with Kylo. Not wanting to think about Kylo, Hux returned to his quarters and started to prepare for the attack on Ambys.

He started with some basic research into the planet - government, climate, defenses, day length. All things that could be important in an attack. Given that a large pirate group had moved their operations there, Hux wasn’t surprised to see that the government was unstable and a bit corrupt. That would make Hux’s job easier, but it also meant that there weren’t any reports he could access about just where on the planet Pandion had set up. Which meant he’d have to do his own research.

It would be easy enough to get on the planet and look around just so long as Pandion didn’t take over the planetary defenses. Which if Sooglossus was anything to go by, they just might try it, but Hux didn’t plan on giving them enough time. He would have liked to go himself, but he knew that wasn’t a possibility. He was too recognizable to former First Order and he had the feeling he was going to be busy dealing with Kylo and the other Knights.

He sent out orders to the rest of his crew, sending a few people to check out Ambys without mentioning who they worked for while he advised everyone else to be prepared for a large operation on Ambys on short notice.

Once the orders were sent, he had nothing else to occupy his mind and his thoughts drifted to Kylo and the way he had looked when he’d last seen him. He hated seeing the tears in his eyes. He knew he’d made Kylo cry before - several times - and he suspected he was the one who was responsible for this latest round of tears.

He got up, deciding he would go talk to Kylo but he didn’t get very far before he remembered the way Cardo had shoved him out of the room. Enough time hadn’t passed for Kylo to have calmed down, and clearly, Kylo didn’t need him. Ap'lek and Ushar had been comforting him, although Hux wished he’d been the one holding him. No matter how many stupid things Kylo did, Hux would always want to be the one to comfort him. 

There might have been something else that had bothered Cardo enough to shove him away, although Hux doubted it. He’d try talking to some of the other Knights and see if they might shed some light on Cardo’s unusual behavior. 

The first Knight he ran into was Trudgen, but he just brushed past him, ignoring him. That was odd for him. Out of all the Knights, Trudgen had always been the friendliest to him. He didn’t go after him - there were still two other Knights he could try talking to. He soon found them in the crew lounge, and just like Trudgen, Kuruk had no interest in talking to him or even being in the same room as him. They got up and left the room without saying a word.

Hux looked at Vicrul, he almost expected the same behavior from him, but he simply sat there, staring at him. He still looked angrier than Hux expected, but at least he didn’t seem like he was tempted to leave his ship at the first chance he got.

“Your associates seem to be angry,” Hux said.

“We are.”

“Since you seem to be the only one who wants to talk to me, do you mind telling me why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“I had to ask. So no.”

“You know what you did to Kylo.”

“I’ve done quite a few things to him,” Hux said, his mind immediately coming up with several things that would have upset Kylo. But none of them had been recent enough for the sudden change in the Knights behavior. Unless Kylo had just told them about something he’d done, but Hux thought they were all connected in a way that they should have already known.

“You have,” Vicrul agreed.

“And which specific thing has caused all of you to be mad at me?”

“He told you he didn’t want to use his powers that way. You made him do it.”

“I did not. He had a choice.” 

“No. You told him he had to do it or leave the ship. Meaning he would have to leave you and his son. You know he would never do that.”

Hux really couldn’t argue against that. It hadn’t been his intention, but now that Vicrul mentioned it, it made sense. Of course Kylo would do whatever it took to stay, even if it hurt him, and Hux couldn’t help but think that maybe he shouldn’t have pushed Kylo so hard. But that still didn’t explain why the Knights were upset.

“You don’t even like Kylo,” Hux pointed out. “Why do you care?”

“It’s not that I don’t like him,” Vicrul said, shaking his head. “Us Knights. We’re connected in a way that you can’t understand. He hurt us, but he’s still Kylo and I don’t like that you did that to him.”

“Is there a set time limit on how long this is going to last? Should I change the plans for the assault on Ambys?”

Vicrul didn’t answer for a moment and simply cocked his head, which made Hux think of Kylo. Every now and then, one of the Knights would do some small thing like that, and then Hux would think of how Kylo would do the same thing.

“I have no idea why he even likes you.” Vicrul stood up and left and Hux dropped onto one of the chairs.

If the Knights stayed angry, then he knew he couldn’t rely on them for the assault. Even though going after Pandion had been their idea. Maybe if he agreed to sit it out, they would take part. If that were the case, he could see them rescuing Sana’s daughter but not dismantling Pandion. He had some time before they were ready to make their move, and Hux knew he should make an effort to fix things before then.

How he was going to do that was a mystery as the Knights didn’t seem interested in talking. If they really were upset because of Kylo, then Hux assumed he just had to make things right with him, but again, he didn’t think the Knights would make that an easy task.

He was still sitting in the lounge, trying to think of the best way to approach Kylo when Sana walked in. He really didn’t want to talk to her - he’d never wanted her on his ship to begin with - but she was also the only person on the ship who wasn’t currently pissed at him. Or at least, he hoped that was the case.

“Everyone’s in a mood,” she said, sitting down on another chair.

“I’ve noticed.”

“Do they get like this often?”

“Not really. If Vicrul is to be believed, this is my fault and I need to apologize to Kylo for making him use his powers.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“That’s what I thought, but nothing makes sense when you’re around Force users.” Especially when one of them was Kylo Ren. 

“Since when does he not use his powers anyway?”

“I really don’t know,” Hux said with a shrug. “I haven’t really paid that much attention to him. Not that it would help. Like I said, things get strange when Force users are involved.”

“Why is he here then?”

“You don’t like him.” Hux really didn’t need to say it. It was obvious from the way she acted around him and the way she spoke about him. “I don’t think you’re ready to hear about our complicated history. Let’s just say he can be useful.”

“Doesn’t seem like he is.”

“Out of all of the Knights of Ren, he is the most powerful and has some very unique abilities. Now it seems like I might have to convince him to use some of them. Still, he did get us what we needed. Did he do something to you personally?”

“No. I just don’t usually like people who give themselves pretentious titles like Supreme Leader and try to subjugate the galaxy.”

Hux almost laughed at that. But he didn’t because it sounded a lot more like she was describing who Hux had wanted to be instead of who Kylo was. Surely she had to be aware that he had done just as many terrible things as Kylo. It didn’t make much sense to only hate Kylo.

“We were all part of the First Order,” he reminded her. He decided it was for the best to not point out that he’d done worse than Kylo ever had. “He was only the leader for a short time, too.”

“I still don’t like him. At least the rest of you are trying to help me find my daughter.”

“So is he. If it weren’t for Kylo, we’d have to get the information the old fashioned way, which could have taken a week or even longer.”

“Seems like he’s just a big distraction. Isn’t it his fault everyone else is in a bad mood?”

“It’s mine,” Hux said. He didn’t know why he was so determined to defend Kylo to Sana, but he couldn’t help himself. Hux might go between hating him and being tired of him, but he didn’t like some random person saying anything bad about him. She didn’t even know him. “I’m the one who gave him an impossible choice to make. Now he’s hurt and the Knights are not happy about it. Hopefully I can talk to Kylo and make this all better. Problem is, I don’t think the Knights will let me get close to him.”

“Where are they? Maybe I can distract them for you?”

Hux shook his head. It was nice that Sana wanted to help, but there wasn’t much she could do. “I think I’m just going to have to push my way through them. Not unless you can come up with a really good reason why you need to talk to all six of them. Well, five. I suppose Vicrul wouldn’t get in my way.”

“Sounds like you’d better get started. We’re going to need them to rescue Resna.”

As always, Sana was focused on her daughter. She’d probably shove him into a room full of the angry Knights if it meant a better chance of a successful mission, and Hux couldn’t blame her. But he was going to walk into that room on his own. He wanted to talk to Kylo and he wasn’t afraid of the Knights.

“This should all be sorted out by the time we are ready for the attack,” Hux said. He hoped that was true. He knew Kylo could stay angry for a long time, but hopefully he could smooth things over. He’d just have to do whatever it took.

He headed back to Arktos’ room, pausing for a moment outside the door. It probably wouldn’t hurt to give Kylo a little more time to calm down on his own, but he didn’t want to delay. When he walked in, he expected a similar scene to what he saw earlier, but of course, the Knights never did what was expected. 

Trudgen had joined them and they were all sitting on the floor, except for Kylo, who was laying down, his head in Ap'lek’s lap and Arktos sleeping on his chest. Hux froze when he saw that. It was nearly a perfect scene. The only issue was that the Knights were glaring angrily at him, and Hux knew he should have been the one stroking Kylo’s hair.

“We told you to leave,” Cardo said.

“I don’t take orders from you. Or anyone.” Not anymore. He looked at Kylo, remembering a time when he at least in theory had taken his orders. But he really hadn’t. Kylo opened his eyes and they looked at each other for a few moments before he turned away from him.

Trudgen stood up and Hux suspected he might physically force him out of the room, but Kylo grabbed his ankle and he stopped. He remained on his feet, watching Hux carefully as he stepped closer to the group.

“I have things to discuss with Kylo,” Hux said. None of the Knights moved and Hux thought that they would simply sit there in silence, glaring at him. He could still talk to Kylo that way, although Hux would prefer a bit of privacy.

“It’s all right,” Kylo mumbled eventually.

The Knights were slow to move, but they all left. Ap'lek was the last to go, and she took Arktos with her as she left. Kylo was sitting up, looking at him, his eyes wet with tears. Hux wasn’t sure if he should tell him to get over it or pull Kylo into his arms and promise to never hurt him again. 

“There’s better places to sleep than the floor,” Hux said as he walked over to him. He put a hand under Kylo’s arm and gently pulled. Kylo stood up and then took a step away from Hux, but Hux kept his hand on him. When he started walking, Kylo went with him, and Hux was glad he wasn’t going to have to put up with a struggle.

He walked to his quarters, keeping a hand on Kylo the entire time. When they made it to his quarters, he sat Kylo down on his bed and stroked his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have made you do that.”

“Where are we?” Kylo said, glancing around the room.

“My quarters.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“You said you needed to talk to me. Why did you bring me here?”

Hux didn’t have an answer for that. He hadn’t really thought too much about it, but it wasn’t hard for him to realize what he was doing - trying to distract Kylo from his pain with a promise of intimacy. That was exactly what he’d been doing for the past year.

“I thought you might be more comfortable here than on the floor,” he said. At least it wasn’t entirely a lie. He sat down next to him and reached out to take his hand. Kylo didn’t pull away. That was a good sign.

“I meant it when I said I was sorry,” Hux said. 

“For what?”

“You said you didn’t want to use your powers and I forced you to do so. I didn’t realize that it would hurt you like this.”

Kylo didn’t respond or move at all. He just sat there, looking as sad as possible and Hux had no idea what to do. He’d never been good at handling Kylo and his emotions. Especially when it was his fault Kylo was upset. In the past, they’d simply yell at each other and then have angry sex until they felt better. But he didn’t think that would work, so he decided to use the Knights’ example.

Hux put his arms around Kylo and gently maneuvered him so he was laying in his lap. Hux kept one arm around him while stroking Kylo’s hair with the other. Kylo always liked having his hair touched and as much as Hux denied being affectionate, he did like touching Kylo that way.

“I know what you’re doing,” Kylo mumbled.

“I should hope so,” Hux said, continuing to pet him. “It’s not as if I’m trying to be secretive about it.”

“Not that. Why you’re being nice to me. You don’t care about me. But you need something from me, so you’re doing this. So I’ll forgive you long enough to get what you want.” Even with that accusation, Kylo didn’t move away from Hux’s lap, which told Hux he wasn’t serious.

“I care about you, Kylo. You know I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t.”

“You’ve been using me. And to do that, you pretend you care. You showed me how you really feel back on TT… whatever that place was called.”

Hux should have known his rough treatment of Kylo that day would come back to haunt him. He hadn’t regretted it in the moment, but now, he wished he hadn’t done that. He could have been a little gentler. But it was too late to do anything about it.

“That was a long time ago. I was mad then. But…”

“You’re still mad.” 

“A bit,” Hux admitted. It was pointless lying about his feelings to someone who could sense them. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you and it doesn’t mean I’m not sorry.”

Kylo finally sat up and pulled away from him, but he didn’t go far. Hux could still easily reach out and touch him, but as much as he wanted to keep touching Kylo, he didn’t. If Kylo was done being touched, then it wouldn’t be a good idea to push him. Hux had tried using that distraction technique before.

“Hux, I know you’re trying to manipulate me. I’ve always known. I didn’t care at first. I thought I deserved it. And then I thought that maybe if I stayed with you, you’d forgive me. And then I just told myself it didn’t matter. That nothing mattered as long as I was with you. And…”

Kylo stopped speaking as he started to cry once again. Hux felt horrible because he knew Kylo was right. He had been nice to Kylo in order to manipulate him and had used him to clear out his competition. He just hadn’t realized that Kylo was aware.

“I still love you,” Kylo eventually choked out. “I’ve missed you so much and the only thing I’ve wanted since I left was to have you back. I know I’d just let you go on using me. And I would tell myself it was alright. Convince myself you really love me. But I can’t. Not anymore.”

Hux was shocked that making him use his powers was Kylo’s breaking point. After everything else, that seemed so minor, but maybe that had been the final push to make Kylo think there was no hope for them. And if that were truly the case, then Hux wasn’t sure he could fix things between them. He would at least have to try. He needed Kylo, and it wasn’t just because he was useful and getting rid of his competition. Despite everything that had gone wrong between them, Hux really did love him.

“I know I’ve been terrible,” Hux said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel this way.”

“Didn’t you?” Instead of sad, Kylo’s voice was suddenly filled with rage and Hux worried that he might be in danger. He had his blaster, but he knew it was next to useless against Kylo. There was a knife just out of reach that he might be able to grab without Kylo noticing if he moved slightly, but Kylo was on his feet, standing in front of him. He wouldn’t be able to move anywhere.

“How could you have a child like that?” Kylo shouted. “That was supposed to be a happy moment for us! You stole that, Hux! You had a son as revenge! How could you do that to him? To me? And then claim that you love me?”

“Kylo -”

“I might have been able to forgive you for a lot of things, but I just can’t forgive this, Hux.”

Hux was shocked to find that there were tears in his eyes as well. He hadn’t cried since the First Order had been destroyed and he thought Kylo had perished with it. Hux knew that Kylo may not want it, but he couldn’t help himself. He stood and pulled Kylo against him and surprisingly, he didn’t pull away.

They ended up back on the bed, laying down with Kylo crying into Hux’s chest, and their arms wrapped around each other. From the way Kylo had been talking, he was surprised that he was still there with him. But Hux was glad for it because now he didn’t know if he’d ever have a chance to hold Kylo again. That seemed like the worst possible thing. Hux didn’t know if he could handle Kylo leaving him forever.

“What do we do now?” Hux asked after a while, when they both had stopped crying.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to go back home?” Hux hated to think of the Resistance being Kylo’s home, but he knew it was true. They probably never hurt him in the way Hux had, and he wouldn’t blame Kylo if that’s where he wanted to be. 

Kylo shook his head against Hux. “No. I want to stay here until this is done. But after. I think the two of us are done.”

Those were the words Hux had dreaded. He couldn’t imagine a life without Kylo in it. Even when he’d hated him, he’d still missed him. But he had no idea what he could say or do to convince Kylo not to leave him.

“When I do go. I want to take Arktos.”

“Kylo -”

“This isn’t the best life for him. I’m taking him, Hux.”

Hux knew that Kylo had made up his mind about that so there was no point in trying to talk to him about it. But Hux also knew that he couldn’t let that happen. Everything Kylo had said was true, but he couldn’t let Kylo take their son. And he wouldn’t let him take him. In the best case scenario, he’d convince Kylo to stay with him. They still had a little time together, and Hux would put that to good use, and hopefully, when they had finished off Pandion, he’d still have Kylo and Arktos with him.

The one thing he was certain of was that Arktos at least would still be on his ship. He would never let anyone separate them. Not even Kylo.


	11. Chapter 11

Despite everything Kylo had said to Hux, he couldn’t resist being close with him. He’d meant every single word he said, including that he loved him, but he also knew he couldn’t forgive him. Still, when Hux had offered to let him sleep in his quarters, Kylo couldn’t refuse. He knew it was yet another attempt to manipulate him, but as long as he remembered that, he knew he’d be safe. He wouldn’t give in to Hux again.

He spent every single night until the assault on Ambys in Hux’s bed, arms wrapped around each other. As long as Kylo didn’t think about how they wouldn’t have many more nights like that, it was really a nice way to sleep. And every morning, Kylo would wonder if he really needed to leave Hux forever. Perhaps just a few months away from him would be sufficient. But Kylo knew Hux would never change. He’d always be the same person he always was and Kylo was determined to be better. 

As unhappy as he had been with the Resistance, he knew that was the better place for him. For Arktos. He had his son to worry about and as much as he might want to be with Hux, a pirate ship was no place for a child to grow up. He worried what Leia and Rey might think of his son, but he was fairly certain they would love him and help take care of him. And if not, then Kylo would simply be unable to assist the Resistance, as he would devote all his time to Arktos. He’d leave them all behind if it meant he was with his son.

Hux hadn’t said a word on the subject of Kylo taking Arktos, but he really didn’t need to. Kylo knew he didn’t like the idea, but if Hux wanted what was best for their son, he wouldn’t stop Kylo. Surely Hux would realize that Arktos needed a safe environment to grow up in and only Kylo could give him that.

Still, he anticipated trouble. The easiest way to get Arktos would be to disappear in the middle of the battle. Hux and the Knights would be too busy to stop him and by the time they realized what had happened, Kylo would be long gone. Almost as soon as he thought it, he realized he couldn’t do that. Hux would be so worried and terrified and Kylo couldn’t hurt him like that, even if it didn’t take long for Hux to figure out what happened. He also knew that if he kidnapped him, Hux would only follow and he couldn’t let Hux be seen in Republic territory. There was also the matter of Cardo, who might also have some strong objections to Kylo running off with Arktos.

Instead of insisting on being the one to sit back and watch over Arktos during the fight, Kylo prepared for battle with the Knights. Since they were likely to face strong opposition, they had decided to send all of the Knights while Hux would be watching Arktos. At least it was a relatively straightforward operation - kill anyone who stood in their way and find the missing children.

That would be Sana’s main job. Kylo glanced at her across the shuttle. She clearly didn’t like him, having not said a word to him the entire time they had been preparing for the mission. Yet somehow, she got along perfectly fine with Hux and the Knights. Kylo understood hating him for what he’d done, but the others had all done the same things. Why she reserved animosity for him was a mystery, but not one that Kylo was particularly concerned with. As long as she didn’t get in his way he didn’t really care what she thought about him.

Ever since coming to the realization that Hux would never love him, Kylo had been feeling down, but now that he had a fight to look forward to, he felt better than he had in a long time. Part of that also came from being reunited with his Knights and the fact that they had done a pre-battle meditation. It had been so long since he’d felt one with his Knights, and he could sense that they were excited to have him with them as well.

Kylo was starting to get restless in the shuttle, wanting to hurry up and get to the surface and fight. But they had to wait. Hux had called in his entire organization to help take out Pandion, and they were responsible for making sure they had a safe passage down to the main compound, which was an old mining facility.

Finally, they got the call to launch and Ushar took off. It was a quick ride and they were taking fire before they landed. They opened the hatch before they touched the ground and Kylo leapt into battle with his Knights at his side. 

They took out the first group of pirates that were firing at them and they made their way inside the main building. Kylo could hear blaster fire outside as the rest of Hux’s pirates landed and joined the battle. They would be maintaining the perimeter while Kylo’s team killed every last pirate they could find.

The building was definitely old and Kylo suspected that it wouldn’t withstand too much damage. His first thought was that they would need to be careful not to tear it down around them, and then he realized they could use the lack of structural integrity to their advantage. Once they rescued the children, they could tear the building down. He communicated that to the other Knights through the Force and they agreed to the plan.

“Ap'lek,” Kylo called as they fought through a group of pirates inside. Kylo was blocking blaster shots as he attempted to talk to his Knight, but the sounds of battle were too loud. He decided to go back to the Knights’ usual way of communicating in battle. _“Can you sense the children?_ ”

“ _I can try_ ,” she said. “ _There’s a lot of presences here._ ”

“ _Look for anyone feeling scared and alone. That will probably be them._ ”

Kylo and the others continued to fight, forming a protective circle around Ap'lek as she worked. Kylo could have searched for the children as well, but he was better in a fight than Ap'lek, and she was more than capable of doing the job, even if she was a little slower.

“ _They’re two floors down,_ ” Ap'lek informed them.

Once they knew where to go, they took off, fighting their way through any pirates they came across. They was an old turbolift but they quickly decided against trusting that to be sound enough to use. Instead they found a set of stairs, but the door two floors down was sealed. Fortunately, such things didn’t stop Kylo for long and he used his saber to get them through. As he was cutting, he could sense danger, and from the way the walls were shaking, Kylo suspected he damaged something.

He stood in the doorway as the others went through. Cardo and Sana were the last two and Kylo could feel the doorway starting to collapse. He held it up with the Force and Cardo went through, but Sana hesitated. Kylo knew he couldn’t hold it much longer so he pulled Sana through before letting it collapse.

“That was our way out!” Sana shouted at him. It was the most she’d ever spoken to him.

“Not anymore!” Kylo shouted back. He wasn’t angry, but that was the only way she would be able to hear him. “Ap'lek, find the kids!”

She was already working on that but Kylo didn’t want Sana to yell at him anymore. Especially since they didn’t have another way out. The turbolift was still intact, but Kylo trusted it even less now. But they would worry about getting out later. Ap'lek led them down a few hallways and she informed them that there were two rooms where the kids were being kept.

Kylo started to cut into one, but then an alarm went off. He cut as fast as he could, but he didn’t make it through before they were under attack. He abandoned the door and went to fight the pirates, but it seemed like they kept coming. 

“We need a new plan!” Kuruk shouted.

“Get to the kids!” Kylo said.

At least they were only facing enemies from one direction, which made it easy to defend against. And while Kylo was certain that they would win the fight, no matter how many enemies came at them, he didn’t want to drag things out. 

Cardo and Trudgen turned their attention from the fight and went to open the doors - Trudgen using his weapon and Cardo the Force. Cardo managed to open his door first and Sana immediately started shouting for her kid. Kylo didn’t know if her daughter was there or not as he was too busy fending off Pandion. It wasn’t until a blaster bolt went through the Knights’ line that Kylo noticed her, as she was directly in the line of fire.

Kylo immediately froze the blaster bolt, stopping it before it could hit her or her daughter, who she was holding in her arms. He then used his lightsaber to deflect the bolt upwards into the ceiling. Kylo and Sana stared at each other for a moment before he turned his attention back to the battle.

There were a lot of pirates and Kylo knew they were going to keep coming for some time. He sent as many blaster shots back towards them as possible, but it was definitely going to take too long to fight their way out. Especially since they didn’t even know if there was a way out.

“Ushar!” Kylo called out to the Knight. She looked towards him and he deactivated his lightaber. She understood what she needed to do and she tossed her club towards him while he threw his saber. “Get the wall between the rooms out of the way!”

She ran inside the room and Kylo continued to fight using the club. It was very different from his lightsaber, but the Knights often trained with each other’s weapons just in case they needed to use them. Out of all of them, Ushar’s club was one of Kylo’s favorites to use.

“Kylo!” Ushar got his attention and they quickly traded weapons back. The Knights then retreated back into the rooms with the kids.

“Get everyone as close together as possible!” Kylo shouted. Cardo and Trudgen were pushing all of the children into one room and then the Knights and Sana followed. It would be easier to get everyone out if they were close, but Kylo knew it would be challenging. He’d done similar things before, but never on such a scale.

He hadn’t been tapping in to the dark side of the Force since living with the Resistance, but he’d already gone back on that promise once because of Hux and he didn’t see why it would hurt to do it again, especially since he was helping people by doing so. 

He pushed the Force out around him, feeling just where the structure of the old mine was weakest. As he pushed on those weak areas, he pushed out, making a bubble around his group. He hadn’t even collapsed the mine yet and he was already feeling strained. He was going to need a lot more power. Fortunately, it was the one thing he had from Hux.

Kylo thought about every single way that Hux had mistreated him and how much it had hurt when he realized that he would never be together with Hux again. Most of all, he used his pain at finding out he had a son that had been kept from him. With all that pain, he managed to bring the mine down on top of them, while keeping them safe with the Force, both from the debris above and from falling.

The one piece of floor that they were standing on detached from the rest as it fell away and collapsed down into the mine and Kylo lifted the entire floor up to the surface. The battle there had stopped and Kylo could see that some of Pandion were running away. The Knights stood in a circle around the children, ensuring that there were no longer any threats.

As soon as their piece of floor was safely settled on the ground, Kylo dropped to his knees, exhausted. It was only then that he realized that the kids were screaming and there was still blaster fire in the area. He raised his head and saw that there at least wasn’t any fighting near them.

Kuruk put a hand on his shoulder and Kylo immediately found himself leaning against their legs. He hadn’t used power like that in so long and he’d forgotten what it felt like. Especially when it was over and he felt so empty inside. 

“That was incredible,” Trudgen said, kneeling down next to him.

“I’ve never felt such power before.” Ushar was with him too. Soon all of his Knights were around him, touching him. Even Vicrul, who Kylo thought might never speak to him again, was there.

“Hey,” someone called and Kylo and all the Knights looked up at a man, who Kylo assumed was part of Hux’s crew. “Don’t mean to interrupt, but we do need to figure out what we’re doing with all these kids.”

Kylo had nearly forgotten about them, despite the fact that they were pretty noisy. He stood up with help from Vicrul and looked at the group of children. He hadn’t really considered what they would do beyond saving them from the pirates. And if Hux’s crew didn’t know, maybe Hux hadn’t planned for that either. That didn’t sound like Hux.

“What do we do?” Kylo asked, looking around at his Knights, but none of them seemed to have any ideas either. They just glanced between the children and each other as well.

“We need to get them home,” Sana said. She had finally let go of her daughter, but was still holding her hand. “Can… the general take them home?”

“Uh,” Trudgen glanced around quickly, probably hoping someone else would answer. “I guess we could? We should probably ask him what he wants to do.”

Trudgen glanced towards Kylo, but Kylo just looked away. He knew he would have to talk to Hux again, but he didn’t want to do it then. Fortunately, the others seemed to pick up on that and soon Vicrul was comming Hux, asking what they were supposed to do with all the kids.

“He said it sounds like a problem for the Republic,” Vicrul reported back.

“He wants us to just leave them?” Cardo asked, shaking his head. “We can’t do that.”

“We’re won’t,” Trudgen said.

“What do we do?” Ushar asked.

“We have to take Sana back home,” Kylo said. “We can take the kids there too. And then someone can inform the Republic and make it their problem.”

“You can’t leave us with all these kids!” Sana argued. “You have ships. Take them home.”

“We’re pirates,” Ushar said. “We helped you get your kid back as promised, but we never agreed to ferry children across the galaxy. And the general is right. It’s the Republic’s problem.”

“And you really can’t stop us,” Trudgen said. “You should be happy we’re taking them somewhere that’s at least relatively safe.”

“Let’s get them loaded on transports,” Vicrul said. He looked at the other members of Hux’s crew, who were all starting to gather around now that Pandion was gone. He was asking how much room was in each shuttle and how many kids each of their freighters could handle.

“We’ll need two ships,” Vicrul said. “The _Teratorn_ and the _Narodin_. We’ll get all the kids on there and then we’ll get take them to the station and drop them off with Sana.”

Once they had their plan figured out, it didn’t take long to get them on the ships. Most of the kids were still so frightened they didn’t even think of arguing against the orders the Knights were giving. There was only one, an older girl, who was giving Trudgen trouble, even kicking him when he got too close. Fortunately, Trudgen was amused and not angry.

It would be easy enough to just leave her behind, but an abandoned - now destroyed - mine on Ambys was no place for a child. The nearest town was too far to walk to, and even if she did make it, she wouldn’t find it easy to survive. Kylo walked over to Trudgen and the girl and he could tell that she would kick him too, but he didn’t need to worry about that. He reached out with the Force, telling her to sleep and she collapsed to the ground.

As soon as she was knocked out, Kylo couldn’t help but feel guilty. That was another trick he’d given up since joining the Resistance. He hadn’t even considered using it before, and he suspected that using the dark side again was the reason it had just come so naturally to him. His plan had been to go back to the Resistance, but now, he wondered if that was the best idea. Would Rey know what he’d been doing? Or would bringing Arktos back be enough of a distraction that she wouldn’t realize?

Trudgen picked up the sleeping girl and carried her back to the shuttle. Any of the children in their way quickly jumped aside and Kylo could feel their fear as he passed. They hadn’t been afraid when they first rescued them, but they’d seen what he’d done and now, like everyone else, they hated and feared him.

Kylo had wanted to be better, but he was failing. And he knew he had to do better because he didn’t think he could handle it if Arktos ended up afraid of him. He wanted to tell the other children that the girl was just sleeping and she would be fine in a few hours, but he had the feeling he would only scare them more. He was a monster, after all. And even a well behaved monster was frightening to children.

Kylo couldn’t stop thinking that one day, he might see a look of fear on Arktos’ face when his son looked at him.

Ushar usually piloted the shuttle but Kylo went to the cockpit anyway. It’d be better for everyone if the children didn’t see him. As soon as he heard Kuruk say the hatch was closed, Kylo took off. Ushar and Trudgen soon joined him in the cockpit, but neither of them spoke and Ushar didn’t try to take over the controls. Kylo stayed in the cockpit after they’d landed, waiting for all the children to exit.

“The general is waiting for you,” Ushar said after a while.

Of course he was. Kylo knew he’d have to talk to him and tell him that he still planned on leaving. He knew that Hux had held him every night in an effort to make him change his mind, but Kylo knew he couldn’t stay. He wouldn’t give into Hux again.

“Congratulations on a successful mission,” Hux said when Kylo stepped out of the shuttle. He was waiting for him in the hangar, just like old times. Except, of course, they weren’t on board the _Finalizer_ and Hux wasn’t in a uniform and his hair was far too messy for First Order regulations.

“I could have done without the swarm of children on my ship,” Hux said. “But I can forgive you for not wanting to call the Republic to deal with that mess. Does that mean you’re not going back?”

Hux sounded so hopeful when he asked that, but Kylo knew that was also part of his plan to make him stay. As much as he wanted to tell Hux that he was going to stay with him, he shook his head. 

“I have to go.”

“I understand,” Hux said with a sigh. “I believe you have everything you need on you, so please feel free to take your Silencer and go.” He turned and started walking away, but Kylo reached out and grabbed him by the arm. Even though he had no intention of listening to any argument Hux had made, Kylo had at least expected him to make one.

“That’s it?”

“What do you want? A good bye kiss?”

Kylo started to nod but he stopped himself. He had told himself that once the mission was over, he and Hux were done. That meant no more hugs or kisses or quick fucks wherever they happened to have some privacy. 

“You know there’s one more thing I need,” Kylo said.

“You’re not taking him.”

“I am. This isn’t a safe life for him, Hux! What happens if you’re attacked? This whole ship could be destroyed!”

“So could whatever planet you take him to.”

“Are you planning on building more planet destroying weapons? Because last time I checked, you were the last one to destroy a planet!”

“That’s not the point! The point is, life isn’t safe. But he’s staying with his family.”

“I’m his family too!”

“You’re not the one who’s had to change the diapers and feed him in the middle of the night. You’re not the one who he cries for before going to bed.”

“That’s not my fault! I would have gladly done all of that if you’d even told me that he existed! I’m taking him with me!”

“You’re not.” Hux had a datapad in hand and he did something really quick before putting it back away. Kylo didn’t know if he alerted the Knights, but he didn’t think they would try to stop him. Especially not after that display of power he’d shown them on Ambys.

Kylo knew it was pointless to argue with Hux. If he couldn’t see that Kylo was right, then Kylo would just have to prove it to him. He would take Arktos and go, and Hux would hopefully figure out that Arktos would be much happier living with Kylo. He left the hangar, heading towards Arktos’ room. He knew that Hux would still try to stop him. He just hoped that Arktos wouldn’t pick up on his parents’ fight.

When he made it to the room, the door was closed. Kylo pushed the button to open the door but nothing happened. At first, he worried that there was a malfunction and Arktos was trapped inside as the door had always opened right away before. Then he realized that Hux had locked it from his datapad.

“He’s staying with me,” Hux said.

“Unlock the door, Hux,” Kylo warned, his hand drifting towards his lightsaber. 

“No.”

“I will take him.” He pulled his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it, then turned to the door and started cutting inside. He only needed to make a large enough opening to pull Arktos through and he was nearly halfway finished when he saw Hux moving out of the corner of his eye. He looked over and saw that Hux had his blaster trained on him.

“I don’t want to shoot you,” Hux said. “But I will do what I must to protect Arktos.”

Kylo’s saber was still in the door, and he could sense that Hux meant what he said. He didn’t want to shoot him. And Kylo didn’t really think that he would. He could pull the blaster from him to be sure. He could also push him down the corridor, make him fall asleep, or countless other things with the Force, but despite how much Hux had hurt him, he couldn’t go back on his promise to not use the Force to hurt Hux. Instead, he went back to cutting into the doorway.

He remembered cutting into the doorway and a brief sense of danger, but he didn’t know how he ended up in his TIE Silencer. It took him a moment to remember Hux and his blaster and how determined Hux was that he keep Arktos. It wasn’t hard to put it all back together. Hux had stunned him and put him in his fighter. He looked at his on-board computer and saw that he was near the Resistance base. He had no idea how he could have ended up there until he heard a familiar beep from the back.

Niney was with him. And as much as Kylo was glad that he hadn’t lost his droid, he didn’t have Arktos. He couldn’t help but scream in frustration, hating that his son had been taken from him. Again.

Niney requested clearance to land on the _Finalizer_. More accurately, he simply informed them that the Silencer would be landing and no one had said anything about not doing so. Once the fighter was docked, Kylo simply sat in the cockpit. He knew that the longer he waited to leave, the more likely one of his family members would show up and try talking to him. That was the last thing Kylo wanted, but he really didn’t feel like standing up and walking anywhere either.

He really didn’t even want to be on the ship, but he had no where else to go and he’d ended up back with the Resistance without really thinking about it. Kylo couldn’t help but wonder if anyone would try to stop him from taking off again. He still didn’t know where he would go, but anywhere had to be better.

It was Niney when finally chirped at him, asking to be let out, that Kylo finally moved. Once he moved to let Niney out, he decided he might as well get out too. He really didn’t want to sit in the Silencer forever. As he suspected, the long wait in the Silencer meant he had to deal with family.

To his surprise, it wasn’t Rey or his mother coming to talk to him, but Finn and Poe. He wanted to see them even less and he didn’t even look at them when they called his name. His plan was to just ignore them and walk by them on his way to his quarters. By the time he realized that they were angry, it was too late and he’d been knocked to the floor of the hangar.

He looked up at Finn and glanced at Poe, not sure what was going on. He’d just tapped into the dark side and he couldn’t help but think they knew about that and he would no longer be welcome with the Resistance. That made no sense because Poe wasn’t Force-sensitive and Finn didn’t have any kind of connection with him. Maybe they finally just realized they didn’t want him around.

Kylo really couldn’t blame them for that. But unless he was officially being kicked out of the Resistance, then he really didn’t care what they thought. Rey and Leia were the only ones he cared about and the only ones who could make him leave. And if they did, he’d take the _Finalizer_ too. It was still his ship and he knew Niney could put it on lockdown easily and the Resistance would have no choice but to get off his ship.

“You really thought you’d just show up back here?” Finn asked angrily. 

“Leave me alone,” he grumbled, as he started to get to his feet. He didn’t get all the way up when Poe punched him, his fist connecting with the side of his face and sending him back down to the floor.

He wanted to get up and yell at them and ask what was wrong with them, but he really didn’t care. If they wanted to beat him up, that was fine with him. He deserved it anyway. He just remained on the floor, almost expecting them to kick him.

“Do you have any idea what you did to Rey? And Leia?” Poe shouted at him. “And then you just come back without any warning? What the hell is wrong with you?”

Kylo looked up at them, not knowing what to say at all. He had no idea what they were talking about. He hadn’t even been on the ship, so how could he have done anything to Rey or Leia? But it really didn’t matter why they were mad at him. No one else liked him either.

“Are you done?” Kylo asked quietly. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Poe asked. “I was expecting a fight, but this is pretty pathetic.”

“None of your business.”

“Pathetic, but still an asshole,” Poe said, punching him again. It wasn’t nearly as hard as the first punch, but it still hurt.

“Hey,” Finn put a hand on Poe’s arm, and then looked at Kylo. “Look, Poe’s right. You’re an asshole but -”

“Finn! Poe!”

Rey was the last person Kylo wanted to see and when he heard her calling her boyfriends, he looked for an escape route. The only place he could go was back to the Silencer, and he doubted he’d get there before Rey could stop him. If she was mad at him, she would use the Force without hesitation.

“What are you doing?” Rey asked as she joined them. “Kylo! What happened?”

Kylo only shrugged but when she offered out a hand, he took it and she helped pull him to his feet. He stared at her, almost expecting her to hit him as well, but she only put her arms around him. Which he quickly decided was worse than her simply hitting him. Now he had to worry about her finding out about what he’d done on Ambys and being disappointed in him.

“We were so worried about you,” she said as she let him go.

“What?” He glanced at Poe and Finn and couldn’t imagine that the two of them would worry about him, but he realized that the “we” referred to Rey and Leia. Of course his mother would worry about him.

“You took off on an unknown ship,” Rey said. “We had no idea what happened to you. And we thought…” She hesitated for a moment. “We thought that maybe you decided to go back to the dark side and the Knights of Ren.”

“I told Poe what I was doing,” he muttered.

“Uh, yeah, no one believed that,” Poe said. “Who were you with?”

“Does it matter? Look, I’m tired. Can I just go sleep?”

He thought Rey would insist on talking to him, but after a few moments, she nodded and stepped out of his way.

“Kylo,” she called as he left. “We’re still you’re friends. If you want to talk.”

He didn’t respond. There was nothing he could talk about with them. Or anyone. There was no way to explain the situation without also talking about Hux. Even if Hux deserved to be brought in, Kylo couldn’t do it to him. He was still so desperate for Hux to love him that he knew he would never do anything to betray him again.

Kylo dropped onto his bed as soon as he was in his quarters and tears immediately started to fall. He wasn’t supposed to be there, alone. He’d failed his son in every way and he couldn’t help but think it was for the best he didn’t manage to take him. Clearly, he just wasn’t cut out to be a father.

He knew Hux didn’t care about him, so he should have known that Hux wouldn’t hesitate to stun him. Kylo could have stopped him. With the Force, it would have been easy, and he could have made sure he didn’t hurt Hux either. But he’d just let Hux stun him instead, because he cared more about a promise he made to a man who hated him than his own son.

If he couldn’t even be bothered to fight for him, he didn’t deserve to have Arktos. 

To make things worse, Kylo knew that he would never see Hux or Arktos again. Hux wouldn’t risk letting him near Arktos ever again, and Kylo had told him they were through. There was no reason for Hux to contact him again. His only hope of seeing them would be if Hux happened to get captured, but Kylo didn’t want that either.

He didn’t know how long he just laid there in bed, sobbing, knowing he’d lost Hux and Arktos forever. When the door to his quarters opened, he sat up, ready to fight whoever had barged in, but he quickly remembered that no one had access. Only himself. And Niney.

Niney was currently rolling across the floor, coming to a rest next to the bed. He immediately gave Kylo a list of things to do to take care of himself after his mission - shower, clean clothes, eat, sleep. But Kylo couldn’t do any of those things. None of that mattered when he’d never see his son again. Niney repeated the instructions.

“I’ll do it later,” he mumbled. 

Niney didn’t believe him and replied with a string of words that Kylo didn’t realize he knew. He’d never heard the droid curse before, but it wasn’t too hard to recognize the language as having been learned from Artoo.

“I’m serious, Niney,” Kylo said. “I can’t do any of that.” He wasn’t about to get up to eat or shower and he didn’t feel tired enough to sleep either.

Niney fell silent and Kylo thought that would be the end of it, at least for a few hours. Niney would pester him to take care of himself eventually, but as long as it wasn’t constant, Kylo could deal with it. But Niney started beeping again, but he wasn’t trying to give Kylo orders. Instead, he was telling him that he had a message that he was instructed to play for Kylo when they were alone.

Kylo sat up and looked at him, wondering just what kind of message he might have. He’d only been around the Knights and Hux, so obviously, one of them must have left the message, but Kylo wasn’t certain he wanted to see it. What if Vicrul was telling him that they didn’t want to see him again? Or Cardo saying he wouldn’t let Kylo near Arktos again? He could imagine all kinds of terrible things his Knights might say. And then if it was Hux, Kylo really didn’t want to know.

Before Kylo could tell Niney not to play it, his projector lit up and a small version of Hux appeared in front of him. He didn’t even consider telling Niney to turn it off. It might be the only way he could ever see Hux again.

“Kylo,” Hux’s image said. “I really am sorry that things ended up this way. I hope you don’t take it too personally, but I couldn’t let you take Arktos and that was the only way I could stop you. If nothing else, maybe you can forgive me for that.” The hologram paused for a moment, looking down. “I do hope we’ll see each other again someday. I really do. I love you, Kylo.”

Fresh tears started flowing as Hux spoke those last words. Part of him knew it was just part of Hux’s manipulations, but he needed to believe they were true. That Hux really did love him. When the hologram disappeared, Kylo jumped up as if he could grab it and make Hux stay.

“Bring him back!” he shouted at Niney. The droid beeped something about him being rude but soon Hux was in front of him again. Kylo reached out, trying to touch him, but his hand just went through the hologram.

The message played again and at the end, Niney kept the image up, asking if he should play it again. Kylo nodded, needing to hear Hux’s voice. It was the only thing he had. He listened to it several times, but there was one part he needed to hear over and over again.

“I love you, Kylo.”

***

“I can’t believe you hit him!” Rey was nearly shouting. Poe glanced over at Finn, but didn’t really know what to say. He’d never seen her so angry before, at least not directed towards him.

“He hurt you,” Finn said in their defense, although even Poe thought it sounded weak.

“I know, but hitting him doesn’t fix that! Didn’t you notice how upset he was? That’s not the time to be punching him!”

“We noticed, but that was after I punched him,” Poe said. She might find out that he’d actually punched him twice, but Poe didn’t think it was the best time to mention that.

“I know you don’t like him, but the last thing we need to do is chase him away. If he feels like we don’t want him, one of these days, he’s not going to come back.”

“Sorry,” Finn muttered.

“Don’t tell me. Apologize to him.”

The last thing Poe wanted to do was talk to Kylo, especially when he had just punched him and he was already in a bad mood. But his reason for hitting Kylo had been that he had upset Rey and now Rey was upset that he had punched Kylo. The least he could do was apologize.

“Yeah, we will,” Poe said. He stood up, ready to go down to Kylo’s quarters and apologize. He’d figure out what to say on the way there.

“I’ll go with you,” Rey said. “I don’t think he should be alone right now.”

They didn’t speak as they walked down to Kylo’s quarters and once they got there, Poe was about to request entry, but Finn grabbed his hand before he could press the button and held a finger to his lips before he or Rey could question him, then pointed to his ear.

Once Finn pointed it out, Poe could definitely hear someone talking inside Kylo’s quarters. Which was strange as he couldn’t imagine anyone being inside and not being torn apart by Kylo. It was hard to make out the words, but he could very clearly hear someone telling Kylo that he loved him.

Poe recognized the voice but he couldn’t quite place it. They stood out in the hallway and the voice kept going. As they continued to listen, Poe realized that it was repeating. Kylo was listening to a message from someone saying they were sorry.

After a few minutes, Rey grabbed Poe and Finn by their hands and walked back to their quarters. Only when they made it back and the door was closed behind them did Rey let go.

“That was General Hux,” Finn said. “I recognize his voice.”

“You’re right,” Poe said, suddenly realizing why it had sounded so familiar. “But why was he listening to a message from him?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Rey asked. “He’s been with him this whole time. We were stupid for ever believing that he was on our side!”

“How do we know that wasn’t an old message?” Poe asked.

“Didn’t you hear it?” Finn asked. “They’re in love? Hux is apologizing to him? That’s gotta be something new.”

“And he gets really defensive every time someone mentions Hux’s name. He’s been protecting him this entire time.”

Finn and Rey seemed more certain about what they heard, and Poe suspected that they managed to hear a little more than he did. But given the context of the message and Kylo’s current mood, maybe Hux had done something to him. Poe was still having trouble getting over the “I love you” part of the message. But he really couldn’t focus on that. “What do we do?” he asked.

“We have to tell mom,” Rey said.

“Do we have to?” Poe asked. He knew that Leia would be upset to think that Kylo had been lying to them and that he hadn’t really redeemed himself.

“Of course we do,” Rey said. “It’ll break her heart, but she needs to know. And she’ll figure out just what to do with him.”

Poe couldn’t imagine that conversation going well. Or the part where they had to deal with Kylo. Kicking him off the ship would not be easy. Rey could do it, but everyone in the Resistance would know about it. They would know that Kylo was the same person he’d always been and that Leia and Rey had been wrong to trust him. But they would do what they had to do.

Rey commed Leia, letting her know that they had urgent business to discuss. Leia asked them to meet her in one of the _Finalizer_ ’s conference rooms near the bridge and they took off. Poe wasn’t needed as he hadn’t even heard the entire message, but he wanted to be there for Rey. She was clearly already upset and Poe knew that it would only get worse, especially if she had to fight her brother again.

Leia was already waiting in the room when they arrived. Poe wanted to say something but there was nothing he had to say. He just took Rey’s hand, as that was the only thing he could do. He hated feeling useless.

“This is about Kylo,” she said. 

“How’d you know?” Poe blurted out without meaning to, but he couldn’t help but wonder. She hadn’t heard the message.

“I have the suspicion he’s been sinking back into the dark side,” Leia said. “I’ve felt some things from him that I haven’t sensed in a very long time.”

“That’s not the only thing,” Rey said. “He’s been in contact with General Hux. He’s probably known where to find him for a while.” She then relayed the contents of the message they had overheard.

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” Leia said with a sigh. “I just wanted to believe that my son was back.”

“What should we do?” Finn asked.

“For now, nothing. I don’t want to lose him again, but we may have no choice. I’ll talk to him and see if I can get him to come clean. And if he does, he can stay. I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to trust him again, but I’d rather keep him close.”

“And if he won’t admit it?” Finn asked.

“We’ll worry about that only if it comes to that.”

She really didn’t have to say it. They only had a few options if Kylo really was on the dark side again. Kick him off the ship, which could be a disaster for the galaxy, or lock him him or kill him. None of those were great options. 

“We’ll give him some time,” Leia said. “I’ll give him a month. I know he won’t want to talk about things now. Just keep trying to be his friend. Maybe he’ll even just tell us what’s wrong without us asking.”

Poe knew that would never happen. For as long as Kylo had been with them, he’d never opened up and just started talking about what was wrong. He wouldn’t just suddenly start now. Poe put an arm around Rey and Finn did the same. As much as he didn’t like Kylo, he knew how much he meant to Rey. She was going to need them when things finally ended with Kylo.


	12. Chapter 12

In the two weeks since Pandion’s defeat, Hux had managed to take over their territory. There were still small Pandion crews, but they had been easy enough to take out. Hux suspected some were still out there, but they seemed to have completely fled the area. As long as they weren’t in his way, Hux really didn’t care. They could be someone else’s problem. Like Kylo’s.

The last thing Hux wanted to think about was Kylo. Every time he did, he couldn’t help but think about the last time he’d seen him, unconscious and slumped in the seat of the Silencer. He really wished he hadn’t had to do that, but Kylo had left him with no choice. At least he was able to get in one last kiss, stroke his hair one last time.

As long as he kept himself busy with work, there was very little time to think about Kylo. It was only in those moments that he was with Arktos that Hux’s mind drifted to thoughts of Kylo. It was inevitable since Kylo was his father, but also because he couldn’t help but think of how Cardo always commented on how much Arktos liked Kylo. Now, Hux always thought about that and couldn’t help but wonder if Arktos really would be better off with Kylo.

Because of that, he found himself spending less time around Arktos. He hated being away from his son, but thinking of Kylo was too much of a distraction. Cardo was more than capable of taking care of Arktos, although Hux worried that spending too much time away from Arktos might hurt their relationship. But he couldn’t let himself worry about that. Instead, he focused on growing his pirate empire.

It was late according to the ship’s cycle when Hux wandered into the lounge to see if there was any caf available and if not, he would make some. He planned on another late night of planning movements for his people and looking at potential targets for them to hit. It felt a lot like his time in the Order.

He never got to see if there was any caf because all six of the Knights of Ren were sitting in the lounge, and from the way they were looking at him, he could tell they had been waiting for him. That was never a good sign. 

“What is this?” Hux asked. He made for the counter to make some caf, but one of them grabbed him with the Force and pulled him down to a seat. He knew better than to try standing up again - they were more than capable of keeping him in place. He’d just have to listen to them.

“You’re working too hard,” Kuruk said.

“You’ve been neglecting Arktos,” Cardo said.

“And you’ve been in a bad mood,” Ushar said.

“What do you want from me then?” Hux asked, hoping they’d get it over with quickly so he could get back to work.

“You need time for yourself,” Kuruk said.

“Time to relax,” Vicrul added. “A vacation.”

“That is the last thing I need,” Hux argued. “I don’t have time for a vacation. I’ve got to run the organization and make sure it doesn’t fall apart.”

“That’s why you have us,” Trudgen said.

“And you can’t keep going like this,” Vicrul said. “You’ll wear yourself to the ground.”

“You’re already not at your best,” Ushar said.

“And Arktos deserves the best father he can have,” Cardo said. “Right now, that’s not you.”

Hux glared at Cardo. Of course he would bring Arktos into it. Hux would do anything for his son. He’d already done things he never thought he could in order to protect him. And he knew the Knights were right. He was wearing himself out and he was not being a very good father.

“So what do you want me to do? Take care of Arktos for a few days and let the rest of you run everything?” Hux thought that he might be able to manage that. At least if something went seriously wrong, it would be simple enough to cut things short and get right back to business.

“No,” Ushar said. “You’re leaving the _Teratorn_ completely. You and Arktos.”

“I can’t leave the _Teratorn_!” Hux insisted. There were too many things that could go wrong and he couldn’t afford to be off the ship. 

“You will,” Ap'lek said. 

Hux stared at her. He’d never heard her speak out loud before. He didn’t even know she could and at first, he thought he must have been imagining it. Maybe he was really just that tired that he thought she had spoken out loud. In which case, the Knights were probably right and he needed a break.

He still wanted to argue that he could take a break while still being on the ship, but one look at Ap'lek told him it was best not to argue. Hux knew as well as the Knights did that he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from working. He’d never been able to separate himself from his work. It was the reason he’d made general so young, but also the reason he had very little else in his life.

“We’ve already made arrangements,” Trudgen said. “We’ll be there in two hours.”

That was clearly the end of that conversation. As much as Hux hated the idea of being gone, he knew it would be good for him and Arktos. Not needing the caf anymore, Hux went back to his quarters. He hadn’t asked how long he’d be gone for, but he assumed the Knights wouldn’t give him a straight answer. They’d likely say something along the lines of “as long as you need to be.” Just like Kylo, they were terrible at giving a direct answer.

Hopefully wherever they were dropping him off would at least be someplace where he could easily buy supplies if he needed them. If he only had to worry about himself, then he’d manage to survive, but he had to provide for Arktos as well. 

Hux quickly packed the few things he knew that he’d need for himself - clothes, credits, and weapons - then headed to Arktos’ room to collect things for him. He paused at the damaged door, lightly touching the melted metal making a partial circle in the door. He was standing in the exact place Kylo had been when Hux had to stun him. Not wanting to think about that anymore, he opened the door and went inside only to find Cardo was already packing a bag for Arktos.

“I’ll make sure you have everything you need.”

“I assume that means you know how long I’ll be gone for,” Hux said, looking to see how many supplies Cardo was packing. That might give him some idea if it was going to be a couple of days or a couple of weeks.

“Yes.”

“Would you mind sharing that information?”

Cardo paused and looked at him, then went back to digging through Arktos’ toys. “We will know when to get you,” Cardo said.

“That doesn’t tell anyone how many days they need to be prepared for.” But it was just the kind of answer Hux expected from one of the Knights.

“It won’t be long. A few days. A week maybe.”

That was better than nothing, and really, it was more than he expected from a Knight of Ren. He’d pack a little extra for himself, just in case the Knights took a bit longer to pick him up than they expected. They were all prone to distractions, and it was possible they’d forget to pick him him.

“Would it be too much to ask where I’m going?”

“Yes.” Cardo was silent as he continued to pack. “The temperature is slightly below what most humans prefer. Precipitation is unlikely during your stay, but it’ll probably be cloudy. Nighttime temperatures will be cold, but you’ll be in a hotel in a city so you won’t have to go out. Is there anything else you need to know to prepare?”

“That should be sufficient.” He would have liked to do his own research, but that was probably exactly why the Knights wouldn’t tell him where he was going. And Cardo probably knew that if Hux knew where he would be, he’d simply arrange for one of the other ships in their fleet to pick him up.

“Ushar will take you down in an hour and a half,” Cardo said. “If you’re not in the hangar, we will carry you there.”

“I’m sure you will.”

Cardo clearly didn’t need or want his help packing for Arktos. He walked over to his crib and checked on Arktos, who was sleeping. He left, letting Cardo have some time with Arktos. He was surprised the Knight was willing to part from him for so long, but Hux knew it would probably be good for him to have some time with his son and no one else around. The Knights had been with him since Arktos had been born, so Hux had never really had him to himself.

He had no idea what he would do with himself, especially if he was on vacation for a week. He’d never taken leave since graduating the academy, and even then he hadn’t really known what to do. The closest thing he’d had to a vacation was a day every now and then when he was only reachable by datapad, and he’d still promptly replied to any messages that needed his attention.

There was a good chance that he might simply sit in his hotel the entire time, as it would be difficult to do anything with Arktos and he certainly wasn’t going to leave him anywhere. At least Arktos was too young to get bored and should be satisfied with whatever toys Cardo packed for him. But for Hux, it would likely be the most boring week of his life.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized that might not be so bad.

***

Kylo was under guard. Not officially, but it certainly felt that way. He’d had a few days to himself once he’d returned to the _Finalizer_ but then, he’d had at least one person with him at almost all times. Leia had talked to him and he explained why he’d left and even apologized for running off. And Leia seemed to understand, but she seemed to know that something was very wrong. But Kylo just couldn’t tell her. He suspected that he might have to put up with company until he came up with something to tell her about why he was so upset.

Putting up with Poe in his quarters was almost enough for Kylo to simply tell Leia the truth. About the Knights and Arktos and Hux. The only reason he hadn’t broken down and told her everything was because Poe was thankfully quiet. He occasionally tried to start a conversation, but he never pressed when Kylo showed no interest in talking.

As much as he didn’t want to talk, he was able to admit to himself that he did like having someone there with him besides Niney to make sure he was okay. Not that he thought Poe really cared about him, but at least he was good at pretending. He preferred it when Leia or Rey was there because they actually liked him. Or they used to. Kylo wasn’t quite sure where they stood or how much they had figured out on their own. They definitely seemed more uneasy, like they had when he’d first joined them. Like they were just waiting for him to attack them.

But if they really thought that, they wouldn’t let Poe sit in his quarters with him. The pilot had no way to defend himself. Which made it interesting that they let him be a guard at all.

“Hey. Poe.” Kylo sat up on his couch and looked at Poe, who was sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on Kylo’s desk.

“Kylo? What’s up?” He put his datapad down, giving Kylo his full attention.

“Why are you here?”

“Same reason we’ve always been here,” Poe said with a shrug. “You really don’t seem like you should be alone.”

That was exactly what Leia had said when she asked him - although Kylo didn’t think it was optional - to let a few others spend time in his quarters. Because she didn’t want him to be alone. She hadn’t been wrong and Kylo was glad for the reminder that someone cared, although it still didn’t make up for what he lost. And it meant he couldn’t listen to Hux’s message all day. Which was probably a good thing.

“But why you?”

“Is there someone else you’d rather have?”

“No. But if you were really worried about me, shouldn’t I have a guard that could actually stop me?”

“I’m not a guard. I’m just here as a friend.”

“I… I didn’t know we were friends.”

“Um. Well, I’d like to think we are. Kinda. I mean, I really like the rest of your family and I am trying to like you. Even if you are an asshole.”

“You going to punch me again?”

“You know you’d deserve it.”

“I would.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t plan on punching you. Not right now anyway.”

“What’s there to worry about? Your punches are weak.”

Poe laughed, and Kylo remembered the one reason he did like Poe. If he wanted to talk to someone, Poe really was easy to talk to. Still, Poe would never be his first choice of conversation partners.

“You seem like you’re feeling better.”

“I’m faking it because I know that’s the only way you’ll leave me alone.”

“It’s really hard to tell if you’re joking or not. But you know, we’re probably never going to leave you alone. You’re family and that means you just have to deal with us.”

As Poe was talking, Kylo felt something in the Force. Someone was trying to speak with him. It had been a long time since he’d used telepathic communication and it took him a moment to fully realize what it was. He felt himself tensing up, only slightly relaxing when he realized it was a friendly presence.

“Kylo?” Poe asked, but his voice sounded like it was coming from far away.

“ _Ap'lek_ ,” Kylo said. “ _Is everything okay? Arktos? Hux?_ ”

“ _They’re fine_ ,” Ap'lek replied. “ _But the Knights and I have discussed this and we want to help you get Arktos._ ”

“ _What do I have to do?_ ” He might have spoken that out loud as well, but he didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was that he had another chance to get Arktos.

“ _Meet us on Chikila in two days. We’ll let you know where to find Arktos._ ”

“ _Thank you._ ”

The connection broke and Kylo became aware of Poe standing right in front of him, hands on his shoulders. He looked worried but Kylo didn’t have time to be concerned about Poe and what he might have seen or heard. He needed to get to his son.

Kylo stood, pushing Poe away from him. He had plenty of time, but he couldn’t sit around waiting when he knew he had somewhere to be. And if the Knights got Arktos there early, he wanted to be there. Especially since he suspected he might need to run with his son as soon as he had him, because he imagined Hux would be right behind the Knights.

“Kylo, where are you going?” Poe asked, grabbing his arm, but Kylo pushed him off. Poe reached for him again, but Kylo grabbed him with the Force and pushed him away.

“Don’t try to stop me.”

He walked out of his quarters and as he did, he could hear Poe calling someone on the comm, but he didn’t care. There was no one on board that could stop him. Not when he had something to fight for.

He was almost to the hangar when he saw that he wasn’t going to get away unimpeded. Rey, Finn, and Leia were standing in the corridor, blocking his path. He could have knocked them away, but he really didn’t want to hurt them and he suspected that wouldn’t be enough to prevent Rey from fighting back. She already had a hand on her lightsaber.

“I think we should talk,” Leia said.

“We can talk when I get back,” Kylo said.

“This really can’t wait.”

“Neither can my mission.” He started to push his way through but Rey pushed him back.

“You’re going to see Hux,” Rey accused.

Kylo froze at that, not expecting her to say his name. There was no reason for her to suspect he had anything to do with Hux, but at least he didn’t have to lie about it for once. “I’m not.”

“But you have been seeing him,” Leia said. Her tone told Kylo that it wasn’t a question. She knew. How she knew wasn’t important. Not at the moment. 

“Yes. I’ll tell you everything when I get back, but I have to go.”

“No.” Leia put a hand on his chest as he tried to leave again. “How long have you been meeting with Hux?”

“That’s not important right now! I told you I’m not going to see him!”

“Then tell us where you are going.”

“I can’t!” Kylo could feel his eyes getting wet. If they didn’t let him go, he might miss his only chance to get Arktos. 

“Kylo, we can’t trust you anymore. You’ve been running around behind our backs with a wanted criminal and you won’t tell us where you’re going. Forgive us for thinking the worst.”

“I’m leaving. You can’t stop me.”

“I can,” Rey said. Her lightsaber was in her hand. The last thing Kylo wanted to do was fight Rey, but he would do whatever it took to get to Arktos. He took his own lightsaber from his belt, but Leia reached over, pushing Rey’s hand down.

“You can leave,” Leia said. “But if you go like this, you won’t be welcome back with us.”

Kylo hesitated. The plan had been to bring Arktos back to the _Finalizer_ and to raise him with family. If he couldn’t come back, he had no idea where he would go or even what to do with a baby on his own. But he had to get him. Maybe Leia would at least give him chance to explain, and he was sure she would let him come back when she saw her grandson, but even if not, Kylo still had to go.

“I’m sorry,” he said, finally pushing past his family. He made it into the hangar and took off as soon as Niney was on board. If he couldn’t come back, he had to make sure he had his droid with him. 

As he left, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever make it back to the _Finalizer_.

***

Ushar had dropped Hux off on the planet Chikila in what had been the morning for that region of the planet. Except she hadn’t just dropped him off. She and Cardo escorted him to a hotel and checked him in and then went to his room with him under the pretense of making sure it was safe. Cardo had then set up all of Arktos’ things, making use of the drawers in the hotel room. 

Clearly, the Knights weren’t convinced that he would actually do what he was supposed to without their help, although Hux didn’t know why they were worried. It wasn’t as if he was going to run around an unknown planet with a baby in tow. But at least he didn’t have to carry all of Arktos’ things on his own, so he didn’t complain.

Before leaving, Cardo left Hux with a list of things that he and Arktos could do together over the next week. At first, Hux wasn’t sure what to think of that, but once he realized he really had nothing to do, he took a look at the list and was surprised at the amount of activities that were designed for infants. 

One of the first suggestions was a story time at a library. It seemed completely pointless, as Hux could very easily read to Arktos on his own. Why would a parent want someone else to read to their child? But it was free and it wasn’t as if he had anything else to do, so Hux decided they would go. Maybe that was the sort of person who went to that sort of thing - people who didn’t have anything else to do.

The event was scheduled for thirty minutes and it was only a ten minute walk away. Overall, it would take less than an hour, so Hux knew he wouldn’t need much. Even so, he found himself packing everything he thought Arktos might need or want in that hour. The storage area of his hover stroller was full and Hux ended up placing a few toys in with Arktos.

When they arrived at the library, Hux was asked to sit on the floor with Arktos. He was a bit shocked at that - he hadn’t sat on a floor since he was a child. But he could see that there were other parents there who were all sitting on the floor and they even seemed to be enjoying it. He found a spot a little bit away from the others and sat down, putting Arktos in front of him.

Soon, a small alien placed a holoprojector in the middle of all the children and sat on the floor with them. They started to read, and as they went through the story, the holos moved and changed. Some of the older kids tried to join in on the story. Arktos hardly seemed to notice, only really looking when there were really bright colors. He spent the rest of the time like the other infants - crawling, making noise and hitting things. He even interacted with some of the others and Hux realized it was the first time he’d been around another baby.

It made him think of Kylo and if he had been right about not raising Arktos on board a ship. He’d never have friends if he grew up on a ship. Not unless one of the Knights also decided to have children. Hux hadn’t even considered that, but of course, he hadn’t had friends as a child and didn’t really think about things like that. But he wanted better for Arktos. He wanted his son to have friends and a normal childhood, and he’d never have that on a pirate ship.

By the time the storytime was over and the parents were all collecting their children and loading them back into their strollers, Hux was really starting to doubt whether he’d done what was best for Arktos. He didn’t want to lose him, but maybe he and Kylo could work something out so Arktos would have a chance to be with both of his parents and also have a somewhat normal life.

He had no idea if he would even see Kylo again, but as soon as he had a chance, he decided he would contact him and see if Kylo would be willing to talk. If he promised him a chance to see Arktos, Hux was sure Kylo might at least talk to him. But they wouldn’t be able to meet in person. Hux knew that Kylo would just take Arktos and run, and he didn’t know if the Knights would help get Arktos back.

Hux made it back to his hotel and fed Arktos, who had just started to fuss when they walked in the door. Once Arktos had eaten and fallen asleep, Hux realized he was hungry as well. The room had a datapad with all kinds of information on local places to eat and an easy order form for delivery. He still wasn’t sure what kinds of food he really liked, as he’d grown up eating First Order rations and had never been very adventurous when he did have the chance to try new foods. As a pirate, he’d usually picked foods that were most similar to rations - nutrition bars and powders.

While he was trying to figure out just what he wanted to eat, the door to his room opened. He immediately touched a button on his wrist to lock down Arktos’ hover stroller. The top closed and it would only open for Hux or Cardo. As soon as he knew Arktos was safe, he grabbed his blaster, ready to fight anyone who thought he would be an easy target just because he was on vacation.

He was going to shoot without question, but he saw it was Kylo and he froze. That was the last person he expected to just walk through his door. Clearly, Kylo wasn’t expecting him either, as he just stood in the doorway, staring at him. Hux knew he should probably shoot him, as that was the only way he would keep his son with him. But he hated doing it before and he really didn’t want to do it again, especially since he’d just been thinking about trying to make things work out between them and Arktos.

But he hadn’t wanted to see Kylo in person while he had Arktos. Because unless he stunned him, there was nothing Hux could do to stop Kylo from taking Arktos and leaving. And he knew he’d never see him again. With the way Hux had treated Kylo, it only made sense that Kylo would do the same and hurt him by using Arktos.

He never had a chance to decide whether or not he should shoot Kylo, because Kylo had already made up his mind. His blaster was pulled from his grasp and went flying into Kylo’s hand and before Hux could move to get between Kylo and Arktos, he found himself frozen in place.

“Kylo,” he begged. “Please don’t take him from me.”

“Where’s Cardo?” Kylo asked as he stepped over to the stroller. Hux didn’t doubt he’d find a way to get it open, but maybe the lock would even work against the Force. Of course, that meant Arktos would be trapped inside.

“I don’t know,” Hux answered, not sure why he’d be asking about his Knight. “He dropped me off and left.”

Kylo reached out and ran his hand over the outside of the stroller, his hand coming to rest on the lock. To his surprise, it opened for him. Hux didn’t think Kylo was so good with the Force he could have opened it so easily. But then he realized - the default setting on the stroller was to open for a biological parent and that’s what Kylo was. Hux never considered that he would need to change that.

“I know you think I deserve this, but please, Kylo. Don’t take him.” He didn’t care how pathetic he sounded, nor did he care about the tears in his eyes. Hux knew it might be the last time he ever saw Arktos and he was helpless to save him. 

“Cardo left you here.” Kylo said, lifting Arktos from his stroller. Hux expected Kylo to simply walk away with Arktos but instead, he came to stand in front of him. “I was supposed to meet him here.”

It was a trick and Hux had been stupid enough to fall for it. He should have known that the Knights wouldn’t care about his well-being. And he definitely should have known that they were always going to be loyal to Kylo. Of course they’d arranged it so Kylo could steal Arktos. They probably wouldn’t be coming back for him either.

If he was going to lose everything, he was at least going to say goodbye to his son. Hux was still held in place with the Force but he was determined. He managed to lift his arm, but he still wasn’t close enough. Kylo looked at him in surprise.

“They set us up.”

Hux felt the Force moving away from him and he could move once more. He immediately went towards Kylo and Arktos, putting a hand on his son, so happy just to be able to touch him. He hadn’t been sure that he ever would again.

“I know I haven’t been fair to you, but I want this to work,” Hux blurted out before Kylo could walk away from him. “If you have to take him, then I understand. But I want to be able to see him.”

“You wouldn’t have let me see him.”

“I would have. Didn’t you get my message? I meant every word I said. I really did want to see you again. I wanted you to raise him with me.”

“You didn’t even tell me that he existed!” Kylo was clearly holding himself back from shouting, which was good as it would wake Arktos.

“I would have!” That didn’t matter much. The fact was that he hadn’t told him. He’d never found the right time. “Remember back on the _Finalizer_? When I asked you to come with me? I was going to tell you then. But then you sensed the Knights.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“No, it’s not. I should have told you much sooner. I just… I was really angry.”

“Yeah. We’ve established that already.” Kylo walked back to the stroller and put Arktos back down. “I suppose we should talk about this. Since the Knights went through all this trouble to get us back together.”

“How do you know that was their goal?” He would have thought the Knights would have been trying to help Kylo take Arktos.

“Because they want to help me. But they also won’t break whatever oath they made to you. So this is the only way to have it both ways. Ap'lek also just told me so.”

“Telepaths,” Hux said, shaking his head. He would have thought being in a relationship with a mind reader would have been easy, as Kylo should always know what he wanted, but that just wasn’t how it worked. “You might as well sit down.”

Hux walked over to the bed and sat down, expecting Kylo to sit next to him, but he instead sat down on a chair. They just stared at each other for several moments.

“So,” Kylo said eventually. “You really meant what you said in that message?”

“Yes,” Hux answered immediately. “I love you, Kylo. I wanted things to work out between us for so long and it’s killing me that we keep ending up like this.”

“Then why? I’ve done everything you wanted! And you keep pushing me away!”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“That’s not good enough!”

Hux almost repeated himself, but he knew that would only anger Kylo and possibly wake Arktos. “I fucked up. But so have you. You destroyed my life’s work and let me think you were dead, Kylo. All because of a ghost.”

“And you had my son and never told me. You used me. To get rid of your competition. You’ve manipulated me since the day we reunited.”

The conversation seemed so familiar and Hux realized that it was the same points that came up every time they fought. And while Hux liked to think that Kylo had done worse, he knew Kylo felt otherwise. They could yell at each other all day and still have more to yell about.

“We’ve both hurt each other,” Hux said. “I think if we ever want our relationship to work out, we need to move past all of that. Anything in the past is just that. The past. We need to focus on what we want in the future?”

“What do you want? To be together?”

“It’s all I’ve wanted,” Hux admitted. “I know this will be difficult for us, but we’ve got to change something about this. Arktos is eventually going to sense our conflict. So either we work things out or we end our relationship.”

“And who gets Arktos?”

Hux worried that would be Kylo’s first thought. And he knew that Kylo would want to take him and he had the ability to do it. “I was thinking about it. And… you had a point. It might be better for him to grow up in a more stable environment. I will want to see him. He deserves to know both of his parents.”

Kylo nodded, but didn’t say anything. Hux waited a moment, but he soon grew impatient.

“Well? Is that what you want?”

“I… I do want to be with you Hux. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea. How can I trust you?”

“I don’t know.” At least Hux didn’t have to worry about Kylo destroying the Order again. But Kylo might always wonder if Hux really did love him or if it was all just a manipulation. “We’ll just have to take things slow. Like we did when we first got together.”

“I’d hardly call that slow,” Kylo said with a small smirk.

“Not that part of it.” They’d had sex in a conference room after an argument got too heated and neither one of them would back down. They hadn’t even undressed. Just a quick, rough fuck. And that had been their normal relationship for months. “It took us a long time to get to the point where we could talk to each other. And I know we’ll have to start over, but I’m willing to do that. I’ll do whatever it takes if it means the three of us can be together.”

“Would you come back to the Resistance with me?”

Hux almost told him that he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. But if that really was the only way to prove to Kylo that he loved him… he let out a sigh. “Yes. If that’s what you really want. I’ll go. You know they’ll execute me, right?”

“I wouldn’t let them.”

“So is that it then? We’re going to the Resistance?” Hux wasn’t as confident as Kylo that they wouldn’t execute him. At the very least, he would be locked up, although that actually seemed like a better alternative to actually _living_ with the Resistance. That sounded like torture.

“No.”

That was a relief. Hux definitely did not want to end up with the Resistance, prisoner or not. But then he realized that maybe that wasn’t a good thing. Maybe Kylo didn’t want him at all. Maybe he was planning on ending things.

“I still love you too,” Kylo muttered. “I don’t know if I can really forgive you. But maybe I can… just let go. Maybe we can rebuild something between us.”

Kylo stood up and went and sat next to Hux. They weren’t quite touching each other, which Hux knew would drive him crazy. He couldn’t stand Kylo being so close without having a hand on him. He lightly placed a hand on his leg, waiting to see if Kylo would push him away. When he didn’t he scooted himself closer, pressing against him.

They sat together for a long time, neither of them speaking. Hux really didn’t know what to say to him. He was relieved that he seemed willing to stay and wanted things to work out, although he didn’t seem too hopeful about it. Hux wanted to talk about that, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. He soon found himself resting his head on Kylo’s shoulder and then Kylo had his arms around him.

Hux turned so he was facing Kylo and his lips were so close and he just couldn’t resist. He wanted to give him a quick kiss but he’d never been good at stopping himself when it came to Kylo. They were soon laying down on the bed, Hux on top of Kylo. When Hux pulled away, he could see that there were tears in Kylo’s eyes and he knew he was on the verge of tears as well.

“How did we get like this?” Hux said, rolling off of Kylo to lay beside him. “Our relationship was never perfect, but we were never this bad.”

“We love each other,” Kylo said softly. “That means it’s much easier to hurt each other. Even when we don’t mean it.” He rolled over on his side, draping an arm over him. Hux had to fight the urge to bury himself against Kylo. He loved having him hold him, making him feel safe.

“I want to fix it. I don’t care how long it takes.” Kylo still hadn’t actually said what he wanted to do, and it was making Hux nervous. Despite his claims that he loved Hux, Kylo still might walk away from him.

“So do I.”

Hux let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully that meant Kylo wouldn’t leave him. At least not forever. At some point, he would probably want to return home, but as long as he always came back, Hux could live with that.

“How long can you stay?” Hux asked. “The Knights didn’t give me a definite answer on how long they were going to make me stay here.”

“I can stay as long as I want. As long as we want. I can tell the Knights if we want to stay longer.”

“Let’s do that,” Hux said. “Just the three of us here, as a family. And you and I are not going to fight about anything that we’ve done to each other in the past. We can figure out what our next step is later.”

“That sounds nice.” Kylo smiled, but it quickly disappeared. “I don’t think we should have sex.”

“Wh-” Hux wanted to ask why, as that had always been the best part of their relationship. But he also knew that he’d hurt Kylo enough that it made sense. “That’s fine. Not until you’re ready.”

“It’s not that,” Kylo said. “We always use sex as a way to avoid talking. But this has been good. We should do it more.”

That was how their relationship had started and as much as Hux liked the idea of fucking Kylo until everything felt normal, he knew it was for the best that they didn’t. They were trying to start something new. He wanted things to be better than they were. Before he could tell Kylo that, his stomach rumbled.

“So since we’re trying something new, how about we go get lunch together? A date?”

“That is a new one. I’d love that.”

***

After four days, Kylo still had trouble believing that he and Hux were getting along again. It was the first time in a long time that Kylo could sense that maybe things would be all right. Both of them still had their issues, but Kylo thought he might be able to move past what Hux had done to him. As much as it hurt, it was worse to not be with Hux, and Hux seemed to feel the same. 

The last few days really had been perfect, as he’d spent every moment with Hux and Arktos. To anyone watching them, they probably looked like any other family in the galaxy. And that was what Kylo wanted the most, he realized. It was so nice that he was tempted to suggest that they stay on Chikila forever, but Kylo didn’t think Hux would be willing to stay in one place so far from anything else. 

As Kylo was feeding Arktos a late night meal, he couldn’t help but wonder if there was a place they might be able to settle on. He glanced at Hux, still asleep in bed, trying to imagine them in a house, coming home to each other every night. It was hard to picture, but it was a nice thought.

Just as Arktos was finishing his meal, Kylo felt a familiar presence in the Force and he wasn’t surprised to soon see Anakin standing in front of him. Anakin’s attention was almost immediately drawn to Arktos and he reached out a hand, as if he were going to touch him.

“He’s beautiful,” Anakin said. Arktos made a happy sound and reached out for Anakin.

“Can he see you?” Kylo had no idea what an infant was capable of when it came to the Force.

“I don’t know,” Anakin said with a shrug. “It’s possible. I see things are better between you and Hux.”

“Yes. And I’m not leaving him. Not again.” It was Anakin’s fault that he had left in the first place and he wouldn’t listen to him again if he wanted him to leave. 

“I wouldn’t ask you to. I’m happy for you, Kylo.”

“Why? You wanted me to go back to Leia and Rey.”

“That was what you needed then. Now you need to be with Hux and your son.”

Kylo wanted to ask why he hadn’t been able to be with Hux from the start. Anakin easily could have sent him to Hux instead of Leia, but Kylo didn’t think he’d get a straight answer. Anakin had probably seen something and Kylo decided he might as well save the trouble of trying to get a satisfying answer.

“Do you know where you will go?” Anakin asked.

“No,” Kylo said, looking down at Arktos. All he knew was that he didn’t want to raise him on a ship. “I wanted him to meet Rey and the others. But that’s not possible.”

When Ap'lek had said that the Knights would get Arktos to him, Kylo had imagined that he’d be raising him with family. But he could never go back there again. There were endless planets they could live on, but Kylo didn’t even know where to begin. 

“I don’t think you need to take Leia’s words so seriously,” Anakin said. “She was scared. She thought she was losing you again. As soon as she realizes why you left, she’ll understand. I also believe that she would always be willing to take you back.”

“No,” Kylo said. “I mean, you’re probably right. But Hux doesn’t want to go. We’ll figure something else out.”

“If you’d like, there’s a place on Naboo you can use. It belongs to your grandmother’s family, but they’re not using it.”

“Naboo?”

“Yes. It was where Padmé and I had planned on raising Luke and Leia. I think it would be a perfect place for you and Arktos.”

Kylo looked at Arktos, now asleep, and then at Hux. He had a feeling Hux might not like the idea. After all, Naboo was in Republic space and Hux hadn’t liked the past advice Anakin had given him.

“I’ll see what Hux thinks.” Kylo said. He put Arktos back in the stroller, covering him up with a blanket. He really liked the idea of Naboo, but he wasn’t sure Hux would go for it.

“I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you there.” Kylo turned his attention back to Anakin, but he was already disappearing. Kylo didn’t know if he was just being hopeful or if he’d seen something. It wasn’t important and Kylo crawled back into bed next to Hux.

As soon as he laid down, Hux snuggled up against him and Kylo wrapped his arms around him. Hux nuzzled Kylo’s neck and then he gave him a kiss.

“Were you talking to ghosts again?” Hux murmured against him.

“You heard that?”

“Part of it. Whatever you were saying. Sounded like you were talking to yourself.”

Kylo wasn’t surprised that Hux hadn’t been able to hear what Anakin was saying. As far as he knew, only those who were Force sensitive could hear or see ghosts. He would have preferred that Hux never overheard his conversations with Anakin and it was best that he had probably been half asleep. He might even be able to convince him that he’d imagined it, but it was as good a time as any to discuss where they would take Arktos.

“He wants us to go to Naboo,” Kylo said. “Raise Arktos there. He said there’s a place we can use.”

“Hmm.” Hux didn’t answer right away and started giving him some light kisses on his neck. “We might as well try it.”

“Really?” He hadn’t expected that conversation to go so easily.

“If that’s what it takes for you to shut up and go back to sleep, then yes. We can go to Naboo.”

Kylo smiled and kissed the top of his head. He should have known there was a reason Hux agreed so easily, but he wasn’t going to argue. He kept quiet, not wanting to give Hux a reason to change his mind. That was assuming Hux was even awake enough to remember the conversation in the morning. Kylo could worry about that later. For the moment, he was happy to simply fall asleep with Hux in his arms.


	13. Chapter 13

After two months, there was still a lot of work to be done on their new house. It had been in Leia’s name, and the Naberrie family hadn’t done much in the way of upkeep over the years. But it at least gave Kylo something to do while Arktos was sleeping, which he still did for most of the day.

When they’d first moved in, a lot of the house was unusable, but Kylo found that he really enjoyed cleaning and restoring the house. He had no experience in repairing things - usually he did the opposite - but he’d found tutorials on the holonet and Hux would help him get any supplies he needed. Now Kylo had a nice collection of tools for fixing the house.

He was fixing up a bedroom which in theory was supposed to be for one of the Knights. They would often come by and help out with Arktos and repairs or just have some downtime when they weren’t on a mission. Kylo wasn’t really surprised to find that they liked to sleep on whatever piece of furniture was convenient or even the floor. Even after they’d had rooms ready for them, they rarely used them. But Kylo kept fixing up more rooms, just in case they ever did need them. 

As he used the Force to hold a wooden door in place, he quickly used a power screwdriver to put it back in place. He opened and closed it a few times to make sure it worked properly, then looked around the rest of the room. He’d replaced a wall and redid the floor and the only thing left was to paint. He was sure he already had some paint, but if not, Hux would get some for him.

He picked up all the tools that he had used and was carrying them back to the garage, where he also had an old speeder that he was working on. It was more of a joint project between him and Hux, as they both enjoyed working on speeders, although Hux hadn’t cared much for fixing the house. But Kylo liked having something that was just theirs - he only worked on it when Hux was there and he always looked forward to the moments they spent in the garage.

As he was looking at what colors of paint he had, his comm beeped and he quickly answered it. The only people who ever contacted him were Hux and the Knights. And Niney, which was who started beeping over the comm even before Kylo could say anything. Niney usually spent most of his time in the house with Kylo, but sometimes Hux and the Knights needed him. Like now. But he was letting him know that they had just exited hyperspace and would be there in less than an hour.

Kylo smiled, excited that Hux would soon be back. He hated that he left, but Hux didn’t have it in him to stay at home for weeks at a time without something to keep him busy. And he made good money as a pirate, which meant Kylo and Arktos always had everything they needed.

Before he could get too excited about Hux’s return, Kylo sensed that Arktos was starting to wake up. Now that he was Arktos’ primary caretaker, Kylo had tuned in enough to his son’s needs that he could usually take care of him before he started to get fussy. He didn’t even need the Force all the time. He just knew that when he woke up from his late morning nap he would be hungry. Of course, he would use the Force to confirm that as well. He went to Arktos’ room and picked him up from his bed just as he was waking up.

“Da-da,” Arktos said as Kylo lifted him up. Kylo couldn’t help but smile every time he heard his son talk. The first time Arktos had called him dada, he’d actually cried. He still sometimes felt like he might. 

“Let’s get you some lunch,” Kylo said. He brought Arktos into the kitchen and strapped him into his chair and folded the tray down. He then placed the chair on the ground. He’d seen Arktos lift his tray and nearly unhook himself from his seat using the Force and Kylo didn’t want him to finally manage to get free and hurt himself while Kylo was busy getting his food.

Because he knew that Arktos would one day manage to get out of his chair, Kylo had taken to preparing his food while he was asleep so he wouldn’t have his attention elsewhere for long. So far, Arktos wasn’t a picky eater, and Kylo gave him a little bit of meat and vegetables to start with, placing them on Arktos’ tray.

Once Kylo could pay attention to Arktos again, he raised the chair back up so he was at the same height as the table. Kylo sat down, talking to Arktos as he played with his food and eventually ate some. He certainly wasn’t picky - he’d probably eat anything that would fit inside his mouth - but he was very messy and not concerned with eating very quickly. That meant Kylo often had to dedicate quite a bit of time to mealtimes but he didn’t mind. He wanted to spend as much time with Arktos as possible. As much as he’d like to finish fixing up the house, he’d much rather spend time with his son.

Once he’d finished his meat and veggies, Kylo gave him some dry cereal. Arktos almost immediately started sliding cereal pieces around and Kylo was pleased to see that he was able to push some with the Force. Of course, it wasn’t always a good thing that Arktos could move things like that. On a few occasions, he decided that he didn’t want his food and pushed it away. Hard. It had made quite a mess, but Kylo at least could use the Force to clean it.

Watching Arktos develop his Force abilities made Kylo wonder what he had been like as a baby. Had he developed his powers just as early? When did he really learn to control them? When had he learned to communicate telepathically? They were questions he wished he could have asked his mother, but it was too late for that. She didn’t want to see him anymore.

“I think she would have liked you,” Kylo said, still watching Arktos play with his food. “Your grandmother. But maybe not. I don’t think she’d be too happy about who your other dad is. She’d probably try to take you from both of us. Maybe it’s for the best she doesn’t know.”

Even as Kylo said that, he knew it wasn’t true. Leia might want Arktos, but Kylo knew she wouldn’t take him away. She wouldn’t care about Hux. She would love Arktos. And Kylo hated that she would never know him. But Leia was the one who had told him not to come back, and Kylo wasn’t going to go begging her to let him return. He had what he really wanted anyway - Arktos and Hux.

Once Arktos was throwing cereal and no longer eating any of it, Kylo let him out of his chair. The first thing Kylo did was baby-proof any part of the house that Arktos would be in, so it was safe enough to let him run around while Kylo cleaned up. The hard part had been baby-proofing for a Force sensitive baby. It had been another thing he had wished he could have asked Leia about, but Kylo thought he’d done a good job. He had to make sure that anything in Arktos’ line of sight wasn’t something that could hurt him if he pulled it with the Force. So far, he’d only pulled his toys towards him, but Kylo was just waiting for the day that some other object seemed appealing to him and pulled it.

“Your daddy’s going to be home soon,” Kylo said once everything was cleaned up and Arktos had his full attention once more. Arktos, however, didn’t really seem to be paying attention. He was leaning on a cabinet, his tiny hands gripping the top edge of the door. He shook it while making a string of incoherent noises. He hadn’t really said much beyond “dada” and “no.” Kylo had worried that he hadn’t seemed to progress in his speech, but when he’d looked it up, he’d read that was normal.

Normal or not, Kylo wanted Arktos to be able to talk as soon as possible. Walking and moving around seemed to come more naturally to him, as he would zoom around the house whenever he had the opportunity. The downside was that he liked to go too fast and sometimes he fell down. Kylo put padding on anything that might seriously injure him, but even bumping into a couch was enough to make him cry. Kylo hated seeing his son in pain, although it hadn’t taken him long to realize it was inevitable. 

“Let’s try some reading,” Kylo said, sitting on the floor. Once Arktos saw him, he came running over as fast as his little legs could carry them. But as always, stopping was more difficult than running, but Kylo caught him in his arms so he didn’t hurt himself.

“Dada,” Arktos said as he tried to climb up on his shoulder. Kylo held him close as he stood up and went into what had quickly turned into Arktos’ playroom. Because Kylo didn’t want him dragging things around his bedroom with the Force, the only things in there were either bolted down or soft toys. Everything else was in the play room.

Kylo found the small holoprojector that had all kinds of learning materials on it, from the most basic things that Arktos was using now to full stories that could help him learn to read when he was ready for it. It had large buttons that would be easy for a child to operate, although Arktos hadn’t quite figured out how to operate them. Left to his own devices, he would simply hit them until he wore himself out or got bored.

“Do you want to do colors?” Kylo asked, knowing it wouldn’t make a difference. But he’d read that talking to babies was helpful, so that’s what he did. He sat on the floor and Arktos sat in his lap. He probably wouldn’t stay there long.

Kylo started the projector using the Force, which allowed him to stay with Arktos. He found the color “book” and started it. Kylo hated listening to it announce each color in a cheerful voice while it showed random objects in that color, but he’d listen to it all day if it helped Arktos.

As they went through each color, Kylo tried to get Arktos to say it, but at no point did any of his babble sound anything like any of the colors he was supposed to be learning. He did at least seem interested as he would walk up to the projected images and try to touch them. When Kylo started the projections over again, Arktos seemed to lose interest - he walked over to his toys and picked up a plush toy.

Kylo continued letting the holo play because Arktos was making noise right after the holo spoke. It was like he knew what he was supposed to do but just couldn’t quite make the right sounds. That was a problem Kylo was all too familiar with.

“Maybe you’ll grow out of it,” Kylo said. “I never quite did.” Kylo always felt like he could never say the right thing, even if he knew what he wanted to say. Hux never seemed to have a problem with that, and Kylo hoped that Arktos might take after him in that regard.

When the holo turned to red, Arktos made a more excited sound than usual and he held his toy in the projected image. A toy that just happened to be red. When the color changed, Arktos pulled his toy back. Kylo immediately switched it back to red and Arktos did the exact same thing. Maybe he wasn’t learning to say the colors, but maybe he knew what they were.

Kylo used the Force to pull a few more toys of different colors over, lining them up between him and Arktos. He waited while Arktos got some of his energy out by hitting the buttons on the projector and finally he turned back to face Kylo.

“Arktos,” Kylo said. “Can you show me the blue toy?”

For a few moments, Arktos just stood there, staring at him, but then he reached over to pick up a blue block and he handed it to Kylo with a smile. He took the block, wondering if Arktos had really known that it was blue or if it had just been a lucky guess. The only way to find out was to keep asking, and Kylo went through all the colors. Each time, Arktos picked up the correct color toy. Some colors took him a little longer, but he still managed to get them eventually.

That made Kylo happy. Arktos was learning, even if he couldn’t say what he was learning. For a Force user, speaking wasn’t exactly necessary anyway. Ap’lek was proof enough of that. Maybe Arktos would be like her and prefer to communicate telepathically. Hux probably wouldn’t be pleased, but it didn’t matter to Kylo. In some ways, it was an easier way to converse, as they could simply use images or feelings instead of finding the right words.

Knowing that talking to Arktos really was paying off, Kylo continued to talk to him as he started to play with his toys. Kylo would tell him what things were and then just keep talking as best he could. Arktos didn’t really seem to be paying any attention, but Kylo suspected that didn’t matter much as he very rarely seemed to pay attention, but he was still learning.

It wasn’t until the security alarm went off that Kylo realized how long he’d spent playing with his son. He reached out with the Force, verifying that it was Hux before scooping Arktos up and walking towards the front of the house. As soon as he saw Hux, he put Arktos down, but Arktos walked right past Hux and to Cardo, who had come in behind him.

“Aah!” Arktos said loudly. “Aah! Aah!” It was a sound he always made for Cardo and only Cardo. He might have been trying to say his name, but it was hard to tell. What was clear was that Arktos really liked him and whenever he was around, Arktos preferred Cardo to anyone else.

“Missed you too,” Cardo said as he picked Arktos up.

Kylo gave Hux a quick hug and kiss and kept an arm around him. He liked to keep close, especially after Hux had been gone for a while. He wanted nothing more than to pick him up and carry him to the bedroom, but unless Cardo was sticking around, he really couldn’t do that.

“How’d the mission go?” Kylo asked.

“Successful,” Hux said. “I don’t think we’ll have to deal with this group again. Hopefully they’re gone. If not, they at least won’t be operating in our part of the galaxy.”

“That’s good.” Kylo could hardly remember all the details of Hux’s missions. After Pandion, he and the Knights had found their niche in taking down other pirate groups. Hux’s personal favorite target were slavers, which if Kylo remembered correctly, was who they had been after on their most recent mission. Or that might have been the one before. It was hard to keep track since they were so busy.

“I’ve got the rest of my crew on the look out for anyone else who tries to operate in this area,” Hux continued. “But for now, it seems like I might have a little bit of downtime.”

“Perfect,” Kylo said, pulling Hux even closer to him. He really wished Hux would stay with him all the time, but he also knew Hux would never be able to stay behind while the rest of his crew was out taking down pirates. The Knights were more than capable of leading things themselves, but even they seemed to operate a little better with Hux calling the shots.

“I’ll be here for a bit too,” Cardo said. “So if the two of you need some time. I can watch Arktos.”

Kylo grinned and immediately lifted Hux up, putting him over his shoulder. Hux let out a small cry of surprise but he didn’t fight against it or demand to be put down. Kylo thought he might have heard a resigned sigh and he couldn’t help but smile. He did the same thing the first chance he got every time Hux returned. It was no surprise that Hux was used to it.

Once in their bedroom, he set Hux down gently on the bed, then crawled on top of him, kissing him softly. Hux put one hand on his cheek and the other up his shirt. Kylo took his shirt off and then started to undress Hux.

“Did you want to shower first?” Kylo asked. “Since you just got back. I should have asked first.”

“No,” Hux said, continuing to take his clothes off until he was in his underwear. “I suspected this would happen so I showered on the _Teratorn_.”

“Smart,” Kylo said. “Knew I liked you for a reason.”

“I’m fairly certain the reasons you like me have little to do with my intelligence. More like I’m the only one who’ll put up with you.”

“Don’t forget your ass. I like that too.” Kylo reached under Hux to cup his ass as he said that. 

“Did you want to do anything in particular?” Hux asked, but Kylo shook his head. He very rarely had anything in mind. He just liked being with Hux in any way that he could. Especially when he first came home.

“I have an idea,” Hux said. “Just let me know if you want me to stop.”

Although they had initially agreed to not have sex, neither of them had been able to resist for long. Within about a week of moving to Naboo, they’d started having sex again. But things were different now. They stopped using sex as a way to get out of talking things over and Hux had been very careful about making sure Kylo wanted to do whatever he had in mind. It was a big change from their past relationship - even when they had gotten along before, Hux had never seemed to care to ask for Kylo’s explicit consent.

Hux pulled Kylo’s pants down and pushed him down on his back. He settled down in between his legs and started kissing the inside of his thighs. When he moved to kiss the opposite side, Kylo could feel Hux’s breath on his balls and that combined with the kisses was enough to get him fully hard. As much as he loved that, he also wanted Hux to touch his cock, and he was clearly avoiding any contact. Kylo was tempted to stroke himself, but he also wanted to see what Hux had planned. Even if Hux didn’t touch him, Kylo thought he might come just from being kissed and he really couldn’t complain about that.

Right as Kylo was starting to think that might have been Hux’s plan, he wrapped a hand around the base of his cock and stroked him a few times before touching his lips to the head. He looked up at Kylo as he licked the underside of his cock and Kylo moaned. He thought he might come then but Hux’s firm grip around him helped. Soon, Hux was taking him into his mouth and his hand started to move, taking care of what wouldn’t fit in his mouth.

Kylo wanted to touch Hux as much as possible, and he wrapped his legs around him while his hands went to rest in his hair. He didn’t try to take control and push Hux’s face down - Hux had never liked that - but he just pet his hair. Even though he hadn’t used excessive product since his First Order days, Kylo still couldn’t get over how soft his hair was without it.

Hux seemed to be focusing all his attention on Kylo’s cock and Kylo didn’t think he was going to last very long. Hux ran a finger along his balls, moving down to his perineum and then prodded at his entrance. At first, Kylo didn’t mind but as he started to push inside, Kylo jerked away.

“Kylo?” Hux pulled his hands away and sat up, looking down at him, a look of concern on his face. “Was that too much?”

“I…” Kylo wanted to tell him no, that it was fine and that he should keep going. He didn’t want Hux to stop, but he also knew that was his problem - he would let Hux do whatever he wanted, even if it hurt him. It was the reason that they hadn’t really done anal sex since they’ve started trying to work things out. When Hux had asked initially, Kylo had wanted to say yes, but he’d hesitated and Hux had realized that Kylo was uncertain. And although he still wanted Hux inside him, he hadn’t been able to ask Hux for that yet.

“I’m sorry,” Hux said, crawling up to lay next to Kylo. “I should have asked you before hand.”

“It’s okay,” Kylo said. “I… You can. If you want. To do that. I don’t mind.”

“We don’t need to rush,” Hux said. He pulled Kylo against him and kissed the top of his head. “If you’re not ready, that’s fine. We don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.” Kylo hated that their relationship had changed to the point they couldn’t have sex like they used to. They were much better off than they’d ever been - they actually talked about things and were closer than Kylo ever imagined possible. But when it came to sex, Kylo couldn’t help but think about how Hux had used sex to control him. He could see that Hux had changed but he still couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it really was still an act and maybe Hux just wanted something.

“We can take our time,” Hux said. “I know it’s my fault. I’m the one who hurt you this badly. I’m not going to risk hurting you again. I love you too much for that, Kylo.”

Kylo curled up against Hux. Whenever Hux told him that he loved him, Kylo just wanted to melt into him. It had always been a rare occasion for Hux to admit to such a feeling, but he’d been saying it more and more often since moving to Naboo. Kylo just hoped that he really meant it.

They held each other for a little while, but Kylo eventually remembered they had been doing something besides cuddling. Kylo was more than happy to cuddle, but he also wanted to have sex in whatever way he could with Hux. And he felt bad that he’d ruined the moment. Hux had just returned from his mission and Kylo had to get nervous about Hux sticking one finger inside him.

“Sorry,” Kylo muttered. “Didn’t mean to kill the mood.”

“It’s fine,” Hux said. “I’d much rather you do that than push you to do something you really don’t want.”

“Let me make it up to you?” Kylo pulled away from Hux, sitting up so he could look down at him.

“You don’t have anything to make up for.”

“Whatever. Just roll over.” Although they were getting along better than ever, they could still very easily end up in an argument over the most pointless thing. That was just how he and Hux were and Kylo wouldn’t change that. But he really wasn’t in the mood for an argument. He knew exactly what he wanted.

For a moment, Kylo thought Hux would refuse, and if that were the case, Kylo would just settle back down against him. It wasn’t really what he wanted, but he couldn’t complain about being held. But eventually, Hux did as asked, rolling to his other side so his back was facing Kylo.

Kylo grabbed the waistband of Hux’s underwear and pulled them off, throwing them to the floor along with the rest of their clothes. He then gently pushed Hux so he was on his stomach. He ran his hands up and down Hux’s back, finally bringing them to rest on his ass. He leaned down to kiss the top of his ass as he slowly started to spread his cheeks. 

He kissed his way towards his hole, kissing him there as well. His plan had been to try to draw things out the same way Hux had, but he’d never had the patience for that and he was soon swiping his tongue across his entrance. 

“Fuck,” Hux groaned as his tongue started to probe inside. “Kylo!”

Kylo kept going, licking, sucking, kissing. He pulled Hux’s hips up, giving himself better access. Not only was it easier to eat him out, but he could reach around to stroke his cock as well. He was pushing his tongue inside of Hux, his face buried between his cheeks when Hux finally came. He could feel Hux clenching around his tongue while he made a mess of Kylo’s hand. He pulled his tongue out, giving him a few more licks before finally pulling his head up.

He’d only wanted to eat Hux out and then go back to cuddling, but he was hard once again. He could ignore it, but Hux’s ass was right there and he couldn’t resist. He put his cock in his crack and started thrusting and soon, he was coming all over Hux. He draped himself over Hux’s back, not caring about the mess he’d made, and rolled them onto their sides.

Kylo had his arms around Hux and he kissed his neck as they lay together. They were filthy but Kylo really didn’t care. Surprisingly, Hux didn’t seem to care either. He usually didn’t want to lay in bed after sex, but he was perfectly calm resting against Kylo, his hands coming up to rest on Kylo’s arms.

Despite everything being better than it ever had been, Kylo couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. And it wasn’t just the sex. He couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but he hoped that someday, things would feel completely right again.

For now, he was happy with what he had with Hux. They were together and they were happy. That really was more than he thought he would ever have with him.

“Hux?” Kylo called softly, but he didn’t respond. He’d fallen asleep, which seemed like a perfect idea. Kylo continued to kiss Hux’s neck until he started to drift off as well.

When Kylo woke up, Hux had turned around so they were facing each other and they both had their arms around each other. As he started to become alert, he saw that Hux was already awake and he was lightly tracing his fingers across Kylo’s back.

“We’re disgusting,” Hux said.

“You can get up and take a shower,” Kylo suggested.

“You first,” Hux muttered, snuggling in closer against him. “You might be covered in filth, but it doesn’t make you any less comfortable.”

“I don’t mind,” Kylo said. “The mess.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“But we can’t lay in bed forever. We have to get up. Take care of our son.” Kylo smiled at that thought. As much as he loved all the time he spent with Arktos, he loved spending time with Hux and Arktos together even more. 

“I suppose we do,” Hux said. “But I think we can stay here for just a bit longer.”

“You’ve gotten lazy,” Kylo muttered. “I used to be the one who wanted to lay in bed longer. Then you’d yell at me.”

“Guess being a pirate agrees with me.”

Kylo kissed him, rolling Hux on top of him. He let Hux settle for a moment, then wrapped his arms around him and sat up. He readjusted Hux in his lap and couldn’t help but kiss along his collarbone before he stood up. Hux wrapped his legs around Kylo as he carried him into the refresher.

Not wanting to let go of Hux, Kylo used the Force to turn on the shower. He didn’t set him down until they were in the shower and even then, he kept his arms around him. Hux indulged him, running his hands through Kylo’s hair and kissing him, but Hux eventually pushed him away.

“We’re never going to get clean like this,” he said.

“We could make another mess,” Kylo suggested, reaching down to touch Hux’s cock. He felt it twitch as he started to stroke him.

“Insatiable,” Hux grumbled, but even as he did, he was touching Kylo and leaning in close to kiss him. He moved, guiding Kylo as he went so Hux had his back against the wall and Kylo was pressed against him.

They were both hard, their cocks pressed between them. Kylo started to pull away so he could reach between them and touch Hux but Hux held him in place. Kylo paused, waiting to see what Hux had in mind. Soon, he thrust his hips forward, rubbing their cocks between them. 

“Is that all right?” Hux asked. Kylo nodded and started to thrust, pressing Hux into the wall. Judging by the way he was moaning, he enjoyed it, so Kylo kept at it, moving faster and faster. 

Hux practically screamed Kylo’s name when he came and he fell against Kylo, leaving him to support his weight while still thrusting against him. Feeling Hux melting against him was enough to push Kylo over the edge and soon they couldn’t do anything besides hold each other.

They didn’t speak much as they cleaned each other up, but Kylo stole a kiss every chance he got. It took far longer than it should have to clean up, but Kylo couldn’t help caressing Hux gently as he cleaned him and Hux was doing the same.

By the time they made it out of their bedroom, it was late afternoon. They headed to the kitchen so Kylo could get them something to eat and they passed by Cardo and Arktos on the way. Arktos was laying down on the couch, asleep and Cardo was sitting next to him, cross legged, but eyes closed. Meditating most likely, but possibly asleep as well. Kylo motioned to Hux to be quiet, not wanting to disturb them.

“Took you long enough,” Cardo called out to them.

“Shut up,” Kylo muttered at him. He grabbed Hux’s hand and walked quickly into the kitchen. It wasn’t as if the Knights didn’t know the exact nature of their relationship, but Kylo wasn’t used to them commenting on it. Especially with Hux right there.

“Kylo?” Hux pulled him into his arms once they were in the kitchen and away from Cardo. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You were holding my hand rather tight,” Hux said, gently stroking a hand down his back. “You sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t expecting him to say anything. It’s okay.”

Hux gave him a kiss and finally let go of him. Kylo rubbed his face against Hux before he moved away. He didn’t know why Cardo’s comment had bothered him at all, but he did like being close to Hux. And he liked that Hux cared. Or maybe Hux was just good at pretending. At the moment, Kylo really didn’t care.

Kylo quickly warmed up something for them to eat and Hux cleaned up. As he was doing that, Cardo walked in, carrying Arktos in his arms. He didn’t say anything, but Kylo had the feeling he was checking on him. He just nodded and took Arktos from him.

“Kuruk will be here soon. They’re bringing your droid.”

“Are you staying here?”

“Yes. Until I’m needed somewhere else.”

That was fairly standard for Cardo. He usually spent as much time as possible at the house. Sometimes he was needed on the ship to give the others a break, but out of all the Knights, he was definitely the one around the most. 

“I’ll be back soon.” Cardo left, and Kylo didn’t question where he was going. The Force told him all he needed to know about Cardo was feeling and that he just wanted a little space. Kylo hadn’t meant to make things awkward.

“How’s he doing?” Hux said, coming over to stroke Arktos’ hair. 

“Good. He’s learning.” Kylo told him all about how Arktos knew all the different colors even though he couldn’t say them. There really wasn’t too much else to tell. After all, he was just a year old and the life of an infant wasn’t all that exciting. 

Hux and Kylo spent the rest of the day together, talking about what Kylo had done to the house and then taking care of Arktos once he woke up. Hux wanted to do everything and although Kylo spent plenty of time with Arktos, he was reluctant to let Hux take care of him. There was no reason for it besides the fact that Kylo wanted to do everything for his son in an attempt to make up for not being there during the first part of his life.

But he knew it was important for Hux to continue to spend time with Arktos, but Kylo stayed close by so he was still with them. By the time Arktos was in bed, Hux was yawning. Clearly the nap earlier hadn’t been enough. Kylo wasn’t particularly tired, but he went to bed with Hux because he wanted to do nothing more than cuddle with him.

But first they had to change their sheets. 

Once that was done, Kylo crawled into bed with Hux. They moved around, trying to find a comfortable position. At first, Kylo tried curling up against Hux’s chest, which he normally liked, but it wasn’t working for him then. So he moved so he was holding Hux, which was better, but not quite. Eventually, Kylo found himself on his back with Hux across his chest and he finally felt comfortable.

“Hux. I…” Kylo stopped himself. He knew what he wanted to say, but he never wanted to lie to Hux and he still wasn’t quite sure how he felt about him. So instead, he settled for something he knew wasn’t a lie. “I’m glad your home.”

“Me too.”

Hux was soon asleep on top of him and Kylo smiled. It wasn’t perfect, but everything was going pretty good. He had his son and he had Hux. Maybe he wasn’t quite sure if he really loved Hux still, but he didn’t want to be away from him. And he had the feeling that nothing would separate them again.

***

Kylo startled awake and he immediately pulled his lightsaber to his hand. Before it even made it to him, he realized it must have been a nightmare. But usually once he woke from a nightmare, he could relax, but the feeling that something was wrong wouldn’t go away. Not knowing what else to do, he carefully pulled himself away from Hux, kissing him and pulling the blankets over him as he got out of bed. He quickly threw on a robe and grabbed his lightsaber before he went to Arktos’ room.

When he got there, he could see that Arktos was perfectly fine. He was sleeping right where he and Hux had left him, one arm hugging a plush toy. He reached out with the Force to his son, making sure that he wasn’t about to wake in the middle of the night needing something, but Kylo couldn’t sense anything.

Still feeling like something was wrong, he went to check the rest of the house. He knew Cardo and Kuruk were there, and he reached out, sensing them in the Force. When he did that, he realized that he could feel a few others in the Force. They weren’t supposed to be there. 

He always knew that it was a possibility that the Resistance would find them. They weren’t exactly well hidden, but they were relying on the fact that no one would be looking for Hux on Naboo and the fact that he didn’t go out much in public to keep him safe. He’d really hoped that it wouldn’t happen, and not so soon. He’d put so much work into the house and Arktos seemed really happy. But he had to keep Hux safe.

Kylo started to go back to the bedroom so he could wake Hux up and tell him he needed to run, but he reached out with the Force once again. There were only two people. Maybe they really weren’t after Hux. Maybe they were looking for him. If that were the case, he didn’t have to worry so much. 

He had his weapon ready as he approached the front door, and Cardo and Kuruk were there too, both ready for a fight. 

“Can you sense them?” Kylo asked, and both Knights nodded. “Go out the windows. I’ll draw them to the front. Don’t attack unless they do first.”

Kylo gave them some time to get into position and they let him know through the Force that they were outside and ready to move. Once the Knights were ready, Kylo opened the door and stepped out into the cool night air. 

“I know you’re out there,” he called, feeling for them in the Force. This time, he made sure that they would be able to feel him as well. In less than a minute, Finn and Rey were in front of him. He saw Cardo and Kuruk, still keeping quiet behind them, and Kylo suspected they still might not be aware of the Knights’ presence.

“What are you doing here?” Kylo asked. They both had their lightsabers - and blasters - but their weapons were on their belts and they didn’t seem like they were looking for a fight.

“We came to find you,” Rey said.

“And?” If they had only wanted to know where he was living, they would have left as soon as they felt his presence. They really didn’t seem like they were looking for a fight, but Kylo knew how quickly things could change.

“We wanted to make sure you were all right. Mom sent us. We’re not here as part of the Resistance. It’s a family visit.”

“Where’s Poe?” Kylo reached out with the Force trying to sense the pilot, sure that he had come along with Finn and Rey.

“In the _Falcon_ ,” Rey said. “He’s nearby and ready to pick us up in case things get messy.”

“Were you expecting them to?”

“We did come looking for you,” Finn said. “So yeah. Kinda.”

“Tell Poe he can come over if he wants. Guess you should come in.”

Finn pulled out a comlink and he had a brief conversation with Poe. Once it was over, Kylo looked over at the Knights, still lurking behind Finn and Rey.

“Bring him in when he gets here,” Kylo said.

Finn and Rey both turned quickly, reaching for their weapons. Kylo put a hand on their shoulders, bringing their attention back to him. Rey calmed down, but Finn still seemed a little on edge.

“Who are they?” Rey asked as Kylo walked back inside.

“Friends.” He held the door open, letting Finn and Rey walk inside. He didn’t want to say too much about the Knights, although it probably wouldn’t be hard too figure out. Finn had likely seen them before, although never without their masks.

He led them to the kitchen and invited them to sit down. They did and Kylo decided to heat some water for tea. He didn’t say anything, wanting to wait for Poe so he didn’t have to repeat himself. Finn and Rey were whispering to each other, but Kylo didn’t pay any attention. He didn’t think they were planning to attack him, so he really didn’t care what they were talking about.

By the time the tea had finished, Cardo and Kuruk were back, and they were dragging Poe along with them. He was trying very unsuccessfully to fight them and Rey and Finn were immediately on their feet. That’s when Kylo realized his mistake - he hadn’t told the Knights that he wasn’t an enemy. At least not at the moment.

“Let him go,” he said. “He’s a guest.”

“You’ve said that one before,” Rey muttered. 

The Knights let go of Poe and Rey and Finn ran over to him and grabbed him. They stood there, watching Kylo. He really didn’t want a fight, so he grabbed two of the mugs of tea and put them on the table and then brought the other two before sitting down.

“Please sit.” They were hesitant, but once Rey sat down at the table, Poe and Finn were quick to follow. For a while, they all sat in silence, looking at each other.

“You didn’t make tea for us?” Kuruk asked, breaking the silence.

“Make your own,” Kylo grumbled.

“How do we know you didn’t poison it?” Poe asked, looking down at his tea.

Kylo sighed. Of course Poe would think that. But he used the Force to switch their mugs and then he took a sip. Hopefully that would be enough to prove he hadn’t poisoned anything. Rey tried some of hers as well.

“So.” Poe was still looking suspiciously at his cup. “You make tea now. Live in a house. Have friends. That’s new.”

“Yes.” Kylo didn’t really know what to say. He needed to convince them to leave him alone and never return for Hux’s safety. 

“This house belonged to our grandmother, didn’t it?” Rey was running her finger around the top of her mug. “I feel… strange. In a good way.”

“Yes,” Kylo confirmed. He knew the feeling that Rey was talking about as well. He’d noticed it the most when he first moved in, but he was so used to it that he didn’t pay much attention to it anymore. But there was something in the Force that made him feel safe and warm. Like he was at home. He liked to think it was his grandparents’ presence in the Force. “Anakin showed me this place.”

“Why?”

“I needed a place to go.”

“So you’re just living here now?” Rey asked.

“Yes. I’m just trying to live a quiet life. You don’t need to worry about me causing trouble.”

“You expect us to believe that?” Finn asked. “That you of all people just decided to settle down?”

“No.” Kylo sighed. He didn’t know how to make them realize that he was telling the truth. He really wasn’t someone they needed to worry about. But he couldn’t prove that all he did was repair the old house and take care of his son. 

“We’ve been worried about you,” Rey said. “That’s why we came. We wanted to make sure you were okay. And bring you back home.”

“I am home.”

“But -”

“Leia told me not to return. So I didn’t. I’m not going back.” There was nothing for him there. He hadn’t been happy with the Resistance and now that things were so much better with Hux, he couldn’t imagine leaving just to go back to his family who didn’t trust him.

“Kylo -”

This time, Rey was cut off my a crying sound. Kylo had been too focused on his guests that he hadn’t been tuned into Arktos. Had he realized, he could have sent Cardo to take care of him. It was too late now. The others could clearly hear a crying child. They were looking at him, waiting for an explanation, but Kylo didn’t have time. His son needed him.

He ran to Arktos’ room, hoping that he’d get there before Arktos woke up Hux. The last thing he needed was his sister seeing Hux. Although there was probably no hiding him now that they knew about Arktos. He briefly considered giving Arktos to Hux and telling them to go hide, but that would only make Rey and the others more curious. Maybe if they saw Arktos, they would realize why he had settled down.

As much as he didn’t want anyone to know about Arktos, he realized it might be for the best. And he needed to go to the kitchen anyway. Arktos’ gums were sore with new teeth and he needed one of his cold teething rings. He carried him to the kitchen, trying to soothe him as best he could.

“Is that a baby?” Poe called out when he entered the kitchen, but Kylo ignored him. He could hear them talking, and he was pretty sure Rey called Poe an idiot, which made him smile. Once Arktos had a teething ring and was settling down, Kylo turned back to them.

“Did you kidnap a baby?” Finn asked.

“He didn’t,” Rey said. She walked over to Kylo and Arktos and Kylo held his son close, but Rey wasn’t a threat to him. She looked at Arktos and started to bring a hand out towards him but stopped, glancing up to Kylo. He nodded and she put a hand on Arktos. “He’s your son.”

“Yes.” There was no point in trying to hide it. 

“When did you have a kid?” Poe asked.

“Long story.”

“Where’s his mother?” Rey asked. 

“I think I’m technically the mother.” Hux had explained it once but Kylo hadn’t really paid that much attention. All he knew was that Arktos carried his mitochondrial DNA, which would naturally be inherited from the mother. 

“Who’s the other parent then?”

That was what Kylo didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want to mention Hux at all, but they already knew that he’d been sneaking off to visit Hux. It really didn’t matter if they knew the truth about the past. Just as long as they didn’t know that Hux was there with him.

“Hux.”

“General Hux?” Finn asked. “You had a child with General Hux?”

“Like I said. Long story.”

“We got time,” Poe said. “I think we’re gonna need to hear this one.”

Kylo told them just about everything - from meeting Hux in secret for a year, to finding out about Arktos on the _Finalizer_ , fighting pirates together, and finally the Knights of Ren offering to get Arktos to him.

“That’s where I was going when you tried to stop me,” Kylo said. “I was going to get Arktos.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Rey asked.

“Would you have believed me?”

“Probably not,” she admitted. “But you still should have told us. You know you could have come back, right? If you showed up with him and explained all this to mom, she would have let you stay.”

“Are you sure?” He could imagine several less than ideal scenarios, such as Leia taking Arktos and kicking him out. Or locking him up. Or if she knew who Arktos’ other father was, she might reject him entirely.

“Pretty sure,” Rey said. “So I guess this is why you don’t want to come home.”

“This is our home,” Kylo said.

“Where is Hux?” Kylo looked over at Finn, who he hadn’t been paying much attention to. He could see that he had a datapad out and was clearly looking something up.

“How should I know?”

“Your story checks out with intelligence reports,” Finn said, glancing down at the datapad. “The group who fought Pandion is still active and they’re still taking out pirate crews. According to Mitaka’s report here, they’ve recently shifted their areas of operation to this part of the galaxy, which oddly coincides with your departure. You said the Knights of Ren and Hux were who you fought Pandion with. And the Knights of Ren are here. So where’s Hux?”

“The Knights are here,” Kylo confirmed. He wasn’t surprised that Finn was able to make that connection. “Doesn’t mean Hux is. The Knights were always loyal to me.” That wasn’t quite true, but they didn’t need to know that.

“So you’re telling us that Hux fought to keep his son to the point of throwing you off his ship but he hasn’t even tried to come after you here? Where you’re just sitting out in the open?”

Kylo didn’t answer. Finn had put everything together, although he had no actual evidence that Hux was with him, and he wanted to keep it that way. The problem was that if they told anyone in the Resistance what they suspected, it might be enough for them to show up in force. Kylo didn’t doubt he would win, but he didn’t want Arktos around that. He wanted better for him.

The best way to make sure the Resistance left them alone was to come to an agreement with their leader, and Kylo did have the best bargaining chip. He glanced down at his son. He hated to use him like that, but he would never know. And he just might end up having a good relationship with his grandmother out of the deal.

“Leia will want to meet Arktos,” he said, looking back at Rey. “She can come here. But just her. No troops. Just a family visit.”

“What about Chewie? Can he come?”

“No,” Kylo said, shaking his head. If anyone would have a chance of actually taking Arktos, it would be him. But Leia would want Chewie to meet Arktos too. “Not right away, anyway. Eventually. Maybe.”

“Okay,” Rey said. “We’ll let Leia know and we’ll probably be back soon.”

Finn got up and headed towards the door with Rey, but Poe walked over to Kylo. Finn and Rey paused, looking back at Poe. He looked down at Arktos, who had fallen asleep in Kylo’s arms.

“You know, I always thought you were hiding something. But I thought it would be more like trying to join some dark side cult. Not this.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.”

“Yeah, well, this is the best way you’ve ever disappointed me. See you later, Kylo.”

He left with the others and Kylo wasn’t sure how he was going to explain any of what just happened to Hux. But Kylo had made the best out of the situation, and with any luck, the Resistance wouldn’t be coming to try to bring any of them in. 

But if they did, at least Kylo and the Knights would be ready for them.


	14. Chapter 14

Poe had never spent much time reading over intelligence reports. He usually just got the quick version of whatever he needed to know. But now they had a puzzle to put together and as much as it wasn’t Poe’s thing, he wanted to help Finn and Rey. And Leia. 

They were taking the information that Kylo had given them and putting it together to see if they could determine Hux’s whereabouts. Finn had put things together pretty well at Kylo’s house, but now that they had more time, they were putting together an even better picture and finding out a few things that Kylo had left out.

What Poe thought was interesting was that Kylo had downplayed his involvement in the fight against the Pandion pirates. They’d come across a few recordings of the battle, which showed Kylo and the Knights along with an unknown woman. Which wasn’t exactly remarkable, but what had surprised Poe was watching Kylo rescue a group of children. Poe didn’t know if he was more surprised that Kylo had helped rescue the kids or the way he had done it. From the looks of it, he’d simply carried them all up from a collapsing mine with the Force. He’d seen Finn and Rey do all manner of things, but he’d never seen either of the exhibit that kind of power.

Besides the attack on Pandion, there was little other video evidence of Kylo or the Knights. And none of Hux. It made Poe wonder if maybe Kylo had told the truth and he didn’t know where Hux was. But Rey and Finn were fairly certain he was hiding something. And Poe didn’t really trust Kylo either.

There really wasn’t much more to gain from looking over reports, Poe thought. They knew most of what they needed. The one thing they really didn’t know was the exact nature of Kylo’s relationship with Hux, and that was something they weren’t going to get from any intelligence report. There was really only one person who might know anything.

Poe got up, planning on heading to the intelligence office on one of the lower decks. But of course, that got Finn and Rey’s attention and they ended up going with him.

“Where are we going?” Finn asked.

“I gotta ask someone in intel a question,” Poe said. “You guys don’t have to come.”

“It sounds more exciting than going over the data,” Rey said.

“Who are we talking to?” Finn asked.

“Mitaka.”

They found Mitaka at his desk, head propped up on his arm as he watched a recording. It was moving in slow motion and Mitaka was still stopping it and going back to rewatch… something. Poe had no idea what he was looking at but hopefully it wasn’t too important.

“Hey there, Mitaka,” Poe said, coming to lean on the side of the desk. He looked startled and quickly stopped the holo.

“Uh, hi.” Mitaka glanced at Finn and Rey who came to stand next to Poe. “You guys need something?”

“Just got a quick question. You knew Kylo and Hux. What was their relationship like?”

“Um, I guess it was pretty complicated. If you saw them working together, you’d think they hated each other. But I saw them a few times and that was definitely not the case.”

“What? You walked in on them having sex?”

“No. Not exactly. More like… cuddling.”

“So you think it’s safe to say they really liked each other?”

“I think so. Why does this matter?”

“Do you think that Kylo liked Hux enough that he would hide him?”

“Definitely. I’ve thought it before. That Kylo knows where Hux is. Too many people have mentioned that he was working for Hux to not make it suspicious.”

“Why’d you never say anything before?” Finn asked.

“I know you guys are friends -”

“We’re really not,” Finn said. Rey lightly elbowed him in the side.

“But he scares me still. I know he’s not the same as he was before, but you just can’t forget what he’s capable of. But if anyone knows where Hux is, it’s Kylo Ren.”

“You ever think the two of them would have a kid together?” Poe asked.

“Um.” Mitaka looked a little nervous, but he continued. “I know they’d discussed it before. Or at least they’d submitted genetic samples. Did they… do they have a child?”

“It’s a more hypothetical situation. But with what you know about Hux, you think he’d ever give up custody of a hypothetical child?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I could see him maybe not so involved, but he’d never give up that kind of control. If he ever had a kid, he’d be nearby.”

“Thanks Mitaka.”

Poe had all he needed to know. When he’d heard that Kylo was involved with Hux, he’d assumed it had just been a sexual relationship. Mostly, he’d had a hard time imagining Kylo involved with anything more than that. But if Mitaka was telling the truth, then Hux would be far from Kylo and Kylo would have every reason to be keeping Hux away from them.

“He’s hiding Hux on Naboo,” Poe said once they were alone.

“How can you know that?” Finn asked. “There’s no evidence.”

“Yeah, but it’s the only thing that makes sense. If the two of them were together and had a baby together, it doesn’t sound like Hux would just decide he was done and leave them. Mitaka knew them better than anyone.”

“I don’t know,” Finn said. “Have you met Kylo? I wouldn’t be surprised if Hux left him.”

“But why abandon the kid?” Rey asked. “If Kylo was telling the truth, and I think he was, then Hux went through a lot of effort to keep the kid with him. I know there’s not any proof, but I think Poe’s right.”

“So what do we do?” Finn asked. “We can’t arrest him if Kylo’s there.”

“I think that’s something Leia’s going to have to decide on.”

***

There was a pattern to Hux’s patrol. They had everything ready for Leia’s visit, but Hux walked around the house, checking out the windows, then checking the security system and finally, he would check on Arktos, who was sleeping in his crib. Kylo knew he would keep it up until the Knights informed them that Leia was heading towards the house, but it was going to drive Kylo crazy to watch him.

Before he made it to Arktos, Kylo intercepted him, putting his hands on his shoulders. Hux glared at him but made no move to get away from him. Seeing that he would tolerate that, Kylo pulled him into his arms. For a brief moment, Hux started to pull away from him, but then he relaxed against Kylo, resting his head on his shoulder.

“I don’t like this,” he muttered.

“I know.” They’d had many discussions about Leia’s visit. Neither of them liked the idea, but there was no going back now. Especially since Kylo was relying on Arktos to distract Leia from Hux. Hopefully, she would believe that Kylo wouldn’t bring her to the house Hux lived in.

“You know she could bring an entire army with her, right? Including that Jedi sister of yours, which means even you wouldn’t be able to stop them.”

“Yes, and she could also order an orbital strike,” Kylo said. Hux pulled away from him, frowning, but Kylo kept his arms around him. “But she won’t. She’s coming to meet her grandson, not start a fight. She doesn’t know you’re here.”

“She knows the Knights are here. That could be enough.”

“I don’t think they’re wanted by the Republic.” At least, Leia had implied as much before. She’d never asked him about the Knights of Ren, and although he’d never bothered to look up whether they were on the list of wanted personnel, Kylo imagined _someoneMillennium Falcon_ had landed on the planet, which meant she could be arriving at any moment. But it was early, and Kylo hoped that she would at least wait until the agreed upon time. Although he also wanted her to show up and just get it over with.

Once he knew that everything was perfectly fine outside, he focused his attention on Arktos. He was still sleeping, which was normal. He would likely wake from his nap soon, about the time that Leia arrived. 

“You’re going to meet your grandmother today,” he said softly. “I think she’s going to love you. I know I did as soon as I saw you.” Kylo liked to imagine that he and Hux had a more normal relationship and that they had been together when Arktos had been born. And he now imagined that his family had been there as well and they’d raised Arktos together, all as one big family. If things went well, maybe for Arktos it would be the truth. He would never have to know just how messed up his family was. He would only know that they all loved him.

It could never happen, of course. Leia and Hux could never be in the same room together. She’d likely attempt to arrest him on the spot and perhaps Kylo too. She already knew that he’d been seeing him and let him go, but he didn’t think she’d be too happy to learn that he was still hiding him. And that meant there was another problem with Kylo’s fantasy of a happy family - Arktos wouldn’t be able to see Leia or Rey when he got older. There would be too much of a risk of him saying something that would give Hux away.

He’d have to think of some excuse as to why they couldn’t see Arktos when the time came, but he really needed to worry about the current visit. Arktos was sleeping, the Knights were in place, and Kylo was ready to face his mother. The only thing that remained was Hux, who was still very nervous about the visit. Deciding he’d had enough alone time, Kylo went to their room to check on him.

When he got to the room, he paused in the doorway. Hux hadn’t turned the lights on, which meant the only light came from the screens from the security cameras. Hux had his back to the door and Kylo had to take a moment to admire his silhouette. He had long stopped wearing a uniform, but he still favored close-fitting clothes and with the light from the screens behind him, he looked beautiful.

Hux turned to Kylo but then turned his attention back to the screens. Kylo walked closer and he could see that all the cameras were working just as they should. While Hux watched everything that happened on the screen, he’d also be listening in. And he’d have a Knight with him as well just in case something happened and he needed to talk to Kylo. At first, Kylo had wanted to maintain a telepathic connection between himself, Hux, and the Knights, but Kuruk had pointed out that it would be difficult and his mother might notice he was distracted. Not wanting to give away any clue that Hux was present, they decided to simply have a Knight with Hux who could initiate contact if needed.

When Kylo made it to Hux, he put a hand on his shoulder. When Hux didn’t pull away, Kylo took that as an invitation to put an arm around him, holding him but leaving it easy for Hux to get away if he needed to. Hux seemed to ignore him and instead stared at the screens. It was a familiar routine - Hux pretending to be busy until Kylo pulled him away. Even though the First Order was long gone, it was easy for Hux to fall back into that habit. And it was easy for Kylo as well.

Once he was certain that Hux wasn’t actually doing anything, he pulled him away from the screens and brought him over to their bed. Once they were sitting, Hux shifted so he was resting against Kylo’s chest and Kylo put both of his arms around him. Neither of them spoke, as there was no need to. Kylo couldn’t say anything to put Hux’s mind at ease and nothing Hux could say would stop Leia from arriving. But Kylo didn’t mind the silence. It was nice to just sit and hold Hux for a while. It was rare that they did that.

Kylo wished he could have kept Hux in his arms. At least that way, he knew he was safe. But he couldn’t do that and see his mother at the same time. He could have Cardo handle the meeting, which would leave him free to sit with Hux. As nice as that would be, Kylo wanted to be with Arktos and Hux would want that as well. Cardo would defend Arktos to the death - Kylo was certain of that as Cardo really had become attached to him. But Kylo knew he would be the most capable of defending Arktos if it came to it. Which meant that eventually, he would have to let Hux go.

As the time drew near, Kylo tuned himself in more to the Knights, waiting for one of them to signal that Leia was approaching the house. When he finally got word that a speeder was on its way, he tightened his grip on Hux for a moment and gave him a kiss before letting go of him.

“I love you,” Kylo said as he got up. Before he made it out of the room, Hux was back on his feet and staring at the screens. Some things never changed.

As he headed back to the front room, he passed by Ushar as she went to sit with Hux. As they walked by each other, they slowed down, lightly brushing their shoulders against each other. He knew Ushar would make sure Hux stayed safe, so he had nothing to worry about. At least not with Hux.

He could hear a speeder pulling up to the front of the house and he could feel Leia and Rey in the Force. He would have preferred that Leia had come alone, but he knew she would never agree to that. He couldn’t help but think that she might try to take Arktos, and the more people she had with her, the more likely that was. But they had already planned for that scenario. If it happened, Kylo would keep Rey busy while Cardo took Arktos and ran. The other Knights would deal with Finn and Poe.

“ _We got a problem_ ,” Vicrul told him.

“ _What kind of problem?_ ” Kylo couldn’t believe something had already gone wrong. Maybe Leia really had planned on trying to take Arktos or arrest him.

“ _They brought an extra person with them. Trudgen’s talking to them._ ”

“ _Who?_ ” Even as he asked, Kylo knew that the Knights wouldn’t know. “ _Just one extra person?_ ”

“ _Just one._ ”

That was unusual, but Kylo wasn’t sure if it was particularly dangerous. He looked out the window, almost expecting to see some family friend. Maybe Lando or even Mitaka. But the woman who was standing next to Leia was unfamiliar to Kylo. He was sure he’d never met her before. He reached out with the Force and could feel that she was excited and terrified at the same time. Strange, but not a threat.

“ _She can come in,_ ” Kylo told the Knights. Even if she did turn out to be dangerous, the Knights still outnumbered them. He glanced over to Cardo who was standing next to Arktos. He would make sure that Arktos remained safe, no matter what.

Soon the front door opened and Trudgen walked in. Rey and Finn were the first inside, followed by Leia and the unknown woman. Poe was behind them and Vicrul the last one inside. Vicrul closed the door and for a moment, they all just stared at each other.

“Who is this?” Kylo asked.

“Where’s my grandson?” Leia asked at the same time.

Kylo wanted to demand to know who the other woman was but it really wasn’t important. And the sooner they got the visit over with, the sooner they would leave. He looked over to Cardo and nodded and he was soon walking over with Arktos. 

Arktos looked at the newcomers but as he got closer, he hid his face against Cardo. Kylo could feel that he was a little scared, which wasn’t too surprising. It was rare that he met new people. Kylo made sure that Arktos knew he was there and he could feel him calming down.

“This is Arktos,” he said as Cardo stopped in front of Leia. She smiled and reached out to touch him. 

“Hello there Arktos,” Leia said softly. Arktos turned to look at her, but didn’t show any other reaction. 

“Who is she?” Kylo asked again, noticing that the other woman was also coming close to Arktos.

“This is Saros,” Leia said. “Arktos’ other grandmother.”

Kylo thought about that for a moment, not quite sure what Leia meant by that. But then it hit him. She was saying that the woman there was Hux’s mother. The mother who, according to Hux, might as well be dead. He knew Hux had heard it all because he could feel his shock and then anger in the Force.

“She would like to see her son too,” Leia said.

Kylo didn’t know how she had known. She couldn’t have known. Maybe she was just guessing that he was there and was trying to draw him out. “He’s not here,” Kylo said, shaking his head.

“Kylo, we know he is.”

“He’s not.” Kylo would never admit it, but he knew that they’d have to find a new place to live soon. If they were so convinced that Hux was there, then he couldn’t trust that they wouldn’t show up and try to capture him.

“Thanks to you, we have the best intelligence on former First Order personnel,” Leia said. “And that intel indicates Hux is here. It’s all right.”

“Your intel is bad, then.”

“Our intel is Mitaka,” Poe said. “Told us all about your relationship.”

“Mitaka doesn’t know anything.”

“Kylo,” Leia said. “Please let Hux know that his mother is here and that she would like to see him.”

Hux could hear everything already and Kylo could feel that he was growing angrier. Apparently, referring to the woman as his mother again had been enough to push him over the edge. He could hear muffled shouting and a door slamming, and unfortunately, so could everyone else. They all looked in the direction of Kylo and Hux’s room and soon Hux was storming towards them.

“How dare you come in here with some impostor and claim she’s my mother! And you!” Hux turned to Kylo. “You should have kicked them out already!”

“Hux,” Kylo said, trying to grab his arm, but he pulled away from him.

“I shouldn’t be surprised that the Resistance would do such a thing. How -”

“Armie,” Saros said and Hux immediately fell silent, glaring at her. She walked towards him and said something in a language Kylo didn’t recognize. But from the way Hux’s expression went from rage to surprise, he did.

Saros continued to speak in that language and as she got closer, Hux replied, haltingly, in that same language. Finally Saros put her arms around him and to Kylo’s surprise, Hux allowed it. Soon, Hux was shaking and tears were running down his cheeks. He pushed Saros away and went back towards his room. Kylo started to go after him, but he sensed that Hux wanted to be alone. And he needed to be with Arktos. And prepare for what Leia would do now that she knew Hux was there.

“You’re not going to take him,” Kylo said. His hand moved towards his lightsaber. He didn’t want to fight part of his family, but he would do whatever it took to keep Hux and Arktos safe. They were the most important part of his family.

“Kylo, that’s not what we’re here to do,” Leia said, stepping over to him. She put a hand on his arm and he relaxed, just a bit. He still didn’t trust that she wouldn’t hurt Hux. “Think of this as a peace offering.”

“Peace offering?” That didn’t make sense. Why would Leia want peace with Hux? He had to be the number one person on her list of criminals to bring in.

“I don’t like this situation with you and Hux,” she said. That sounded more like Leia. “If anyone deserves to be in a prison cell for the rest of his life, it’s him. But that’s also what so many say about you.”

Kylo’s first thought was that she wanted to arrest him too, but she still had a hand on his arm and was smiling. She would probably look at least a little upset if she was going to try to arrest him. 

“We’re not bringing you or Hux in,” Rey said. He glanced over at her and saw that she didn’t look at all prepared for battle. Which meant she might have told the truth.

“If I can forgive my own son, then I can forgive Saros’ as well,” Leia said. “Or I can try to. I don’t think I will ever like him, but I can accept that he’s an important part of your life. If that’s what it takes for me to be in your life, and my grandson’s, then I can accept that.”

Kylo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Leia had no intention of trying to arrest Hux? And she even was talking about forgiving him? That didn’t seem like her at all. But then the last thing she said helped it all make sense. She didn’t want to lose him or Arktos. The fact that she would take Hux along with them was a surprise, but pleasant. Kylo didn’t want conflict between the two parts of his family.

“Do you think Hux would be willing to come talk to us? I’d like to be able to tell him that he has nothing to fear from us.”

Kylo shook his head. “Not now. He’s going to need some time. But it’s not like he’ll believe you anyway.”

“I’d still like to speak with him.”

“He’ll come out when he’s ready.” They hadn’t discussed how long Leia would stay, but Kylo had the feeling it was going to be more than the hour that he imagined. “I guess you can play with Arktos until then.”

Kylo nodded at Cardo and he handed Arktos to Leia. As he watched her take him, Kylo felt nervous, as if Leia might run as soon as she had her hands on him. He knew that she wouldn’t be successful if she did try. Vicrul was standing at the door and Kuruk and Ap'lek were just outside.

But Leia didn’t try to run off with him. She just held him and spoke to him. Saros was quick to join in. They really just seemed to want to interact with him. Rey came and stood next to Kylo and lightly elbowed him in the side.

“You’re really tense,” she said.

“He’s my son,” Kylo said.

“What do you think mom’s going to do? Kidnap him?” That was exactly what Kylo was afraid of and his face must have given that away because Rey laughed at him. “She would never do that. Well, we did talk about it. Only for a moment though. Mom wants us to be a family, you know.”

“It’s too late for that.”

“No, it’s not.” Rey put her arms around him, and it startled Cardo, who was immediately ready for a fight, but Kylo let him know through the Force that it was okay. At least, he didn’t sense any hostile intention from her.

“It is. I’ve already destroyed this family.”

“I can’t argue there,” she said as she let go of him. She stayed close, though. “The thing is, you’re still part of this family and mom and I want you in our lives. We want Arktos too. And like mom said, we’ll even take your boyfriend.”

“At least I only have one.”

“I’m surprised you could even get one.”

Kylo couldn’t help but smile at that. It felt so nice to talk to Rey like they were just regular siblings and not former enemies. She was the main reason he’s stuck around with the Resistance as long as he did and it made him a little sad that he wouldn’t see her as much anymore. But things were much better on Naboo.

Leia and Saros continued to play with Arktos, who they put on the floor. Poe joined them as well, as did Cardo, who told them everything that Arktos did or did not like. Seeing that Arktos was safe and happy, Kylo was finally able to relax. He had nothing to fear from his family as far as Arktos was concerned.

Hux was another matter. When he reached out to him in the Force, he could feel that he was still upset but much calmer. Kylo wanted to go to him and let him know everything was fine, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave Arktos. Even with Rey’s reassurances, he couldn’t risk anything happening to him.

He didn’t have long to worry about Hux as he soon rejoined them. Kylo immediately went to his side and put his arms around him. Hux let him hold him for a moment, but eventually he pushed him away.

“Arktos is hungry,” Cardo said as he scooped Arktos up and went towards the kitchen. 

Hux walked towards Saros - his mother - and Kylo stayed by his side, keeping a hand on him. For a moment, Kylo thought Hux might start crying again and he was ready to put his arms around him.

“How is this possible?” Hux asked, his voice weak. Kylo couldn’t ever remember Hux sounding like that. 

“It’s a long story, Armie. I think we’d better sit down.”

Everyone took a seat except for Vicrul and Ushar, but Kylo had the feeling they’d be moving in and out of the room, as would the other Knights. The others didn’t seem to notice that they were still lurking about, which could only be good. If they forgot about the Knights, then it would make things easier if the Resistance attacked.

“After you were taken away, I went to the Republic for help. I told them everything I knew about Brendol and his Imperial friends, which wasn’t very much. They said they’d try to find you, but they never knew anything. After a few years, I realized that you were gone forever. I’d always hoped that someday I’d find you again.”

“I thought you died,” Hux said.

“Brendol told you that, I assume. I’m not sure if he thought it was better for you to think I was dead so you wouldn’t try to find me or if he just wanted to hurt you.”

“The latter, certainly.”

“Yes, that wouldn’t be surprising. I had no idea if you were even alive, but when I heard about the First Order, I knew that Brendol had been involved. And that meant you were probably there. I wanted to join them. See if I could find you. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any skills that would make me useful, so I did the next best thing.”

“You joined the Resistance?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding. “I hoped that maybe I would hear something about you or Brendol. But when I did…” There were tears in her eyes and Kylo could sense that Hux was close to crying himself. He put an arm around him and Hux leaned into him.

“It was too late,” Saros said, unable to stop crying. “You were a high-ranking officer, and I knew you’d been corrupted by Brendol. And then… the incident.”

Kylo could feel Hux squirm against him. She didn’t need to be anymore specific than that.

“I was so certain that you were truly lost forever then. I knew I’d never see you again or tell you that I loved you. I knew that you would die as part of the First Order or I would die trying to stop them.”

She wasn’t able to control her tears anymore, and Leia had a hand on her back, trying to soothe her. Hux was freely crying as well and Kylo started to stroke his hair. He shared a glance with Leia, knowing he’d put her through the same thing as Saros. Only that had been his choice. Hux never had one.

“You don’t hate me?” Hux asked once he had calmed down.

“Never,” Saros said, wiping away the last of her tears. “I could never hate you, Armie. You may have done some horrible things, but I know that was Brendol’s influence. If I had managed to save you, you never would have done those things.”

“You don’t know that,” Hux mumbled. 

“No, but I believe that. Brendol was a horrible person and would have thought nothing of making you do all of that.”

“I killed him, you know.”

“That is one death I am proud of you for. He deserved whatever he got.”

“He did.”

They all fell into silence after that. Rey was looking at Kylo and he stared back. She seemed to want to say something, but she remained silent. Kylo almost used the Force to talk to her, but if it was really important, she could do the same. 

“How did you survive?” Hux asked eventually.

Saros launched into a story about the siege of Arkanis and the destruction. She hadn’t actually been caught in the bombardment, which had been fairly light. It had been propaganda designed to enrage those loyal to the Empire that everything on Arkanis had been completely destroyed.

She continued to talk about her work for the Republic and then the Resistance, the entire time, trying to find her son. Only a year ago, Kylo would have called her pathetic for dedicating her life to a lost cause, but he understood now. He would do the same for Arktos.

After Saros was finished, she had plenty of questions for Hux. Some, he didn’t want to answer and Kylo couldn’t blame him. After all, Leia was there and she might be collecting that information and use what he said against him someday. But Leia assured them that they were family now, and Hux told his mother everything.

“It’s pretty late,” Hux said once he had finished talking about how he’d ended up as a pirate.

“We’ll head back to the _Falcon_ ,” Leia said, standing up.

“Wait,” Hux said, looking at Kylo. “Don’t we have some extra rooms?”

“I don’t know if we have enough for everyone and the Knights,” Kylo said, trying to add it up. 

“We don’t need anything fancy,” Ushar said. “We can sleep anywhere.”

“I’ll stay in Arktos’s room,” Cardo said. He usually slept in there anyway. 

“ _I’ll stay in Kylo and Hux’s room,_ ” Ap’lek said.

“No, you will not,” Hux spoke out loud. Everyone looked at him like he had just lost his mind. “This is why I hate telepaths.”

“We won’t need to resort to that,” Kylo said, once again probably confusing the visitors. Half of them were Jedi and should have figured it out. Kylo wasn’t going to bother to explain it. “Let’s order some dinner and we can show you where your rooms are.”

Once Kylo had food ordered, he showed the others around. He hadn’t actually expected them to stay overnight, but he was glad he’d spent the time fixing up the old house. Fortunately, Finn, Poe, and Rey could all share a room and Leia and Saros said they could share as well, which left two rooms for the Knights. But like Ushar said, they could sleep anywhere and they usually did.

“How did you know Hux was here?” Kylo asked once the food had arrived. They had been very careful to make sure he wasn’t seen on Naboo. 

“Mitaka told us,” Poe said.

“How would he know?” Kylo had never told Mitaka anything about Hux. They did sometimes talk, but they weren’t exactly friends.

“He really didn’t,” Rey said. “But he said that based on your relationship, there was very little chance the two of you weren’t together still.”

“So you didn’t know.” 

“We didn’t, but we did,” Poe said.

“That makes no sense.” But at least Kylo knew that it hadn’t been him or Hux that had made a mistake and revealed his presence. It was just some good guesswork on their part. Of course, there were still too many people who knew about Hux’s presence. Even if they all planned on keeping the secret, one of them could let something slip.

As they ate, they kept the conversation a little more casual. They didn’t have a large enough table for everyone, so they were all just standing around the kitchen, talking and eating. Kylo couldn’t get over how strange it was to see his mother and Rey interacting with the Knights and Hux like it was normal. 

Arktos seemed to be enjoying all the people around as well, as he kept walking around between people, babbling some nonsense at them and then moving on. He mostly did this to Kylo, Hux, and the Knights, but he also seemed to like Finn and Leia. When he was all tuckered out, he tugged on Leia’s clothes until she picked him up and he promptly fell asleep in her arms.

Almost as soon as Arktos was asleep, Cardo was at Leia’s side, watching them. He then held his arms out, wanting to take Arktos, but Leia didn’t hand him over. Kylo started towards them, sensing a potential conflict.

“I will take him to bed,” Cardo said.

“I can take him,” Leia said. “If you’d like to show me the way.”

Cardo glanced back at Kylo and he nodded. He didn’t quite like the idea of Leia walking out of the room with Arktos, but if Cardo was with them, then he knew his son was safe. Kuruk was also watching the exchange and he went with Cardo. Kylo suspected his mother might be able to defeat the two Knights if it came down to it, but it would at least take her long enough that Kylo could get there.

Leia and Kuruk returned shortly, and Kylo was not surprised that Cardo stayed behind with Arktos. It made him feel better too, not wanting Arktos alone with the others in the house. Even with all the reassurances that they were just there to visit, Kylo couldn’t help but fear the worst.

“There are some more things I’d like to discuss,” Leia said after she returned. Kylo didn’t like the sound of that. Sounded far too serious. “Don’t be so worried, Kylo.”

Leia smiled and patted his arm, but that did little to reassure him. For all he knew, she was going to deliver an ultimatum and demand that he return home and allow her to lock Hux up, even though she had to know that he would never give in.

“I want you to know that I’m very sorry about what I said before you left,” Leia said. It took Kylo a moment to even remember what she meant. “You are more than welcome to come back at any time. I do wish you had told us why you were leaving in such a hurry, but I spoke too soon.”

“I can’t,” Kylo said, shaking his head. “I can’t go back.” He’d never belonged with the Resistance. Rey and some others had made an effort to make him feel a bit more welcome, but besides Rey and Finn, they were all afraid of him. They were never going to be true friends.

Kylo couldn’t remember a time that he was truly happy with the Resistance. The only times he could think of were when he was sneaking off to visit Hux. Those really had been the best times. But now, on Naboo, he really was happy, possibly for the first time in his adult life. He would never give it up. Especially not Hux.

“I know,” Leia said. “I just wanted you to know. Is there anything you need off the _Finalizer_? I can have it sent to you or one of your friends can come pick it up.”

“No,” Kylo said, shaking his head. “Not really.” There was the mask, but he didn’t need it. He could always feel that Anakin was with him in the house. Everything else in his quarters was replaceable.

“You really have her, then?” Hux asked.

“We take pretty good care of her,” Leia said. Kylo saw a quick grimace pass across Hux’s face. That was not a good enough standard for the _Finalizer_ in Hux’s book.

“I know this is a long shot and you have no reason to do this,” Hux said, “but is there any way I might see her again?”

Leia smiled. “She meant a lot to you. We could make something work out, I think. Now, that’s the other thing I need to talk to you about. Your status.”

“My status?” Hux looked worried about that and Kylo was as well. What status was she talking about?

“You are a wanted man,” Leia pointed out. “There are a few options here. I can declare you as deceased and hopefully, no one will notice that you’re still around. The other option is that you officially become an operative of the Resistance.”

“You want me to join the Resistance?” Hux forced out a laugh. “That’ll never happen.”

“You would still operate on your own. As much as I may not like some of what you’re doing, you’re also doing quite a bit of good out there. We’re stretched thin as it is and we can’t take care of every report of pirates or other illegal activities. But what you’re doing helps cover those things that we’re missing, at least over a small area.”

“I am a pirate,” Hux reminded her. 

“I know,” Leia said. “But oddly enough, you’ve turned into one of the good ones. Almost all of your reported targets in the past few months have been other pirates and slavers. Like it or not, you are making the galaxy better.”

“And what about when I don’t?”

“Hux,” Kylo said softly, reaching over and taking his hand. Leia was trying to give him a chance, but Hux seemed to want to reject it. Kylo understood - he’d been scared when he’d first joined the Resistance, but he wanted Hux to take the offer.

“Just like with Kylo, we can tolerate the person you really are. As the galaxy becomes more stable, I would like to see you only taking out criminals, but that’s a conversation for a later time.”

“It’d be easier to just say I’m dead.”

“It would be,” Leia agreed, glancing over to Kylo. “Just consider what that means for you. You’d need to make sure you’re not seen for at least a few years and never go to a hospital in any Republic system, as they tend to check samples. I don’t know if you and Kylo plan to get married, but that won’t be possible either. And your son will never be able to talk about you.”

Hux was silent for several moments and Kylo stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. He didn’t want him to be reported as dead - even though Kylo would know the truth, he simply didn’t like the thought.

“Can I think about this?” he asked after a while.

“Of course,” Leia said.

Hux was rather silent the rest of the night, mostly only speaking to his mother. Kylo kept an eye on him, but he seemed fine. Even in the Force, he didn’t seem particularly distressed, but Hux had always kept his emotions tightly controlled. He hadn’t been as bad about it in the last few months with the First Order and much better since moving to Naboo. Kylo didn’t like the fact that he seemed to be reverting back to that old habit.

At least he was allowing Kylo to be affectionate. That was a good sign, especially in front of people he didn’t know. In the Order, Hux had never allowed any amount of affection outside of their quarters. He’d been reluctant about it in front of the Knights, but had grown used to them. But he didn’t even seem to care about any of the others, letting Kylo drape himself over Hux’s back as he talked to Finn.

That was a conversation Kylo had never imagined would happen. Given how Finn had hated him when Kylo first came to the Resistance, he’d expected that he would hate Hux as well. Possibly more so given that Hux had been in charge of the stormtrooper program. Instead, he almost seemed to forgive him.

When Hux returned to their room for the night, he fell down on the bed. Kylo immediately went to him and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. Hux turned in Kylo’s arms and buried his face in his neck. Kylo could feel hot tears on his skin, but he didn’t say anything. He just held Hux until he finally moved away and sat up.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Hux said.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Kylo said, sitting next to him. He gave him a little space, but was close enough that their knees were touching.

“I’ve been crying, Kylo. Do you know when the last time I cried was?”

“It’s okay to cry, you know. Natural. That was a lot. Today. Of course you’d cry.”

“I don’t understand!” Hux nearly shouted. He leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. Kylo put a hand on the back of his neck, gently rubbing him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why are they like that? How can they just act as if it’s no big deal to just forgive me? They should all hate me!”

Kylo thought that was a strange thing to be upset about, but he also knew what Hux’s life was like. His normal was having everyone around him hate him, even when they were supposedly on the same side. Of course he couldn’t make sense of the enemy being nice to him.

“They’re just. Like that.” Kylo really didn’t know how to explain it to him. As annoying as he sometimes found their attitude, Kylo had to admit it was also nice. They’d forgiven him for everything he’d done and given him a second chance, and now, they were offering that to Hux as well. But Kylo had no idea if he would take it.

“I really don’t know what to do,” Hux said. “How’d it work out for you when you joined? Did everyone welcome you with open arms?”

“Of course not.” Kylo tried to think back to those days. It seemed so long ago. He’d been so miserable and never imagined he could find happiness. “I just sat in my room all day with only my sister and mother visiting me out of pity. At least you wouldn’t have to live with them.”

“That’s true. And I’d have you.”

“You’ll always have me. No matter what.” They’d already thrown their worst at each other and somehow, they’d made it through that and their relationship was stronger than ever. Kylo knew there was nothing that could tear them apart. And no matter what Hux decided to do, Kylo would be there with him.

“You know what would be easiest?” Hux asked. Kylo waited, knowing he would tell him. “We could just run away again. Find some new place to call home. Arktos is too young to really know this place. We could go somewhere they could never find us.”

“We could,” Kylo agreed, but he knew that wasn’t what Hux really wanted. “You’d never see your mother again. Arktos wouldn’t know his grandmothers. I know that’s not what you want for him. Or you.”

“I don’t want to join the Resistance either.” Hux sighed and then leaned back on Kylo. “You know, it would be a lot easier if they hated me.”

“I’m sure we can find someone who does,” Kylo said, kissing the top of your head. “If that’s what will make you feel better, I’ll find every single member of the Resistance who hates you.”

Hux looked up at Kylo with a smile and Kylo couldn’t help but smile too. He loved seeing Hux smile. At one time, it had been a rare thing. Even now that he did smile more often, Kylo treasured every single moment Hux was smiling. That’s what he wanted to see most of all - Hux happy.

“I was thinking about what she said quite a bit tonight,” Hux said. “And I’m not really sure about any of this business with the Resistance. But the one thing that I know for sure is that I want to be with you, Kylo. I don’t want to spend my life looking over my shoulder or trying to avoid being seen. I want to be able to marry you and raise our son and do whatever it is that families do.”

“You really want that?” Kylo asked, unable to help but smile at the thought. Kylo had a hard time imagining Hux in that kind of scenario, but he did like the idea. 

“Yes,” Hux said. “I can’t believe it took you destroying the Order for me to see this, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I wanted in life. I spent plenty of time trying to build up power as a pirate and I wasn’t happy. It was just like when I was trying to climb up the ranks of the Order. The only times I can say I’ve been happy in my life are when I’m with you. And that’s what I want.”

“I’m yours,” Kylo said softly, kissing him. He then realized what Hux had said just a moment ago and pulled away. “You really want to marry me?”

“Don’t be stupid. Of course I do.”

Kylo couldn’t help but laugh. Of course Hux would sound angry when saying he wanted to get married. Kylo wouldn’t have it any other way. He kissed him again, but he sensed they were not alone. He glanced up, but there was no evidence of anyone else in the room, but Kylo knew who it was. He could feel Anakin telling him “I told you so” in the Force.

Kylo wasn’t even mad about it and he kissed his fiance again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised a happy ending, didn't I? And I still have a short epilogue to make things even happier! 
> 
> You can follow me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/battle_walrus)


	15. Chapter 15

Kylo watched Arktos run around outside, chasing Cardo. The boy had endless energy, and Kylo was more than grateful that he always had someone else around to help with him. If not Hux or one of the Knights, it was another family member. Usually Leia or Saros or Rey. Sometimes Finn or Poe would show up on their own as well. Kylo had long since gotten used to Rey’s husbands and actually had started to enjoy their visits.

Arktos reached out a hand towards Cardo and the Knight fell to the ground. It was hard to tell if Arktos had actually used the Force or if Cardo was simply playing along. Arktos was strong in the Force, that was for certain, although Kylo didn’t know exactly what the boy’s limits were quite yet.

He did have quite a few teachers. For the most part, Kylo handled all of his training but the Knights helped as well. Rey and Finn came around often enough and they also like to spend time teaching Arktos. Leia too. Of course, Leia mostly wanted to spend time with her grandson, while Rey wanted to recruit Arktos to be a Jedi. She’d asked once and Hux had laughed at the idea. Kylo agreed - they weren’t going to let Arktos go.

Kylo didn’t have any problem with letting Arktos train as a Jedi, but he wasn’t going to send him off anytime soon. Maybe when he was older Kylo would consider it, but even then, he knew that either he or one of the Knights would go with him. For now, what he needed most was simply to have a mostly normal childhood. At least, as normal as it could be with the Knights of Ren and a few Jedi always around.

After watching Arktos and Cardo for a while, Kylo headed outside. Although the vast majority of Arktos’ training so far was play, Kylo was teaching him a few very important things that would be useful. Especially since he and Hux were planning on sending him to a regular school. Kylo had no problem being Arktos’ teacher for all things, but he did need to interact more with other kids. But first, Kylo needed to know that he could control his own abilities.

“Hey there, kiddo,” Kylo said as Arktos flew into his arms. Cardo liked to lift him with the Force and have him fly around, and Arktos loved it as well. He was still giggling when Kylo caught him.

“Daddy!” he said cheerfully as he put his arms around his neck. 

“Did you have fun with Uncle Cardo?” Kylo sat down on the ground, but didn’t let go of Arktos quite yet.

“Yeah! We had a lightsaber fight and I rode on his shoulders and knocked him down!”

“Oh, wow. That sounds like you really wore Uncle Cardo out. You’d better give him a break. And we have a little practice to do too.”

“Lightsaber practice?” Arktos asked excitedly. Ever since he’d watched Kylo and Finn spar, Arktos had been obsessed with lightsabers and wanted one of his own. Hux hated the idea, saying that Kylo’s unstable weapon shouldn’t even be anywhere near Arktos, but there was no reason he couldn’t start to learn how to handle one. Kylo wanted to build him a practice saber. Hux had insisted on a stick. At least Arktos didn’t really mind and he had Cardo paint it red to match Kylo’s.

“Maybe later,” Kylo said. He picked Arktos up and stood him up in front of him. “We need to work on controlling the Force.”

“I can control it!”

“You are doing really good,” Kylo said with a smile. It was the truth too. Arktos wasn’t prone to the outbursts involving the Force like Kylo had been when he was his age. “But remember what I told you?”

“I need to practice everyday because I could hurt someone,” Arktos recited. “Aunt Rey says that too. But Uncle Trudgen -”

“We’re not going to listen to what Uncle Trudgen says about safety,” Kylo said with a smile. He ruffled Arktos’ dark hair. “Now let’s get started.”

Arktos sat down in front of him and Kylo started to walk him through a basic meditation. Almost as soon as they started, Kylo sensed they were not alone, and it wasn’t just Anakin, whose presence was a near constant. Kylo opened his eyes and saw Rey standing there. He knew she wasn’t actually there. She just liked to use their Force bond to check on him and Arktos.

“ _I can’t believe that a child of yours is this calm and in control,_ ” Rey said.

“ _I get it from our mother,_ ” Kylo said, speaking to her telepathically so he didn’t disrupt Arktos. He was good at controlling the Force, but he was definitely prone to distraction, which was understandable at his age. “ _I think this comes from Hux._ ”

“ _I’m just saying he’d make a great Jedi,_ ” Rey said.

“ _You remember what Hux said. Have your own kid if you need Jedi students so badly._ ”

“ _That’s what I came to tell you, actually. Finn and Poe are having a baby._ ”

“What?” Kylo couldn’t help but say that out loud. He heard Rey laugh and then she was gone. It really wasn’t that surprising, but Kylo hadn’t expected her to just drop that news on him. Not that he could be mad about it. Not after all the secrets he had kept from her over the years.

“What’s wrong?” Arktos asked, clearly having lost his focused.

“Nothing,” Kylo said. “Aunt Rey just likes to mess with me.” 

He could sense that with his concentration broken, he wasn’t going to get Arktos back into meditation easily, so Kylo decided not to bother. He was only five and there was no reason to push him. Even at his current level of control, Kylo thought he would be able to handle going to school. Hux, of course, was a bit more nervous about it. Kylo had agreed to make sure Arktos worked on his skills everyday, just to make sure he would be ready.

“Come on, Arktos,” Kylo said, picking him up. “I think it’s about time for lunch.”

He carried him inside and made lunch for the both of them. While Kylo was busy, Arktos was talking to Anakin - Grandpa Ani. It always comforted Kylo to know that Anakin was around for Arktos along with the rest of the family. Really, with as big of a family as he and Hux had made for themselves, Arktos would never be alone. 

While cleaning up from lunch, Kylo felt Hux’s presence. He paused, wondering if he was really feeling him or if it was some strange long-distance thing. Every now and then, Kylo would pick up on something Hux was feeling even when he was off planet. But that’s not what he had felt. Hux was back early. And soon, he heard the door opening.

Arktos heard it too - and maybe he sensed it - because he went running towards the door as fast as he could. “Daddy!”

By the time Kylo made it to the door, Hux had Arktos in his arms, smiles on both their faces. Kylo stopped and simply watched the happy moment. He also liked to take every opportunity to admire his husband, especially since he never thought he’d have the chance to see Hux in a uniform again.

His new uniform was nearly identical to his First Order uniform. The only difference was the lack of rank bands on his sleeve and the fact that he had Republic patches on his shoulders. Even so, Kylo couldn’t deny that it looked right on him.

In the four years since Hux had agreed to work for the Resistance, things had taken some unexpected turns. Hux really was content doing what he’d been doing with the Knights of Ren, but as the Republic started to rebuild, they took notice of just who Leia had working for her. They had not been pleased to see the names Kylo Ren and Armitage Hux.

Things had been so bad that Kylo thought they would have to go into hiding. When he told Leia that he thought they should leave Naboo, she told him not to worry and she would work things out. He’d expected her to make arguments to the new Senate about why they should be allowed to remain free. What she did had been completely different.

Leia decided to formally negotiate the surrender of the First Order. Since Kylo had simply came onto one of the Resistance’s cruisers and asked to join, they had technically never ended the war. And the Senate was all about bureaucracy and make sure everything was official. So they had debated endlessly over the terms of surrender.

Some had pointed out why bother signing anything as the First Order no longer had a fleet or any real power. Some smarter senators pointed out that some systems were still technically loyal to the Order and it would be better for them to simply join the Republic instead of having a potential war on every single one of those planets. And Leia, of course, reminded everyone that even without an army, Kylo Ren could still cause quite a bit of damage, all while showing everyone what she could very casually do with the Force.

That had gotten nearly everyone on board with the plan of a formal surrender, but things hadn’t gotten any easier. Then, there was a long, drawn out process of actually coming to an agreement. That had taken over a year. It might have gone faster had Kylo left Naboo to meet in person with the Senate, but he wasn’t going to leave Arktos and he didn’t want the galaxy to know about his son. Instead, everything had to be sent to him.

The first few documents that had been drawn up, Kylo immediately threw out. He couldn’t believe that anyone believe he would sign a document giving them permission to use Force-suppressing cuffs on him and allow himself - and Hux - to be arrested. They’d tried altering it, just a bit, but if there was anything that would separate him and Hux and Arktos, Kylo wouldn’t even consider it.

It almost got to the point that Kylo did consider traveling to meet in person. Hux would stay with Arktos while Kylo went to Chandrila - the temporary home of the new Senate. But Kylo hadn’t left Arktos since coming to Naboo and he hadn’t been ready to start, so instead, he spoke to them via hologram.

Kylo had only ever planned on telling them that he wouldn’t accept anything that involved him or Hux being locked up, even temporarily. But Leia had told him he couldn’t seem weak in front of the Senate. They needed to believe that Kylo Ren was a person they did not want to cross. She had some of his old clothes brought from the _Finalizer_ and helped him prepare a speech, which was rather threatening considering that Kylo only wanted to raise his son in peace.

It had done the trick and soon, the proposals were more reasonable. Kylo had almost signed off on one agreement that simply would have required Kylo and Hux to check in with the Senate from time to time. As much as that would be a bother, it wasn’t as if that would do anything. He and Hux would still be able to do whatever they pleased.

But Hux had asked him not to sign it and then asked Leia and Poe to come talk to him. Although Leia was still a general, she had not officially joined the Republic military. Poe had, and as the highest ranking member still alive, he’d been made a general as well. The discussion they had was not what Kylo expected.

Hux negotiated a deal where he would join the Republic military. That had been enough of a shock. Leia and Poe had even agreed, saying they needed more leaders. Hux had a few minor demands, such as wanting command of the _Finalizer_ and a uniform similar to his First Order one. 

The Senate hated everything about that idea, but having both Leia and Poe support him got many on Hux’s side. Eventually, others started to come around to the idea, coming to the realization that Hux working for them was better than him being out in the galaxy on his own. Of course, it was already well known that Hux was mostly fighting pirates and other criminals, and that also helped him gain some support.

When it finally came time to sign the agreement, Kylo had almost sent it back again. He just wanted to be left alone, but because the First Order was essentially joining the Republic, he’d been given a position as senator. He didn’t want that. Leia had told him to just sign it, however. She wanted the ordeal over with and if he rejected the position, it would give the Senate one more thing to argue over. Just because he had the title of senator didn’t mean he actually needed to do anything with that position.

Even years later, Kylo couldn’t believe he’d somehow ended up as a Republic senator and Hux had managed to go back to being a general. And things couldn’t be better as far as Kylo was concerned. He still had never left Arktos, although they had traveled a bit to visit family. On the few occasions Kylo did have to address the Senate, he did it via hologram. Finn had once joked that everyone liked it that way because they didn’t want to be in the same room as him. Kylo wasn’t sure that was entirely a joke.

He knew both he and Hux had a lot to make up for. Kylo knew he was still hated around the galaxy and most people wouldn’t want to be around him. It didn’t hurt as much as it once had to think about. He had all he wanted.

Kylo put his arms around Hux and held both him and Arktos for a few moments. He would have liked to simply hold them forever. Hux had only been gone about a month, but it always felt like too long. Typically, Hux only left for certain missions that required his presence, which allowed him to spend more time at home with Arktos.

They had briefly discussed allowing Arktos to go with Hux on board the _Finalizer_ at some point. They weren’t worried about the danger, but no one knew about Arktos outside of family and Kylo really wanted to keep it that way. Once he went to school, Kylo knew people would start to figure it out. They’d decided to have him use the name Organa, but even that would make it rather obvious as to who one of his fathers was. Still, the fewer people who knew about Arktos, the better Kylo would feel.

“How’d the mission go?”

“As well as expected given what I had to work with. They certainly aren’t First Order officers.”

“Still not used to your people not immediately obeying your orders?” Kylo grinned, liking the image in his head of a frustrated Hux and some random lieutenant asking if he was sure.

“Even Mitaka has become one of them,” Hux grumbled. “Which is your fault, by the way.”

“My fault? I haven’t even seen him in years. But he’s still doing okay?”

“He’s fine. Asked about you too.”

“Hopefully not in front of anyone else.” The other thing they’d managed to keep relatively secret was the nature of their relationship. Not that they had any reason to do so, but they also didn’t have any reason to advertise it. The less anyone knew about his personal life, the better, Kylo thought.

“He’s smarter than that,” Hux said. He gave him a quick kiss and then looked down. “You should get dressed. There’s something I need to show you.”

As usual, Kylo was wearing pajamas. He never saw any reason to wear anything more if he was just going to be sitting around the house with Arktos. Usually when Hux came home from a mission, they had one of the Knights take care of Arktos while they had a proper reunion in their bedroom. Kylo had looked forward to that, but he was curious enough about what Hux wanted to show him that he couldn’t even complain. After all, they had all the time in the galaxy together.

He went into his room and opened up his closet. His preference was for the some of the flowing robes that Anakin had said reminded him of Padmé. And for Kylo, they were similar enough to his old robes that he was more comfortable in them. Unfortunately, it was a look that would draw attention while going about every day business. The robes were reserved for when he needed to address the Senate.

Kylo also liked what Hux referred to as his “rebel scum” clothes, and while across most of the galaxy they would be perfectly acceptable and blend in, that was not the case on Naboo. Instead, he selected a simple pair of pants, a long sleeved shirt and a long vest that were just at the right level of being nice enough - and colorful enough - that he wouldn’t look out of place on Naboo. Kylo added a wide belt and a few other accessories, as that would also look more natural on Naboo.

By the time he’d finished dressing, Hux had come into the room holding Arktos’ hand. Arktos had also gotten dressed, trading in his dirty play clothes for what looked a lot like Jedi robes. The robes had been a gift from Rey and Arktos loved them. Somehow, Hux had managed to get Arktos in shoes as well - the bright red shoes stood out with the tan robes. 

“Where are we going?” Kylo asked as they got into their speeder. He and Hux had long since finished repairing it and had it in perfect condition, but they still worked on it together, maintaining it or adding new things to it. 

“It’s a surprise,” Hux said. He started driving towards the city, but said nothing about where they were going. Instead, he asked Arktos about what he’d been doing and Arktos was excited to tell him everything from going birdwatching with Kuruk to finding a cool rock while hiking with Kylo to watching holos in the middle of the night with Ap’lek. 

Arktos was still talking when Hux pulled up to a medical facility. That was strange and Kylo couldn’t imagine what Hux would want to show him there. A thought came to him, but Kylo quickly dismissed it. He wasn’t going to get his hopes up when he knew it wasn’t possible. He’d just have to wait until Hux showed him whatever it was.

As they walked inside, Hux pulled a small card out of his pocket and handed it to Kylo. “That’s so you’ll have access as well,” Hux explained. “In case you’d like to visit while I’m away.”

“Visit?” Once again, Kylo thought he knew what Hux wanted to show him, but he knew that couldn’t be it. Still, he felt his heart beating faster, just thinking about the possibility. He looked at the card, flipping it over to see if it had any clues.

Hux lead them to a door and he held his own card up to the access panel, which beeped and then the door opened. It looked like a closet with a control panel and what looked like a large blob suspended in a vat. 

“What is this?” Kylo asked. He looked at a screen on the console and he saw a bunch of numbers, but wasn’t quite sure what it all meant. He looked over at Hux, who was smiling, looking as happy as Kylo had ever seen him.

That was a look that Kylo had seen so much more often. Despite all his complaints about the Republic, Hux enjoyed being a general again, especially since he had the _Finalizer_. He was always so relaxed when he was at home, and Kylo knew he was truly happy. But why he seemed so happy at the moment was still a mystery.

“Take a look,” Hux said. He was at another screen and he tapped a few things on it before moving out of the way so Kylo could see. He could feel how excited Hux was as he took a look at the screen.

It talked about embryos and there were all kinds of stats on them. It couldn’t be, but Kylo kept reading and when he saw Armitage Hux and Kylo Ren listed as the parents, he couldn’t help but grin. He threw his arms around Hux and kissed him.

“How?” Kylo asked, feeling his eyes starting to water. “How did you do this?”

They had wanted more children. They’d had samples taken once things had settled down with the First Order’s surrender, but the facility simply didn’t have room to incubate an embryo and they’d been put on a waiting list. They’d talked about going to a different facility off world which would have been able to get them a baby sooner, but Kylo wanted to be close so he could visit them.

“What’s going on?” Arktos asked. He put his hands on the console and stood on his tip toes in an attempt to see the screen, but he was still too short.

Hux crouched down, smiling. “You’re going to be a big brother,” Hux explained. 

“I am?” Arktos once again tried to peer over the console.

“Yes,” Hux said, picking Arktos up so he could see the screen. “You’ll have to wait about eight months to meet them.” 

“Why not now?”

“They’re really small,” Hux said. “Smaller than your fingernail. And they need to stay in here where they can grow and get bigger.”

“Oh.”

Kylo was looking at the screen again, looking at the data. He took a look at the age and it was listed at 32 days - Hux had done this before he left. And it should have been obvious, but he also noticed that there were two embryos.

“Two?” Kylo asked. “Twins?”

“I know you’ve always wanted a big family,” Hux said, moving so they were standing shoulder to shoulder. “And since they did have a waiting list, I told them we wanted multiples. That way we won’t have to wait.”

“How did you get us moved up on the list?” They were told it would be at least another two years before they could have another child, and hadn’t seemed willing to discuss any options to move them up on the wait list.

“I can be very convincing.”

Kylo grinned. It didn’t really matter how Hux had managed to do it. What was important was that they were going to have two more kids. And this time, they were going to do it right. Both of them would be there for their twins. Arktos would never know what his early life was like - his parents fighting and Kylo absent from his life - but Kylo still couldn’t help but feel bad that he’d missed part of his life. Now he’d finally have a chance to do things right.

So would Hux.

Kylo put his arms around Hux and Arktos and gave his son a quick kiss on the forehead before kissing Hux. They didn’t deserve to have such happiness but Kylo would take it. He’d long since found his balance in the Force, and now that his family was growing, Kylo knew it’s all he’d wanted in his life. He was free of conflict, and all he had to worry about was his husband and their children.

He reached out to the twins in the Force. They were still too small to truly feel the Force themselves, but Kylo could sense them and speak to them.

“ _Welcome to the family._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. Finally at the end and Kylo and Hux have everything they want. Can you tell I wrote this post-TROS? This always had a happy ending, but not quite this happy. After that movie, I couldn't help myself. Hope y'all enjoyed the fic and feel free to come say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/Battle_Walrus)!


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